Win Your Life with a Permanent Fix

By Chetan Prabhu Desai

Born in a small village in India, the author was expected to work and live in that town. However, interest in self-development supported by formal education in India, Australia, and Canada, led him to Canada and also helped him live a successful life in North America. However, there was a feeling of a missing link – a feeling that there was something missing in life. Having been born into a mystical tradition helped him
understand mysticism from the right sources. Over a two decade long practice in Dhyan and experimenting with more than a hundred different types of Eastern meditations helped him improve his mental balance. But that still did not help to resolve what this missing link was and how to complete this link.

Research in philosophy, clinical psychology with a primary emphasis
on logotherapy, helped him resolve the missing link. The author found that it does not matter what your belief regarding God or your religious affiliation is, what matters is whether your practices help you to control your seeds of aggression, addiction, and depression. It does not matter what philosophy you follow, what matters is whether that philosophy is leading you to a meaningful life. This book is intended to help you to
win your life through your unique contributions and make permanent
changes, one person – you – at a time.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Apr 3, 2018
• ISBN: 9781773705651

Book preview

9781773705651.jpg

Table of Contents

PREFACE

But How Do You Do All This?

INTRODUCTION

HOW TO START YOUR JOURNEY TO SELF IMPROVEMENT

Your Guide to a Metaphysical Model

How Do You Gain Self-Belief?

Why Do You Need to Delay Gratification?

How I Conquered Procrastination

Kill Your Demons of Impulsive Behaviours

Should You Try the Law of Attraction?

Should You Use Your Unique Talent and Ability to Develop Your Profession?

Why Do You Need Grit and Focus?

Did You Get Drenched in Happiness Mania?

Is Goal Setting Relevant When Both You and the World Are Continuously Changing?

Actions

HOW CAN YOU DEVELOP YOUR PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY?

Are Your Opinions and Decisions Your Own?

You May be in Delusion and Here’s How You Can Come Out

What Is Rationality?

Balanced Optimism (BO): Unless You Have This, You Cannot Win

To All Those Who Want a Successful Marriage

What Exactly Is Love?

Actions

ARE YOU CONTROLLED BY DESTINY?

What Made Me, a Skeptic, Become Interested in Indian Astrology?

Nadi Jyotish – Hoax or Real?

What Is the Accuracy of Vedic Astrology in Predicting the Future?

The Significance of Astrology in Indian Philosophy

Does Fate Really Exist?

Do I Recommend You Visit an Astrologer?

But What about Fake Astrologers?

Where Is Free Will?

The Role of Unconsciousness

Actions

DO YOU NEED GOD?

Here Is How Organized Religions Are Killing God

Do We Need God for Spiritual Awakening?

Understanding Bhakti Yoga

Do You Need Faith in God?

Why Organized Religions Fail

Actions

IS SCIENCE THE SOLUTION?

Materialists Do Not Follow Any Dogmas – Do They?

How to Deal with Probabilities

How Should You Treat Ancient Traditions Such as Meditation?

How Can You Use Science when Current Tools Are Insufficient?

Nobody Understands Quantum Mechanics

How to Deal with Religious Practices

WHAT IS ADHYATMA OR MYSTICISM?

What Is the Yogic Meditation of Dhyan?

Why Yogis Used Nama as a Compliment to Dhyan

Sceptics’ Concerns about Dhyan Practice

What Was Found in Experiments on Yogis?

What Is Samadhi or Nirvana?

Does Samadhi Move You Away from Contributions?

Actions

KNOW THYSELF

How Detachment Helps You Win in the Material World

The Secrets to Handle Contradictions

Hope – If You Do Not Have This, the Going Will be Tough

What Causes Anxiety?

How to Deal with the Fear of Death

Acceptance: An Absolutely Sure-Fire Way to Immediate Peace

Do You Know that You May be In Denial?

Perfection – The Way to Depression?

Grief – How One Lady Got over It

Burnout – Should You Take It as a Side Effect of New Age?

Actions

WHAT IS THE MISSING LINK WITHOUT WHICH EVERYTHING LOOKS USELESS?

Is Passion the Sole Contributor to Meaning?

What if Passion Does Not Give Recognition?

Meaning in Different Life Stages

Why Pleasure and Striving Are Insufficient

Does Dhyan Help or Hamper Contributions?

How Non-Religious People Live a Fulfilling Life

Are You a Project, Solution, or System?

Don’t Wait for a Wakeup Call

Cultural Dimensions

Mistaking Work/Profession for Meaning

Actions

HOW TO CREATE MEANING

Values that Drive Meaning

Priority Sequence of Values

What Qualities Help to Derive Your Mission in Life?

HOW TO LIVE A MEANINGFUL LIFE

Tools to Unearth Hidden Drives

Tools to Transcend

How to Deal with Extreme Fear and Negativity

Is Your Psychological Saw Getting Sharpened?

The Four Steps of Daily Dhyan Practice

Step 1: Pranayama – Control of Life Energy

Step 2: Pratyahara – Withdrawal from the Senses

Step 3: Dharana – Concentration

Step 4: Dhyan

Nama

Permanent Fix vs Temporary Fix

Why Carry out Daily Dhyan Practice?

Six Steps to Find Meaning

Measures

Actions

HOW CAN EMPLOYEES AND RETIREES FIND MEANING IN LIFE?

How to Create Meaning in the Workplace

Retirement

Actions

CONCLUSION

Acknowledgements

Bibliography

Notes

PREFACE

I still remember the day in my childhood when my grandmother – I used to call her Aayee – told me, Get an education, and then your Pappa (my father) will set up a shop for you in town to sell cashew kernels. I was born and brought up in a village in India, where my family has been living for the last 300-400 years. So Aayee’s vision for me was within the norms of the day.

But then I became victim to self-development mania. I read and attended various self-improvement seminars and workshops on goal setting, positive mental attitude, and the power of attraction. This was complemented by graduate degree programs in engineering and business in Australia and Canada, respectively, which contributed to success as per its contemporary definition. But I found that there was a missing link, without which everything looked incomplete. The programs that focused on goal-setting came at the cost of rigidity and a narrow focus. That caused me to overlook alternate options. Also, I had to face disappointments when the accomplishments were not exact to the target.

Research in Eastern mysticism and the consistent practice of the Eastern meditation of Dhyan over two decades helped me to attain mental balance and increased equidistance from the extremities of life: the negative ones, such as being on the verge of bankruptcy during struggling years as a new Canadian immigrant, and the positive ones such as being employed and subsequent promotions in a Berkshire Hathaway group company. But increased mental balance by itself was not enough. Most literature emphasized mystics who left their family life for spiritual life. They looked at Siddhartha Gautama who left home to attain Nirvana, not the Buddha who returned back to share his learning post Nirvana. Agnostic research on the Eastern scriptures (such as Ishopanishad, verse 2.0) revealed that the scriptures promoted contributions and that spiritual growth is not an end in itself. But how do you arrive at these contributions, and do they fulfil any purpose? Consciousness by itself was not enough.

That led me to research in logotherapy, the invention of Dr. Viktor Frankl. I found specific steps you can take, irrespective of your religious or cultural upbringing, to identify contributions that can make life meaningful. But how does all this relate to current advances in science?

Science is struggling with answers on consciousness, free will, and rebirth. Accepting the theories proven to be true, and rejecting those which are proven to be false, still leaves a wide room of grey areas of theories that are neither proven nor unproven. I decided that these areas need to be covered by my own experiences and learnings. Also, I need to accept only those parts from history that are repeatable and can be verified, for example, the practices that help in self-improvement. Verification need not be from third party scientific validation but can be from self-verification when scientific tools to verify are not available.

This helped to define my own metaphysical model, my definition of reality, and my relation to this reality. New developments in science may lead to my definitions needing to be modified and I may need to create new models. This book is to help you to define your own vision of reality, based on your own beliefs and experiences to define your own relation to this reality. And then make your life meaningful, by finding your unique contributions by fulfilling your responsibilities, irrespective of your beliefs, culture, and upbringing.

But How Do You Do All This?

Consider the example of David, a patient of my physician friend. David was in his 20s, a worker in a manufacturing company, who was married and had a daughter. He was an alcoholic, and his relationship with his spouse was on the verge of breaking. From work, he would go to a pub and come home late at night, heavily drunk. At home, he would then quarrel with his wife, and he hardly had any conversations with his only daughter for months.

Then one day, David had a car accident, resulting in the amputation of his legs. He suddenly felt his life to be meaningless and wanted to commit suicide.

His hospital bed was near a window. He could see a squirrel trying to walk on the tree, trying to go up, slipping on the way. Then he saw birds flying around and leaves flickering with the wind. David was so engrossed in appreciating nature that he did not realize that he spent a few hours in that activity. His wife and daughter came to visit him. They asked each other how their day was. They started taking interest in each other’s life.

His previous life flashed through him – his irresponsible drinking habit, quarrels with his wife on petty grounds, and the lack of any planning for his life and future. David realized that he had a responsibility towards himself, his wife, his daughter, and society. Instead of dragging on in his current state of pain, David started visualizing his life with new artificial legs, the possibility of going back to work, improving his relationship with his wife, and controlling his bad habits. Three years later, David not only accomplished all his goals – a new job, an improved relationship, and an end to alcoholism – but he also served as a role model in his community to help people to get out of their pain and transform.

David’s story is an example of how you can detach from reality by becoming a witness of nature and showing empathy towards other beings. The experience helped David to change his attitude. He looked at his accident as an opportunity to fix his relationships and his life, leading him to a new reality, better than before. And it showed him how he could justify his existence, by creating meaning for his life, realizing his contributions, and planning to live them. This can inspire anyone to go from suicidal tendencies, due to difficulties in life, and change these tendencies into a bright future.

Now the question is how to make this change permanent. David gained awareness from his prior delusional living because of the accident that woke him up from his stupor. But you do not need tragedies to wake you up.

This book addresses ways to remain in the state of awareness so as to identify your responsibilities and plan for your contributions to address these responsibilities. These contributions will help you to win your life.

INTRODUCTION

In my last visit to Wichita, Kansas, on business, I met a Caribbean Indian while eating at a steak joint. He was also visiting the city on business. We started a conversation; after conversing about the aerospace business both of us were involved in, we moved to personal matters.

The gentleman was getting closer to his retirement and that was his biggest worry. Not so much because of his financial resources or health, which were on his list of worries, but because of his fear of losing meaning from his life that he had been closely associating with his professional career. He had been exploring options that included visiting countries he always planned to visit, increasing his frequency at the golf course, and becoming more religious – planning rituals that he hoped would give him mental peace. Would any of these options help solve his problem of meaninglessness? If not, what were his options to find a reason to live? This book addresses these questions.

This book is not intended to offer any readymade models and philosophies, but encourages you to find your own options by critically discussing the possibilities, and applying them to your unique situation. There is no other person in the world like you – the sum total of your genetic makeup, your experiences, education, and upbringing makes you unique, hence, why you require unique solutions.

Once, I was in the transit area in the Geneva airport, while travelling from Mumbai to Toronto. There I saw a young girl, with some business books at her side, reading a self-development book. She was perhaps an international student, eager to learn and improve, with some vision for herself, just like I was a few years back. But then I thought, what if she ends up like me, influenced by all those motivational stories and tools that work in the short-term, but do not complete the missing link –the purpose in life, which is so indispensable in life?

What if this girl had guidance from someone like me who had already studied and implemented various techniques and improvised them so that she did not end up making the same mistakes? How would she deal with conflicts among her religious, cultural, and social upbringing with the new philosophies presented?

Not preparing to deal with such conflicts is like building a house of life without a solid foundation. One day the building will collapse, and it will also harm those around you. Hence, I wrote this book, based on the conflicts I went through, my research, experience, and findings that would help those facing life challenges to win their own life.

HOW TO START YOUR JOURNEY TO SELF IMPROVEMENT

"You can’t improve yourself by listening to motivational speakers. You can’t improve yourself with self-help absurdities that surround us today. It takes hard work, not telling ourselves

empty affirmations."

~ Alan Weiss, Consultant, Speaker, and Author.

I have learnt from numerous contemporary self-help Gurus. Their techniques helped me to attain a positive attitude, get motivated, and set and maintain goals. But their offerings failed to make any lasting impact. None of their models helped to address contradictions between success and happiness, goals and disappointments, and career and family.

The best place to start in your self-development journey is to make your own metaphysical model and describe reality the way you see it.

Your Guide to a Metaphysical Model

Your metaphysical model should be based on your beliefs, experiences, and proven scientific findings. The model can come from three broad sources of beliefs:

Materialistic – In this case, all the facts proven by science are included. Also included are theories for which you can provide falsifiable models.

Pragmatic – In this model, in addition to scientifically proven facts, some additional elements are included that are not proven but also not debunked by science. But these hypothetical elements must have conservative criteria for inclusion, with acknowledgement that in the future, they may be proven to be false.

Faith-Based – In this model, in addition to proven facts, many elements that are non-repeatable with no proven history, and absurd claims if looked at through lenses of science, are all included.

What is critical in all the models is an openness to change as you learn new things and gain more knowledge and experiences that challenge your earlier beliefs. This requires you to re-look at your model and make new ones to address the reality. I have presented my model as a guide for you to assist in making your own.

My Metaphysical Model

My metaphysical model is based on pragmatism with the intention to create meaning in life through contributions, and make permanent changes for self-improvement. Here are the criteria I used:

Take all scientifically proven ideas.

Accept theories that are not yet proven, but where processes are repeatable, and can be validated by subjective experiences, by acknowledging that they are assumptions used to construct the model. They may need to be dropped as new discoveries and experiences make them invalid. Let us look at an example as we construct amodel.

There is a type of gambling played in my native state of Goa in India, called matka. A winning number is declared every day; if you had placed a bet on that number, you would win 80 times the amount placed in the bet. A person, Francis, who used to live in my neighbourhood, decided to try his luck by betting on number 35, the first 2 digits of a car parked next to the gambling place. The winning number was 34.

Encouraged by his minor miss, the next day Francis bet on number 65, the first 2 digits of the car he saw that day. But this time he decided to be a bit smart. Along with 65, he placed bets on 64 and 66 so that he did not miss like the last time. The winning number this time was 46. 46 is 64 in reverse. Francis knew he was almost getting there! So, the next day he became smarter.

This time he saw number 37, the first 2 digits of the car. To be safe, he placed bets on number 36, 38, and also 73, 63, and 83, along with 37, so that any number close to the target number and the digits in reverse would still make him a winner. The winning number this time was 62. Francis felt that he was so close yet so far from winning.

Francis had been gambling for more than two years now, won a few times, missed often, but had near misses most of the time. Francis never realized he turned into a gambling addict from the first try he had at gambling. What started as an innocent play converted into mind impressions that triggered daily actions. This was supplemented by a gambler’s fallacy, as his misses led to more trials and turned into habits that he did not have any control over. See note 1 on gambler’s fallacy.

Now, using this example, let me define the elements of this model illustrated in Figure 1. :

Outer mind – When Francis was playing for the first time, he was aware of what he was doing. He was operating from what we can call his outer mind.

Hidden mind – When Francis continued playing for along time, his actions were automatic. The triggers for his actions were hidden in his hidden mind.

Actor – The actor inside Francis was free and responsible when he first tried to act. But over repeated actions, the actor went into complete delusion. It was as if someone else was performing his actions automatically.

While Ibelieve in ahigh degree of determinism that traced all actions to some prior causes, which can be regressed to childhood or beyond, Ialso believe we need to construct an inner actor who acts and is responsible for actions. The choice available to the actor is indeterminate because the capacity to make free choices is inherent. The responsibilities defined by moral and societal norms from outside are constraints for the actor to follow or break from.

Consciousness – In order for the actor to come out of delusion,