Finger up the Bum: A Guide to My Prostate Cancer

By Michael Hart Izen

Finger up the Bum is the no-holds-barred, too-much-information guide to everything you didn’t want to know about Michael Izen’s prostate cancer.

Who is Michael Izen? Good question. In his forties, Mike was a happy family man who rarely got sick. Like most men, he wasn’t a fan of dropping his drawers for his doctor to perform the ol’ finger-up-the-bum exam. But after being passed along from doctor to doctor, insisting that his nether region mystery pains, midnight bathroom runs, and “softwood lumber issues” were not just in his head, Mike was finally diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. Finger up the Bum tells the true story of Michael’s experience, with in-your-face humour, 100+ poop jokes, and original, off-the-wall illustrations by his cartoonist brother explaining everything from his “fallen warrior” to hot flashes to Kegel exercises, as well as touching thoughts on what really matters “in the end.” You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll plotz. If you’ve ever had the finger-up-the-bum exam, you know a good joke is the only thing that can fix that awkward moment.

Michael Izen is a Winnipeg-born family man and entrepreneur consultant whose recent terminal diagnosis sent him and his family on a path to create a book that would open a dialogue around men’s health and prostate exams.

Advance praise for Finger up the Bum:
“I’m very proud of the wonderful job they did. Everyone should read this book.” —Michael’s mother

“This book is full of dumb, boy jokes. Men will love it.” —Michael’s wife

“I’m so embarrassed.” —Michael’s daughter

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Hart Izen
• Release date: Oct 13, 2016
• ISBN: 9780995278714

Michael Hart Izen

Michael Hart Izen is a Winnipeg-born family man and entrepreneur consultant whose recent terminal diagnosis sent him and his family on a path to create a book that would open a dialogue around men’s health and prostate exams.

Book preview

title page

Copyright © 2016 by Michael Hart Izen

Illustrations copyright © 2016 by Jon Izen and J. Roy Izen

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written consent of the publisher or a license from The Canadian Copyright Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For a copyright license, visit www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free to 1-800-893-5777.

Leola Productions

Vancouver, Canada

www.ginaleolawoolsey.com

Cataloguing in Publication Data available

from Library and Archives Canada

ISBN 978-0-9952787-0-7 (paperback)

ISBN 978-0-9952787-1-4 (ebook)

Cover and test design by Peter Cocking

Cover illustration by Jon Izen

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This book is mostly dedicated to my darling wife, Gina.

But I can’t forget the team at the Vancouver Prostate Centre and the B.C. Cancer Agency keeping me alive. Go, team, go!

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Contents

Beginning

Acknowledgments

1 Back Story: The Real Poop

2 Problem: Softwood Lumber Issues

3 Tests: You’re Putting That Where?!?!

4 Diagnosis: Wait, What?

5 Surgery: I’m Still Using That

6 Post-Surgery: What’s That Coming out of My?????

7 Hormones: Chemical Castration—That Doesn’t Sound Good

8 Radiation: The Origins of a Superhero!

9 It’s Still Not Working: Trials and Tribulations

10 Hang on, I’m Not Dead Yet: The Meaning of Life, and Other Great Movies

Rear End Notes: A Family Affair

Finger Fighters

Wall of Fame

About the Creators

Acknowledgments

This book would not be possible without my amazing wife, Gina Leola Woolsey.

In part because she has all the writing (and most of the other) smarts in the family, and was able to take my ragtag ramblings and direct them into the almost Shakespearean tale you have in front of you right now. And in part because she did the research to recommend Page Two Strategies, Kickstarter, and other key people on this project. But mostly because she saved my life.

When I was having my initial troubles, it was Gina who kept sending