Innermost

By Jamila Mikhail

Innermost is a collection of both free verse and fixed verse poetry written over a period of half a decade about every emotion felt inside the human heart. These poems will transport you to a whole other world within the innermost depths of the human soul.

 

"If there's only two things I understand at a visceral level, those would be trauma and poetry. Innermost by Jamila Mikhail encapsulates both with an astounding breadth, depth, and respect, displaying both the cause and effects of PTSD while somehow managing not to instantly set off my own post-traumatic triggers even once. As a warning, if you do have PTSD, there's an excellent chance that you will see at least one of your triggers in this book, and I strongly encourage any such reader to treat the foreword as a content warning for the entire volume. Even so, I give this a 5-star rating, without any doubt or hesitation.

 

With each poem I read, I found fragments of myself throughout. Even the first, "A Man Called Joachim", reminded me of a man I had loved and lost, yet never had to begin with. "Broken Glass" brought me back to my childhood, even though I'm fairly sure it was about domestic abuse, but that sort of behavior transcends a single scenario. "Black Soul" perfectly records the self-delusions of depression and self-loathing, the relentless belief of one's own worthlessness, even that one is an innate threat to others. It quietly captures the occasional death wish, the urge to suffer, the need to make the pain stop, regardless of how. Each poem is yet another window into the very nature of human suffering and the manifold ways in which it comes to linger as trauma and post-traumatic stress.

 

While it definitely shows a world of monsters and demons, Innermost never forgets its humanity or compassion, and I'd consider it a must-read for anyone trying to better understand their own past traumas. Even if you don't find answers, you'll know you aren't alone, that others have been where you are, and that death is not the only way out."

 

—Realistic Poetry International, 5 star editorial review

• Language: English
• Publisher: Keep Your Good Heart
• Release date: Jan 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386695318

Jamila Mikhail

Jamila Mikhail (Жамийла Михаил), or simply Meela for short, is a freelancer born in British Columbia in 1996 and now lives in Ontario. She's currently a hobbyist writer as well as a student studying law and human rights, her other passions besides writing. Meela began writing stories and poetry as soon as she could hold a pen and has been a member of several local writing groups at school and in the community over the years and her works have won her several small awards. She also collects postcards, loves building toy models and restoring thrifty action figures, and thinks that writing about herself in the third person is strange.

Book preview

Broken Glass

Borders loom between us

The shattered glass lying on the floor separates us

Looks like you've always been right

When you drink too many and you wanna fight

The stench of the strong-smelling water

Burns the soul

I just can't let go

Of the house that was once a home

On and on time ticks life away

It's so unreal

I want us back like we were before

Unlike the broken glass lying on the floor

Helicopters At Night

The leaves are flying

Like helicopters at night

They crash to the ground

Lost At Sea

I'm lost at sea

No one will ever find me

Can't even find myself

So I don't expect anyone else

To mend this soul

And bring me where I need to go

The tides turn and I lose my way

Wish the land wasn't so far away

It feels like I'm over existing in limbo

But I'm drowning in the waters I know

A Poem To Richard

I never got the chance to say goodbye

And now you're so far away

For you a million tears I cry

I wish things could've been any other way

I cherished your letters more than anything else

They were like the sunshine to me

But now I'm left all by myself

I just can't accept it, you see

I said I wouldn't cry when you left

But my heart, you'll always be in it

Maybe I'll never see you again

But you'll be with me until time stands still

Black Soul

Black is the color of the night sky

Black is just like depression

Black is what I feel when I'm in pain

Black is the heart of people today

Black smells like death

Black tastes like blood on your tongue

Black sounds like heavy metal music

Black looks like my favorite band

Black feels like a cut in my heart

Black makes me feel alive

Black is the color of my soul

I’ll See You In My Dreams

I love looking into those beautiful blue eyes

They way the look at me, it's one of a kind

I want to gently stroke that pretty face

And live inside your heart, the only place

Hold me in your arms tonight and don't let go

It's with you that I want to grow