The Score Is Love All: Timely Tips for Strong Parent/Child Relations in Youth Sports

By Kevin, Virgil L. Brady and Kip Brady

Youth Sports: Parents and Kids Working Together
Real solutions for parents and kids who share in youth sports

Learn How To:
Raise "successful" children Deal with burnout and boredom Positive ways to express anger Motivate kids Bring about change Talk to kids so they'll listen Keep the game fun Understand your parents Develop your full capabilities

"This book, like Virgil's sermons, is full of insight and humility, from a man who started out to be a coach and ended up a pastor."
-Roy Williams, Head Basketball Coach, University of North Carolina.

"An excellent foundation for enhancing communication between parents and kids."
-Tracy Austin former No.1 World-ranked Player, two-time U.S.Open Champion, mother of three sons. "This is a must read book for parents who are striving to find healthy and constructive ways of nurturing their child's growth as an athlete."
-Dr. Allen Berger, Ph.D., Sports Counselor and Co-author of Sports Psychology for the Competitive Junior Tennis Player (Audiobook).

"This book helped me improve my mental game and gave me a much better perspective on competition in my sport."
-Jenny Roulier, Collegiate Athlete, Denver, Colo.

"I liked how Chapter 7 talked to kids about their parents. Now I understand why they get angry and I won't get so hurt or mad when they do."
-Alexander Mody, USTA Southern California Ranked Junior

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Jul 15, 2003
• ISBN: 9781469780801

Kevin

Virgil Brady, D.D., has 40 years of experience as a pastor and marriage and family counselor. His three children, Kevin, Kip and Kara, are tennis-teaching professionals in Southern California. The entire family conducts adult and junior tennis camps throughout the year. Virgil and his wife, Elaine, live in Lawrence, Kansas.

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All Rights Reserved © 2003 by Virgil L. Brady

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

iUniverse, Inc.

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ISBN: 0-595-28219-9

ISBN: 978-1-469-78080-1 (ebook)

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

PROLOGUE

1

CLAIM YOUR PERFECT GIFT

2

MY PARENTS DON’T LISTEN TO ME

3

RAISE SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN

4

OWN YOUR POWER

5

MOTIVATE KIDS IN SPORTS

6

CHANGE YOUR GAME AND LIFE

7

KIDS ONLY: RATED PG-13

8

HOW TO BE ANGRY

9

WARNING: DANGER AHEAD

10

KEEP THE GAME FUN

ENDNOTES

ORDER FORM

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

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Virgil L. Brady, D.D., has more than 40 years of experience as pastor, marriage and family counselor and athlete. Living in Lawrence, Kansas, Virgil served 16 years as pastor of the First United Methodist Church. He and his wife, Elaine, have three children, Kevin, Kip and Kara. All are tennis-teaching professionals in Southern California. Kevin played tennis for nationally ranked University of Kansas in 1987 and was an NAIA All American in 1983. Kip, formerly a world-ranked touring professional in singles and doubles, was NCAA All American in 1989. He was also Kansas high school singles and doubles champion. The entire family conducts adult and junior tennis camps throughout the year.

Email: [e-mail]   Web site: www.bradycamps.com

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I am keenly aware of receiving many gifts, which play significantly in the completion of The Score is Love All. Sons, Kevin and Kip, initiated the idea and stayed close to me throughout. Their ideas and feedback comprise a major portion of this book. My main cheerleader, wife Elaine, was the daily sounding board I needed. Our talks about content, editing, revisions and theology are evident in the final product. My sister-in-law, Barbara Brady, has written several books and numerous articles. Her writing skills and encouragement were indeed helpful. Merris, my brother and computer guru, was always there for me when I needed advice on how to communicate with my computer. Harold and Margaret Jones freely and graciously offered their writing and editing skills. Gar Valdez gave me a helpful nudge towards the end. The final touches were added by my enthusiastic editor, Monica Mody. Then there are the hundreds, yea thousands of people who have touched my life over the years. Their stories and love seemed to flow from my being as I wrote. I have been blessed beyond measure by all these gifts.

Now you are as well.

PROLOGUE

Dad, we have an idea for a book. What do you think about writing a book?

That’s what my sons, Kip and Kevin, said one day. I was stunned. Using my best parent/kid communication skills, I tactfully asked, What do you mean?

We do a lot of tennis camps, Kevin said. We’ve learned enough from the kids and parents to fill a book.

That’s right! Kip joined in. There are a lot of issues out there. We need someone to put in writing how parents and kids can work together to have a better relationship through sports. I know you have many helpful ideas as a result of your experience as a minister and counselor.

Wow! That was a huge order. It’s hard to refuse your kids, particularly when you agree with them.

Kevin and Kip are tennis professionals in Southern California. For the past 12 years they ran the Brady Tennis Camps. More than 2,000 kids and 2,500 adults have been a part of this experience. Each year, approximately 2,500 junior tennis players participate in the leagues and tournaments Kevin organizes in the metro Los Angeles area.

A big chunk of this book is the result of their expertise and experience.

As a pastor, I am interested in people and how they approach their faith and relate to each other. My wife, Elaine, and I conducted numerous seminars on marriage enrichment and worked extensively with youth programs. Through counseling, I’ve used my skills to help people deal with personal and relationship issues.

A close second to pastoral work has been my interest in sports. I was a starting guard on Wichita State University’s basketball team. I’ve participated in many tennis and golf tournaments—too many to count. Kevin and Kip even let dear old Dad teach tennis at their camps. Sports, in my opinion, harmonize with the values in life.

The Brady Tennis Camps give us a rich source of material from parents and kids. Kids tell us that parents often keep them from fully enjoying the game of tennis. That’s difficult medicine for parents to swallow. After all, they only want what is best for their kids. Barriers exist. Tensions exist. This book will help kids become closer to their parents by participating in youth sports.

Parents also tell us their concerns. They are troubled by what they see happening in youth sports and admit having difficulty communicating with their kids. Sometimes sports get in the way of their relationship rather than enhancing the bond. Parents want to be close to their children. A close relationship with their children provides the security and stability needed in today’s world and in the world of athletics. There are barriers that get in the way; these pages offer concrete suggestions how to overcome them.

When an athletic event is about to begin, the score is zero to zero. Each player, each team, has the same score. In tennis, this score is referred to as love—love, or love all. When we acknowledge we all begin and end life the same, life and sports will be one. No matter what our creed, nationality or race, we all bleed the same color. This understanding will make a significant difference in how we live and how we die, how we win and how we lose. The Score is Love All.

The purpose of this book is to help cement the relationship between parents and youth as, together, they take part in sports. Understanding the meaning of life and applying it to the appreciation of sports and the parent/child relationship is the powerful message of this book. You will be given new ideas. You will discover questions to answer about your own life. This book offers to lighten your load. There is so much work to be done. The reward?

All of us will come out winners.

The Score is Love All.

1

CLAIM YOUR PERFECT GIFT

Where do you think you are going? Mr. Foster asked his son, Zach.

Out. Zach grabbed the car keys from the hook by the door.

Out? Not tonight you aren’t. It’s time you stayed home and studied for a change.

Dad! I told you yesterday I wanted to go to the mall to look at videos with Rick. Zach threw the car keys on the table. You never listen to me! He stalked off, slammed his bedroom door shut and sulked.

Mr. Foster shook his head. Being a parent was tough work.

Zach and his dad are caught in a struggle familiar to most families.

If Zach was to help write this book, he would say, Start with parents. They never listen to us kids!

If Mr. Foster was to help write this book, he would say, Start with kids. They never listen to their parents!

They are both right because ideal communication is a challenge. Perfect parents do not exist; neither do perfect kids.

Good communication is crucial to the parent/kid relationship in youth sports. Before it can be tackled, there is one fundamental truth that first must be known and felt.

Life is a gift!

This truth is the foundation upon which are built all the issues surrounding parents/kids and youth sports. Communication will be most effective if it begins from the understanding that life is a gift.

We all love free things. When we see a coupon that says, Buy one and get the second one free, we are ready to shop. Our eyes pop out at the advertisement with free in the headline. It is a rare human being who does not want to grab on to what is free.

There is a gift that outweighs, outshines, outdistances all others; it is the gift of life—and it is free!

Most of us know the saying, There are only two things in life which are certain, death and taxes. But there is one other: life is a gift. You and I did nothing to earn our gift of life. In fact, we did nothing to deserve it.

Our life is a free gift.

Two tiny imperceptible seeds, one from a male and one from a female, come together. A heart beats and blood flows. Toes, ears, eyes and fingernails happen. It is miracle—a gift.

Mr. Summers is a wheat farmer. One day as he was preparing the combine for the wheat harvest, he stopped to admire the growth of this year’s crop. A lot of time, hard work and money had been put into making the exceptionally fine yield. Mr. Summers is aware that without the gift of sun, rain and seed all his hard work would have been for naught. He knows he is the receiver of gifts. They were free. He did not earn them. When combined with his gifts of hard work and education, the result was a beautiful crop.

A baseball player ends the season with a healthy .368 batting average, tops in the league. Hard work, training and discipline have come together to produce this accomplishment. But the player is not as perceptive as farmer Summers; he takes all the credit for his achievement. This may be fine in the good times, but what happens when the batting average slips? Now the player faces two choices: shouldering all the blame himself (a stressful experience) or blaming others (a counterproductive approach). By believing and accepting the gift of life from a source beyond, he can shoulder the tough times positively, reminding himself, Okay, Bud, this is a bad state; but I had some great times. I am thankful for that!

Successful athletes acknowledge that all of their abilities are gifts. They are aware the combination of hard work, training and discipline are gifts and they are grateful for all that has been given to them, including their achievements. Gratefully receiving life as a gift is a solid foundation for all kinds of human achievement, from farming and sports as well as the Kitchen where Zach and his dad clashed with words.

Believing that life is a gift can have several responses. One can: a. ignore it; b. deny it; c. mess it up; d. acknowledge it; e. acknowledge it with gratitude.

This last response produces the most powerful Results. Good things come to thankful people. Here are six of them:

1.   We See Our Lives as Valuable

2.   We Experience Life as if for the First Time

3.   We Approach Others as a Gift

4.   We See Athletics and Athletes Differently

5.   We Take Care of Our Bodies

6.   We Develop Resources for Dealing with Problems

1. KNOWING OUR LIVES ARE VALUABLE

Much of the unhappiness felt by