Burning for Byron

By Randi Devilkin

Heather's social life is non-existent. She's restless with uninspiring dating options and her own lack of enthusiasm for life's little pleasures.

 

While on a business trip, Heather catches up with an acquaintance of over thirty years. She's stunned when her body responds viscerally.

 

The dating scene has transformed since Heather's last dip in the dating swamp, and she needs a crash course in contemporary social etiquette. Heather googles her way to a plan, egged on by the dramatic effects of hormone replacement therapy, wacky friends with questionable advice, and her snarky sister.

 

On the heels of both professional and romantic disasters, Terry enters her life. Will his antics bring Heather and Byron together, or drive them farther apart?

 

Burning for Byron: Crush on a Friend is a romantic comedy for the sophisticated and mature. Sophistication and maturity optional

• Language: English
• Publisher: Metamorphosis Manuscripts
• Release date: Oct 15, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393480914

Book preview

Chapter 1

Tea, Toys, and Trouble (Six Weeks Prior)

Naked is preferred for many activities including bathing and sex, but a disagreeable way to wait out most crises. Not knowing what’s happening outside this room only compounds my anxiety.

Sprawled flat on my back, I pass the time counting ceiling tiles. There are forty-two, which according to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and well, everything.

I’m hesitant to put my feet on the pathogen-infected floor and walk away because sooner or later, I’ll have to return. Despite the indignity of it all, I always come back. The air conditioner cycles on, circulating the lemon-antiseptic scented air. This scratchy paper sheet is woefully inadequate to cover me.

Rap, rap, rap echoes through the door.

Heather, it’s me again. The door opens. Sorry about the emergency. Let’s get back to it.

An insincere apology with no explanation, just let’s get back to it? I ask.

I would tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. Confidentiality and all that.

Considering our relationship, I deserve better. Your bedside manner lacks finesse. You didn’t even buy me dinner.

Harrumph. Let go of that sheet, I want a look at your breasts.

And I want to be on a beach in the Bahamas, yet here I am.

The sheet is removed. Strong hands probe my chest. I’m instructed to lift my arms over my head. I comply, and the prodding turns aggressive.

Easy there, Chester Molester, I say.

Looking good. Any changes?

No, the same pair I wore last time.

I thought they looked familiar. Now, let’s get you done. Dr. Fern sniggers. I’ll tell you, but you have to swear to secrecy.

What? Another woman? You can tell me. I can handle the truth.

As a matter of fact, it was another woman...with another sex toy emergency.

Another another? I’m really jealous now. Go on.

"The ipsy-pipsy social club down the road holds all sorts of activities. A few months ago, they hosted an outing to The Big O, the premier adult novelty shop in all of Texas."

"I never heard of The Big O, I mean as a shopping destination. I have noticed Condoms 2 Go next to every church and school in Texas. Funny name, Condoms 2 Go, because really, is there an option to use them right there in the store?"

Ha. Anyhow, that field trip was their highest attended social event ever. Now they host similarly themed parties all the time. Today’s adult program was Tea and Toys.

I tend to think of tea time as a dignified ritual, although in Denver, I enjoyed high tea. Scones and crumpets satisfy the munchies as well as Funyuns and Twinkies.

Good to know. Sometimes, after these events, I get patients who lose things. It happens fairly often.

Lose things?

You know, in there. She points to her nether region.

Oh. And I mean oh like the letters O and H, not the big O.

"The sale of sex toys became legal in Texas in 2008. We saw a huge surge of related incidents in the emergency room that year. And today, with the popularity of erotic romance and adult toy parties, we’re seeing more again.

What was novel about today’s novelty was the woman lost her grip while the battery was turned on. She could have retrieved it herself, but it was slippery, and she panicked. She was enjoying herself, but worried that with the extended-life battery, she’d never get any sleep tonight.

Too many good vibrations? I ask.

"Exactly. Now, feet in the stirrups. And speaking of erotic romance, I just finished Fifty Shades of Grey."

Impressive conversational segue, unimpressive reading selection. I do enjoy discussing literature with you during my pelvic exams, though porn isn’t your usual genre. What did you think?

Not porn, erotic romance. I prefer feel-good romantic comedies, but I read a lot of popular culture. Everyone appreciates a good Cinderella story, though anyone looking for actual porn or even well-written chick lit would be disappointed, she says.

Ouch. Careful down there.

Sorry. Grey’s sentence structure could have benefitted from an edit, but you’ve got to respect the commercial success. Many readers find the story inspirational in the bedroom. Have you read it?

Yes, and I agree with your literary assessment. My ditzy former mother-in-law gave a copy to my then high-school-aged son. I read it to discuss with him. I was dreading that conversation, but we ended up talking about how any commercial venture had the potential to be a success. I considered that career coaching.

We’re done. Get dressed. We’ll talk in my office.

DR. FERN SITS BEHIND a massive oak desk in an otherwise overtly feminine office. She’s adorable, although she looks too young to be a doctor. Recently, many of my experienced physicians have retired and been replaced by seventeen-year-olds.

Come on in and grab a seat. Coffee, tea, water? she asks.

I sit down and shake my head. I hate when she says how great my body looks for a woman of my age.

How are you today? she asks.

Why do doctors always ask that question? How would I know? Isn’t that why I see you for an annual check-up?

Yeah, yeah. Last year, you were experiencing mood swings, having trouble sleeping, besieged by hot flashes, and complaining that you dumped a patient and diligent man, because you weren’t, ah, able to feel the joy.

Wow. Thanks for reminding me.

How are things now?

Pathetically, status quo. Shouldn’t my hot flashes and night sweats be over by now? I spent a week at a conference where my hotel room had two beds. When one bed got soaked, I’d move to the other. The housekeeper got tired of changing the sheets on both beds every night. She remarked that I might get some rest if I didn’t entertain so much company.

Heather, we need to talk.

Why? Am I dying?

Seriously, why won’t you try hormone replacement therapy? If you don’t like it, you can stop anytime.

What’s the point? I’m going to fall apart anyway. What upsets me is the change in my skin, I say.

Hormones improve collagen production.

Now you’re speaking my language.

That’s all I needed to change your mind?

No. I was ready to try anything. It’s not my job to make your job easy.

I knew you’d come around. Dr. Fern hands over prescriptions for Progesterone and Estradiol. I put my mom on the same regiment last year.

Does she like it?

She hasn’t said either way, but she sure smiles more. My dad is absolutely thrilled with her results. He had to join a gym to keep up with her. Dr. Fern winks. Let’s see you back in three months for an evaluation.

"Unbelievable. If you’re going to make me pay for another appointment to discuss books, you better have read something more