never thought I’d find myself writing about this topic, but it’s time to address the elephant in the room: I’ve become absolutely obsessed with douching. As a gay man, I like my hole documentary, ready for the David Attenborough of douching to enter me. Lately, I’ve become so fixated on avoiding any innocent little mistakes that I’ve started dodging brunch invitations and diligently sticking to a fibre pill-only diet at weekends. I am starving and all in the name of worry-free sex — but is it worth it for a few minutes of pleasure? Let’s be real! It’s important to note that excessive douching can upset the natural balance of bacteria in the gut. I even had an embarrassing moment in a Manchester hotel room when I’d become so lax with my douching routine that I forgot to clench. Without warning, I unleashed a tidal wave of douche water onto the floor of an ibis Budget. That is true gay shame.
