The Crappiest Author

By WTF Man

Borges Svelt set a goal; a goal that he has no hope of achieving: writing 100,000 words in one day. At first he takes baby steps, averaging 25,000 words per day before encountering his first obstacle. With a little ingenuity, can the eccentric author conquer his dream? Or is he totally out of his league? 

Approximately 5,400 words in all. 

EXCERPT FROM THE CRAPPIEST AUTHOR

Borges Svelt wasn’t about to hit the New York Times’ bestseller list anytime soon. Heavens no! He was one of those dreadful self-published authors (eek!), shunned by the industry and despised by his traditionally published peers. Like them, he was eccentric in many ways, from his tacky, plaid socks that doubled as hand warmers to naming every member of the Brady Bunch whenever he reached a mental roadblock. While some writers prefer to stand while they write or sail the seven seas while banging away on their trusty typewriter, Borges felt right at home on his shiny, porcelain throne. Of course, he didn’t mount the toilet with all of his clothes on. That would suggest that he was the least bit sane. On the contrary, he did not wear a shred of clothing. He was the pantless author, ready for anything that came rumbling through his feeble brain…or lower intestine.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WTF Productions
• Release date: Apr 7, 2016
• ISBN: 9781624545085

Book preview

The Crappiest Author by WTF ManCrap

The Crappiest Author

WTF Man

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© 2014 WTF Man. All rights reserved, dude.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form (electronic, mechanical or otherwise) without the express written consent of the author. Seriously!

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, incidents and any other gnarly details are figments of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

E-book layout, formatting and design by who else? WTF Man!

Image(s) licensed by DepositPhotos.com and © Julien Tromeur (#4987333, #5276257 and #12184506) and Jon Larter (#39438295).

Background texture © Maliz Ong and used in accordance with the public domain license described on the following page:

http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=27983&picture=light-background

First Edition (v1.1)

Published on February 23, 2014

Last updated on March 29, 2018

ISBN-13: 9781624545085

Table of Contents

Title Page

Also by WTF Man

Copyright

Opening Quote

The Crappiest Author

About the Author

Ad 1: All An Author Needs

Thanks, Dude!

New York told me that as long as I stayed in the realm of self-publishing, and didn't submit anymore manuscripts to them, I was free to publish whatever crap I wanted.

So I did.

—Borges Svelt

The Crappiest Author

Borges Svelt wasn’t about to hit the New York Times’ bestseller list anytime soon. Heavens no! He was one of those dreadful self-published authors (eek!), shunned by the industry and despised by his traditionally published peers. Like them, he was eccentric in