The Felix Fiasco

By Randi Devilkin

Beverly can't tell fine wine from cheap beer, particularly when it comes to men. Decades in the dating swamp have not sharpened her instincts.

 

Family, friends, and her rescue pup intervene. Bev's uncanny canine deters unsavory suitors, while her cousin strives to end the chaos in her love life.

 

It's a delectable recipe for a fiasco. Bev is soon awash in temptations: a mysterious wealthy playboy, a muscular triathlete, a sexy neighbor, a handsome pizza-toting stranger, and a nerdy professor.

 

As Beverly seeks her later-in-life romance, she encounters trials, errors, and the sage wisdom of her pup. Will she ever learn that true love is only found by following the heart?  

• Language: English
• Publisher: Metamorphosis Manuscripts
• Release date: Jun 14, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201335755

Book preview

Chapter 1

Magnificent

The man is absolutely magnificent. He’s more everything than a man should be.

I cover my eyes to block the vision. Inhale–four, three, two, one. Exhale–four, three, two, one.

My fingers separate to allow a peek. He’s still there looking like a beefed-up, matured Justin Trudeau with an outdoorsy tan and shimmering silver hair. Perhaps this man is his relative? But why would the Canadian Prime Minister’s brother be drinking coffee at a neighborhood bakery in Dallas, Texas?

His cobalt blue shirt magnifies the piercing color of his eyes. Sandy said the man was nice looking, but the electricity sparking up and down my spine screams this man is outright dangerous.

My cousin Sandy has never approved of the men in my life. Years ago, she made me swear I would never again get involved with any man until she vetted and approved the candidate. She was living in New York when that conversation occurred, and I agreed, just to end the argument. Then I ignored my promise and carried on inviting chaos into my life. Now she’s moved home and guilted me into making another pact. Our new agreement includes introductions to men and supervised shopping trips as she dislikes my practical clothing choices almost as much as she abhors my taste in men.

My legs have gelatinized, compromising my ability to exit the car and walk across the parking lot. Surely, she’d understand if I bailed.

No, she’d be furious.

The cell phone’s trill interrupts my thoughts. You better be in your car and within minutes of the Double S, Sandy says.

The Double S Cafe is the bakery and coffee shop owned by our dear friend Jodi and her husband Doug, and named for a spelling mnemonic. Dessert has a double SS for sweets and sugar, whereas a desert has only one S for sand.

I’m in the parking lot gathering the nerve to go in. He’s already here, drinking coffee at an outside table. You understated his extraordinary curb appeal.

"Really? Felix is rarely early because he’s super busy. He must be excited to meet you, and why wouldn’t he be? You guys are perfect for each other. I may never get to set you up with anyone else. Now check your teeth for lipstick and get moving. Call me later with all the details. I mean all, and there better be plenty."

Holy cow. Sandy thinks this amazing specimen of a man is perfect for me. Though it’s five minutes early for our meeting, I get moving. Damn, there’s lipstick on my teeth. I rub it off. Go time.

Wearing a turquoise jersey dress that clings in all the right places courtesy of the blush satin push-up bra Sandy cajoled me into purchasing, I walk with purpose. No, I’m actually striding across the parking lot. I’m fifteen feet away when my target looks up with a dreamy smile. The Earth stops spinning as I freeze in my tracks. So this is what the poets call love at first sight. He tilts his head and studies me. As a screeching sound fills the air, he jumps from his chair, sprints over, scoops me from the parking lot with his tan, muscular arms, then places me gently on the sidewalk.

People around us clap. They don’t see romantic gestures like that every day, at least outside of the movies. He pulls out a chair and motions for me to sit. He’s shaking his head and mumbling too close. Maybe he thinks he held me too tight, but the lack of distance felt marvelous. I can’t quite make out what he’s saying because my heart’s thrashing audibly and there’s a swooshing sound in my ears. A server comes over with a glass of ice water for me and asks if I need anything. I order coffee, which amuses my companion.

You’re staying for coffee? he asks.

I seriously need coffee. Nice to meet you. I’m Beverly. My friends call me Bev.

Beverly. Bev. I’m Fabio.

Fabio? Like the cover model? Sandy told me your name was Felix.

No. Fabio, because I’m fabulous. A mischievous mega-watt smile beams from his attractive face.

Handsome with a sense of humor. Holy cow. I can’t believe this delicious man is my date. Sandy’s getting a present, like gallons of Blue Bell ice cream.

Modest too. Still grinning, he flexes his ample muscles. And Sandy? Something catches his eye. He stands up and waves at a sexy, twenty-something, platinum blond wearing spandex, at least over the places where her skin is covered. My friend’s here, but feel free to stay and finish your coffee.

The lithe bombshell prances over and gives Fabio an exaggerated kiss on the lips. She points to me and squeaks, Who’s that?

Willow, meet Beverly. She was nearly run over in the parking lot and I rescued her. She’s recuperating from her near-death experience.

Oh, Fabio, you’re a hero. Too good to be true. She smooches him again.

A server arrives with my coffee in a to-go cup. While he takes Willow’s order of an extra-large decaf salted caramel mocha cappuccino with four pumps of caramel sauce, four pumps of caramel syrup, three pumps of mocha, three pumps of toffee nut syrup, double blended with extra whipped cream, I glance at the time and consider my situation.

On my way to meet a blind date who’s supposed to be perfect for me, I fall in love at first sight with a gorgeous man who I’d presumed was my destiny, but turns out to be the date of a nearly nude girl approximately thirty years younger than I. Furthermore, I confuse this man’s rescuing me from a vehicular death with a swoon-worthy romantic gesture, and now I have somehow crashed his date with said girl. The time is 1:58 p.m. and my sexy blush satin push-up bra is trying to strangle me.

Excuse me. I’m going to grab some creamer, I say.

The condiment bar inside the bakery is out of Fabio and Willow’s line of sight. I’m tugging on the bottom of my bra to unshackle myself when an Adam Sandler-esque looking MAMIL (middle-aged man in Lycra) with mostly white hair approaches me. He’s carrying a bicycle helmet. Beverly?

Yeah. He looks familiar.

I’m Felix.

Yes?

You’re Sandy’s cousin? Beverly?

What? With Fabio on my brain, I’d forgotten about Felix. Um, nice to meet you. Call me Bev.

Will do. Do you have a table or should I find one?

A table. Sure.

Inside or outside?

Um, it’s hot out there, let’s sit inside. If he only knew how hot, hot, hot.

Okay, there’s a table by the window.

The table is the coziest spot in the bakery, right next to the oversized bay window. Fabio and Willow sit on the other side of the glass. That table needs to be wiped down, let’s sit there. I point to the small table next to the restroom, the worst seats in the house.

Felix shrugs. Okay. Let’s sit. In twelve steps we’re at the table. He puts the bicycle helmet down on a chair, then pulls out one for me, but it’s the seat facing the main room. I drop myself into another.

Jodi, my friend, the bakery owner, stops at the table. Two of my favorite customers. What would you like to order?

What would you like? he asks me. I hold up my coffee in response. He turns to Jodi. I’ll have a coffee, black, and how about you surprise us with three of your delicious muffins?

Jodi nods at him. You got it. When he turns to face me, she gives me a thumb up sign before returning to the counter.

Well, he says, eyebrows raised inquisitively.

Well, what? He’s cute enough, but like most mere mortals, he’s no Fabio.

So, you’re Sandy’s cousin.

Yep. Straightaway, I sense he’s a nice guy, but there’s no pheromonic attraction between the two of us. How long do I have to stay to appear sociable?

I had a crush on your cousin freshman year. When she called, she said, ‘Remember how you wanted to date me in college, but we weren’t a good match? Well, you’re in luck because I’ve saved you for the right woman. Beverly’s perfect for you, and no is not an option.’ She also said I’d be forever in her debt, and she likes people owing her favors.

Sounds like Sandy. Why weren’t you guys a good match?

Jodi returns with our order and sets it on the table before topping off my coffee. You kids enjoy. She winks at me before she scurries away.

Felix waits until I resume eye contact, then says, She never told me, but back in college, women were mysterious to me.

And now?

Still puzzling, but I’m getting better at picking up hints.

Are you? This could be interesting.

For example, you want to be anywhere but here.

"Yikes. So sorry. It’s been a rough morning. I was nervous about going on a blind date, and then I nearly