The Apostles Ate Stew

By Jacob Love

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little green church at the corner of Wilson and Elm...

So begins each story of the misadventures of the congregation, clergy, and staff of a small town church. “The Apostles Ate Stew” collects stories of Easter and springtime. You’ll read about the Lenten travails of Pastor Henry O’Donnell when his wife insists he give up unhealthy food, the unexpected chaos that arises whenever dedicated Sunday school teacher Karen Winslow throws a children’s Easter party, and the trials that an especially cold morning can cause for a sunrise service. Several stories tell of how the church recovers from a minor flood, including a pancake breakfast fundraiser that presents an unexpected miracle for the small congregation to interpret. Through it all Pastor O’Donnell’s teenage daughter, Katie, alternately embarrasses and is embarrassed by her father.

No matter what denomination you are, if you attend a church you’ll undoubtedly relate to the holiday chaos at the Little Green Church in Normal, Pennsylvania.

• Language: English
• Publisher: SEE EWE Publishing
• Release date: Mar 29, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370728251

Book preview

The Apostles Ate Stew

Easter Stories from the Little Green Church

By Jacob Love

Copyright © 2017 by Douglas J. Eboch

Smashwords Edition

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Earlier versions of many of these stories were originally published online on the Little Church blog. They have been revised for this book.

This book is available in print at most online retailers.

In Memory of My Father

Edward W. Eboch

Contents

Introduction

Acknowledgements

Self-Deprivation

The Easter Egg Hunt

Sunrise Service

The Apostles Ate Stew

Prayers of the People

A Tale of Three Fathers

Open Mic Night

The Serpent in the Cupboard

Loud

Barry’s Ark

The Substitute Organist

The Miracle in a Pancake

The Work Party

White Board Heat

Easter Basket Case

Daylight Savings Time

Palm Sunday Outing

The Great Carrot Controversy

Stage Parents

About the Author

Introduction

Two events inspired the Little Green Church Stories series. First, I was appointed to the Staff-Parish Relations Committee of my own church. Second, a close friend began dating a clergy person. Through these two windows I was able to see the inner workings of churches and the lives of pastors outside of the pulpit. I witnessed or heard many things that made me think, That would be a funny story!

So I began writing short stories about a little church and the quirky people who are involved with it. Though the church, town, and characters are all fictional, I never seemed to lack for real life inspiration for stories.

I was determined that these not be heavy handed religious stories. I wanted to talk about the regular people who go to church and the ordinary foibles and conflicts they have. I wanted the tales to be enjoyable regardless of the reader’s religious affiliation or the regularity of their church attendance. If there were any spiritual lessons to be learned, they would come through humor and entertainment.

This book collects many of the Easter season stories from the Little Green Church, as well as several additional springtime stories. I’ve organized the stories so the book more or less tells the story of two different Easter seasons at the church.

I hope you enjoy it!

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank Dr. Joey McDonald and Rev. Janelle Vaughan, two pastors who have helped me with this project through the years. I would also like to thank all of the people from First United Methodist Church of North Hollywood. They are too numerous to mention individually, however I would like to single out one: Norma Villee was a huge fan and supporter of the Little Church Stories from the beginning. She’s since passed away and I will miss her greatly.

I want to acknowledge the people who have kept me involved with church at times when I maybe wasn’t so keen on it. Nez Smith was instrumental in welcoming me to FUMC North Hollywood. And I know I gave the leader of my youth group in high school, Ann Lockhart, a lot of trouble and I’m grateful she kept after me. And of course I must thank my parents for raising me in the church.

I also need to thank all those who encouraged and supported me in my writing career. My parents again deserve credit for raising me to believe I could do anything I set my mind to and then backing me no matter what I chose. I also owe a great debt to all my teachers – writing and otherwise.

Thank you!

Table of Contents

Self-Deprivation

In the town of Normal, Pennsylvania, there’s a little green church at the corner of Wilson and Elm. This year, church secretary Tammy Billings decided she was going to give up coffee for Lent. This was no small thing. Tammy went through several cups of coffee every morning. Good for you, Pastor Henry O’Donnell said when she told him. Little did he know how much Tammy’s decision was going to impact his own Lenten experience.

Meanwhile, Henry’s wife Jennifer had her own idea for Lent. Jennifer had been concerned about both her and Henry’s steadily increasing weight for some time. But getting Henry to agree to do something about it was a difficult proposition. Henry liked to eat and didn’t like to exercise. He also seemed less worried by their expanding waistlines than she was. Jennifer thought perhaps Lent might offer him the proper motivation. So she proposed that they each give up their biggest weakness – ice cream for her and barbecued ribs for him.

Henry didn’t care for the idea. First of all, he really, really loved his weekly visits to Big Tommy’s Rib Shack. Second of all, he didn’t think the Lenten sacrifice was meant for self-improvement. It was supposed to be a way to focus one’s mind on God, not on oneself. He only made that second argument to Jennifer.

Jennifer thought the pain of giving up Big Tommy’s would definitely focus Henry’s thoughts on God.

Henry then pointed out that under the Catholic rules of Lent he would still be able to eat at Big Tommy’s on Sundays. He thought he could probably live with that. Jennifer pointed out that they weren’t Catholic.

In the end they came to a compromise. They both would agree to eat healthy six days a week. On Sundays, they would go to Big Tommy’s for dinner and stop off for ice cream on the way home.

When Henry arrived at the office the morning after Ash Wednesday, he was still sulking over the bowl of oatmeal Jennifer had served him for breakfast. At least eating healthy didn’t mean he had to give up his morning cup of coffee. He went straight to the coffee maker, which was in a small conference room off the front office. To his surprise, the pot was empty. Tammy’s desk was right outside. Henry leaned out and asked, So, does giving up coffee for Lent mean you’re not going to make it for the rest of us, either?

It probably wasn’t the wisest thing to say, but Henry was lightheaded from his low-calorie breakfast.

Tammy turned on him like a starving fight dog. I’m the church secretary, not a barista, she snarled. Why am I the only one who ever makes the coffee anyway? I know you’re just a helpless pastor with very few real-world skills, but I think maybe you can manage to make your own coffee for a few weeks. Henry ducked back into the conference room and wiped a few beads of sweat from his temples. Yes, he thought he probably could make his own coffee for a few weeks.

Tammy had entered stage one of caffeine withdrawal. This stage was characterized by headaches, bad temper and general snippy-ness.