Life of Dudley II

By Dudley T

This book is an introduction to an author wracked with disability and is written like a long personal letter to anyone who reads it cover to cover. It’s as surreal as a novel, but is basically a memoir. Read it and you will not only learn a couple of things, but also learn to laugh at yourself and others too.

Read Dudley’s story verbatim.

“Despite my name, I tell you, frankly in your mind, about the accident that changed my life forever, and the rehabilitation that tried to repair the physical disabilities caused by brain trauma. The goal of the book is to invoke laughter, because it is the best medicine. Therefore, I have personally composed the book to make all who read it, laugh big-time.”

Author, Dudley Trent

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dudley T
• Release date: Feb 28, 2018
• ISBN: 9781370038190

Book preview

Life of Dudley II

Life of Dudley II

Accident of note and everlasting rehab!

Dudley T

-----Crude: check. ------Profanity: check.------Afrikanerism: check.------Dudleyism: check.-----

-Warning, Warning! If you are intolerant of the disabled or are a stuck-up, dik bek who can’t laugh at life and profanity, or derogatory slang, then simply don’t buy this book, because it will offend you. However, if you are laidback and not dik bek, then do buy it. Reading it with an open mind will cause you to laugh and chuckle with or at any of your adversities, big-time! Turn the page and begin, and don’t say there was insufficient warning.

Copyright © 2018 Dudley T

Published by Dudley T Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by the Author using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Vanessa Finaughty for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Contents

Inspirational Messages

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Dictionary #1

Dictionary #2

Foreword

Laughter is Great and is the Primary Goal of This Book

Jokes to Set the Comedic Mood

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Epilogue

Inspirational Messages

I’ve learnt many inspirational messages that help one navigate through life.

Wise people say. Don’t let your past hold back your future.

Change and forgiveness is inspired by education.

----------From the Holy Bible:

------"No eye has ever seen,

No ear has ever heard,

-----No mind has ever conceived

What God has prepared for

those who love him."

Dedication

Inspiration for my book is attributed to my daughter (always; forever), my proverbial princess’ useful advice, which she imparted to me, when, in 2009, she said to me, Daddy, be a success somehow! I took her advice and here is the result. –

Acknowledgements

Informative! Employ interactive reading, and, let me tell you my story of disability, in your own mind. Despite my name being Dudley, I am quite frank with many descriptions. I am truly inspired by any comedy and love all forms, which include a good ole fart, now and then. The book is written like a long personal letter to all my readers, who read the book cover to cover, and is complete with a few slang dictionary pages, explaining the slang. All other info., comes courtesy of 54 years of wisdom and the remarkable internet 2016/17.

I wish to thank all who helped, for their unselfish help and inspiration, big or small:

All at Reach Publishers, particularly: Sally and Vanessa, who taught me a moerse lot about punctuation.

Thanks also to: Mike and Peggy Trent, Michael and Nadine, Michelle Trent and Colin, as well as, Maureen Robertson, Tommy Noble, Robert Millenaar, Percy Bradfield, Dr. B.D. Breedt and Jaryd Futter. Thank you to various South African comedians, particularly Barry Hilton, who gave me many laughs.

Many thanks to everyone who has ever known and helped me, or may have ever had a conversation with me, knowingly or otherwise, if I have included you unwillingly in my short memoirs.

Further thanks to all friends or practitioners of any medical fraternity, who serviced or repaired my buckled body, or friends who taught me how to operate Microsoft Word; their names are mentioned in the book – whether you enjoyed it or not, it is simply tough takkie...

Disabled Dudley’s to do list at age 23 in 1986. Response

1. Mahala accident and rehabilitate somewhat. -Done-

2. Still enjoy life as a disabled dude. -Done-

3. Meet that one special girl. -Done-

Considering my vocation in life, I am no-body. Just a man trying to make others laugh at what they read. I am not a high-ranking official of any sort, so my views and opinions, of any individual, or a governmental department, are mine and mine alone. I am exercising my freedom of speech, which is entrenched in Section 16 of the South African Constitution. The country achieved independence in 1994, and in the process dismantled Verwoerd’s dumb system of, Apartheid.

As I have said if you are dik bek, you have just begun reading literature that I have personally programmed to make you laugh. If the jokes don’t do it for you, then maybe the mundane stories of the way I negotiate disabled life, will. However, if not, you’ve got a serious problem.

Thank you, Africa, for embracing education and adapting to European ways. You know a continent is growing up when it is able to laugh at itself, amongst itself, and with itself… and boy has Africa arrived!

Aweh Africa, viva Africa viva, my home!

Dictionary #1

Samuel Johnson organised to publish: ‘Johnson’s dictionary,’ in 1775. Here is a dictionary of some Afrikanerism, which is South African slang, in many cases derogatory, made up of Afrikaans, Zulu, English and many other languages. Organised, and published by who knows, but certainly by a shit load of individuals over many years. Some words in Afrikanerism have the same derogatory proverbial meanings; it just depends on the context they’re used in. Names in brackets indicate avid users. All Afrikaans and slang words are in italics.

A. Aweh: many uses, hello, goodbye, sharp or a surprised salutation pronounced

AAAH-WHE (Jason Goliath)

B. Bakkie: Pick-up, of any kind.

Bangbroek: scaredy pants.

Bladdy: spoken profanity; nicer way of saying, fucking.

Bliksem: Strike/smack/hit/punch/an expression of surprise or emphasis.

Boney: Motorbike.

Bru: Male friend.

Bucks: Money.

Bulldust: Talking rubbish/bullshit.

C. Chop: Idiot/arsehole/fool.

D. Dof: Slow to think/learn; sociably dumb.

Dik bek: Sulking/miff/depressed big-time/moaners/whingers.

Domkop: Idiot/dumbhead.

Dorp: Small town.

F. Finished and klaar: Over and done/all said and done. (FAVOURITE WORDS IN SA).

G. In the Afrikaans language, it must be pronounced almost gutturally, like rounding phlegm in the throat.

Gat: Arsehole/hole. (Afrikaans).

Gat vol: Fed up/frustrated/angry. (Afrikaans).

Geld: Money. (Afrikaans).

Gewaar: danger.

Grim Reaper: another name for the Mythological, skeletal-dude who ferries the dead or buggered people, across the River Styx, between the living and the dead.

L. Lekker: sharp/good/ideal.

Lighty; Laaitie: Young person.

Loo: Toilet.

M. Mahala: For free/for nothing. (Zulu).

Moeg: Tired/buggered.

Moer toe: Very far.

Moerse: Very big.

P. Pasop: Watch out/be careful.

Piss: Urinate/number 1 (English)

Poepbang: shit scared.

Poepol: Idiot/more specifically, arsehole.

Pommie/Pommy/Pom: derogatory for any British person. (Australia).

S. Sat/moeg: Tired/buggered/stuffed.

Sharp: good/ideal/Lekker.

Shit: Dump/crap/kak.

Skelm: pronounced skelem: crook or trouble maker/Adulterer or Adulteress.

Skief: To glare at someone, big-time, accusatively.

Skomel: Masturbate/proverbially choke the chicken.

Stukkend: Broken/wrecked/stuffed/buggered/history.

Stoep: Veranda/porch.

T. Tsotsi: Thug/crook/petty street wise criminal.

V. In the Afrikaans language, it must be pronounced, like F in English.

Verkeerde plek: Wrong place. (Afrikaans).

Voetsek: Go away/be gone/hamba/get lost/piss off. (Afrikaans).

Vrotest: Ugliest. (Afrikaans).

W. In the Afrikaans language, it must be pronounced, like V in English.

When we’s: Ex Rhodesians. (English).

Windgat: Wind arse. Is a man or a woman, who misbehaves; drive fast! (Afrikaans).

******

Dictionary #2

Dudley climbed on the dictionary publishing bandwagon, and wrote and published Dudleyism in 2017. Dudleyism is Dudley’s slang, inspired by childhood, and ex-maintenance staff of the historical Rhodesian Air Force. Many Dudleyism words are similar to Afrikanerism and have the same derogatory proverbial meanings; it just depends on the context in which they are spoken. Readers will be graced with some jokes and more unique Dudleyism. The child will always be within an adult. Names in brackets (Place, advice and creator).

A. Anus: Poepol/dung funnel/ring piece/wagon wheel/spider/butt hole/naught/brown eye.

Apatad: pronunciation of the word apartheid, by many in SA.

B. Baff: Fart/poep/doof.

Beak: Nose; the reason Jews have a big beak, is simply because air is free.

Behind the boerewors curtain: (In, South Africa)

Behind the Sudza curtain: (In, Zimbabwe)

Big-time: A lot/very much.

BIG-TIME: A lot/very much. (enunciated forcefully, at an octave above normal)

Braai: Barbeque.

Buckled: Seriously broken/completely buggered/stuffed/disabled.