Desperate Measures

By J.D. Selmser

It only takes one week for your life to change and fate to seal shut. Jason Wang found this out the hard way. This self-indulged teenager who relished the success of being an internet sensation, lived his life to please only himself. He didn’t care what he said or to whom. He didn’t care that is, until the day he died. Suddenly he finds himself accountable for all the things he didn’t do and realizes the affects of his actions as his sins are laid out before him.

With the ghost of Hazel, a young girl he met years before, he embarks on a week long journey that will forever change the course of his destiny. This week starts at the funeral of a young country girl. He quickly finds out that he was a contributing factor to the reasons this young girl took her own life. Buried in the consequences of his sins, Jason sets out to make things right. During this week you will see Jason struggle to come to grips with the person he was, the person he became and the redemption he seeks.

• Language: English
• Publisher: J.D. Selmser
• Release date: Nov 19, 2015
• ISBN: 9780994878335

J.D. Selmser

When J.D. Selmser is not too busy 'saving the world' or 'being awesome' he enjoys chasing sunsets and waterfalls. OK maybe he does not save the world, but he is always dreaming big and chasing those dreams wherever they might lead him. He is a hopeless romantic who traveled 1100 kilometres every weekend just to spend less than two days with the woman he is in love with until she was able to move to be with him.Monday through Friday, he's an IT ninja, defending "the people and their computers" against nasty viruses and hackers. Wielding his mouse like a set of flaming nun chucks, causing most unwanted applications to shrivel back in shame. By night and weekends he is the king of scary monsters and romance sitting at his computer writing about endless love and those that grab hold of it and never let go, no matter.Like most writers his goal is to put the pictures that are in his mind on paper and invite his readers on a heartfelt journey between heaven and earth and watch the war between Demons, Angels and a multitude of other creatures. As much as his readers tell him that his characters shock them so do his readers shock him too. The most evil characters are the ones he hears are the most interesting and some of the ones he thinks will be the most beloved characters are the most hated.

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desperate MEASURES

J.D. Selmser

Ottawa, Ontario

Copyright © 2015 by J.D. Selmser.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed Attention: Permissions Coordinator, at the address below.

Find out more about the author and upcoming releases online at www.jdsemser.com.

Contact me at [e-mail]

Publisher’s Note: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.

Book Layout ©2013 BookDesignTemplates.com

Cover design @2015 J.D. Selmser

Editing by S. Fournier & Julie R

Smashwords Edition

ISBN 978-0-9948783-3-5

Contents

Chapter 01 – Forget about heaven

Chapter 02 – Dancing with death

Chapter 03 – Nail in the coffin

Chapter 04 – Seeing the light

Chapter 05 – Walking between the tombstones

Chapter 06 – Seeing the spark in the night

Chapter 07 - Where there is hope

Chapter 08 – Tears from heaven

Chapter 09 – Scars on my heart

Chapter 10 - Expectations & Disappointments

Chapter 11 – Second chances

Chapter 12 - A piece of your soul

Chapter 13 – Truth & Consequences

Chapter 14 – The longing

Chapter 15 – The heartache

Chapter 16 – After affect

Epilogue

A note from the author

About the author

Chapter One

Forget about heaven

This might come as a surprise to you, but you can take everything that you ever thought you knew about love, soulmates, even the afterlife and literally throw it out the window. What I am about to tell you will change your whole belief system. I mean, no matter what you believe, it's wrong. My name is Jason Wang and the day I died, everything changed and not in a good way. I died and found myself at somebody else's funeral. It wasn't even anybody I knew. I expected something completely different and I had good reason to. I am a nice, charming guy that everybody adores. So of course, I expected to go straight up the staircase beyond the gates and find a girl named Hazel waiting for me, full of smiles. I had good reason to think that it was the way it would work. She told me she would be waiting for me the first day we met three years ago.

Everybody has moments in their life that help shape how the world sees them. It's like a shining moment that defines not only who we are today, but how the world sees us every day afterwards. For me, it was a moment of weakness when I was thirteen years old that opened the world’s eyes and left me with an image that I could never live up to. Well, not in real life anyway. I wasn't really anything special back then. I was just another geeky Asian kid who loved to sing and dance with hopes of becoming the next great sensation.

My mother’s friend had a daughter who was dying of a brain tumour or something like that. It was inoperable. Which still amazes me considering that it appears as though modern science seems to be able to cure everything these days. Anyway, I was being forced to come to the hospital and wait because my mother wanted to show support for her friend in this time of need. I was left to entertain a dying stranger while my mother went off to share a coffee.

I was sitting there not knowing what I should do. I know that everybody says, I am sorry about it. and, Is there anything I can do to help? but, I never really understood it. It's not like it actually makes any real difference. I just met this girl after all. We weren't friends, family or anything that really mattered, so why say it? I don’t think it makes them feel better.

So, I was sitting there in this hospital room staring out the window at the clouds as they rolled by. The place smelled like bleach and even though they had coloured bears with rainbows and clouds on their tummies plastered on the walls, it didn't make the place any more cheerful. Of course, this was the first time I had ever seen a hospital room, but I can't imagine any other hospital room being more comforting to a scared twelve-year-old.

Her name was Hazel. Her brown eyes smiled warmly at me as she stared at my guitar case. You play guitar? The smile on her face told me that she was impressed by the mere fact that I had it.

I don’t know why I wanted to impress this dying girl who wore a cheap looking rug-like wig trying to cover up her baldness. I honestly don’t know if it was shaved or some side effect from medication, but either way, if she trying to hide being bald, it wasn't working. Anyway, I was kind of shy back then and definitely wasn't good at talking to girls, especially dying strangers, so I just shrugged, staring at the floor and mumbled, I am trying to learn.

With a bubbly giggle, she leaned forward and touched my hand whispering, Play me something.

I didn't want to admit that I only knew one song, so I just whimpered, I am just learning and you'll laugh at me.

Covering her mouth, she laughed as she replied, I can't play a note so why would I laugh at you? She was one of those girls that no matter how hard you try to say no, you can't. It's something in the eyes I think. They shine so bright that you are scared if you disappoint them that the fire inside them might burn out and be gone forever. She reached a little closer, touched my arm and whispered, Please play me one song. Just one?

I nodded and started to unpack my guitar. I was embarrassed by how old and scratched up it was. I am sure that at one time it looked magnificent and the cherry wood just shined, but it was just an old scuffed up acoustic guitar when it was given to me. It was so old and beaten that when my neighbours moved away, they just left it. I found it and with a weekend of scrubbing, cleaned it up and started learning to play it from a bunch of Learn to play guitar in 90 days cds.

Hazel’s eyes glowed as I opened the case. I am not sure if she had seen a guitar before or not, but either way, by the look in her eyes, I think that she thought that it was a classic guitar of value rather than somebody's unwanted junk. As I stared into her eyes, I saw something that I had never seen before. Being a young, unexperienced thirteen-year-old, I thought that it was one of those love at first sight moments. No, I knew that at that moment, I was the closest thing to true love that Hazel would ever know. It was the first time I really ever wanted a woman to stare at me with love in her eyes.

I started to strum the strings softly at first, trying to find my rhythm. In my mind, I always thought that when this moment came, I would just pick it up and start playing a classical riff like Randy Rhodes did on my favorite Ozzy Osbourne album. Yes, even today, Randy’s skills stand out amongst the crowd. Anyway, I was sitting there on the edge of Hazel’s bed playing my guitar and she was watching me with such adoring eyes. I just wanted to play something that would stand out in her memory. I started playing and singing, The Calling’s Wherever You Will Go. I was lost in the meaning of the song and felt such strong sadness. I had played the song a hundred times before, but tonight, I understood the meaning for the first time. Not that I was head over heels in love with her, but as I sang each word in the song, I could suddenly feel the meaning inside me. I didn’t think that the day I knew what love was for the first time, would leave such a lump in my throat.

I looked up and Hazel’s eyes seemed filled with such sadness. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t mean to break her heart. I saw fear and loneliness in her eyes and it made me want to cry on the inside. I only knew one song or at least I could only play one song worth a damn and I played it. There might have been a small piece of me that wanted to impress her with a romantic song about lost love, but I didn’t mean to make her sad. I wanted to entertain her, not add sadness to an already sad life.

Don’t cry for me., she stated with smiling eyes. Don’t you dare cry for me.

I wasn’t thinking when I answered her or else I would have chosen something different to say. I hadn’t even realized that my eyes had watered up. It embarrassed me and I wiped away the tears on my sleeve and the words, I am not crying for you. I am crying for me and the world. slipped out. I didn’t know what I was thinking, but the words just kept flowing out uncontrollably. I have only known you for less then an hour and your personality has already touched my heart. I have sung that song so many times, but its meaning only came to life as I sang it and stared into your eyes.

Hazel’s jaw just dropped open as her eyes became glossy. No you can’t say that to me. You can’t give me hope because I go to sleep every night wondering if this is the night that I will die. Don’t look at me that way. It was strange to see how much of an impact my minute of weakness had on her. My father always told me that you can’t always know how the world will react to the kindest of gestures and Hazel was evidence of this. Her eyes were still glossed over, but not a single tear fell as she continued, My mother looks at me that way and it breaks my heart more than knowing I will never get my first kiss from a boy. Not on the cheek. I mean a passionate kiss like I see in the movies.

I hadn’t really thought about the firsts that she would miss. It wasn’t like I was a moron or anything like that. Obviously, the younger you die, the less you get to do in life which is only common sense, but I had never really thought about the inventory that someone might take when they die. I had always thought that when we die, our list of regrets would be of all those things we did, but wished we hadn’t done, not the things we never had time to accomplish. I wanted to say something wonderful that would fill her heart with hope, but I couldn’t think of anything with my limited experience. I hadn’t even been on a date, let alone kissed a girl. How was I supposed to know what to say? I just strummed my guitar and watched her.

No matter how hard I tried, it was hard not to think about her as a girl and not my mom’s friend’s dying daughter. I wondered, if she wasn’t sitting here dying, would she even have noticed me? I was just another skinny, big-eared Asian kid who couldn’t talk to girls, wasn’t good at sports and despite what the world thought, wasn’t good at math or chess. I was just a little under average. In a geeky way, that meant most of my life was spent trying to blend in rather than stand out.

I was lost in these thoughts when Hazel leaned over and kissed me. It wasn’t one of those long drawn out girly kisses like you see on daytime soap operas, thank God, but more like a speedy kiss. It was just a touch and go thing, kind of like you usually see on TV when two friends kiss each other on the cheeks. It actually happened so fast that before the shock of it could take over, it was done. I looked at Hazel who seemed oblivious to my shock and confusion and just sat there staring at me with this goofy looking grin on her face. I was overcome by the romantic nature of your song and the way you think that the world will cry because I am no longer in it. I could feel my face heating up and could just imagine how bright it must be. It had always been a curse for me that when I blushed, my whole face glowed like a Christmas light and here, I was doing it again.

Hazel’s touch was cool as she reached over and touched my hand. Maybe all sick people are like that, I don’t really know, but before I could even say another word, she giggled and kissed me again whispering, I just wanted to kiss at least two boys before I die and since I only have one, I thought I would kiss you twice and pretend you had a handsome twin brother.

I forced a laugh and responded, I thought I was the handsome one., as I continued to strum my guitar.

Still smiling she added, You are the handsome one. The other twin is too big and muscular with dimples. A loud giggle followed as she added, But he does know how to play a guitar like you do. Her face went serious as her head dropped. She whispered, Can you promise me something?

Anything, just ask. You are my first kiss after all., as I tried to force a warm smile onto my face even though my heart was smashing so hard in my chest, I thought that it was going to explode. I didn’t have any idea what she could possibly ask me to do. A million thoughts ran through my head, from becoming her boyfriend, to God only knows what, but inside I was trembling like my little two-year-old brother during his first lightning storm.

In a sad whisper she asked, Just don’t forget me or this minute in your life ok? I let of a long sigh of relief as those words left her lips. I guess that my eyes told a lot more than I thought because Hazel’s smile grew as her eyes got big and she burst out with, OMG what were you thinking I was going to ask? Patting the bed with her hand she added, You are such a man. Falling back on the bed with her arms waving in such an exaggerated motion, Did you think I was going to say take me here and now in front of all the nurses, you giant stud you? Still giggling, she started to fan her face with one hand while placing the other on her forehead, Oh take me here and now before visiting hours are over and they take you away forever.

I was starting to go from embarrassed to being annoyed as she kept it going on and just mumbled, I didn’t know what you were going to ask.

Sitting up, she crossed her legs and playfully added, Oh don’t be mad at me. I was just playing along, but I am serious, don’t forget me or this day. You will have a lot of wonderful moments in your future and a lot of great firsts, but this is one of my moments and a big first for me. I shared it with you. I don’t want one of my great firsts to be lost when I die.

I will carry your name in here. I responded as I placed my hand over my heart. You will not be forgotten.

Tossing an opened pack of lifesavers over to me, she smiled and responded, Good because I don’t want to be easily forgotten. Squeezing the orange candy between her teeth, she smiled, pulling me over and snapped a picture of us together. There it is., she said smiling.

There what is? I asked staring at the picture.