A Bumpy Ride: Chasing a Dream

By Trophy D’Souza

Ralph, the boy with a dream, is not aware that his determination will be tested to its limits. The early thrills do not give him a clue of what's in store. Just when he thinks he's got it all under control he nearly hits rock bottom. He is about to pack his bags when experienced elders put sense into him, and he begins to see that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.

Only later, some years into his adult life, he seems to have sussed out that it's not all hunky-dory and that possibly it might be a case of `the enemy within'. It still hasn't sunk into him that it's not about fair play but about a different sort of a game. Are there no rules to play by, or can some always play foul? Ralph unravels this mind-blowing tale of uncertainties and of life at the cross-roads in absorbing descriptions.

`The story is a gripping tale of human endeavour and survival,' says an experienced Indian psychologist. `The situations described,' says an American journalist, `offer guideposts to Managers floundering at the deep end of decision-making.' `It's a double-decker inspirational package for training,' says a British educationist.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Feb 24, 2012
• ISBN: 9781467885423

Trophy D’Souza

Trophy D’Souza’s experience with setting up education projects in Africa, India, Middle East, UK and USA, his awareness of cultural nuances and his journalistic style make his writing interesting and absorbing. His association with drama, music, history and literature, and his use of allusions, make ordinary situations come alive.

Book preview

© 2012 by Trophy D’Souza. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

This book is a work of non-fiction based on the life, experiences and recollections of Ralph as revealed to the author. The author lets Ralph tell his story. Ralph’s message is motivational with no intention of casting aspersions at individuals, groups or organizations. The names of people, places, dates, sequences or the details of events may have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

First published by AuthorHouse 02/18/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4678-8543-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4678-8542-3 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Reviewers’ Comments

The Author

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11

CHAPTER 12

CHAPTER 13

CHAPTER 14

Glossary

References and Sources

Foreword

This is an honest and authentic account of conditions in the Ministry training. Though there are revelations of indifference, pettiness and lack of communication, there are also inspiring events, interesting situations, motivating programs and ‘good Samaritans’, which helped Ralph, the main character in the book to rise above the pettiness, the sometimes rigidly structured environment and overcome difficulties. The book is a triumph of faith, a victory for resilience and a tribute to good sense. It should help trainers of recruits in religious orders to show more humanity, understanding and sensitivity. The book is truly inspirational, and a valuable asset as a manual to every Manager eager to work in the Ministry.

Prem Kishore       Author, Los Angeles, USA

Preface

Managers in nearly all fields of expertise undergo specific training and regular appraisals in order to be efficient and accountable. Managers in religious organizations often get into management with little or no training and could then end up not only mismanaging crucial decisions but also compromising their institutions.

The book is a call to Managers in religious organizations to be more dispassionate and considerate when they have to make life-changing decisions for individuals in their charge. It also suggests further training and on-going appraisals for Managers who have to take on responsibilities that involve pastoral care and assessment.

The descriptions and the analyses fortunately also reveal how faith and perseverance finally triumph even under insensitive and incompetent Managers. The book should also be read by prospective candidates to find out what life is really like behind convent walls.

The book is a must-read for Managers today and for those who could one day be thrown in at the deep-end of managing people. Rather than react to Ralph, who has courageously told his story, religious Managers should take on board the advice offered and strive to avoid the pitfalls so well described in the book.

C.M.Paul        Guest Faculty: Dept. of Journalism & Mass Communication, University of Calcutta.

Reviewers’ Comments

I read the story at one sitting as it was so captivating. I feel it should be read by all establishments that are genuinely interested in change. It is a soul-searching book that every Manager, priest or religious, or any volunteer active in the Ministry must read, as it offers extremely practical advice for effective training. I believe that systems cannot be taken for granted, and that the way functioning affects clients needs constant re-evaluation. Only then can Managers or Orders live up to their ‘mission’ and to the teachings of the Gospels. The author’s realistic descriptions have captured the essence of the message, a plea for fairness and objectivity.

Phil Matthews       Senior Consultant, Youth Ministries, North India

It’s a boy’s story that will certainly impact the reader who is encouraged to find out more. The book has a realistic feel and does transport one to the actual situations so well described. The title is intriguing and so holds the attention of the reader. It is quite a balanced presentation of the irregularities in management systems that need reform so that clients can get justice and fair play. It is a book that should be read by managers in different situations as well as by clients who want to join organizations.

Kavy Kapoor                     Consultant: Psychologist and Criminologist, London, UK

Though the title suggests a bit of negativity, it is actually a story of success, one that has used adversity to advantage. The early days, as described in the book, act as a helpful backdrop and a preparation for the difficult days in later life. The descriptions are quite realistic, and the reader’s interest is held right through. Though Managers are in the dock, there are several redeeming features that balance out the unpleasant situations. It is a book that both Managers and recruits should read.

Joe Thomson       Coordinator: Outreach Youth Services, East Africa

I find the book an interesting piece of writing that offers managers guidance on how fair play and support need to underline any service offered to clients. Recruits too can take comfort in the fact that it is worth staying the course in spite of stormy weather and unjust decisions. Ralph, far from being embittered, is in fact a better human being than the brethren who made his ride bumpy. The book’s easy reading and the little details and anecdotes make the time (1960s and 1970s) come alive. It’s a must read!

Anuradha Mishra              Consultant: ESL and EFL, Washington DC, USA

The book is an excellent guide for every Trainer-Manager who is interested in preparing a team of willing workers. The allusions make the work a truly fascinating piece of reading. The Glossary too is a great help for people who are unfamiliar with the situation. It is a factual piece of writing which could serve as a manual for every Manager. The book is certainly a good attempt to change a system that has so far paid attention only to tasks without caring for the people who take care of the tasks.

Fred Gomes              Language Consultant, Queensland, Australia

The Author

Trophy D’Souza has spent his life dealing with people first as a teacher then as a youth worker and later as a manager and advisor. It probably runs in the family as three of his siblings are teachers, one of them also a writer and a cultural expert.

In his desire to be of service to people he has worked at education projects in India, Tanzania, Qatar, the UAE and the USA. Now based in the UK he spends his time teaching courses in English and writing life stories, and contributes to sports, music and news blogs. He occasionally runs projects in ESL and in Advanced English for teachers in India and for groups in the UAE. Some strands of his Quantified Assessments are currently used in two colleges in the UK and two in India.

Trophy brings his vast education experience as well as his knowledge of people and places together with his wide ranging interests in drama, music, history and literature to his captivating style of writing, which is as packed with information as it is with humour and wit.

CHAPTER 1

The Dream

I was just a little boy with a dream, and could never have imagined the pressures that life would have in store for me. My courage may have faltered at some of the hurdles that came up but I had a gut feeling that my dream would always spur me on.

Looking back now I’m not really sure what motivated me as I woke up early that morning quite as usual to do my chores on the farm. As the last boy down the line, in this soccer eleven of boys, I had no option but to take on the least interesting job, which was collecting the milk and the eggs from the farm house, a five-minute walk away from our tiled cottage home. I had no sooner got out of the house than Mum spotted me and called out,

‘Ralph dear . . . . will you come with me? I’ve got to go to the doctor today.’

‘Yes, Mum, I’ll come. But do you have to go in the morning, or . . . . later?’

‘Why, son, of course, it’s in the morning. Do you have a problem?’

‘No, Mum, not really . . . But I wanted to meet someone in school early this morning . . . . I thought you had to go in the afternoon.’

‘No, son, it’s in the morning. The doctor goes away by midday.’

Luckily Mum didn’t ask for explanations, because I wouldn’t really have known what to tell her. I guessed I just had to go with her and hoped I would get another opportunity for what I had in mind.

It was all about meeting up with someone I felt I just had to see. Actually I had heard that a priest, Father Mathew, had come down to our local school, in Mathapore, in outer Cochin (in Travancore, South India). He was from North India, a long way away, recruiting boys for an exciting project up in the North. He had given talks to a few groups in my school about a great life of adventure that young people would find exciting. When some of my mates told me about it, it sounded great. I was hoping the priest would still be around in school a little longer so that I could get to meet him. I was eager to listen to him and to find out more about his plans up in the North. I just hoped that I too could get selected to go with him if I liked the idea.

I guessed that if I chose to go with Mum to hospital I would probably not get to see the priest. I knew though that I just had to accompany Mum to the doctor on the local bus. She had been going through bad patches of coughs, colds and fever, and had, I was told, the first signs of diabetes and of high blood pressure. Her legs weren’t really holding her up, and though she had more than a dozen children to choose from (eleven boys and four girls, yes we were a large ‘catholic’ family) she just felt a little more comfortable with me around than with anyone else. Dad had married twice and had nine children from his first wife, seven boys and two girls. I was the last of the four boys of Mum, his second wife, with two girls younger to me.

When we were back home, in the evening, I was more than a little disheartened to find out that one of my elder brothers, Zack, six years elder to me, also one of Mum’s sons, had been recruited. I wanted to go as well but everything seemed to be working against me. In our big family I had many elder brothers who could take on the family responsibilities but my parents didn’t seem willing to let me go. Yet I kept hoping against hope that something would work out for me. I knew that there were hands to look after the coconut plantations, the rice crops and the animals in the farm. I felt certain that I didn’t have to be there. Were my parents being over protective? Was I too late even to have a chat with the priest? I thought I could still ride my luck. To my relief, the next day, I found out that the priest I wanted to see was still at the parish residence for another day.

The parish church and the priests’ residence were close to the school, in Mathapore. Most churches had a little primary school attached, which was always convenient for the parishioners. Ours was no exception except that it also developed into a pretty good secondary school. Many of the young people of the approximately 200 families in the village attended this school, which was really not more than a quarter of an hour’s walking distance from their homes. It took me just about ten minutes to get to school every day. Most families knew each other in the village, and though we didn’t have a supermarket (which has come up now), there were the usual grocery and provision stores not too far away. Only the Post Office, the doctor, the pharmacy, the police headquarters and the fire brigade were some distance away. But there were reasonably good local bus services and we could get to the bigger bazaar, the shopping areas and to other services in about a five-minute bus ride.

The next morning I decided to slip out earlier than usual. I grabbed my school bag and hurried off to meet the priest, Father Mathew, without Mum or Dad really knowing anything about it. As luck would have it, I spotted him sitting out in the court yard saying his prayers from his book, the breviary. He noticed me trying to get his attention and made a move to speak to me. I found my excitement building, but wasn’t sure I’d pluck up enough courage to speak to him. My English was only a set of words I had learnt in the English conversation classes at school, but my enthusiasm and my determination were extremely high.

‘I wanting speak to you,’ I fumbled in my broken English.

Father Mathew noticed my timidity and my efforts to speak English, and quickly assured me with, ‘Come, come. I’ll take you inside . . . . My friend will translate for me.’

He led me to a parish worker, who helped to explain what I wanted. My enthusiasm just bubbled over with the opening lines, ‘My name Ralph. My brother, Zack, yesterday coming . . . . You taking Zack . . . . I wanting go also. Please, you taking me.’ I couldn’t believe my eagerness had prompted me to say so much, and that too in English.

He was kind to listen to me but advised me against it right then, ‘You will be good for the programme, but I cannot take two boys from one family.’

I wasn’t going to give in, so I persisted with the lines I had rehearsed to myself several times over the night before. ‘Many boys in family . . . I go, no problem,’ I responded, almost surprising myself with my growing fluency and confidence.

‘Yes, but your parents will find it difficult to let two boys go at the same time.’ My translator added a few more words to this effect to make sure I got the message.

Naturally, I couldn’t hold back the tears, but Father Mathew was quick to reassure me, ‘Don’t worry. I will come back and take you next year.’ That seemed to cool me off, at least for the moment.

Later in the day, when Dad came to know of my encounter, he too agreed that there was always the ‘next year’ to give