Small Is Beautiful but Only Patrick Knows

By Grace Mamahlatsi Akhosi

Africa is called the poorest continent in the world because the majority of her people lack basic human needs. The irony is that the continent is blessed with a vast number of valuable resources which could help it to be self-sufficient. Lack of knowledge, among other contributing factors, appears to be robbing the people of their dignity along with the belief that they do not deserve better; poverty is accepted as a norm and so it is.

The tragedy is that a great number of innocent lives are brought into this unhealthy environment without much thought of how they will be provided for, only for them to repeat the same cycle. People need to know the real status quo of Africa in order to find solutions; good education and global interactions being key in this regard. Africa’s people must realise that it will cost them dearly, individually, to provide the skills necessary for their children to get out of the rut. Time, guidance, attention, love, and money, lots of money are the required ingredients. Hence the importance of consciously planning before married couples can decide on the number of children they think they can really provide for.

Quality education and good social backgrounds can help Africa’s younger generations to learn of their value and self-worth so that they can realise the future is truly in their own hands. This would help combat the rate of unwanted pregnancies out of wedlock and other social problems.

This book is intended to make young people and parents aware that there is more to life than enduring hardships and that it comes by choice; as the saying goes, “it’s not one’s fault that they are born in poverty but it is if they die poor”.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Grace Mamahlatsi Akhosi
• Release date: Sep 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370185962

Book preview

Small is Beautiful but Only Patrick Knows

Small is

Beautiful but Only

Patrick Knows

But only Patick knows

Grace Mamahlatsi Akhos

Copyright © 2017 Grace Mamahlatsi Akhos

Published by Grace Mamahlatsi Akhos Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2017

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Author using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Printed and bound by Novus Print Solutions

Edited by Cathy Eberle for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Contents

Special thanks

Introduction

1. Mother to Daughter

2. A Son, a Pride; a Father, a Hero

3. A Single Doughnut is a Hard Thing to Share

4. Bound to Mess Up

5. Broaden Their Horizon

6. Uncle’s Wisdom

7. The Cruel Past Revealed

8. We Are Grateful to Patrick

Special thanks:

To all my students, teenagers in three countries and from diverse backgrounds who, across 16 years of teaching, taught me a thing or two about a child’s mind; to my mother who allowed me free time while she took care of my daughter for me, and my daughter, who, for six years, had to grow up without her mother around, in order for me to find my path out of the cluttered jungle that was my mind, which resulted in finally sitting down to write this long overdue book; to my brother, who, after looking at a part of my first draft believed in me and encouraged me to continue with my writing; to friends and family who showered me with words of encouragement and; last, but not least, to Mrs. J. Molapo, a writer who gave me guidance and criticised my work. Above all, I am grateful to God Almighty for the vision, guidance and strength to enable me to complete the writing.

Introduction

For over 16 years I have taught teenaged students in seven schools, three countries and two continents. Based on my observations, counselling and some mentoring of some of these children from diverse backgrounds, I am of a view that parents are not always aware of the negative impact a lack of attention, material things and the lack of their presence, more often than not, has on children. Parents can be inattentive for various reasons; from being too occupied to being too depressed and anything in-between. Unfortunately, this is reflected in children’s behaviour and learning drive which is not always admirable. In as much as it this is not a rule, but an observation and an opinion derived from listening to some of my students’ stories and weighing them against their performance, characters and relationships with others, I came to the conclusion that a specific lack of what is fundamental to an individual child can be an agent of self-destruction for the majority.

In many cases when I listened to complaints and accusations made by these children, four factors appeared to top those that break students’ spirits: domestic violence, harsh and angry parents who also don’t listen very well, poverty which makes it hard to live ordinary lives, and parents who are either physically absent, or who are too occupied to be interested in their children’s daily lives. Among these, poverty proved to be the root of all the others exclusively in African schools. Growing up, I have always been concerned when I see needy children, and have often wondered if the world will ever change; if something can be done to alleviate the harsh reality of poverty that some of the children of the world experience. I was then only a child, but knew that I needed to be informed as to what could cause so much suffering. Yet it made sense, even then, that people should at least consider having less children if they intended to give them, at the very least, love, education, care and protection. What I didn’t realise was that not everything was as clear as it appeared to me; that there might be a lack of awareness of how poverty, in relation to the high population, is robbing Africa of its future. Hence the study I conducted for my thesis intended to determine the relationship between poverty and the rapid population increase against the availability of resources, and to what level people were aware of this.

It is thus hoped that this book will bring about awareness, based on a view of how, as mostly low and to some extent middle-class African societies, people seem to be oblivious of how chronic and how vicious a circle poverty and uncared for children have become on our continent, and are thus not doing enough to improve the status quo. Married and unmarried couples keep bearing more children than they can afford to take care of, or at least give a quality education to, so that they can learn to make better choices, be productive and bring about a better Africa to live in.

This story is about a boy, who, from a very tender age, views life as pleasant and beautiful because he gets love, attention and toys from his family, until his twin siblings are born seven years later. Before them, a sister, three years younger than him is born. Upon her arrival, he notices some minor changes and shifts in his small perfect world; he is still a happy child who has a sister to teach, protect and play with. But he realises how, all of a sudden, resources are tightly stretched as a result of the addition to the family and he is saddened by the effects on everyone.

As years go by, the connection between poverty, family sizes which support too many to take good care of, character-building and bad decision-making in growing children, which result in an unproductive future young adults being apparent and this bothers him daily. In his case, his life was more beautiful when the family was smaller; two siblings instead of four. His parents were happier, spent more time with him and with his sister, they celebrated everyone’s birthdays and the children never really lacked anything for school. Things became a lot harder and life was not anywhere near as pleasant as when there were two children, hence the title Small is Beautiful. As he grew, he was not even fully aware of how his own family history had created these circumstances, but somehow believed they could have been avoided, even if just partially, by having less children to take care of.

His concern, therefore, is to bring awareness to his society and make people consider whether having smaller families which would place fewer demands on parents couldn’t curb the accelerating graph of poverty to a small extent. He is shrewd, brave and has a proactive approach to solving problems; his character does not, however, always gain him popularity with his elders at first, but his intentions are understood and appreciated later.

Chapter 1

Mother to Daughter

The year is 1992, and the scene is a small African town called Gidi. Gidi has a number of smaller undeveloped villages within it, but it is, in itself, not so well-planned, with haphazard housing and bad roads. The town has a few elite and upper middle-class dwellers and more lower middle-class residents. Here, services are not superb, but at least people are able to have most of their needs met; banks, shops, restaurants, a hospital and all the basics. It is in the smaller villages that facilities and services are barely available; electricity being the major deprivation. Villagers have to go to the other side of the privileged area for most of their services. This allows small business owners in town to thrive and we are about to meet one such family.

It’s an early Saturday morning, but Tom and Margaret’s place is already buzzing with people. The couple is quite popular as they are the owners of a popular restaurant, Tasty, which is most famous for its desserts. Sandra, their only daughter and youngest child, following three boys, is getting married. It’s going to be a big wedding. She has turned into a beautiful young woman, though she was always pretty growing up. Her thick eyebrows and long eyelashes are her most prominent features which make her clear, big eyes more noticeable. Her flawless bronze skin complements her round face and a somewhat long forehead. She has full lips which she opens widely to give a beautiful smile and her sharp nose is just the right size. She is of average height and has a straight body with a little protruding butt. While growing up, her mother used to keep her thick hair long and straight and it was always neatly braided. But, after high school, she experimented with all sorts of hairstyles; a short, clean bob being her favourite. However, for the sake of her big day, she has allowed it to grow back and has had it straightened. Sandra used to be quite popular in her hometown at one point because of her beautiful voice. She still sometimes sings for her church choir, but has quit as a member of the Gidi Birds Choir, a group you’d love to hate; who has been winning the regional singing competitions for as long as anyone can remember. She is also a junior manager at her family’s restaurant downtown.

Margaret goes to Sandra’s room to see if she is awake. She knocks quietly but gets a loud response to come in.

Sandra, are you up already? I hope you slept better than I did last night. I couldn’t close my eyes for a second. Your father kept asking a million questions. He wants me to turn psychic and foretell what your future will look like. So I’m just letting you know he might be onto you too with his countless questions, though I warned him not to come anywhere near you until we go to church. It’s your special day and you have to enjoy it with no worries on your mind.

Mama, please talk to him. I don’t want to get another lecture from him, not today. I’ve told him many times that I will marry Samuel with or without his blessing. Why would he think today, of all days, would make a difference?

All right sweetheart, I’ll do my best, but you know how he can be sometimes. So, what would you like to have for breakfast?

Mama, do you think having children right after marriage is a good idea? I want to wait for some years and enjoy my husband a little while longer before children come along. I think they take up a lot of a woman’s time and freedom.

I agree. There is no need to rush into starting a family. You get married because you love your partner and want to spend more time with him. I think children should be the end product of a functional marriage between couples who decide to start a family because they are ready for it. In my day, marriage was more about having children than anything else, but that’s changed now, you need to plan for them before they get here. But this is something you will have to discuss with Samuel, if you haven’t already. Besides, you are only twenty-two and have the rest of your life ahead of you to do the job.

What job? Why the rest of my life?

Mothering, I mean. You do it for as long as you are around, my dear. Just what do you think I’m doing right now?

They both start to laugh.

Sometimes I lie awake at night wondering if I will be able to handle babies getting sick in the middle of the night, or even just crying for toys we won’t be able to afford. But I’m sure parenting has its fine moments, right? And Samuel will be there with me should things get a little tough. Lucas is the one who makes me wonder if I want to go through the kind of stress you and Dad have because of him. I don’t know how I would feel if my own child thought I didn’t love him like my other children. Do you even know why he thinks you two don’t love him?

Okay, hold your horses, young lady! Why don’t you relax and focus on enjoying your special day and stop being so much your father’s child, living in the future? Edward and Edmond are a responsible pair, they have always been like that, since they were young. I think they are the closest twins I know, so much so that I used to worry that they’d never have girlfriends, let alone get married. Lucas is just different; but we love the four of you all the same. He just likes getting too much attention, but he knows he is loved. By the way, go and enjoy your marriage, you’ll worry about babies when they come.

It’s just that I often wonder how much of myself I’d have to let go of for the sake of my family!

I don’t get you.

Mama, you know how I feel about my singing. I told you I want to go back to singing someday. Remember my music instructor at University? I told you the man always said I should audition for singing because what I have is a talent in a class of its own. I know I’m no longer who I used to be, but I believe dead dreams can be resurrected.

Sandra, you know that Samuel will make sure that you’ll always get to sing. Sometimes I wonder if he isn’t more in love with the voice than the…

Mother!

I’m joking sweetheart. Listen, God gave you this voice to give something to the world; that’s who you are. Samuel showed up to play a crucial part in your life, but not to stop you from being who God created you to be. Don’t you two talk about anything; the future, I mean? And what about the four weeks pastoral counselling you’ve attended? I’m sure they’ve told you both how important communication is.

Sandra looks at her mother with squinted eyes and a half-smile and says jokingly, Look who’s talking about the future now, ha?

This is different. I’m not talking about what you and your father are doing. I’m talking about you having discussions with another human being, who, in a few hours from now, you’ll commit to agreeing with, even compromising for a little, sometimes, so that your family goals won’t clash. But that doesn’t mean you’ll naturally like or want the same things, you may be in love, but you are still individuals who think differently. This means neither of you should be walking dead while the other just downloads stuff on them. It’s about you two communicating your needs, compromising where and when it’s necessary, and just making sure it’s not all about you or him. You should do your best to protect who he is and try not to make too many things be about yourself and expect him to be a superman who never needs to be saved. This will only result in you being a couple of unhappy jokes, calling yourselves a family, but just dying together.

Now I think I understand why poor father has turned into an owl, staying awake at night. Maybe he sees how excited I am about the wedding, but he knows I’m actually not all that prepared for the real deal; marriage. To be honest, I’m not that excited lately, instead, I feel a little scared. I’m beginning to agree with him that maybe I’m too young for this. I want to be with Samuel with all of my heart, but I don’t know if I can be a good mother.

Margaret adjusts her position so that she can look into Sandra’s eyes. She holds both her hands and clears her throat. "You know I married your father when I was twenty-eight and had the twins at twenty-nine, but even at that age I was still scared and inexperienced. You are only human to be concerned about the unknown, but you shouldn’t let worry torment you. Lately I have learned that there is nothing more powerful than what you think and believe about