A Wife of Valor: Your Strategic Importance in God's Battle Plan

By Rebecca D. Bruner

From the beginning, God designed marriage to play a pivotal role in His strategy for battle against the evil one. The differences between men and women were intended to give us a tactical advantage, enabling married couples to cover each other's backs, but the enemy seeks to exploit those differences to undermine our unity. Satan tempts wives and husbands to fight head-to-head against each other. God wants us to learn to battle back-to-back against the real enemy, defending each other's greatest areas of vulnerability with our unique strengths.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rebecca D. Bruner
• Release date: Jun 1, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311961686

Rebecca D. Bruner

Rebecca D. Bruner is a multi-published author, Bible teacher, and conference speaker. She is passionate about helping women embrace God’s “very good” design for themselves and their families. Her non-fiction book, A Wife of Valor: Your Strategic Importance in God’s Battle Plan, was a 2017 finalist for the Excellence in Editing Award.Rebecca’s primary goal in writing fiction is to share her joy in telling stories with people who find joy in reading them. Some of her favorite pastimes include walking barefoot in the grass, baking, and strolling with her husband around their neighborhood lake. She loves art museums, libraries, live theater, and traveling.

Book preview

A WIFE OF

VALOR

YOUR STRATEGIC IMPORTANCE

IN GOD’S BATTLE PLAN

REBECCA D. BRUNER

A WIFE OF VALOR

Copyright © 2016 Rebecca D. Bruner

Smashwords Edition

For Olivia

I am so blessed be your mother. I am grateful to God for the privilege of seeing you grow into the beautiful young woman you have become. May the God of peace grant you the courage to follow Him without compromise, and may Jesus forever remain the true love of your life.

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

REVIEWS

PERMISSIONS

1 MY JOURNEY

2 THE REAL HERO OF THE STORY

3 WOMANHOOD

4 ELEGANT INTERDEPENDENCE

5 UNDERSTANDING BIBLICAL AUTHORITY

6 CHRIST, OUR ROLE MODEL

7 RANKING UNDER YOUR HUSBAND

8 DON’T ABANDON YOUR POST

9 THE FAMILY CHAIN OF COMMAND

10 MANIPULATION

11 REQUESTING AID

12 SARAH’S FEARLESS DAUGHTERS

13 INTIMATE ALLIES

14 DOING BATTLE BACK-TO-BACK

15 TEARING DOWN STRONGHOLDS OF SHAME

16 A HUSBAND OF VALOR

17 THE ADULTERESS AND HER LIES

18 FIGHTING THE INFERNAL VENUS

19 THE REAL HAPPILY EVER AFTER

APPENDIX A: MAKING JESUS THE BOSS

APPENDIX B: A NOTE TO SURVIVORS

NOTES

WORKS CITED

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

1

MY JOURNEY

There are a million stupid reasons for a young wife to pick a fight with her husband, but this was probably the dumbest. After a relaxing, romantic weekend at a luxury hotel, I found myself embroiled in a heated argument with my husband—over shampoo.

To celebrate our first wedding anniversary we had taken a trip to Loews Ventana Canyon, a beautiful resort hidden away at the feet of the Catalina Mountains near Tucson. This unique oasis had been carefully laid out to work in harmony with the Sonoran Desert. Native trees, cacti, and bushes surrounded the hotel. Even the golf course’s greens looked like islands of well-manicured grass popping up here and there amongst a sea of lush, desert plants.

At the back of the grounds, a small stream tumbled in cataracts over a sheer rock face. It then flowed through the thick stands of native vegetation surrounding the hotel’s central courtyard, and finally out, beneath the lobby to a wide moat where the dramatic colors of koi flashed below the surface.

It was a lovely place, and we had had a lovely weekend. I was sad to leave as I collected the toiletries in the spacious bathroom, with its granite countertop and ample bathtub. Smiling, I packed the remains of the bubble bath, in its long-necked champagne bottle.

This was a high-class hotel. Not only did they provide bubble bath, they also provided every product their guests might require, from shampoo and conditioner, to mouthwash and shoe shine cloths. Some we had used, and some we probably never would, but I gathered them all up anyway and packed them in our toiletries bag.

When my husband discovered my plan to squirrel away all that I could carry, he was less than pleased.

But it’s free stuff, I protested, shocked by his reaction. Why shouldn’t we take it home?

Because we don’t need it. You don’t even like mouthwash. And I’ve got a perfectly good shoe shine cloth at home.

He did have a point, but this only child was used to getting her way. Having grown up without siblings, I’d had very little practice in the art of compromise and cooperation.

Come on, Beck, put the stuff back. My easygoing husband was strangely insistent.

But why? I persisted, unwilling to give in.

Our discussion quickly devolved into an argument. I was fully convinced that I was right, and determined to have my own way. He was equally adamant and would not budge, no matter how I debated or cajoled him. He couldn’t believe that I refused to see his side of things.

At last, my stubbornness pushed him to the breaking point. He resorted to the Christian husband’s trump card, albeit unwillingly. Look, this is a submission issue!

"He’s right, you know," whispered that still, small Voice. There might not be anything immoral about taking the toiletries, but it was no hill to die on, either.

Suddenly I recognized how ridiculous the whole situation really was. I was fighting with my husband as though my life depended on it, and over what? Little bottles of mouthwash and shampoo.

But it was more than that. I was refusing to yield to his leadership, while clutching desperately to my right to have things my own way, to be in control.

I’m really sorry, I sighed.

He drew me into his arms. I forgive you.

Can we at least take home the bubble bath?

That’s fine. We’ll keep the bubble bath.

Now, after twenty-eight years of marriage, we can both look back on that incident and laugh over our mutual immaturity. Did I really say that? my husband remarked. Boy, was I stupid! Yet God used our foolish argument to reveal a key issue in my heart: I was willing to follow my husband’s leadership only when he could convince me that his way was the best way. I wasn’t really standing behind him.

When I got married at the age of nineteen, I knew the Bible taught that wives should submit to their husbands, but I had no clear idea of what that might look like in practice (beyond some vague notions that submissive wives should be docile, subservient, and devoid of opinions). I’d been raised by a single mother and therefore had no actual role model for being a wife.

A sophomore in college, I had the mindset of a wise fool, as that apt title suggests. I was pursuing a liberal arts education at a large, secular university. Like most college students, I toted around a big suitcase full of fuzzy, feminist ideology that I had never really unpacked and examined in light of God’s word.

According to all my professors, submission was nothing less than an effort to repress and degrade women. Personally, I thought it profoundly unfair. On occasion, I even grumbled to my husband about having to do things his way because he’d had the good fortune to be born with a penis.

My attitude was toxic. It posed a danger, not only to my marriage, but more importantly to my relationship with God. Jesus said, If you love me, you will keep my commandments (John 14:15), yet there were all these commands in Scripture regarding marriage that I was unwilling to obey. If I continued to stubbornly go my own way, instead of seeking after His, my love relationship with Jesus couldn’t help but suffer. I could persist in shutting Him out of this area of my life, but I would lose out on a deeper fellowship with Him. I knew my heart needed to change.

I sought the help of a wonderful woman named Jody Miller, who was in my home Bible study. She had been married for about ten years and was home full time, bringing up two young boys. Most importantly, she had a healthy marriage and was confident she was right where God wanted her.

I confessed to her that I knew my heart wasn’t where God wanted it with respect to my marriage, and asked her to mentor me. She agreed, and we began a systematic study of every passage we could find in the Bible related to the roles of women in their homes and in the church.

We examined all these scriptures and discussed them together, praying that God would empower us to put the things we were learning into practice. There was much in the way of enemy propaganda about marriage and womanhood that I needed to unlearn. God used His Word in a mighty way to renew my mind and transform my heart.

In the course of our study, I discovered that submission, far from being a subversive, patriarchal plot to keep women in line, was actually a principle that God desired all Christians to practice. Christ modeled it in His own earthly life, and it characterized our Savior’s relationship with God the Father.

I also learned that the Greek word for submission, hupotasso, is actually a military term meaning to rank under (Vine’s Expository Dictionary, Volume 4, page 86). I realized that everything Paul says about submission in the fifth chapter of Ephesians is directly connected to the sixth chapter, where he admonishes believers to put on the full armor of God and stand firm against the schemes of the devil. I began to see the critical, strategic importance of submission to the spiritual battle that rages around us.

Men and women perceive the world from two very different vantage points. Satan works to pit husbands and wives against one another, provoking us to fight head-to-head. Whenever he can undermine our unity, duping us into viewing our spouses as our enemies, he scores a victory.

God wants us to recognize that, though we are at war, we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). God intends for the differences between men and women to provide married couples with a tactical advantage, empowering us to shield one another against the assaults of the evil one. He wants to train wives and husbands to do battle back-to-back against the real, spiritual enemy, covering our spouses’ greatest areas of vulnerability with our own unique strengths, and relying upon them to do the same for us.

Over the years, I have had many opportunities to share such insights with other women. They have often reported that these lessons from God’s Word have been transformational in their hearts and marriages. I hope that they will have a similar impact in your life.

I am a Bible teacher, and not a marriage counselor. I cannot give you proven techniques for bettering your relationship with your husband, nor can I promise to revive the love you once felt for one another that may have grown cold.

I can teach you what the Bible says to wives. I can share the insights God has entrusted to me that have opened the Scriptures to my own heart, along with some of the ways I have applied these principles for myself. I will endeavor to always speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), but never to tickle your ears (2 Timothy 4:3).

"But you don’t know my husband," you may be tempted to protest. That’s true. I don’t know your husband. But God does. He made your husband and He’s the One who joined the two of you together. Therefore, it is up to you and the Holy Spirit to determine how to apply these principles from Scripture to your own relationship.

The word of God is powerful. It is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword…able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). May God grant you the courage to look at yourself honestly, allowing His truth to deeply penetrate your heart and transform you more and more into the likeness of Christ.

One last thing: this is not about legalistic rules to follow. It’s not about striving hard to become a better wife. Instead, this is really all about loving Jesus, opening your heart to Him, allowing His love to fill you and flow out through you. When Jesus said, If you love me, you will keep my commandments (John 14:15), I initially interpreted that to mean I had to prove my love for Him through obedience. Now, He’s helped me see that true, passionate love for Him is all that I really need to focus on. When we love Him, He does all the rest because love for Him automatically impels us to obey.

CHAPTER ONE

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Have you ever argued with your husband about something that wasn’t really important simply so you could have your own way? How did you feel about it afterward?

2. What assumptions have you held about submission in the past?

3. What fears or concerns do you have about obeying the Bible’s commands for wives to submit to their own husbands?

4. The Greek word translated submission is hupotasso. Look up hupotasso in a Bible dictionary. How do the military origins of this term impact your understanding of the principle of submission?

5. Men and women are very different. In what ways can our differences complement each other instead of dividing us and stirring up conflict between us?

2

THE REAL HERO OF THE STORY

"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things.

To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

Romans 11:36

"It’s all about Me!" The first time I read this slogan of blatant self-centeredness emblazoned across the T-shirt of a young girl, I was stunned. I found it hard to believe that anybody at our Christian summer camp would want to advertise such an attitude.

Boy! Have we got our work cut out for us. As a counselor, it was my responsibility to help the campers learn to love and follow Jesus, but if this kid’s shirt reflected what was truly in her heart, we had a very long way to go.

It could be easy for me to judge that little girl (not to mention her mother, who must have spent good money to plaster the mantra of self-love across her daughter’s chest) if it were not for the fact that I so often fall prey to the same habit of thinking. Far too often, I live as though I were the star of the show. God may have a pivotal role to play in the drama of my life, but He does not get top billing. He will only ever be nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

Because we are limited in our perspective, it’s very easy for human beings to adopt such a mindset. The story of our lives unfolds before us from the first person point of view. We are finite, and so our perceptions of the world around us are subjective and limited. We may attempt to walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes, but we can never really see things through another person’s eyes. Our own perceptions and feelings are the main window through which we see the world, the means most readily available to us for interpreting reality.

Yet, as dependent as we are upon our sense perceptions, they are not always accurate. They can be deceiving. For centuries, human beings believed that the earth was a fixed point in the heavens and that the sun orbited around it. From our vantage point upon the surface of the planet, that is how things appear. We do not feel ourselves spinning through space at over a thousand miles per hour, and so for generations no one even dreamt that we might actually be circling the sun and not the other way around.

Just as philosophers for generations believed in a geocentric rather than a heliocentric solar system, I find myself extremely prone to believe in a human-centric view of the universe: one in which I am the hero of the story, and everything revolves around me. It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in this weakness. There’s a perfect example of a human-centric mindset in the Old Testament when Joshua and the children of Israel are preparing to attack the city of Jericho:

Now it came about when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing opposite him with his sword drawn in his hand, and Joshua went to him and said to him, Are you for us or for our adversaries? And he said, No, rather I indeed come now as captain of the host of the LORD. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and bowed down, and said to him, What has my lord to say to his servant? And the captain of the LORD’S host said to Joshua, Remove your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy. And Joshua did so. (Joshua 5:13-15 NASB)

When Joshua sees the soldier with his sword drawn, he makes a very human assumption: This mighty warrior must either be on our side or on the side of our Canaanite enemies. But the noble fighter’s response is completely different from what Joshua had been expecting. He tells Joshua he’s not on his side or his enemy’s side.