Hometown Police Blotter: Volume One: Nevada County, California

By Andy Spurlock and Sean Michael Beyer

Truth, as they say, is stranger than fiction. In the case of Hometown Police Blotter, real life is by far funnier than fiction. This collection of ludicrous, ridiculous and incredulous calls made to local law enforcement couldnt be more entertaining. We couldnt make this sh*t up, even if we tried!, says co-creator/art director Sean Michael Beyer.

But wait, theres pictures too! The best of the best have been brought to life through the demented eyes of artist David Star Fields with hilarious illustrations of how the caller, alleged perpetrator and/or responding law enforcement might look.

Co-creator Andy Spurlock says, This book is destined to win a Pulitzer for Best Bathroom Reading!

And while youre laughing your arse off... whether youre in the bathroom or not, know that a portion of proceeds from the sale of this book help support scholarships and continued funding of the arts and music in schools. Enjoy!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Nov 23, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452007939

Andy Spurlock

ABOUT THE GUYS WHO MADE THE BOOK Andy Spurlock – lives in Las Vegas with his family. He enjoys his kids’ activities, volunteering, officiating amateur boxing, movies, and college football. He likes the eccentric people in Las Vegas but still thinks they can’t compete with the local folks of his former hometown in Northern California. He desperately hopes the Pulitzers start a new category of “Best Bathroom Book” before this goes to print as he has already booked his travel plans to the award ceremony. Sean Michael Beyer – a self-proclaimed “jack of all trades, master of some,” Beyer has worked in the entertainment business since he moved to Southern, CA in 1989. He has directed & produced two independent feature films, numerous award-winning short films, music videos, commercials, infomercials, webisodes and is an accomplished graphic artist. He also plays the piano, does abstract paintings & drawings and has a bunch of tattoos. In his spare time he enjoys cooking, fine wine, dirty martinis, and spending money. David ‘Star’ Fields – inspired by the 2D animators of the 80’s and 90’s John Kricfalusi (Ren n Stimpy) and Jhonen Vasquez (Invader Zim), Fields always wanted to be an artist. From the time he could hold a pen, he constantly drew what came to mind, realizing very early on in life that what he found funny, most people found offensive. “I have to give thanks to my mentor and good friend Anthony Dejesus whose amazing talent has inspired me to strive to do my best work and be the best artist I can. This book was one of the most fun projects I’ve ever worked on and I’m very thankful to get the opportunity to do what I love.”

Book preview

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HOMETOWN

POLICE

BLOTTER

Volume One: Nevada County, California

Taken from REAL calls to the

Police, Sheriff and Highway Patrol

by concerned citizens.

created by

Sean Michael Beyer

and

Andy Spurlock

illustrations by

David ‘Star’ Fields

Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Legal Mumbo Jumbo

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

This book is based upon real-life calls to, and reports from,law enforcement. Although Police Blotter reports are public record, no real persons or situations are implied. The material has been edited and modified from its original content.

©2010 Andy Spurlock, Sean Michael Beyer and David Fields. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 11/3/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4520-0793-9 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-0792-2 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4520-0791-5 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010916795

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any Web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Blotter Research & Material: Andy Spurlock

Art Direction & Layout: Sean Michael Beyer

Illustrations: David ‘Star’ Fields

Edited by: Steve Mancini

Cover Colorist: Anthony ‘Hopeless’ Dejesus

Website: www.HomeTownPoliceBlotter.com

Special Thanks

Special Thanks

The residents, animals, members of law enforcement, emergency services and animal control from Nevada County, California; Facebook, Geoff Hoff, Zack Bennett, Kathy Bolin, Sincerely LaRue, Brian Hardy and anyone we might’ve forgotten who helped to make this book possible.

Introduction

Introduction

blotter_definition.tif

The idea for Hometown Police Blotter came when co-creator Andy began posting excerpts from the various police and sheriff department blotters from his hometown on his Facebook page. Sean, the other co-creator, found them to be truly entertaining and suggested they put together a book.

Andy and Sean both grew up and went to high school together in Nevada County, California (a beautiful rural community in Northern California nestled in the Sierra Nevada foothills about two and a half hours east of San Francisco). This would be their first time working together.

But to really take this book to the next level, Sean suggested they have some of the blotters illustrated. And who better than the dread-lock headed eccentric artist, Star, who is also from NorCal (as we often call it). FYI: Star is his nickname. His real name is David and he’s Jewish, therefore the most logical nickname would be Star. Get it? Good.

Being the kind and generous types, they decided to donate a portion of this book’s proceeds to benefit scholarships and to support funding of the arts and music in schools. Plus, it’s good karma to do nice things for other people. Usually.

Oh and we know this book is typical bathroom reading, so don’t be embarrassed if that’s where you find yourself enjoying it most often. We’re totally okay with that. Just wash your hands and put the toilet seat down (not necessarily in that order) when you’re done.

Now that we’ve got the particulars out of the way, please sit back, relax, and take a load off (no bathroom pun intended). And we’d like to thank you in advance for reading and recommending to your friends, colleagues, adversaries and pretty much anyone you come into contact with, Hometown Police Blotter: Volume One - Nevada County, California.

-Mahalo

Family Matters

Family Matters

Family Matters.tifSluttyDaughter.tif

9:42 PM A woman from the 12000 block of Lime Kiln Road reported she and her daughter were in a verbal argument because she was continuously dressing like a tramp when she went into town.

The situation was mediated and the daughter agreed to try and dress more appropriately in the future.

12:38 PM A man on the 13000 block of Madrona Way reported his wife was yelling at him and their children. He thought she was hormonal.

1:52 AM A man from the 9000 block of Boulder Street reported he wants these damned people out of his house.

7:10 PM A mother in the lobby of the police department reported her husband was threatening to take her daughter away from her after she returned from a two-and-a-half-week drinking binge.

11:42 PM A caller reported a 5-year-old boy was left alone and standing outside a bar while the two adults responsible argued and took turns going inside.

HONEY, I JUST REMEMBERED...

2:34 PM A woman from the 10000 block of Carriage Road reported she recalled she had a restraining order against her husband, whom she had allowed to stay at her residence for the past two years. The woman said she wanted her husband removed immediately. The police indicated they were uncomfortable enforcing an order she had disregarded for the past two years.

11:48 AM A man from Genes and McCourtney Road reported a suspicious item in his daughter’s room. It was a piece of filter material tied around a perforated plastic pipe. The purpose was unknown.

2:57 PM A woman from Lime Kiln Road reported she was not getting along with her mother, who was mean to her. The mother called another daughter to report the woman was throwing objects at her. When contacted, everyone was OK.

5:02 PM A man from East Main Street and McKnight Way reported another man rolled down his window and was yelling obscenities and telling him to pull over so they could fight. The man was the new spouse of his ex-wife.

4:55 PM A woman from the 13000 block of Noble Hill Road reported her brother in law threatened to hit her with his cane if she didn’t shut up. At 7:17 PM she reported people were preventing her from leaving. It was a verbal family dispute only.

6:27 PM A woman