Polygamy Indiscreetly Adjudicated & Practised

By Aadila Amod

“Brilliant! Sister Aadila Amod has taken a subject loaded with potential for misinterpretation and clearly set the facts straight. A thoroughly researched book with great potential for the good of all. Finally, some clarity on the subject of polygamy in Islam.
A must read.”
Dr. Nazmeera Khamissa - Integrative Psychiatrist, MBChB (Pretoria), MRCPsych (London) FCpsych(SA)

“EXCELLENT! I was taken aback the first time I read this book. It is a great source for inner-reflection, introspection and awareness when it comes to dealing with this very intricate topic of polygamy, it’s effect on society and the need to uphold human rights. A much needed contribution and absolute food for thought!”
Sh. Abdul Hakim Abbasi - Resident Imam, Waterkloof Ridge Islamic Centre, Pretoria

“This book is intended to elucidate the important and complex topic of polygamy (polygyny). It explains the damaging effects of polygyny on society from the author’s perspective in the areas of psychology and spirituality. Such bold efforts and alternate viewpoints that counter the standard narrative should be encouraged.”
Professor Najma Moosa - Department of Private Law, Faculty of Law University of the Western Cape

A calling back to the truth of polygyny in lieu of the Qur’an and the Sunnah, as a practice discouraged by Allah (SWT), highlighting human rights to truth, justice and Soul’s equality, towards peace.
Aadila Amod - Ethnopsychology Practitioner (EPASA, HEPASA), Certified Hypnotherapist (IMDHA, IACT), Coach Practitioner (The Meta-Skills Institute),
PET International Facilitator
(Gordon Training International)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Aadila Amod
• Release date: Aug 12, 2016
• ISBN: 9780620670609

Aadila Amod

I am a qualified Ethnopsychology Practitioner, Certified Hypnotherapist, NLP- & Meta-States Coach Practitioner & Life- & Business Coach & a PET & BYB International Facilitator. I am a revert to Islam since 1992 and deal with a cosmopolitan of people in my professional and private life.I have been in private practice since 2001 and specialize in counselling, hypnotherapy, family therapy, life coaching & relationship skills training for couples and families, in particular. I have recently expanded by services into corporate in order to reach more people and attain more goals.In my book on polygamy, based on my experience in counselling, therapy & coaching, I unpack the spiritual, emotional and psychological conditioning, trauma & damage experienced by everyone involved, especially the 1st/ existing wife & children, when polygamy is practised forcefully/ under duress. It explains the weakening of the family unit, causing many children to exit the family relationship, negatively effecting society as a whole.It includes extensive research from the Quran and the Sunnah/ Traditions of the Prophet Muhammad (P) as a practice DISCOURAGED by Allah (SWT)/ The Almighty Creator. It does not negate the right of men to practice polygamy, it does however emphasize the condition of justice that has to be met before it can be engaged in and the right of women to be in a monogamous marriage.It highlights human rights to truth, justice & Souls equality towards building a life of inner and outer peace for the good of all and for the safety of all our children and future generations.For, quote - Verily women are the twin halves of men - Pr. Muhammad (P).

Book preview

Polygamy Indiscreetly Adjudicated

& Practised

Polygamy Indiscreetly Adjudicated

& Practised

Copyright © 2016 Aadila Amod

First edition 2016

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Printed and bound by Mega Digital

Edited by Cathy Eberle for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my loving family, my husband Abdool Carrim Amod and our beautiful children, Amaarah, Ameerah and Muhammad-Irfaan Amod.

May Allah, the Almighty, Master and Creator of the entire Universe always guide you and keep you on the straight path, the path of our Beloved Prophet of Allah (Glory be to Allah), Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him). And may Allah (Glory be to Allah) cover you with His overflowing Love and Mercy always. Aameen.

I would also like to dedicate this work to all who have suffered heartache and pain as a result of adultery and indiscreet polygamous adjudication and practices.

May Allah lift your burden and your suffering, and may He (Glory be to Allah) make it easy for you and grant you healing from your wounds, Aameen.

Acknowledgments

All praise and all glory first and foremost belongs to Allah, the Almighty Creator, for granting me the opportunity to produce this work. I am deeply humbled by the teachings He (SWT) has left for us; the inspirations and guidance throughout my life and throughout the process of producing this work. My eternal gratitude belongs to Allah, the Glorified.

I also wish to extend my gratitude to Allah (SWT) for the guidance and teachings He gave us through the lives of His chosen Prophets (PBUT), in particular, our most beloved of all, Prophet Muhammad (SAW), our most pristine role-model.

So too, to all the scholars who have, throughout the ages, preserved the life and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW), in order that we may learn from him and that we may follow him (SAW). Alhumdullilah! (Praise be to Allah)

My deepest appreciation also goes to my husband, Abdool Carrim Amod, for standing by me, inspiring me and teaching me to be strong; to stand up for what I believe in, and not to accept, or follow blindly what others tell me, but to use my mind, my reason and my intellect.

I also would like to extend a word of thanks and gratitude to the resident Imam of the Waterkloof Ridge Islamic Centre, Sh. Abdul Hakim Abbasi, who has endured all my questions, research questions and deliberations so that I could arrive at suitable answers and inspirations that are true to the Straight Path. So too, to Brother Abdul Kader Kurtha, Community Activist, from the Abu Bakr Sidiq Masjid, who, together with Sh. Hakim, kept me inspired, and who also highlighted the need for these issues to be addressed in our communities.

Gratitude also, to my mother and my father who not only taught me right from wrong, but who taught me to use my reason and intellect and who taught me love for my Creator.

May Allah (SWT) reward you all from His Infinite Bounty, Aameen.

GLOSSARY

Aameen – Amen

Ahadith – Sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

Allah – Name of the Almighty in Arabic

Alhumdullilah – Praise be to Allah

AS – Alayhi Salam – Allah’s Peace be upon him.

Hadith - Saying of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

Halaal – Permissible

Haraam – Impermissible/ Forbidden

Inshaa Allah – God Willing

Nabbi – Prophet of Allah

Naskh - Abrogation

PBUH – Peace be upon him/her

PBUT – Peace be upon them

RA (RadiAllahu An’ha) – Allah is pleased with her

RA (RadiAllahu An’hu) – Allah is pleased with him

Rahmah - Mercy

SAW – Sallallahu Alayhim Wa Salim – Salutations and peace be upon him

Shaitaan – satan (Note: Non-Capital letter by choice)

Shariah – Islamic Law/ Allah’s Laws

Sheikh – Religious Leader/ Respectful title to a venerable elderly man

SWT – Subhaanah Huwa Ta’Aalah – Glory be to Allah

Sunnah – Tradition/s of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

Taqwah – Allah Consciousness

Ummah – Muslim Nation

Zulm – Oppression

Names appearing after certain quotes, unless indicated otherwise comprise of: Compendiums of Ahadith/ Sayings of Prophet Muhammad (SAW):

Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Ahmad, Al-Albaani, Ibn Al-Qayyim, Ibn Hajr, At-Tirmizi, Ibn Hibban, Ibn Majah, Abu Dawood

NOTE:

Polygamy - Is the practice of having more than one spouse and/or being in multiple marriages simultaneously. This term is used and referred to herein because it is the more commonly known form of reference, in this case particularly being married to more than one wife.

Polygyny – The condition/ practice of having more than one wife at a time.

Polyandry - The condition/ practice of having more than one husband at a time.

Contents

Foreword

Chapter 1 Introduction and motivation

Chapter 2 Our teachings and worldly realities

Chapter 3 Psychological, social and spiritual damage

Chapter 4 More on our teachings

Chapter 5 Historically Considered

Chapter 6 The Sickness of Jealousy

Chapter 7 The Gift of Hoor Al Ayn – Exclusively for Men?

Chapter 8. Why not the Exposition of the Gift of Hoor Al Ayn to Women in such Detail?

Chapter 9 Regarding pride

Chapter 10 The other woman and the rights of the existing/ first wife - pitfalls

Chapter 11 The estranged marriage – a word of advice

Chapter 12 Dealing with divorce – in brief

Chapter 13 Different cultures

Chapter 14 The Conditioning of both Males, Females and the Victimised Children

Chapter 15 Creating a better future

Chapter 16 Islam and morality

Epilogue

Bibliography and resources

Review and comments

Foreword

For the sake of the curious mind, it is perhaps relevant that I start off by answering the most obvious question that comes to the fore in considering the title of the book Polygamy Indiscreetly Adjudicated and Practised; the question, "Why this topic?

I came into the Deen/Religion of Islam almost 23 years ago, in December 1992. As per the graceful, welcoming, cultural practice of the Indian Muslim society, it is customary for the bride to be introduced to various family units, family members and friends of her newly attained in-laws and husband. During that very same year I was invited to various lunches and functions, but one lunch with a couple similar in age to my husband and myself, at the time, struck a chord in me. At this stage, after having accepted Islam quite recently, I had heard and learned a little about polygamy before getting married. I also thought it was something less prevalent in current times, especially within my country of residence, South Africa. However, during this lunch this beautiful, relatively new friend of mine, as we had met prior to this encounter, shared her mother’s sad story about her father taking on a second wife, and how painful and difficult it had been for all of them. I was taken aback and could not say much, since I was struck by the sheer heartache and pain present in her eyes, and also as I was still new to the Religion. This was my first encounter with an issue that would bear its ugly head in years to come.

As life would have it, and due to many of the cultural challenges that a revert to Islam faces when also in a cross-cultural marriage, beyond the adaptation to a new way of life religiously, I grew from being qualified in various esoteric fields, to become a Life and Business Coach, NLP- Practitioner, Neuro-Semantics/Meta-State Coach Practitioner, Ethnopsychology Practitioner and Certified Hypnotherapist. In my private practice, my specialisation included and still does: Regression Therapy, (Relating to childhood issues and/ past hurtful issues) Anxiety and Depression, Behavioural change, etc., including working with individuals, as well as Child and Parental Coaching and Couple’s Coaching, in particular, with the possibility of having to use and advise the treatment of Ruqya in identified cases. (is an Islamic treatment for the cure of Sihr/ Black Magic). Most recently, I qualified as a Parent and Educational Trainer/Facilitator with Gordon Training International; once again working with Parents, Educators and the Youth.

I recall that, in 2001, after qualifying in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and the Crystal Healers/Life Transformational two-year Diploma courses, respectively, I wanted to market my services. I approached an Islamic radio station for an on-air interview. As a result of this interview pertaining to marital issues and more, not only did the interviewer receive a letter from a very concerned listener at the time, but I received a very distressed phone call from this particular mother of two from White River. She recounted how her husband was having an affair, the heartache and pain she and her children were facing and enduring daily. She also told of his ill treatment of them, and that he had resorted to wanting to marry his mistress as a second wife without allowing her any say in the matter. Again, I was struck by the sheer disrespect and dishonour her husband exuded, but, even more so, by the fact that "he could actually do this" in the name of Islam.

As a revert who had accepted Islam at the age of 21 because of the actual true recognition of Allah (SWT) as the ONE True God from the age of 11 years, filled with love and trust in Him (SWT) and the Deen/Religion that I accepted years later, I could not understand this. The very tenets of this way of practising polygamy (polygyny) did not make sense. It also did not fit into what I had started to seek out in the Qur’an with special reference to Just Fairness from a Creator that I loved deeply. None of it made sense. Beyond these incidences and really getting into my Couple’s Coaching, I had a couple more similar cases at my private practice. I recall one was a man who divorced his second wife because he knew, in his heart, that the marriage had been born of an affair he had had behind his wife’s back. He wanted to restore his dignity and reclaim his self-respect, hence he did so. There were also younger and older couples facing similar situations. But the worst for me was when this very same young friend, in whose house I first met with this monstrosity of indiscreet polygamy, faced the very same fate.

It was by the Grace of Allah (SWT) and His Mercy that the latter few cases’ marital issues in this regard were resolved before the indiscreet polygamous adjudication, practice and effective oppression could take place ... But these were not the last. This still happens today. I have recently also learnt of a woman who slit her wrists upon finding out about her husband’s actions of marrying an additional wife. I may only know of these cases that presented themselves to me and more current ones, but even knowing about one is enough to make one take a stand for the rights of an existing wife, the rights of children born of these marriages, and the right of humanity to know the actual truth about polygamy indiscreetly adjudicated and practised. Upon investigating and seeking answers over the years, I sadly discovered that the problem lay, not only within the lay-person’s beliefs pertaining to polygamy, but that even learned men allowed this very practice to take place, indiscreetly adjudicated, remaining inconsiderate to the INJUSTICE it served and the grave ripple effects it had, especially on Muslim Society.

I recall my very first interview with such a learned man whose words were, "...what must I do, when a man comes to tell me his wife does not do it for him anymore?" Or, upon writing to others, where I was effectively told to "leave these matters be" and even some of the interviews I did in my profession as a journalist for iTV, where many of the interviewees’ personal interpretations and cultural conditioning was edited out, on my instruction, because I am a Muslim too.

I will not stand for, nor promote, that which is unjust to another human being, causing harm and oppression, Nor will I promote that which Allah (SWT) and our beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) did not promote. I will speak the Truth, even if it is against my own interests, as we are taught in the Holy Qur’an.

Chapter 1

Introduction And Motivation

Before embarking on the integrities of this very important topic, I would like to state that the ideologies, as found in this book, offer an invitation to us all to reflect on our inner-state, on our understanding of concepts and to be open-minded in our search for truth and justice. As Allah (SWT) tells us in the Holy Qur’an:

O ye who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even as against yourselves, or your parents, or your kin, and whether it be (against) rich or poor: for Allah can best protect both. Follow not the lusts (of your hearts), lest ye swerve, and if ye distort (justice) or decline to do justice, verily Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

- Holy Qur’an, Ch. 4: 135

A most familiar verse that clearly cautions us not only to stand for justice, but as witnesses to Allah (SWT), one can only speak the truth even if it is against ourselves. To do this takes courage and personal responsibility. However, considering the state that Muslims are finding themselves in globally, we have to take up the torches of truth and justice and shine that light on our lives with complete honesty if we want to heal our lives, reform our ways and regain our rightful place in the world.

As long as we fall prey to the drunkenness of the world that comes with its invitations to all of its vices, we cannot expect to be on top of the World as Muslims, or as victorious, world leaders. This is considered especially in relation to falling prey to the baser desires of the Nafs/Ego of lust, fornication, adultery and womanising, beyond the physical addictions to this, in particular, alcohol, drugs and more. No, we can only expect to find ourselves at the bottom of the soles of the feet of the world, trampled upon, oppressed, weak and defeated; lost.

We can however choose not to be there, in that position, but we will have to earn our progress, we will have to work for it. We have to reform our ways.

It is at this juncture that I would like to refer back to the verse quoted above, in relation to our topic at hand – Polygamy INdiscreetly Adjudicated and Practised.

In no way is this book intended to negate or to humiliate the practice of polygamy in the true and honest sense of the word, as it was intended to have been; nor in countries and societies where it is practised as a norm, nor that of existing polygamous marriages. Any person’s reasons for being in a polygamous marriage are, and will always be, between themselves and Allah (SWT) and stand under no judgment whatsoever from within the pages of this work, nor is this work intended as a critique of such. This book is also not meant, in any way whatsoever, to disrespect the polygamous marriages that people engaged in for pure intentions of social upliftment and development, being of benefit to others, for the sake and love of Allah (SWT).

Each and every person’s personal relationship with Allah (SWT) is exactly that, it is personal. Not-withstanding the fact, however, that many polygamous marriages today were, in fact, born from a specific influence, belief system and mind-set created in the past, possibly by those with a very particular outlook, perception and cultural regard for women; a mind-set indoctrinated into their belief system by man, of which the average Muslim believer (or other) is perhaps not even aware.

Thus there cannot be any judgment of any one person whatsoever, but only, perhaps, of a system that has effectively become flawed through the ages; flawed, in the sense that a specific view or paradigm was adopted in years gone by, a view suitable to those who disseminated it and whose cultural practice it suited, but was not suitable for others or for everyone. Such a view on polygamy may have been inculcated, perhaps, without proper investigation and considerations of the effects thereof on people living in different countries, under different circumstances, within different cultures, with different outlooks, practices, social and psychological conditioning.

This "overlooking, in my humble opinion, serves merely as a focus to effectively serve the baser desires of men" as this seems to be the underlying intention and the perception many had, which also led to much of the actual ideal context for the practice of polygamy, being ignored, not to mention the persistent arguments which were entered into, over the eons, to make polygamy accessible across the board without exact consideration of the definition of Shariah/ Allah’s Laws and Sunnah practices being applied. My reasons for this statement will become evident as