To Love Again

By Judy Fisher

Five months pregnant with twins, Amy Owens returns home to Madison County after her husband Brad died in Iraq.  She is undecided if she wants to keep the twins or give them up for adoption.  After reconnecting and falling in love with her childhood friend, Drake Williams, Amy decides to keep the twins and finds out that Drake was with Brad when he died and the truth changes everything.  Brad's parents want custody of the twins because they feel Drake didn't do enough to save their son.  Will Amy and Drake's love continue or will they fight for their happiness?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Crazy Ink
• Release date: Sep 13, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386371946

Book preview

Chapter One

It was a hot July day as Amy Owens pulled into the long driveway of the home she grew up in. Going home to Madison County after her husband Brad lost his life in Iraq was going to be hard. She had just spent the last three months with Brad’s parents. She needed to be home where life was simple. She thought she would be able to clear her mind of the pain she was experiencing and the choice she had made about the twins. Her swollen belly rubbed against the steering wheel as she put the car in park. It's time you guys met your grandma.

Her mother came running to her. Claire Patterson was a small woman. She stood only five feet tall to Amy’s nearly six. Claire looked smaller than Amy remembered. Amy thought about how much her life had changed and wondered if she would ever be happy again. Amy's thoughts were interrupted as Claire approached her. Amy, your belly is so big. Claire reached into the trunk and lifted a bag from it.

I'm going to have twins, you know. Amy reached for another bag and smiled at Claire. I’m supposed to look like this.

I know, but I didn't expect you to be this big. Claire smiled back at her daughter and took the second bag from her. You're only five months along, right?

Yes Mama. Amy took the smaller bag from Claire and started walking toward the house. She stopped then turned to face Claire. I just drove twelve hours to get here. I'm exhausted. I'm really tired and I need some rest. Would that be okay?

You've been through a lot. Of course it’s okay. We can catch up later. Claire put her free arm around her daughter's waist. We can talk later. I want to hear about everything. We’ll talk when you're ready. Don’t forget I'm always here to help.

Thanks, Mama. Amy walked into the house. She stopped for a moment to look around. She suddenly felt sad and overwhelmed by the realization that her father wasn't there to greet her or to brighten her day. He had always been there for her when she was growing up. It felt strange not to see him when she needed him the most.

I miss Daddy so much. How can you stand it? Doesn't having everything the same as it was when he was alive remind you of him constantly? Isn’t it strange not seeing him sitting right there reading the newspaper? Amy pointed at her father’s favorite chair.

Knowing that your daddy loved me and did everything to make me happy outweighs the pain I feel for his loss. Claire replied as she stood beside Amy.

At that moment, memories of how she and Brad met flashed in her mind. She had left home five years earlier. She joined the Army right out of high school. She and Brad met during Basic Training. They had felt a connection right away. Soon after their training was done, they were married and moved into housing on the base to start their new life together. That part of her life was over now. She needed to figure out how to put the past behind her and start over. Claire interrupted Amy’s thoughts as she touched her arm. You’re going to be fine. You’re stronger then you think.

Amy suddenly realized that she not only had to face the loss of Brad but she also had to face the loss of her father's death as well. She was beginning to wonder if coming home was the right choice for her after all.

Claire headed up the stairs and Amy followed. When they reached her room, Amy sat down on the edge of the bed. There's something you need to know, She sighed and looked down at her rounded belly. When I first found out about Brad, I almost lost the babies. Sometimes I wish that I had. I don't know if I can handle all of this by myself.

Don't say that ever again. They’re a blessing. Don't ever forget that. Claire sat down on the bed beside Amy. They are a part of Brad that you can never replace. Why would you ever wish something like that?

I don’t know. When we first started talking about having a family, I still wanted to be a part of the Army. I wanted to serve my country as badly as he did. I let him talk me into getting out of the Army, so we could start a family. I didn't even get the chance to finish my studies.

A tear rolled down her cheek. Having a family was more Brad's idea then mine. He didn't even get the chance to know that we were having twins. They're going to be more than I can handle on my own. Now that he's never coming home to us, what's the point?

What are you saying? Claire held her breath as she held Amy's hand. I can help you with them. That's what I'm here for.

I'm just not sure if I want to keep them. More tears ran down her cheeks, and Claire handed her a tissue. Does that make me a bad person? I just don't know if I'm ready to become a mother right now. With Brad's help, I could have handled it. I just don't know anymore. Without Brad, I'm going to be a single mother with twins. I'm only twenty-three, and I'm scared. Amy wiped her eyes and blew her nose. I don't want to be a single mother. This isn't what was supposed to happen. This wasn't part of our plans or our dreams. He promised me that he would come back to us, but he didn't. How am I supposed to do all of this without him? Claire reached over and touched her hand. Will the pain of losing him ever go away?

I'm sorry to say this but the pain never really goes away. It does get easier to handle as time goes on though. You have plenty of time to make decisions about what your future should or should not have in it. Right now you need to rest. Claire motioned to the top of the bed. You lay down now and we can talk more about it later after you get some rest.

Okay, Mama, I do have a lot of things on my mind. I really need to talk to someone about all of this stuff. I don't know if talking will change my mind about the twins though. I'm just not ready for all that yet. Amy lifted herself up to the top of the bed. She felt the softness of her pillow as it welcomed her in complete comfort. Within minutes she was sound asleep.

Claire covered Amy with a blanket and left the room. As she headed down the stairs to start supper, she knew she had a lot of work to do to help Amy. She loved her daughter with all her heart. She knew that all Amy needed was time to heal. Claire was confident that when Amy had time to grieve the loss of Brad, she would do the right thing. As Claire peeled a few potatoes, she made a promise to herself that she would let Amy decide on her own what was right for her. She had never interfered with any decisions that Amy had made in her life, and she wasn't about to start.

Amy was still sleeping when supper was ready, so Claire let her sleep. As she sat at the table eating the meal she had prepared for them, she wondered how she could help her daughter. After eating and picking up the supper dishes, Claire sat and read the evening paper to relax before heading to bed herself. She began to think of her own loss and knew immediately how she could help Amy. She only hoped that Amy would let her.

The next morning Amy seemed to be in good spirits as Claire fixed them breakfast. I'm as hungry as a horse this morning. Why didn't you wake me last night?

I figured you needed the sleep. She handed Amy a plate full of food. You can have more if you want it.

I do feel rested. She filled her mouth with the food her mother had given her. I might just want some more of this. I haven't had anything this good in a long time.

Don't talk with your mouth full. I taught you better then that. They both laughed.  Tell me about Brad's parents. We never got the chance to meet them. Are they nice? Did they treat you well while you were there?

I almost forgot for a minute just how horrible my life has become. She finished what was on her plate and handed it to Claire. More please. I'm eating for three and I want these two to be healthy when the time comes to give them up.

Claire frowned as she refilled the plate and handed it back to Amy. I love you. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. You know that you don't have to make any decisions right now, don't you? You have plenty of time to decide what to do. I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it to the funeral. Claire paused as she wiped her own tears. Now, tell me about the Owens. What was it like living with your in-laws?

There isn't a whole lot to tell. After Brad died and his body was flown home, I went there so he could be buried in the family plot. She took a deep breath. I wanted them to know how much I loved their son by letting them have him there with them. Amy wiped the tears that were running down her cheeks. They have a large vineyard. They make their own wine. By the looks of things, they have lots of money. They set me up in a lovely room in their home while things were being arranged. She looked at Claire and could see that she was concerned. They told me that I was always welcome there because they knew how much Brad loved me. At first, they were very pleasant. After the funeral, they just seemed to keep their distant from me. It felt like they wanted nothing more to do with me after Brad was buried. It was like I didn't exist anymore.

Why did you stay so long? You could have come home sooner. Claire reached for a tissue to blow her nose. You can't be sure about what they were feeling at the time. They probably just needed some space to grieve. She handed Amy a tissue as she saw the tears rolling down her cheek. How did Brad’s sister and brother treat you?

I was going to leave sooner, but they were very nice to me. They did things with me and talked to me about Brad. They wanted me to stay for a while longer. I told them that I couldn't take the silent treatment anymore from their parents, so it was time for me to leave. I wanted to come home. Amy wiped her eyes with the tissue.

You would think they would have treated me better seeing I'm carrying Brad's twins. When I told them that I was having twins, they didn't even seem to care, Amy said.

Maybe they just need time to heal, Claire said and squeezed Amy's hand. They had just buried their son. Maybe the news was more than they could handle at that moment. They'll come around.

I really don't think it matters one way or another since I'm giving the babies up for adoption. Amy finished her food and put her dishes in the sink.

You're not really thinking about doing that, are you? Claire felt tears forming in her own eyes again as Amy turned to face her.

Yes. It's the best thing I can do for them. Amy turned to leave the room. I can't take care of them on my own. They will have a better life with someone else. What else can I do?

It wouldn't be a bad idea for you make an appointment with a grief counselor, Claire shouted as Amy headed up the stairs to her room. It helped me when your daddy died.

Amy spun around. You went to a counselor? When I was growing up, I always thought that you were a very strong person. It must have been rougher on you then I thought when daddy died. Are you doing better now?

She went back down the stairs, and they both sat down on the couch. 

It was quite hard, but I'm doing a lot better now. I couldn't have made it without the help of Kate. She was my grief counselor and helps a lot of people. She was my support when I felt my life was falling down around me, Claire admitted. She could help you too. You don't have to go through this alone.

She probably could help me, but I'm just not ready to talk to someone I don't know. You can give me her number though. Amy held out her hand for the number. I know you just want to help. I love you for that. I promise I will call her when I'm ready to talk. I'll talk to her about the twins too and everything else, I promise.

Another thing you can do for me is make a call to Dr. Harrison. Make sure those babies of yours are doing the best they can.

Claire smiled back at Amy. She reached into her apron pocket and handed her a piece of paper with Kate's phone number on it. No matter what you decide to do, you need to make sure they are healthy.

Thanks. You always know what to do. What would I do without you?  Amy smiled as she realized what her mother had done.

You were hoping I would call this grief counselor of yours, didn't you? You had her number written down for me already. I love you, Mama.

They hugged for a long time before Amy continued.

I’ll call Dr. Harrison too. No matter what I decide to do, I still need to make sure they are healthy and strong. Amy stood then turned to face Claire again. I'm going to unpack. Unpacking will give me some time to really think hard about a lot of things. Thanks again.

You’re welcome, sweetheart. Claire smiled as she cleared the rest of the dishes from the table. She had at least gotten Amy to consider seeing a grief counselor.  She had also gotten Amy to really start thinking about the two babies she was carrying.  They were real, and Amy needed to think of them that way. Claire wanted and needed them in their lives. She also decided that she would give the Owens a call. They needed to know what Amy had decided about the twins, even if they didn’t care. After all, they were their grand babies too.

Chapter Two

The following week Claire approached Amy with a proposition as she sat on the couch watching a movie. I want you to come with me today to help at the food shelf. It will do you some good to get out of the house. It will give you something to do while you're waiting for the twins to be born.

You're right, but how much help will I be in this condition? I can't lift those heavy boxes. She rubbed her swollen belly and felt one of the twins kick. "Besides, I'm not so sure about going out right now.