Happiness Is All We Want

By Ashutosh Mishra

Happiness Is All We Want! suggests that the source of peace and happiness rests within us, provided we know the secret. It helps us unlock that secret and attain a high level of overall well-being in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life and be the healthiest we can be-mentally and physically. Supplemented by the latest scientific research and supported by real-life experiences of the author as well as many other people, a wide variety of tools and techniques are explained in simple language. Demystifying the spiritual aspect of well-being, the author integrates it with your life objectives. Further to attaining peace and happiness, you can immensely improve your beauty and appearance as well. A delightful read, Happiness Is All We Want! will take us on a journey of self-betterment and eventual happiness.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
• Release date: Feb 28, 2017
• ISBN: 9789386250094

Ashutosh Mishra

Ashutosh Mishra, B.A. LL.B. (Hons.), a graduate of Rajiv Gandhi National University of Law, Patiala, Punjab has been practicing as an advocate for more than 3 years and has specialization in Indirect Taxes and Consumer Protection Laws such as Legal Metrology, Food Safety and Standards Law, Drugs and Cosmetics Law etc and is also involved in academic research in these areas. He has authored over 20+ articles in the areas of taxation, legal metrology and other corporate laws in prestiguous journals like Taxmann, ITR etc. He was earlier associated with a boutique firm NITYA Tax Associates, New Delhi as a legal advisor in the GST and Legal Metrology Advisory Team and has also been conferred with in-house award for Best Employee and 'Thought Leader' for innovative contributions for the firm. He has conducted several seminars and webinars on Legal Metrology and GST in countless meetings with Professionals, Corporates, and other Trade Associations; and contributed as faculty in training programs organized by online educational platforms.

Book preview

Berne.

Introduction & Structure

CHAPTER 1

1.1 In Search of Happiness

We are in search of happiness all the time. Whatever we do throughout our lives, is linked to this pursuit of happiness. Still this happiness, somehow, evades us. Whenever we feel that we have achieved the happiness, either it vanishes quickly or we don’t really feel happy. I have observed this repeatedly in my own life and in others’ lives as well. Just imagine - You wanted to get admission in your dream business school and the day you got it, you were on cloud nine. This feeling however, lasted for a few days or weeks. As soon as you commenced your course in that college, you got into a gruelling routine. The actual details of the course unfolded before you and you got to know the place more from inside. These details, the routine and the experiences are most of the time, far away from the happy picture that you had in your mind, when you started the pursuit of this object of happiness. You then convince yourself, by telling your mind that what you are doing now shall lead to happiness, a few years down the line and the vicious cycle continues.

The same thing happens when we get our dream job or when we get married to our lover of many years or when we buy our dream house after years of toiling behind it. Somehow, mentally or physically, we are not able to enjoy our achievements and the related happiness. Either the mind or the body is not in a great shape to allow us to savour that moment for a long time. The mind is immediately filled with anxiety and the feelings of ‘what next’, whereas the body is often crumbling under the strain of years of neglect. Thus, happiness to me is not only having what you want but also the ability to enjoy what you have on a continued basis. It is the ability to physically and mentally do what matters the most. Enjoying, rather than dissipating ourselves in a mindless rat-race. This applies to all the things around us and the activities that we do on a daily basis.

Happiness Moment: Just now as I was writing this, the Mumbai monsoon started pouring its fury in the form of a heavy downpour. My nine-year old and I put on our running shoes and went for a spontaneous run in the heavy rain. This for me is a moment of unparalleled happiness. If you can live in the moment and utilise such opportunities for being happy, you are on the right track.

1.2 Perspective of Life and Happiness

Life is composed of a continuous journey, some intermediate milestones and a final destination. The intermediate milestones refer to all those things to which we attach importance, for instance - education, career, family, entertainment, leisure, vacations and even physical possessions like a house or a vehicle . When we are happy and joyful, we enjoy every step of the journey. We take time to savour these milestones and progress gradually towards the final destination. The intermediate milestones, like a dream job, are not something which can bestow eternal happiness upon us. It is the state of our body and mind that helps determine the extent of our happiness. Hence, it is of utmost importance that we work on maintaining our physical and mental well-being. This helps us to be in a healthy and calm state which leads to on-going happiness. One example of such healthy and contented life, devoid of the mad rush, which I witnessed myself was my grandfather’s life. Although it was his post-retirement phase, it was a long one indeed. He built this house closer to the end of his police service and went on to live in it for the next thirty years. These thirty years were marked with a set routine day after day. He set enough time aside for taking care of himself, everyday, till the age of ninety. He had limited income after retirement and still had some responsibilities of children and grand-children. But he decided, like most people of that time, to live within those means and find peace, happiness and stability. Watching him during those years, forced me to contrast his life with someone who was still searching for happiness in what he didn’t have. This was a great learning!

In addition to achieving peace and happiness in one’s daily life, the longer-term objective of a large number of us is to remain in a state of joy. I refer to this as the final destination of our life. This joyous state is permanent in nature; not easily disrupted by factors outside our control. This highest joy is related to the state of our soul and thus, working on our spiritual well-being becomes rather indispensable. The need for spiritual growth or evolution has to be understood first. Then one should work on it in a slow and sustained manner. In life there are no clearly demarcated phases that determine the onset of a spiritual phase. Working on spiritual growth need not wait for post-retirement years. We need to strive to achieve spiritual well-being simultaneously, alongside the quest for our material, tangible happiness.

The most important tools for having a fulfilling experience in this journey called life, are our body, mind and soul. As long as we keep these in a balanced and natural working condition we can be confident of completing the journey with a smile of satisfaction. If we are in a great shape, physically, mentally and spiritually, we can enjoy the process of life and all our achievements. We also have enough fire left within us to strive for the highest spiritual joys.

Basically, the human body (with its associated mind and soul) is a highly advanced machine, bestowed upon us, to help us navigate through this life; achieving the highest purpose. One may call the highest purpose - the highest Joy, Nirvana, Enlightenment or Heaven. But our situation resembles a lay passenger who suddenly finds himself in the cock-pit, sitting on the pilot’s seat, with the plane flying at 35,000 feet! The lay passenger plays around with the controls; learning that the plane gyrates, shakes, goes up and down, sideways; the flight is hardly smooth. When God created this machine, He trained us to operate it, providing the operating manuals. Unfortunately, we got carried away by the distractions that surrounded us. Over time we forgot to operate the machine as it was designed to be operated! We chose to throw away the operating manuals as well, discarding them as antiquated literature. Now our situation is slightly tricky. While we are trying our best to keep the plane in the air, the result is a turbulent flight, causing us to exist at the brink of our consciousness. Our task now is a lot tougher. We have to keep the plane in the air, go through the operating manuals simultaneously, test our understanding and manage a smooth flight; eventually landing steadily at the destination. Good Luck!

1.3 The ‘Modern Life’

In today’s technological and digital era it is interesting to note that as soon as a child is born, he or she is introduced to a variety of artificial and supposedly advanced tools of modern living. The way of life that has evolved over a relatively short period, spanning around hundred years has taken away the simple and natural way of living. Just look around and you will realize what am I saying. These advances like automobiles, mobiles, internet, air-travel, computers amidst others were meant to help us lead a comfortable life. In hindsight, they have increased stress levels manifold. There is maddening rush in our daily life. The level of impatience, anxiety and stress has increased to unprecedented levels. Technological advances and the modern way of living were supposed to make our life easier. Alas! apart from making our body and mind over-dependent on equipment and gadgets, it’s been of little help.

Modern people, like you and me, have been leading their lives as a routine, much like on an auto-pilot mode. We wake up, go through the morning chores, go to office, school, college or work from home. Demands of our body and mind are met through the day; night is either natural or induced sleep. Next day, the routine repeats itself, like a clone, only to be interrupted during the weekend or probably while on a vacation. The routine and the accompanied work, whether it is our profession, studies or house-work is so dreadful for most of us that we look forward to that ‘break’, in a hope of getting some respite. In all likelihood, the weekend or the vacation comes and goes, offering a sense of a temporary breather. Sadly, before we know, we are again pressing the snooze button on that alarm over the mobile! While most of us focus on the daily routine and the perceived objectives of our life, we neglect what matters the most – our Body, Mind and Soul.

We do not think twice before taking the elevator for a few floors and prefer calling a colleague sitting twenty meters away, rather than walking over. Exposure to sun is considered unthinkable, unless, of course, one is on a beach vacation. Looking out the window, while on a bus is a thing of the past, as the eyes are glued onto the tablet screen; ears stuffed with head-phones. The less we talk about food habits, the better. As we are focussed on our various and varying objectives, in order to keep our body in running condition, we consume food mindlessly, regardless of the quality or quantum. We fail to realize, that on a daily basis, we are stuffing ourselves with highly processed, artificial and unhealthy food. Most of the population in developed countries and many, in the developing countries are grossly overfed. The food composition has severely tilted towards unnecessary and harmful content, as we have given way to our weakness for taste and pleasure.

While we run in the pursuit of that dream car, dream house, dream bank-balance or even a dream appearance, we exploit the three essential ingredients of our existence to the highest extent. Have we ever thought, what happens to our Body, Mind or Soul, while we engage in this relentless pursuit of projected happiness? We over-burden ourselves, without any remote plan of fortifying or nourishing ourselves. Well, at this stage, allow me to clarify that only eating and sleeping is not all the nourishment that the body needs. Some may care for the mind and the soul, by attending that odd meditation session or by going to the neighbourhood Church or Temple or by escaping to an exotic resort to get some peace of mind. In most cases, however, there is no systematic or sustained attempt to nurture these three components.

Wake-up Story: Take the case of Mr. Kashyap. He is a career investment banker with a reputed organization. He joined the job immediately, after passing out of a reputed B-school. His life was an ideal one, for many youngsters - earning a handsome salary, globe-trotting and meeting the opinion makers. In a short span of thirteen years, he had carved a name for himself in the industry. He was living an envious life, with a chic wife and two young sons, when one day, his in-laws called on him, rather unexpectedly. He was posed with a rather perplexing question – Was he aware as to what was transpiring back home? His nonchalant reply was in affirmative. The reality, however, was far from this.

As he rushed back home from office, he began to realise that he had started losing his family long time back. Right after the marriage, he had to cut short his honeymoon, due to an important deal. His young bride understood the importance of this action, for her husband’s career and their impending future. This was her first act of being supportive. Things continued to be busy forever, barring some holidays in exotic locations, every year. The couple, obviously, found it difficult to catch up on the whole year of developments during these few days of vacationing. Life, as it is designed, is always in a flux, with moments passing by rapidly. He marked his presence by his absence during both her pregnancies. Well, there were always these larger-than-life deals which one could not say no to! He had to look out for the sharks and play his game of being vigilant. According to his plan, he would have saved and invested enough, in a few years, to take care of the future!

The children were growing up too. He could barely remember their toddler days. On weekends, as they clamoured for his attention, he was busy over the line. Getting to see him on week-days was an unheard-of phenomenon. He was never present mentally, during the time spent attending their school events, performances and sports days. His wife coped with this situation, trying to be a support system. People window-shopping in their life made the situation worse. His wife was seen slipping into depression. Initially, speaking to friends helped, but soon, she had to seek professional psychiatric help. Her future looked bleak and dismal with anti-depressant drugs becoming a part of her young life.

Mr. Kashyap woke up to the realization, that while saving for the future pot of happiness, peace of mind had crossed him by. Spontaenous hugs, walks under the moon-light, role-playing with children and allied family activities, need not be reserved for annual vacations. These are those little things that give sustained happiness. Looking at his health, he realised that he had not taken a good look at himself, in a long time indeed. The annual health check-up was a mere ritual, which helped him adjust to his new, allotted quota of prescription drugs. The life-style changes suggested by the doctor were conveniently overlooked; data of the same erased from the memory bank of the brain. A chill ran down his spine. As he drove back home he pledged to pull up his socks and take life on a more serious note.

This situation is applicable to people across any age, profession or gender. Personal neglect is growing at an alarming rate and needs to be addressed rather seriously.

1.4 What is the ‘Modern Life’ Doing to Us?

The modern physical comforts, mental stress and the new eating habits in our life, give rise to the so-called life-style diseases. These are hyper-tension or high blood-pressure, diabetes, obesity, thyroid problems and high cholesterol; leading to blockage of arteries, heart ailments, arthritis, body aches. Medical science does but little, to help us get rid of these lifestyle diseases. They attack the symptoms with drugs and surgery, leaving the root cause intact. We routinely gulp down the medicines that mostly provide symptomatic or temporary relief. Ailments like blood pressure or diabetes return with a bigger vengeance, only to be treated with stronger dosage of the same prescribed medicines. In fact, no doctor or drug can attack the root cause because its control lies firmly with you. You have to take ownership of your life and change your style. I firmly believe that the lasting cure for chronic pains and problems is not going to be found outside with the help of chemicals but within us with the help of sustained changes in our lifestyle. After all, if a disease is called a lifestyle disease, the lifestyle associated with it needs to be changed in a bid to improve our well-being.

Our mind is constantly pushing us for satisfaction of our senses. It keeps reminding us that the happiness we long for is but one milestone sway. This milestone could be an educational degree, a coveted job , the next million in the bank balance, that elusive lover or that five bedroom house with the personal infinity pool. The list is endless and varies greatly from person to person but it does exist in everyone’s life. We may even achieve these with great effort but to our disappointment the happiness still evades us. The solution offered by our mind is the next milestone in the form of a higher pay, bigger house, better brands and the vicious cycle continues. We get trapped in this never-ending race leading to an uneasy and unhappy existence. Thus the mind needs to be brought to a state of equilibrium by working on our mental well-being.

We don’t even think about the soul or realise its importance in our daily living. Yes, we have learnt about the soul from the scriptures; we know that the soul may live beyond this life. It may or may not be reborn in another body, but what is its role in our current life? Do we need to do anything for our spiritual well-being to attain a peaceful and joyful state in the long term? We may not ponder upon these questions but may spend hours debating the outcome of last night’s soccer match. If we have to have any hope of achieving peace and happiness in this life time, we urgently need to take firm control of all aspects of our health and well-being.

Practical Tip: I could not help but overhear the conversations among many management trainees at office. All I could make out from these conversations was that all of them had severe shortage of time and money, to meet all the demands of life. Either the work-load at office was high or they didn’t get to party enough or the latest line of fashion jewellery and shoes were beyond affordability. Their reactions according to me were not justified. Pay cheques of B-school graduates, upon joining a MNC or any similar institution can be compared to that of a CEO of a small company. This mindset needs to undergo a paradigm shift. Such deep-rooted dissatisfaction is a deterrant to mental and spiritual well-being of a person.

1.5 Why Read this Book?

This book is written with the purpose of helping and motivating people to find their personal oasis of well-being, tranquillity and stability. The prospective reader is anyone – an ordinary person, an extra-ordinary achiever, a super mom, a start-up entrepreneur, a celebrity or you. Life was designed to be similar for all homo-sapiens; quality of luxuries and comforts may vary. Well-being is an easy concept to learn and adapt to. It is sustainable and helps one retain the key to one’s own happiness.

The world will be an altered and better place if we ourselves take control of our holistic wellbeing. We can actually create and drive our own destiny in this manner. If that happens we will be able to achieve that evading happiness daily without waiting for the next milestone or achievement. The milestones are a mirage though an important external motivator. I am in no way downplaying the importance of material achievement or worldly possessions. For who wouldn’t like to provide for one’s family and loved ones! Material success also provides a physical measure of our achievements. The world judges one by the degrees earned, job and position secured, vehicle owned amidst other parameters.

Practical Tip: There is no running away from the ‘Modern Life’, but we need a little change in the way we think and structure our life. We feel that first we should achieve the material objectives and later we can plant our lilies of happiness, wellbeing and existence in order. Alas! One needs to do this exercise in the reverse replace order. First you take care of yourself and the achievement of material objectives will follow. Further, you will enjoy good health, coupled with a better frame of mind. Try it!

As demonstrated by countless individuals around us, there is a way to find time and incorporate your own well-being in your daily routine. Throughout this book you will come across many tools, techniques and ideas which will help you to attain that state of being which you have been chasing for your happiness. Take time to learn, understand, absorb and practice these. Use them as cues for further study and learning. Soon, you will notice the difference; setting yourself on the path to ultimate joy. If this book helps you understand the importance of well-being, in order to achieve continued happiness, I shall be delighted that the book has achieved its purpose.

1.6 How to Use this Book?

So far I have talked about the body first, then the mind and finally the soul. But the order of importance is actually reverse. Soul is the core of our existence and the mind is the driver that has assumed temporary control of our physical existence for the time-period of our current life. The body is the physical manifestation of our existence or the vehicle which the driver keeps pushing in all directions, for the pursuit of its own objectives. In this continuous pursuit, the soul and its eternal existence have been forgotten by the mind.

This book is divided into three parts; each focussing on the three individual pillars of our existence. We shall follow an order that may appear random initially. We start with tackling the mind, as it remains the forerunner of overall well-being. If our mind works properly, the rest of the journey is a cake walk. Next, we shall concentrate on attaining a fit and healthy body with the help of a calm, controlled and focussed mind. Thereafter, we shall look at ways of nurturing the soul. In the final chapter, I have integrated all the aspects and presented a workable executive summary.

Even though all the chapters provide practical action points and activities, the final chapter outlines a holistic frame-work. I hope that the same shall be immensely helpful in putting some method to the madness in our lives. I suggest you read the parts on ‘Mind’ and ‘Body’, in close succession, to gain a proper perspective of our complete well-being. While reading these two parts, absorb and practice what has been suggested. If need be, read through again. The part on Soul can be read at leisure. It should be used to contemplate our really long term goals in this life and beyond. Even this part has multiple suggestions and tips for daily living. It can take your existence to an entirely different level. You may want to read the book continuously to get an idea of the whole framework and then go back to individual tools and techniques to chart out your course of action.

Along the way, I share the personal experiences and perspectives of a few individuals. These people do care about their well-being. They are common people going through the challenges of life while working simultaneously to maintain their health and happiness. They consciously focus on various aspects of their well-being and have built their own wellness framework over time. These experiences are shared here not because they comply with what I am suggesting in this book, but to show that working on and maintaining your well-being is possible as a routine. This can happen provided we have a little shift in our mind-set. All of these people have demanding senior-level jobs or businesses or home-bound responsibilities, but unlike the vast majority of population, they do take out some time to care for themselves and bring a sense of order in their lives.

Things to Ponder -

Happiness now, wealth later – for exponential wealth creation.

Well-being first, work later – for super productivity at work.

Things that provide happiness are either free or cheap.

Things to Do -

Capture and value small moments of happiness every day.

Set aside an hour at least, everyday, exclusively for yourself.

Be happy with and thankful for what you have today, while working to achieve more.

PART 1 – Mental Wellbeing

The Mind or the Monkey?

CHAPTER 2

2.1 Games of the Monkey

Our mind is the think-tank of our body, which is also entrusted with the responsibility of controlling itself. This is the part that raises questions like – who am I? What am I here to achieve? Why do I exist? The mind is also referred to as the Mana or the Chita in India’s ancient scriptures. The human mind has been compared to a Monkey (Markatah in Sanskrit) in Indian philosophy. The mind creates desires and presses for satisfaction of our senses. The natural inclination of the mind is to push us towards the path of least resistance or towards the most comfortable option. It tells us to take the elevator instead of stairs, to switch on that air-conditioner, to pour that stiff drink at the end of a gruelling day and to slouch on the sofa rather