Moment Of Doubt: Moments In Time, #3.5
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After three years of relative bliss, Tanner is stunned when Collin announces they should take a break. Tanner assumes this is just stress talking. They've been living in separate states for work and school and have both been super busy. Thinking Collin will chill when they spend some quality time together, Tanner tries to stay calm, but when messages go unanswered he realizes the break is for real.
Heartbroken, he tries to move on. When Collin gets in touch to ask a favor for his family, Tanner is tempted to say no. But Collin's brothers mean too much to Tanner, so he reluctantly agrees to pretend they're together, just for the weekend, with a promise from Collin that he'll tell them the truth when it's over.
Will their weekend together bring the closure Tanner needs? Or was the entire breakup just a moment of doubt?
Read more from Karen Stivali
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Moment Of Doubt - Karen Stivali
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks to Kira Decker, K.D. Wood and Karen Booth for their continued love of Collin and Tanner and for always being willing to beta read, even on a moment’s notice. Thank you for seeing my boys through all their ups and downs with me.
CHAPTER ONE
When Collin told me he thought we should take a break and see other people I thought he was kidding. I mean, he had to be, right? We’d been in love and totally monogamous for three years. Three of the happiest years of my fucking life. And I thought he’d been as happy as I had.
Could I have been wrong about that?
Sure, we’d been living a few hours apart while I interned in Boston and he finished up his Masters. But we’d still managed to see each other at least every few weeks. Not to mention that our Skype sex was smoking hot.
But after he said the thing about seeing other people he canceled a visit we’d been planning for two weeks. Then he stopped answering my chat messages.
Well, not stopped. But instead of responding in a few seconds like he always had it was more like he’d answer one out of every four messages I sent. The more I tried to contact him, the more questions I asked, the more desperate my messages became, the more distant he got.
It’s pretty fucking amazing how many excuses you can make for someone when you don’t want to believe what they’re telling you. I convinced myself everything from G-chat not giving him all the messages, to Internet problems, to maybe he lost his phone. I rationalized that he was super busy with schoolwork. I even talked myself into thinking that maybe this was all some sort of test and he wanted me to pursue him so he’d feel wanted.
Then one particularly lonely, and particularly drunk, evening I did something I never thought I’d do and I created a Grindr account. Within the first few minutes guess whose photo I found?
You got it.
Collin. Looking sexy as fuck in a pic I sure as hell had never seen before, Blond hair swooping down over his sultry bedroom eyes and a fuck-me look that was all too familiar. The look he’d given me a thousand times. Only me. Or so I’d thought.
Jesus I was a jackass.
He’d really meant it.
Not only did he seriously believe we should be seeing other people, based on the photo I was pretty fucking sure he’d already been doing just that. Probably a lot. The thought sent me spiraling through rage and depression in equal measures with such speed I couldn’t even catch my breath. When I finally did, I did the only thing I could think to do. I found the hottest, nearest guy and hooked up for something I hadn’t really ever had. Stranger sex. Meaningless, hotter than hell, purge all the memories kind of stranger sex.
It was amazing. Except that it didn’t really do a goddamned thing to get Collin out of my mind. Not that that stopped me from trying. Again. And again.
When that didn’t work I asked out a girl from work who I knew had a crush on me. That went even worse. She was into it, but I couldn’t seal the deal. The Grindr hookups were one thing—those dudes weren’t looking for a boyfriend any more than I was. But she was and I knew it, and in spite of the fact that I wanted to be, I wasn’t a dick. I couldn’t hurt her just because I was hurting. So instead I made up some lame excuse which probably hurt her anyway.
My life was a disaster.
To say I threw myself into work would be an understatement. I took on extra assignments, started volunteering at the LGBT teen center in any spare time I had, basically did anything I could think of to avoid being home alone with my thoughts. Thoughts that no matter what I tried were still consumed with Collin.
Valentine’s Day was rapidly approaching and I dreaded it like I’d never dreaded anything in my life. It had been exactly six weeks since Collin had dropped his bombshell of a breakup surprise and I had a feeling the romance-heavy holiday would send me into the throes of depression.
I weighed my options, scouring the Internet for possible distractions for that weekend. I could fly down to Florida for some fun and sun and visit Wendy and her new boyfriend. But they’d probably be doing some cutesy couple shit that might make me want to puke.
New York City was always an option. I hadn’t met Bryan’s new guy yet, but I knew enough about them to guess that they’d probably be celebrating the day in some lust filled way too.
Fuck. Didn’t I know any single people anywhere? Was a V-day Grindr hookup my destiny?
I was about to randomly book a flight to destinations unknown when a chat window popped up on my laptop.
Seeing Collin’s name glowing blue