Pain Love & Ecstasy

By April Rencher

As Brooke continues her journey with love, she realizes that relationships are not all pictures and kisses. She begins to question herself and others. She really doesn’t know if love will conquer all. She has to decide will she choose herself or will she live for someone else's pleasure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: April Rencher
• Release date: Nov 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370737475

April Rencher

Sign: Aries Hobbies: Writing (of course), Cooking, Riding Rollercoasters, Watching The Walking Dead *I’m not trying to give you a sob story* Well, I have been writing poems and short stories since I was in elementary school. It truly started after having open heart surgery, because I felt alone and isolated. I really felt like I was a monster with this keloid on my scar. I really didn’t think I was like everyone else for six months. I broke out of that phase and became a social butterfly again. I started doing more stories and poems in high school. If it wasn’t for that pen and paper, I would have went crazy. I started doing poems in the 10th grade. I started writing poems for others to show to their significant other. Things got better once I got to college. But sadly for me, I was on the wrong birth control, which led to depression. I was in an abusive relationship at the time. We ended things, but I thought he would be the only man to love me so I took the abuse even after we broke up. I continued on and got my bachelor’s, but I didn’t get any jobs in the field I went to school for. So, I was doing small internships and temporary jobs. Finally, my friends encouraged me to write and get my frustrations out. I was reluctant to think anything would come out of it. But, I kept writing. Fast forward to present, I am on my third book. I am doing website design and working in my public relations field. As a result of all the crazy things that happened to me, I was able to publish my children and utilize my degree. I guess to let you know that I wouldn’t be here without God and my faith. There is light even when you are in complete darkness. Writing is my craft and maybe one day my livelihood. I thank you for reading all this as well.

Book preview

Rencher / PAIN LOVE & ECSTASY

Pain Love & Ecstasy

April Rencher

lovepainecstasy.tumblr.com arjnc.wordpress.com

Copyright © 2016 April Rencher

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Cover by Marvin Underwood.

This is dedicated to

Crisco, Shawty, Cobes, Dom and to all the lives that were taken too soon this year.

FUCK YOU AND THAT BITCH TOO! I spat into the phone.

Man, you are fucking tripping, he grumbled.

I’m not and I hope her braces scrape your dick. I hope it looks like a grated hot dog, I said.

Don’t say anything you are going to regret, he snarled.

I mean every inch of it until further notice. Prove to me, I am hallucinating all of this. I’m just so glad we don’t have to bring a child into this dysfunctional ass relationship, I said with hot droplets rolling down my face.

I repeated what I said back in my head immediately and realized I had just fucked myself over.

What does a child have to do with any of this? he asked.

Absolutely nothing. I was just looking at something and accidentally blurted that out.

I tried to cover my tracks but it didn’t work.

Where did that even come from? You don’t bring up random shit like that. Are you pregnant? he demanded.

I’m getting off the phone with you, and I need some space. We will talk about this after Christmas break. Maybe, you’ll have a better lie by then, I said calmly.

Don’t you hang up thi---, he said before I hung up.

I looked over at Fantasia and Tina who were in complete shock about how that conversation went. I blocked him from calling me and contacting me on social media right then. My friends did the same.

You OK? I just can’t believe him, playing the victim. I know what I saw. He is just a coward; I hope you don’t go back to that bastard. He really needs to grow up and take responsibility for his actions, Tina divulged.

As a response I nodded and just sighed. I couldn’t believe this was my life. I seriously have the worst luck with men.

You don’t have to do this. You could just tell your folks, and they would help you. We would help you raise this baby. You don’t need him. You got us. It might be extremely hard to get your degree, but I have faith in you, Fantasia said.

Look, I have already screwed this kid over enough, and it would be pure torture to let that child be raised by us. Of course, he would have to be a part of this child’s life if I was keeping it. I’m just so heartbroken, and I refuse to keep a baby just to see if he will act right, I said.

Well, let’s go in, Fantasia said.

Are you sure about this? We can always leave, Tina reassured me.

No, I’m ready, I said firmly.

We got out of the car, and all I could see was my future without Shad. I don’t know how we could get back to where we were months ago. I knew this was the right thing to do for me and this child. It was the saddest yet invigorating thing I would ever do.

Chapter 1

I stared at the fragile plastic stick contemplating the implications of the little blue + sign. I had been in this bathroom for 50 excruciating minutes. I had hoped that if I sat on this toilet long enough and wished hard enough this would go away. It could be like a bad dream or some type of distant memory. There was no way in hell this could be happening. We had only been together for almost six months.

This was a complete mistake. We were not ready for a child. As much as I loved him and knew he could be a great father, I could not go through with this. Or maybe, I could. I couldn’t breathe. My anxiety was rising and the bathroom was spinning. I’m trapped in these bland white walls.

I came back to reality as I heard an abrupt knock at the door.

Ma’am, are you OK? the cashier asked concerned.

Yeah, I’m fine, I yelled through the door, while shakily standing and regaining my composure.

I took a picture of the stick before throwing it away, quickly washed my hands, and opened the door.

I was just checking on you. I didn’t know if you had passed out or anything, she politely said.

Thank you for your concern. I’m fine I was just deep in thought, I said.

You’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything, she said as I heard her walk away.

I looked at myself in the mirror again and jolted through the bathroom door. But when I walked through the store, I felt like people were staring at me like they could sense the pregnancy. The lights seemed much brighter now. The aisles appeared to be closer together. The exit door was a mile away. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. The cashier smiled at me, and I smirked back as I reached the registers.

Sweet glory, the exit door could not open quickly enough. Once I got outside, the wind blew the receipt right out my pocket. I thought it was a sign until it circled back to my feet. I picked it up and walked aimlessly to the park. I guess it was the maternal thing in me to do. I saw a dad swinging his rose cheeked baby and pictured Shad doing that with ours. His gum less smile made my ovaries explode.

As I continued to walk, I see this toddler chase after the ball with his mother watching him from the bench. I look at his tiny feet making strides across the grass, and he threw his ball in my direction. The ball landed on my boot and I bent over to grab it. By the time I looked up, he was 7 inches away from my face.

Ball, he said.

Yes, here is your ball, I said smiling back as I handed it to him.

Stank yuuu, he said as he ran off.

I needed to tell somebody about this. I couldn’t keep this to myself. So, I called Fantasia and asked if she and Tina could come get me from Shad’s house. She told me they would be there in an hour. It gave me time to walk another mile and make it up the hill to the subdivision.

I kicked some leaves by the front porch and entered the house.

What’s up Brooke? Brody greeted me by the kitchen.

I was just getting some fresh air. Anything new with you? I asked as I took off my shoes by the door.

I wish but no. School is my life, he said before he bit into a ham sandwich.

Understandable. I guess I’ll chit chat with you later. Let me go see what Shad is doing up there, I said as I walked toward the stairwell.

Arrlright, he managed to say as he continued to chew.

From the stairs, I heard music and I opened the bedroom door to see my shirtless boyfriend singing in the bathroom mirror. I thought maybe this was the man I could see myself raising a child with. I pictured him right then holding a baby and bouncing him or her around as he sung to them. I just saw my little family. I absentmindedly stared at him until he looked at me.

Hey baby. Where you been? he asked as he walked up to me and kissed me.

I took a stroll around the park. What are you doing? I asked as I took off my scarf.

You know, just getting these vocals ready for you, Shad said.

Oh really now? I asked as I sat on the bed.

Yes, he said as he kissed me again.

And what for? I said as I kissed him back.

We’re going to do karaoke, he said.

Oh shit, for real? I thought you meant something else, I said.

Oh heavens no you heathen, he jokingly rebuked as he wrapped his arms around me.

Just checking, as I scooted back into his crotch.

So, you wearing what you got on? he asked.

I don’t know I may change. I am a totally new person onstage, I said smiling.

Oh like when you’re in bed? he gasped.

Ha, very funny. It is good to have different sides. I want to make sure you don’t get bored, I told him.

How could I when I am dating an amateur pornstar? he asked jokingly.

Keep on with the jokes and you’ll never see her again. This mouth here is precious, I said wagging my finger.

You right, it is good for gagging and talking major shit, he said laughing.

I hit him with a pillow, and he ran off to the bathroom. I started feeling nauseous and could heave up my whole digestive system, so I made the trip downstairs to get some ginger ale. I didn’t want to keep this from him. I had to think of a way to tell him, but it just couldn’t be now. All these emotions about motherhood were making me feel even queasier. Then, I saw Tina’s coupe appear