Sex and the Underground City (Naked Montreal, #1)

By Laura Roberts

What's really going on in the Underground City after dark?

Francesca "Frankie" Parker is Montreal’s go-to tour guide for all things seductive in the Underground City. Business is pleasure for the charming, sophisticated, and tantalizing femme fatale. “Sexy Tourism for Canada’s Fetish Capital” is what her card promises, and mon ami, she delivers.

Toss the travel pamphlets you picked up from the agency and try to hang on to your morals as Frankie takes you by the hand, leading you deep into the Sin City of the North and your wildest fantasies. Tour the absinthe parlors, dungeons and VIP nightclubs.

Are you begging for more? Montreal’s sexiest escort is the fixer and happily plays liaison until your every desire is fulfilled. Sex shops, strip clubs, burlesque festivals, and more await those who are willing to ante up.

If you haven’t developed a fetish yet, don’t worry -- by the time Frankie bids you adieu, you may have a hard time choosing a favorite! She’ll go easy on you and begin with voyeurism. Watch and learn as you explore naked Montreal in Sex and the Underground City.

This is the first installment of a provocative new series by Laura Roberts, author of The Vixen Files. The second, much-anticipated book, Porn Stars & Peccadillos, is now available.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Buttontapper Press
• Release date: Mar 9, 2013
• ISBN: 9781524218744

Laura Roberts

Laura Roberts can leg-press an average-sized sumo wrestler, has nearly been drowned off the coast of Hawaii, and tells lies for a living. She is the founding editor of Black Heart Magazine, the San Diego Chapter Leader for the Nonfiction Authors Association, and publishes whatever strikes her fancy at Buttontapper Press. She currently lives in an Apocalypse-proof bunker in sunny SoCal with her artist husband and their literary kitties, and can be found on Twitter @originaloflaura. Blurring the lines between fact and fiction, Laura has penned the alphabetical travel guides Montreal from A to Z and San Diego from A to Z, offbeat writing guides A Cheater’s Guide to NaNoWriMo and Confessions of a 3-Day Novelist, and the satirical adventure tale, Ninjas of the 512. She is also the editor of the collection Haiku for Lovers, and the forthcoming anthology Everything I Need to Know About Love I Learned from Pop Songs (February 2016).

Book preview

Naked Montreal Part 1

A novel of sex and the underground city

by Laura Roberts

Copyright 2013 Laura Roberts

Published by Buttontapper Press

Smashwords Edition

Cover image Blue Domme

by David Findlay

© 2005

Cover design by Buttontapper Press

––––––––

Publisher's Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author's imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

CONTENTS

Chapter 1: Bienvenue / Welcome

Chapter 2: An Artistic Affair

Chapter 3: Ladies at Play

Chapter 4: Cam Whoring for Fun & Profit

About the Author

- PART 1 -

Chapter 1: Bienvenue / Welcome

Montreal is world-renowned for three main areas of cultural significance:

1. Fine French cuisine

2. Stunning old-world architecture

3. Total sexual deviance

Three guesses as to why I'm here. (All right, the fine French cuisine was a draw at first, but once you've tasted one pâté poutine you've tasted them all.)

Perverts. Prurience. Penis. So many great words start with P. You can find them all in Montreal, along with plenty of beautiful people to keep you company on our icy winter nights. The men and women of Montreal are said to be the most beautiful in the world, thanks to the diligent efforts of Les Filles du Roi – 17th century prostitutes sent by the king of France to populate, in perpetuity, the provinces of the New World. Or so the story goes.

Montrealers have always had a low tolerance for North American standards of propriety. In short: they certainly aren't prudish.

So many P's, so little time.

When you visit the city, the important thing to remember is that although it is charming and beautiful and oh-so-very French, it is not Paris. Any comparisons you wish to make to the City of Lights are perfectly welcome, so long as you keep them to yourself. And if you're American that goes double, my dear, along with any references to Canadian dollars as funny money or starting a sentence with the phrase, Well, back home in America...

You ARE in America, darling: North America. Please bear this in mind at all times, as you gaze and graze through the continent's fabulous capital of low rent, cheap eats, and more hipsters per Mile End than church bells. (Though Mark Twain once observed that one couldn't throw a brick without breaking some stained glass in this holy fuck of a town.)

It's true: you are still in America, although you're standing in the only unilingually French-speaking province in Canada (a technically bilingual country), a place where English is considered a second language for 68% of its residents. Employees of the Societé de transport de Montréal (also simply known as The Metro, our hummy little subway system) are not required, by law, to answer questions furnished in English, and most take this law quite to heart, lashing out in some extreme gutter French when provoked by one too many Bostonian tourists asking, Yo, this bus go to Crescent Street, bro?

Speaking French – even the most mangled and abject variation thereof (as evidenced by the local take on it) – is the key to all successful social interactions in this city. Brace yourself for the culture shock. But don't worry: we all secretly speak English. Some of us simply prefer to mock you in our native tongue, much like our Parisian cousins.

As you enter the Sin City of the North, by land or by air, you should surrender to the feeling that everything you think you know is wrong. To orient yourself on this pouting lip of an island you must understand that, here, all compasses will steer you wrong. While our streets technically run North/South and East/West like all cities built on grids, these directions do not hold magnetically true. Perched like a smirk, smack in the center of the Saint Lawrence Seaway, Montreal is forever askew: East is really north, making north actually west. Don't worry if this is unbelievably confusing (because it is); instead, just look to the enormous iron cross atop our mountain to get your bearings. Remember that you are south if you are downtown, north in Mile End, east in the Plateau, and west in Westmount.

And yes, that really is a mountain and not just a very large hill. Please do not mock Mount Royal nor the park that runs across its countryside, a twisted twin of New York's mighty Central Park, lest you anger the major deities of the city: Frederick Law Olmsted (park designer) and Paul Chomedey de Maisonneuve (city founder). That's MAY-ZAH-NOOV. Say it with me, folks: MAY-ZAH-NOOV. Better. Practice in the mirror, you'll get it.

Further east of the famed mountaintop, which has given our city its name, you'll find our grand boulevard St-Laurent. Shops and restaurants on The Main (as