Fourth Hundred and Nine Poems 1981: 2002

By Paul David Robinson

Fourth volume of poetry includes poems and letters written between 1981 and 2002. They describe the author's feelings and observations as he gets a divorce after leaving the church and work his way through five lovers until he meets his soul mate. His faith in God sustained him throughout. The words to most of the songs he has written are included.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul David Robinson
• Release date: Jan 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9781310663772

Paul David Robinson

Dear Reader,I've been writing stories and poems for sixty years. I have a closet full of rejections and this year I decided to e-pub.The first novel I chose for this is dedicated to my wife, Carolyn. I wrote it in 1998. It is entitled: Summer. It is about pain and suffering, the difficult choices people face, and how love can overcome anything.As a pastor and theologian, I do not separate the sacred and the profane. The difference is in the human mind and not in life itself, just as evil is in the human mind and comes out of the choices people make and not from the devil who made me do it. The devil has nothing to do with it. We are the ones who choose to do evil or good. The whole world is in our hands. Enjoy the books.Paul David RobinsonReverend Paul David Robinson,BA, MDiv, Pastor, Retiredhttps://www.pauldavidrobinson.comhttps://www.pauldavidrobinson.com/blog/

Book preview

DEDICATION

This fourth volume of poetry is dedicated to my soul mate and wife:

Carolyn

It took a long time to find her and some unusual twists and turns.

(Cover photo: Carolyn on our wedding day, May 14, 1985.)

Fourth Hundred and Nine Poems

FROM THE BACK COVER

The Cover was designed by Katrina Joyner. The cover art illustrates Poem 497 on page 225 in this Fourth Hundred and Nine Poems.

Companion of my soul,

Lifetime friend,

I think of you often

in the daylight hours

More often than I even

speak your name

or tell you I love you.

Paul David Robinson

May 20, 1985

TABLE OF CONTENTS FOR

FOURTH HUNDRED AND NINE POEMS

POEM

Dedication: Carolyn, my soul mate

From the Back Cover: Poem 497

419: When we in college become friends

420: Rugged beauty Rough Exterior

421: In Watching Les Miserables

422: Being Alive to Pain

423: Isn’t it strange the feeling

424: My dearest Mistress, What can I say

425: You didn’t call me

426: I looked into dark eyes

427: Thoughts: Let there be light

428: Shalom my friend

429: It is unfathomable

430: Leaving this place

431: Tonight beside me in my bed

432: I wonder sometimes why I bother

433: I thought our friendship would weather

434: I watch a movie

435: What will happen

436: I am really sorry fish

437: For Linda Mae Clifford

438: My Darling, I miss you

439: My Darling, I’m watching

440: Where will I find This love of mine

441: To Cheryl about her Xmas Card

442: Thinking about Secretary

443: Talk about your worries

444: Thinking of you A tall girl

445: For Henry David Thoreau

TABLE OF CONTENTS FOR

FOURTH HUNDRED AND NINE POEMS

POEM

446: Somehow I do not understand

447: Raiders of the Lost Ark is on

448: Unfolding leaves

449: And the wind blows long

450: What am I another life form

451: O Life Let me hold you firm

452: I saw some beautiful flowers today

453: About a friend in need

454: And in the quiet of the night

455: Listen to the music of the earth

456: As time beats by I lie

457: If loving you were like a day

458: In days of waiting through times

459: I think about you darling

460: Somewhere in Africa a pygmy

461: And in this state of mind

462: Time was that long ago I built a star

463: People pacing going nowhere

464: There is some dread in my heart

465: For Esther Mayer Robinson

466: Mother’s Day Thoughts

467: The history of Man is like imprints

468: Stars are peeping Night is coming

469: In the dark of the night

470: Professor said, I love you.

471: Like running water Splashing over

472: Nic is ten years old

473: To name the storm that rages

474: I used to think that my pain

TABLE OF CONTENTS FOR

FOURTH HUNDRED AND NINE POEMS

POEM

475: We can walk and talk

476: In an evening of fog and rain

477: What does it mean, this issue

478: In the early morning

479: When I was young

480: I heard the sound of water falling

481: Trailer without rigs

482: If I were surprised by Death

483: In a morning conversation

484: I feel uneasy and dissatisfied

485: In the night

486: I’m hurting inside

487: When does the year begin?

488: I miss summer

489: Goodbye, Professor

490: Some thoughts for you.

----: My Only Hearts Ad in the Tribune

491: Looking for something?

----: Carolyn’s Response to my Ad

492: Saturday when I left you

493: Waiting for a stranger

494: Carolyn, Maybe this is silly

495: Dear Secretary, I assume

496: Carolyn, When you were sleeping

497: Companion of my soul

498: O Lord, thou art within our lives

508: I wanted peace like a river

499: What time is it?

500: I cry in the night

TABLE OF CONTENTS FOR

FOURTH HUNDRED AND NINE POEMS

SONG

501: For Librarian

502: I thought up a poem today

503: It’s two twenty in the morning

504: To me you’re like a flower I see

505: Diana, the moon is out tonight

506: Blown away by a look

507: Daddy, Please don’t hit me again

508: I wanted peace like a river

509: I saw a new sun rising

510: Just a little faith wishing to grow

511: Death, Thou art a Friend to me

512: We seek thy face, O God

513: Oooo Oooo I cry unto Thee

514: I hear a whispering

515: I need something - a little something

516: O my Lord, Oh-oh-oh, my Lord

517: Have you ever been to Italy or Spain?

518: O God I sing to you A song of praise

519: O Lord, touch my heart

520: You’ve got a mind; You’ve got a brain

521: Silently how silently the teardrops

522: The Word of God is a seed

523: I would have gathered you

524: I know you want to tell me dear

525: To Love you my darling

380: Somewhere there is shining

526: Touch our hearts

527: Poem for Lovers

Dear Reader

Fourth Hundred and Nine Poems

Most of the poems in this book are presented in the order I wrote them. They are numbered from Poem 419 to Poem 527. Nineteen of the last twenty poems in the book are songs with music I would play on my guitar.

Poem 527 on page 285 is a poem out of order. It was written in 1983.

I hope you enjoy these one hundred and nine poems. They were written between April 7, 1981 and February 23, 2002.

To be true to my earlier self, I am signing each poem the way I signed them in the past. Some of the poems are not signed at all; other poems are signed: PdR. That is the way I always sign my initials.

In some instances, I continued to sign some of my poetry with the initials: a. a. I liked the way ee cummings signed his poetry.

I would write poetry on any paper product at hand, like a napkin, placemat, or the back of an envelope. But usually I wrote them on wide-ruled paper.

I wrote everything in pencil or ink. I wrote them when I thought of them and stuffed them into a box. At some point, I began to write the date and time when I started the poem. Sometimes I put down the date and time when I finished the poem. Other times, I just wrote them.

Since dreaming about being married and having children when I was eleven years old, I always felt that there was a soul mate for me somewhere in the universe. She could be one of a billion people on earth. She could be on another continent and our paths would never cross. She could be on some faraway planet in another galaxy and impossible to meet except in my dreams. She might even die of illness or accident before I ever met her in person.

On the other hand, maybe every woman was a possible soul mate with some commitment and some hard work; and all it took was the opportunity to meet her, the time to court her, and the willingness to compromise.

All the lovers I have had (except for two) were potential soul mates, but we had to be able to communicate and be willing to compromise. Different needs, expectations, or the circumstances of our lives at the time would prevent us from becoming a couple.

In March of 1977, my wife forced me to request a change of parishes. I had served that parish for five years and did not want to move. I had developed a routine and was comfortable. I would have had to start an action of divorce if I had wanted to stay in that community another year.

I was not prepared to do that at that time and a divorce may have ended my career at that time as well. I was the sole breadwinner for my family. Our son was only four years old.

I wanted to go to graduate school for a PhD if I did not remain a pastor. There wasn’t time to find a PhD program, so I asked for a move and remained in the marriage.

I did not want to accept the parish offered to me. My wife was ecstatic. They were her kind of people, she told me.

I accepted the appointment against my better judgment because my wife pressured me to do so. At that point, I promised myself to divorce her as soon as it was feasible. With that mindset, I prepared to leave one parish and move to another one.

In June 1977, I met a Seminary Student my age and fell in love with her. When I didn’t follow through on a divorce in August 1977, she dumped me. I wrote about two hundred pages of poem-letters to her that will not be in this volume of poetry. They are in volume five.

In the fall of 1978, my best friend asked me to make love to her. I did and my best friend became my mistress.

Mistress (not her real name) left the state in July 1979. We talked on the telephone as often as possible and we wrote letters when possible.

I don’t know how many pages of poem-letters I wrote to Mistress. I did not keep copies of every letter I wrote to her. Most of what I have will not be in this volume of poetry. It is in volume five.

I was desperately lonely by the fall of 1979. I missed my best friend and mistress so much.

I started an affair with a bored housewife in October 1979. I call her Tuesday-Thursday woman because I had lunch with her every Tuesday and Thursday and gave her dessert before I went back to work for the church.

She was never a potential soul mate. We used each other: she was bored; and I was lonely. We only saw each other when her children were in school. I never wrote a letter to her or a poem for her.

In the spring of 1980, I started graduate school to get a second masters degree. It would be in counseling. I