Harper's Heart

By Yuwanda Black

A Word from the Author

“It is no longer the sexual which is indecent, it is the sentimental.”~Roland Barthes

Why this book; this subject matter?

My romance novels are inspired by many things – from my own personal situations, to stories I hear about from friends, to TV shows, to movies, to conversations I overhear in bars, to dreams I’ve had, to books I read – as a writer, inspiration is everywhere.

This is my first Christian romance. I was inspired to write it because as a modern woman of a certain age, I believe you look back on your personal/romantic life and wish you’d done some things differently.

Not that you necessarily regret your past, but that you wish you’d recognized certain patterns earlier so that you could have prevented some of the heartache.

As the quote at the top of this section alludes to, I believe many of us think nothing of opening our bodies up to a man, but we cringe at the thought of asking them to open up their hearts to us. We don’t want to seem needy or pushy or prudish or out of touch.

As women, I think too many of us stay stuck in patterns in our relationships. We choose the same partners – different men with the same behavior patterns – over and over again. And we wonder why we can’t seem to “get it right.”

One Sunday after I’d started this book, I saw a sermon by pastor Joel Osteen that talked about the potter’s wheel.

“… Jeremiah uses the analogy of the [potter’s] wheel as a type that represents the workings of God as He molds and shapes either a person or a nation into the kind of vessel He desires. … the wheel represents the training He gives, and sometimes the discipline necessary in order that He may obtain the results He desires to have. In EZE 1:15 Wheels always represent progress, motion, purpose, accomplishment.~GBible.org

The foundational message of that sermon was that no one comes into your life by accident; that God uses what you may think are difficult people, circumstances and situations to make you a better person.

Every person is there to help teach you a lesson. He went on to say, the great thing about it is, if you don’t get the message the first time, you’ll keep repeating the same pattern(s) until you learn the lesson you’re supposed to from the experience.

The pastor explained that God made you to shine, to be happy, fulfilled and loved. He doesn’t want you to be sad, heartbroken and lonely. But if you keep choosing the wrong person (ie, don’t get the lesson), then it’s because you haven’t learned the lesson.

The main character in this novel, Harper, keeps getting off the potter’s wheel. She keeps doing things her way – instead of  letting God direct her choices in love.

Because of this, she’s stuck in a pattern with men and after her latest boyfriend breaks her heart, she’s so devastated, she knows that she has to do something different – or she feels she’ll wind up alone, sad and broken. Again, the very opposite of what God created you to be.

One thought that kept coming to me before I started writing this book is that as women, we need to take better care of our hearts – the journey to happiness and fulfillment requires it.

Will you recognize yourself in Harper? Do you keep stepping off the potter’s wheel? Do you keep repeating mistakes with men in your life that keep leading to heartache? Do you know how to find your way out of it?

Maybe Harper’s journey will help – at least that’s my hope; the reason Harper’s Heart was written.

Note: Contains an intimate scene.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Inkwell Editorial Publishing
• Release date: Oct 7, 2014
• ISBN: 9781533755513

Yuwanda Black

I've been a reader of romance novels since I was a pre-teen. I've read hundreds of them. "Everybody wants to be loved." This is the enduring theme of all romance novels. We all want to be loved and accepted for exactly who and what we are. And that's the beauty of love – it keeps the hope alive in each of us that there is someone out there, somewhere, who will love what is unique about us. This is what keeps me reading romance, after romance, after romance. Professional Background I've been a freelance writer – for businesses – since 1993. More about my businesses can be found below. A Romance Writer Is Born I wrote my first romance novel in 2013 (3 Weeks 'til Forever). I decided to give this type of writing a try because the title popped into my head one day and just wouldn't let go. After finishing up several more romances, I realize that I've finally found my calling. I love reading – and now writing and publishing – love stories. In 2014, I formed Inkwell Editorial Publishing to bring as many stories to readers like you as possible. I hope you enjoy reading these novels as much as I enjoy bringing them to you – whether they’re written by me, or by one of our ghost writers. My Businesses New Media Words (http://NewMediaWords.biz) is my online writing company. I also publish http://InkwellEditorial.com, the leading web portal for info on how to start a successful freelance writing career. I've self-published over 50 non-fiction ebooks, mostly on the business of freelance writing, self-publishing and internet marketing. My writing online writing courses can be found at http://InkwellEditorial.Teachable.com. My fiction titles (romance) can be found at http://InkwellEditorialPublishing.com.

Book preview

A Word from the Author

It is no longer the sexual which is indecent, it is the sentimental.~Roland Barthes

Why this book; this subject matter?

My romance novels are inspired by many things – from my own personal situations, to stories I hear about from friends, to TV shows, to movies, to conversations I overhear in bars, to dreams I’ve had, to books I read – as a writer, inspiration is everywhere. And, that’s one of the things I love about being a romance writer.

So why this story?

This is my first Christian romance (most of my novels are contemporary). I was inspired to write it because as a modern woman of a certain age, I believe you look back on life – and I’m talking personal/romantic life here—and wish you’d done some things differently.

Not that you necessarily regret your past, but that you wish you’d recognized certain patterns earlier so that you could have prevented some of the heartache.

As the quote at the top of this section alludes to, I believe many of us think nothing of opening our bodies up to a man, but we cringe at the thought of asking them to open up their hearts to us. We don’t want to seem needy or pushy or prudish or out of touch.

As women, I think too many of us stay stuck in patterns in our relationships. We choose the same partners – ie, different men with the same behavior patterns – over and over again. And we wonder why we can’t seem to get it right.

One Sunday after I’d started this book, I saw a sermon by pastor Joel Osteen that talked about the potter’s wheel.

"... Jeremiah uses the analogy of the [potter’s] wheel as a type that represents the workings of God as He molds and shapes either a person or a nation into the kind of vessel He desires. ... the wheel represents the training He gives, and sometimes the discipline necessary in order that He may obtain the results He desires to have. In EZE 1:15 Wheels always represent progress, motion, purpose, accomplishment.~GBible.org

As the above alludes to, the foundational message of that sermon was that nothing happens or no one comes into your life by accident; that God uses what you may think are difficult people, circumstances and situations to make you a better person; a happier person; a less stressed person.

Every situation and every person is there to help teach you a lesson. And he went on to say, the great thing about it is, if you don’t get the message the first time, you’ll keep repeating the same pattern(s) until you learn the lesson you’re supposed to from the experience.

Why is this? Because, the pastor explained, God made you to shine, to be happy, fulfilled and loved. He doesn’t want you to be sad, heartbroken and lonely. But if you keep choosing the wrong person (ie, don’t get the lesson), then it’s because you haven’t learned the lesson.

The main character in this novel, Harper, keeps getting off the potter’s wheel. She keeps doing things her way – instead of staying on the potter’s wheel and letting God direct her choices in love.

Because of this, she’s stuck in a pattern with men and after her latest boyfriend breaks her heart, she’s so devastated, she knows that she has to do something different – or she feels she’ll wind up alone, sad and broken. Again, the very opposite of what God created you to be.

One thought that kept coming to me before I started writing this book is that as women, we need to take better care of our hearts – the journey to happiness and fulfillment requires it.

Will you recognize yourself in Harper? Do you keep stepping off the potter’s wheel? Do you keep repeating mistakes with men in your life that keep leading to heartache? Do you know how to find your way out of it?

Maybe Harper’s journey will help – at least that’s my hope; the reason Harper’s Heart was written.

Yuwanda

P.S.: Ready to stop repeating the same mistakes in relationships that lead to heartbreak? Complete the Relationship Assessment Exercise at the end of this novel for some insights on how to go about it.

Chapter 1

If after five years you don’t think you owe me at least that amount of respect, then you’re not the man I thought you were, Gibraltar. How could you do that to me? How could you just disappear for eight days with no explanation, no phone call, no text ... nothing? Not a word.

Look Harper, I told you ... it was work. I got called out of town at the last minute. And the client I was working for was some kind of sheik – ultra private; high profile. I was handpicked to do that security job. Do you know what it means to be selected to provide personal security for a client like that? It takes some guys years to work up to it. It happened for me in less than a year, which could lead to bigger things.

And this client didn’t want us using personal phones on the job. That was made very clear from the beginning. I worked 16 hour days; eight days straight. I was tired as hell when I fell into bed at night, and then I had to get up and do it all over again the next day. Look, I’m sorry ... I ...

Let me ask you this Gibraltar ... you said your client didn’t want you using personal cell phones on the job. But the last time I checked, there were 24 hours in a day. You worked 16. By my calculations, that left you eight hours to pee, bathe, eat, fart, brush your teeth ... and anything else you wanted to do. Did you do all of that?

Don’t look at me like I have two heads. Answer me dammit! Harper screamed. Did you go to the bathroom? Did you eat? Did you shower, comb your hair, brush your teeth? Did you scratch your ass?!

And your point is? Gibraltar said, folding his arms across his massive chest.

My point is, Harper hissed, you had time to send a two-second text or leave a ten-second voice message. Your phone is like an appendage. You always have it with you, so I know that wasn’t the problem. I didn’t warrant a few seconds of your time? Really! That’s what hurts the most, Harper continued, a sob settling somewhere in the middle of her chest, some of her anger dissipating into hurt.

You couldn’t be bothered to waste seconds ... seconds Gibraltar! ... to let me know where you were or what was going on. Harper almost slapped herself trying to wipe the tears that came streaming like a river down her cheeks.

What do you want me to say Harper? I’ve tried to explain. If that’s not good enough ...

Harper interjected. Gibraltar’s voice faded. It was almost as if she was in a dream. Remember when we first met, Gibraltar? It was on your birthday. The next day we had our first date and you told me your full name. I’ll never forget it as long as I live. We were walking down some little side street in Soho on our way to Carmenella’s, which became our favorite spot. Remember it?

You were holding my hand and I said, ‘Is Kevin Adams your full name? Do you have a middle name?’ And you said, ‘Actually, I have a couple; I was named after my father.’ Then you said, ‘My full name is Kevin Leon Gibraltar Adams.’

And that’s when you took your hand from mine and covered your mouth to keep from laughing out loud, Gibraltar said, recalling the conversation vividly now.

I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because the names Kevin and Leon didn’t fit. I looked at you and I thought ... Gibraltar. Now there’s a name that’s worthy of the man standing beside me. I could have no more called you Kevin or Leon after learning your full name than I could call my own mother by her given name of Catherine. Mama is the only name that fits her, like Gibraltar is the only name – for me – that fit you.

Harper rushed on, her voice in a race with the sob that had worked its way to her throat as the tears continued their downpour over her puffy cheeks.

From that day forward, I thought of you as my rock; my rock of Gibraltar. I never thought you would intentionally be cruel to me, she cried, gulping air so she could retain the ability to speak through her tears.

But if you can disappear like you did with no explanation, and when you do come back not even bother to pick up the phone – and then have the nerve to get upset when I ask for an explanation, I guess what we have isn’t real—at least not to you.

But you know what? Harper continued, training her eyes on the man she’d loved body and soul since practically the day she met him, I can’t even fully blame you. Even though we’ve  been together for five years, you never wanted to formalize anything. And I went along with it because I was so afraid of losing you.

I thought, she said, futilely trying to keep her cheeks dry of tears, give him time. He’ll see how happy we could be together. He works a lot. At least he’s trying to make something of himself.

"But then there was always that little voice inside that said, ‘He only calls when it’s convenient Harper. Like when he’s had enough sleep, or when he gets the next day off, or when he’s done at the gym, or when he doesn’t have to do overtime. With you, it was always when x didn’t happen, or y did happen, or