Decisions and Consequences: The Realities of Being a Man

By Kevin Rasberry

Decisions and Consequences "The Realities of Being A Man" Is a literary conversation about the many issues men face in life, their decisions and the consequences of them. It's a factual and descriptive mirror for men to evaluate themselves by. Women will find it useful because it will give them a look into the thought process of men. A must read for both men and women.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 17, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468552379

Kevin Rasberry

Kevin Anthony Rasberry is a native of Orangeburg SC currently living in Columbia SC. He is a combat veteran of the United States Army, An Alumnus of Claflin University and currently a student at Limestone College studying Psychology and Christian studies. He currently holds a B.S. degree in Business Administration. Kevin is the Owner of the Quietly Spoken literary works and novelty items. He is the author of Decisions and Consequences Realities of Being A Man and a motivational speaker to companies such as the Department of Social Services and several youth groups. Prior to becoming a business owner and mentor, Kevin was in the mortgage and financial industry for 15 years as a loan officer, buyer, underwriter, certified housing counselor, insurance agent and mortgage broker. Kevin also has a non profit organization Future Solutions that mentors boys and men struggling with trying to find normalcy in their lives and assist with financial education. Kevin is the father of Terrence, Ulanda, Tyler and Donovan Rasberry. He is a faithful and dedicated member of Right Direction Church International under the direction of Dr's. Herbert and Marcia Bailey.

Book preview

Decisions and 

 Consequences

The Realities of 

 Being a Man

Kevin Rasberry

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AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2012 by Kevin Rasberry. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse     05/10/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-5239-3 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-5238-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-5237-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012902548

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Leadership

Our Children

Cheating & Deception

The Boys

Attraction, Commitment and Respect

Domestic Violence and Verbal Abuse

Ending Commentary

Thank You

References

I DEDICATE THIS BOOK… .

To God, I thank you for allowing me wisdom and for protecting me through the trials of life. I thank you for the idea of this book and I pray that it is used for your glory.

*  *  *

To my father the late Edward J. Rasberry, man you taught me more than I believe you know you did. I dedicate this book to you because you loved me enough to teach me how to be a man. It took a while, but I got it Pop.

I love you forever and until we meet again… so long.

*  *  *

To my Ace, Germaine Middleton, you have shown me what Love does and I’m eternally grateful. The greatest thing you’ve taught me is just to love, and I would be loved in return. Thank You!

Foreword

There is deep courage in us when we can expose our failings for all to see and stand bare to the harshness of world opinion and critique. To those bold enough to stand under that strident light, we owe an unparalleled debt of gratitude. Those brave souls willing to take such steps serve as white-liters as inspiration. For in exposing their underbellies they do so in ways that serves as life lesson to others, lessons that makes one other person better; lessons that short circuit the decay of a single life; thus adding value beyond measure in the ecosystem of life.

In the pages of Man’s Reality we find one such brave soul in Kevin Rasberry’s frank engaging discussion on relationships, fatherhood and integrity of character. Man’s Reality serves as a reminder that valuable education comes in many forms and often from the most unexpected places. Mr. Rasberry delivers valuable education in often unexpected but plausible ways. Rasberry takes the trials and errors of his self-proclaimed screwed up life and crafts a down to earth no nonsense look of the mayhem that characterizes many men’s lives and the community they orbit.

He challenges those who wish to continue in the haze of irresponsible adolescences to step up their game and take on the mantle of true leadership that is at the root of the destiny of man. He encourages those men who are on the precipice of decency and goodness to step courageously into the void of responsibility, civility and empathy. These characteristics are core competencies crucial for the continuance and sustainability of our society. Further, these core competencies have been too long abandoned by today’s playa’s who prize more selfish narcissistic behaviors that leave battered women, disenfranchised children and a failing society as their legacy. Mr. Rasberry gives gut retching data on the tangible and intangible impacts of absent fathers and the power of a held tongue when in the war of words that are often the mainstay of custody battles.

Mr. Rasberry tackles the big C words; commitment, its antithesis—cheating and the associated consequences. It’s a frank in your face treatise that will shock many and have the rest squirming as they turn the pages. There is an honest ring to views presented that will likely motivate many a reader to engage in a relationship service check-up pronto!

—Roy Snider

Preface

You know, it has always been my dream to write a book. I have never been sure of any particular topic to write about or who my target audience would be, or anything like that. Then, one day, I was talking to an old acquaintance of mine for what seems like an eternity, but he asked me, When are you going to put some of your life experiences on paper so somebody can benefit from it?

Hmm… ok. I never thought that all my screw-ups would be valuable information for anybody, but then he said something very strange to me. He said, As an educator, we learn that education comes in different forms. We visualize education as a classroom with wooden desks in a row, books, and a teacher at the blackboard. But education, in a nutshell, is someone else’s experiences.

I went home, and I sat in my favorite chair, stared at the wall, and basically played my life over in front of me as if I was back in film study for football or something. I decided to write a book about something that I know very well… what we do as men. I’m sure this is not the first book of its kind but I do hope this book will help some men to understand what we are missing in this life, what we don’t take the time to understand, and the compassion it takes to understand in life.

Men are designed to be leaders, not deceivers, liars, and heartless players. The concept of devastating women’s lives by including them in some type of ghetto harem is ridiculous. Why is there such an appetite for women at the expense of their hearts and sanity? Why are there so many absent fathers who go day after day without so much as an attempt to be involved in their children’s lives? Not even financially! Men of all races, ages, and economic backgrounds have set a trend that leaves the world looking for a more pathetic word than sorry.

Leaders who seek excuses and understanding environments for those excuses are not leaders at all. They assume because they are physically stronger that they are the strongest, when in actuality they are probably the weakest in comparison to their mates. Being better and doing better starts with thinking better. It’s vital that we as men educate ourselves to the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs and well-being of our families, friends and our communities.

I don’t write this book from the standpoint of a psychological guru or a statistical wizard, but from a man who has learned from trial by fire and by the school of hard knocks, as some would say. But even with simply living and making mistake after mistake, there has to be some formal education that gives a man some foundational learning. I have learned that common sense is not as common as we think. Men don’t think with everyone in their immediate environment in mind. Being a man can be a selfish I am the king do as I say do fraternity which is an accident waiting to happen.

I want this book to reach the men that don’t believe in reciprocity or compassion and the men who think they are not an asset to their families and communities. I need them to heed the warning of a man who thought he knew it all and could do and say whatever he wanted. So many good people ended up getting hurt with my narcissistic attitude for years upon years.

This is not a bash-my-brothers-in-arms book, nor am I a sellout; but this is a warning that we are losing the trust of our women and children. Let’s take a moment now to decide on going forward from today with the attitude of doing and being where we are supposed to be. Don’t focus on trying to be perfect, but know that though we may not do everything right, we are to always to do the right thing.

Leadership

Leadership can be done by anyone at anytime at any place. Effective leadership requires the right person. As men, we are inherently seen as the leaders of our homes, communities, and the world. That’s not to say women can’t lead or won’t lead. They are a part of mankind and as this world continues to evolve, women in leadership will increase more and more.

The leadership that I am getting at in this book is men being in their designed place for the world to be where it should be. It’s not enough for us to just do and have what we want. Even if we don’t have a woman or a family we should be pillars in our communities, on our jobs, and with our friends and family. We are responsible for more than we can even understand sometimes.

So what is leadership, and how do we activate it and get better at it as we evolve in our life? It’s defined as a position or function of a leader; the ability to lead; act or instance of leading; guidance; direction and the leader of a group. If you look at that definition carefully the one element that brings it all together is leader. That’s pretty simple because it’s the person who leads but it is also the directing head. A man is inherently the leader because we are ultimately held responsible for just about everything that goes on in the world in one form or another.

Nothing shows our leadership or lack of leadership more than our families. The details in society’s problems are what we fail to see, and the importance of effective leadership has generational-type effects which ultimately outline the structure of our society as a whole. Look at it like this; a boy from a fatherless home doesn’t get the leadership qualities nurtured in him by his designated leader, and that leaves mom to do the best she can to just raise a respectable young man. The boy develops discipline issues because mom does know the unique way to activate and control those