Sam... Distracted

By Heather Mar-Gerrison

I stared at True. “A letter from my mother?” My insides felt all wobbly and I was starting to lose feeling in my legs. I pulled out a chair and flopped down. Nausea threatened to have me running for the sink but I tried my best to stay calm.
She nodded, biting her lip. “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not...”
I swallowed. “It’s fine,” I lied, “I can handle it – give it here.”
She passed me the envelope and I took it with slightly shaky fingers. This was surreal. She’d never been able to write in all the time I’d known her – she lived only for the skunk and the sex... I shivered. She’d sold me to anyone for her next fix – and had enjoyed the whole sordid show too – I guess she could argue that she wasn’t fully aware but I’m not sure I would agree. In my opinion she just wasn’t quite right in the head...
“What does it say?” True asked quietly.
I shook my head, “Nothing much – just that she reckons she’s clean now and wants me to meet her and that she has a wonderful new boyfriend – how has she got a new boyfriend when she’s spent the last two years inside?”
True sighed and shook her head, “I have no idea – he must be one of those weird people that writes to the inmates.”
“Freak,” I muttered.
“Freak’s right.” She agreed, “Are you okay?”
I looked up into her beautiful face, all concerned for me and not in any way other than that of a sister who cared about me. This was my family – the Fletchers. They were the ones who had given me their surname to give me a new start in life and to make me less easy to find. Mum’s letter had come to me via the prison service. She didn’t know where to find me. I could just ignore this letter and never see her again...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Heather Mar-Gerrison
• Release date: Jun 30, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311284068

Heather Mar-Gerrison

I love to write M/M romance and as a sucker for a HEA, you're guaranteed one in my books. #happyheatherafters

Book preview

Prologue

March 2009

Sam

I put my hands over my ears so I couldn’t hear my mother and her new boyfriend (well, he’d be her boyfriend for tonight at least) going at it in the room next to mine. It didn’t really help. I could still hear his animalistic grunts and her screams. I turned over and pulled my pillow over my head, wondering with a thrill of fear just what it was she was screaming for. I sometimes wished I’d never wondered, because within a matter of months I found out – when she brought Barry to live with us and the screams of pain were all mine…

He was a cruel bastard. All he cared about was himself and getting what he wanted. It didn’t matter to him that I was an under-age virgin – and a boy. He said it was all my fault, said that I drove him to it and that it was punishment for my bad behaviour. Well, it worked. It left me feeling so humiliated, I wanted to die, never mind to behave better – not to mention the terrible pain for his brutality. And I’m mortified to admit it, but as painful and humiliating as the experience was, I had to have been encouraging him to notice me on some level. I couldn’t help waking up some mornings with an erection and if he ever saw me as I made my way to the bathroom (as careful as I was to be as quiet as possible, I swear he used to lie in wait) some sort of a punishment usually followed. Not always a full-on brutal attack but there was more inappropriate touching than I ever wanted to acknowledge. I had no one to talk to. Mum was out of it completely most of the time and the one time I had told her, she didn’t believe me and said I was just saying bad things about him because I was jealous that she was finally happy.

He knew he was in control of the situation and he took total advantage. He was always really cruel with his words as well. He told me that I was pathetic and stupid at every opportunity and that I would never amount to anything – and that if I told my mother what was happening while she was completely out of it in the lounge, coming down from her last fix – it would happen again. He constantly told me that it was all my fault; that he had to do it and the only way I could stop it from happening was to keep my mouth shut and to behave myself properly… and of course – only being a kid, I believed every word he said.

I wanted to save him the bother and to kill myself for being so weak. I tried a couple of times, too – but neither time worked. The first time I took some tablets. I haven’t the faintest idea what they were – but I woke up covered in my own vomit and feeling like I’d done ten rounds with Tyson… I wasn’t dead though. I’d failed…

The second time I attempted to cut my wrists. Again, I passed out, but I woke up again with nothing more than a congealed bloody mess on my jeans from where my left wrist had stuck to it. My right wrist I’d never even got around to. The sight of the blood from the first was enough.

Clearly, I was either not serious enough about ending it all – or I was just really shit at that too and I’d go with the latter…

Thankfully, Barry eventually had his fill of Mum and he left us. It wasn’t nearly soon enough for me, though. I wasn’t able to be good all of the time and inevitably I was punished on more occasions than I’d like to count... but thankfully it was all over. Shortly after he left, someone reported us to the authorities and Mum was taken off to rehab – well, she spent more time in a minimum-security prison, actually. She started out in re-hab and came back out for a short time, but her past caught up with her pretty quickly once she was sober and she was convicted of all sorts of crimes she couldn’t even remember committing. She had to serve a minimum of five years, which left me homeless and parentless. Well, wasn’t my life just one big crock of shit?

I didn’t really hold out much hope of seeing her again – or maybe I wished I never would… Since we had no other close family nearby and I was still only fifteen (I was to turn sixteen the following month – on the 1st April – making me all kinds of a fool) I was put into care.

I was a little better off there – but not a whole lot. I hated it there, though. It was a claustrophobic existence after what I’d been used to – the abuse aside – and I failed to understand that even though I had no freedom to come and go as I pleased, I was actually safer there… I ended up running away to live rough. Having been used and abused since I’d barely made it to a teenager, I found it was relatively easy to make money – in much the same way as I’d paid for Mum’s relationship with her drug dealers and Barry – only this time it was on my terms. I became a rent-boy, where I made quite a decent living, before I was tracked down and found by my uncle, who had come to stay with Mum a few times while I was growing up. His name was Grundy and, in all honesty, it was a toss up as to where I’d be better off – continuing what I was doing or going with him – but, bless him, he believed he was acting in my best interests – and at least he never touched me inappropriately, so…

It was only when I met Tatum ‘Conner’ Fletcher a few months later when he and his ‘girlfriend’ Hayley moved into the flat next door to me and Grundy, that my life really started to get better. He was posing as a drugs lord but he was actually an undercover cop and when the operation was done with and he’d put away a record number of really bad people, he offered me a new life, a new job and a new family. I can honestly say without any embarrassment at all that I loved that guy – and why wouldn’t I? He saved my life…

Chapter 1 – Healing powers

Present day

Sam

Sam!

I looked up and grinned all over my face. Tom, one of my adoptive brothers and totally my favourite apart from Tate, who was my absolute hero, was walking over to me, his little girl jumping along at his side like she was trying to be a pony. She probably was – the girl was absolutely horse-mad.

Hi gorgeous, I said cheekily, Whassup?

Tom grinned back at me, True wants you, He said, his expression sobering a little, She said she had a letter for you.

I frowned, A letter? I asked, my mood plummeting like a stone. Letters, in my experience, were never a good thing; they always managed to bring bad news. Who the fuck would be writing to me?

He shrugged, not meeting my gaze, I dunno, He said, looking decidedly guilty and as if he knew exactly who it was from, Maybe you should go and find out.

I nodded, I will, I said stoutly even though I was beginning to get that old familiar feeling of utter dread and the blood in my veins was beginning to hum, making my entire body tingle unpleasantly. Will you tell Luca where I’ve gone?

He smirked at me and nodded, Sure. He agreed, Can’t have him thinking his favourite kitchen hand has disappeared on him. He chuckled at my red face as I ran off towards the big house to see what True had for me.

Gianluca was the sous chef at Riverside. He was a year older than me. He had a fairly steady stream of girlfriends, the latest of which was absolutely sickeningly beautiful… and he was fucking gorgeous. I’d fancied him from the first time I’d laid eyes on him. At the time, I really wasn’t one hundred per cent sure if I was into girls or boys or what the fuck I was into…

Growing up, I’d been abused at the hands of my mother and her extensive array of lovers to the point of wanting to kill myself and I was totally confused when it came to matters of the heart. I was in no way capable of putting any faith whatsoever in what I thought I liked or didn’t like. My trust issues were zero. I was an absolute mess. But then fate intervened and I met Tatum – and I know it’s gonna sound totally corny but he saved me. He saw something in me that he thought was worth a shot and like I mentioned earlier, he gave me a job and a new family – a really decent support network – with straight guys and gay guys and a wonderful sister/mother role model and I started to come out of my darkness. The nightmares started to abate and I started to heal. My physical scars were just that, scars from years of abuse and self harming – but mentally I started to slowly get better too.

And that was when I met Gianluca…

And promptly fell in love…

And he didn’t feel the same way about me…

Fuck.

Chapter 2 – Irritation…

Gianluca

I looked up as the door opened. I’d been feeling a little irritated that Sam was late, but more anxious about him than annoyed with him. Sam was a complicated character and had a bit of a tendency towards depression. I let out a sigh of relief. Finally… But instead of finding Sam looking at me with his big baby blues that always managed to make my insides go a little funny, my eyes met with Tom’s instead, who was stood grinning at me with his gorgeous baby girl in his arms.

Daddy, she said, What Guca doing?

He chuckled, "Luca is preparing the vegetables for tonight’s diners."

She nodded earnestly, looking back at me, That what I said, she responded indignantly, Where Sam gone?

I looked at Tom and raised an eyebrow, She took the words right out of my mouth, dude, I said, where the hell is he? He’s supposed to be helping me prep.

Tom nodded, his earlier grin fading fast, He’s up at the main house with True. She got a letter from his mother. Looks like the bitch is finally back out.

My jaw dropped, Fuck. I muttered as my heart sank for him. I looked up at Tom, He’s not gonna like that.

Tom shook his head, a frown on his face, I know. He agreed, That’s why I came to find you. I was kind of hoping I could count on you, to like, keep an eye on him or something. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid…

We both knew what he meant by something stupid. Sam had high highs and very low lows. When he was low he definitely had tendencies towards being suicidal. He was undiagnosed because he point-blank refused to go to a therapist after his initial few sessions when he first came to live with the Fletchers went badly, but I totally got the feeling he was on some kind of spectrum leaning towards bi-polar and I worried about him. A lot. I nodded, "Of course I’ll look after him, I agreed, He’s my best mate."

Tom smiled and nodded, I knew I could rely on you. He said, "He really trusts you, you know. Please be careful around him at the moment. He’s going to need us all to keep things really stable with her back around, messing with his mind."

I swallowed. I would do anything for Sam, anything. He was like a brother to me. I loved him… You can rely on me. I said.

Tom grinned, You know what, He said, I knew you were going to say that.

Chapter 3 – The letter…

Sam

I stared at True. "A letter from my mother?" My insides felt all wobbly and I felt as though I was starting to lose feeling in my legs. I pulled out a chair and flopped down. My palms were sweating and my heart was beating rapidly. Nausea threatened to have me running for the sink but I tried my best to fight through the fight-or-flight feeling that was going on inside and to stay calm.

She nodded, biting her lip. I didn’t know whether to tell you or not…

I swallowed. It’s fine, I can handle it, I lied, wafting my hands in front of my face in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better, give it here.

She passed me the envelope and I took it with slightly shaky fingers. This was surreal. She’d never been able to write in all the time I’d known her. She lived only for the skunk and the sex… I shivered. She’d sold me to anyone for her next fix – and had enjoyed the whole sordid show, too. I guess she could argue that she wasn’t fully aware but I’m not sure I would agree. In my opinion she just wasn’t quite right in the head…

What does it say? True asked quietly.

I shook my head, Nothing much, I said with a sigh, "just that she reckons she’s clean now and wants me to meet her