On Becoming

By Toke Makinwa

Toke never envisaged that she would be a successful media personality. She began her journey as a bubbly child but grew into a lonely teenager after
the devastating loss of both her parents. For so long after, it seemed as though she would never find herself.
On Becoming is the real Toke Makinwa telling us what it is like to be one of the most talked about celebrities in Nigeria. She reveals the truth behind her 14-year relationship with the man she finally married. A marriage that ended
in an atrocious scandal that nearly brought her to her knees.
In the wake of the peaks and troughs that characterise Toke’s experiences, she now shares her struggle with blinding betrayal, finding forgiveness and
drawing strength from her faith in God.
On Becoming is Toke’s journey through pain to victory.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 28, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483587318

Book preview

Published in Nigeria in 2016 by Kachifo Limited

Under its Prestige imprint

253 Herbert Macaulay Way

Yaba, Lagos, Nigeria

0807 736 4217

[e-mail]

www.kachifo.com

Copyright © Toke Makinwa 2016

The right of Toke Makinwa to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the copyright laws.

A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Nigeria.

ISBN: 978-978-54604-0-7

eISBN: 978-1-4835873-1-8

All rights reserved: No part of this publication may be used, reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means or stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise, without prior permission in writing from the author. The scanning, uploading, electronic sharing of any part of this book without the written permission of the author will constitute unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property.

The author hereby claims her moral rights under Section 12 of the Nigerian Copyright Act and Article 6bis of the Berne Convention.

Cover Photography by Lakin Ogunbanwo

Cover Design by Isi Etomi

Layout Design by The Meme Studios

DEDICATION

To Caleb and Roseline Makinwa: For the greatest legacy you left me – the knowledge of Christ. Words cannot fully express how much I miss you, mum and dad. I wish above everything that you had both lived long enough to watch me become, but as time passes, I realise you are with me every day. Keep resting in peace, and I hope this makes you proud.

To Opy, Abi and Femi: Life, with all of its twists and turns, has been worth living even more having you all in my life.

To Big Daddy and Big Mummy: God called for your hands in service and you both humbly rose to the challenge. You couldn’t have raised us better than our parents would have; our angels on earth.

To my entire family: For contributing to my growth and development.

To everyone on the journey to self-discovery; those who have been through the storm and are still standing, pressed but not crushed; everyone out there hoping for a better tomorrow: May you find the light to carry you through on your journey to Becoming who God has predestined you to be.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Thank you to everyone who worked on this project from start to finish:

Bobo Omotayo, for being my sounding board and keeping up with my constant emails and crazy timelines. I cannot express my gratitude enough.

My legal team at ACAS-Law, the best a girl could ask for. Thank you for your thoroughness and efficiency, and for keeping me out of trouble.

My creative team that works around the clock to make the TM brand what it is today: our sleepless nights have paid off!

Finally, to my godfather, Dr, for your open door and empty chair each time I needed direction or wisdom. Thank you.

contents

Prologue

Confession

Beginning

Loss

Growing Pains

Love

History

Roller Coaster

Hurt

Shame

The Other Woman

Faith

Acceptance

Let Go, Let God

Healing

Who am I?

Everyone ponders this question at some point in their lives. Do we know who we are? Do our roots or the things we have seen, places we have been, form us? Are we caught up in the life we have lived or the things our dreams are made of? Is that where we find ourselves?

What is responsible for our individual patterns? Our peculiar loves or the thoughts that take center-stage in our minds? Are we led to believe that we are who we are by the inner voice that speaks to us, shapes our minds, and guides us through life?

I would like to believe that we are the sum of all our experiences, and that since our lives are constantly unfolding, we are incapable of totally understanding who we are. We learn ourselves as we grow, and only when we are dead and gone and our memories are all we have left in this world, will the question ‘Who am I?’ be replaced with:

Who was I?

What did I live for?

What did I do?

What did my life stand for?

Hopefully, then, the puzzle surrounding the question will be solved.

We are told who we are supposed to be from the moment we are born. Grown-ups reel out a list of names that distinguish us, names that may tell a deeper story. They tell us if we are male or female. We learn about the colour of our skin from them and they introduce us to food they think we ought to eat. From the choices they make for us when we are unable to think for ourselves, a sense of what is expected of us is born. We grow up believing all of it, and as we come of age we begin an almost desperate quest to find the answer to this question.

The question of who we are is a journey to an unknown destination, yet we choose to believe that we are familiar with this destination. We choose this because it is ultimately what keeps us growing and going. It is a sign of hope.

Hope that keeps us holding on even though we can’t see the end of the tunnel. We grasp that hope because it is all we have till we finally end up where we are supposed to be.

Welcome to a world of me, on a mission to find out who I am. I am Becoming.

All of it.

The rise and fall, the pain and victory.

This book is born out of pain, confusion, betrayal, and scars that run deep.

From a place where I only hear my voice as I navigate murky waters to victory.

To becoming.

To wholesome.

This is not a tell-all but a must-tell.

To everyone out there who is as lost and in pain as I was when I conceived the idea of this book, choose to believe that the sun will shine again.

On Becoming,

Toke

1

confession

She is nine months pregnant.

For a whole day I have been going crazy and these words from my husband, rather than restore my sanity, break me completely.

We start arguing from our bedroom. I tell Maje that I know his mistress is pregnant, and that there is proof, but he keeps denying it.

There is no way she can be pregnant, he says. I haven’t seen her since we got married.

Call her.

He is quiet.

Call her!

He dials a number and it rings, but no one picks up. Then someone starts calling back but he ignores the call.

Pick up the phone, Maje. I am screaming now.

Okay. I’ll confess, I’ll confess. I’m trying to help her out.

Help her out with what? Is she pregnant, and why is it your responsibility to help her out?

No, I have never cheated on you. I have never stepped out on you in this marriage. You need to calm down. I’m just trying to help her.

I remember a similar conversation we’d had two months before. I had found tickets to London for his mistress, from November of the previous year, in his inbox and asked him about it. He said she had reached out to him and asked him if he had a link to book a ticket, and he had decided to ‘help her out.’ He was also in London at the time, for work.

Maje, a journalist is calling me saying that this girl is pregnant. Have you even spoken to her?

He continues to deny the story. And I lose it. I scream at him for what seems like hours, not caring that the neighbours can hear me. He remains calm all through, still denying. I feel crazy. Am I crazy? I’m jumping on the bed at this point, our bed covers and beddings pushed back. I start to shake all over. This cannot be happening to me. This is a dream, a horrible nightmare I cannot wait to wake from.

I decide to call my pastor, to tell him what I heard and how Maje’s reaction makes me feel crazy. Or maybe I need some prayers, anything to explain how I am feeling at this moment. My pastor has been seeing Maje and I before now for counselling. We have been having issues for months, Maje is always in a sour mood, picking at every little thing I do. I’d found out in the course of our counselling that Maje had once written an email to me requesting a divorce but had deleted it, without sending, at our pastor’s request. So it does not make any sense now that he is denying something that will give him the freedom he wants. But then, this is classic Maje: never confess to any wrong even in the face of the truth.

My pastor arrives, and I sit on the staircase while he talks to Maje in the living room. I can’t hear what they’re saying from where I am. They talk for a few minutes, and then my pastor calls me in. I walk into the living room, and with one look at my pastor I know all hell has broken loose.

Toke, I have to leave now, my pastor says. Your husband is going to talk to you. Please be open and listen to him. He says his goodbyes and leaves.

Maje heads upstairs to our bedroom.

My older sister, Opeyemi, and two of my closest friends, Modele and Arese, come in at about the same time, full of questions I don’t have answers to. All I can do is cry.

I leave them downstairs and go after Maje.

…first she said her sister saw her at the airport. Then she said she saw my car. Clearly, she’s just making things up. I don’t know what she’s talking about.

Maje’s voice stops me at the bedroom door. From the rest of his words I figure he is talking to his brother.

I start screaming again as I enter the room. I take a bag and start filling it with things I need. I am not going to spend another night under the same roof with this man.

My sister and friends must have heard us arguing again. They come into the room, and I ask Arese if

Reviews for On Becoming

[Imaobong Patrick · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Interesting read, I enjoyed reading the book. It’s very inspiring.

[Mary David · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

She IS a définition of à strong woman keep Sailing

[kimsasa34 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

I read the book in less than 24hrs. Beautiful and very honest I saw a lot of myself in the story and it's a great reminder to coming back to who you are and how you are not defined by your past experiences or the people around you. You become who you and God come together to manifest, you are dynamic and not defined by who you were yesterday but who you decide to be today.

[Oluwakemi · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Great book. I loved and.enjoyed it. Excellent job done by Author

[Sandra · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Toke's courage in writing this book is overwhelming and the story she told gave me so much insight on marriage, on what to expect and what not to expect. It talks about self love which should be very paramount to every individual. In summary, it's a good book with lots of lessons to be learnt.