Diva Bitch

By Karen O'Coffee

Diva Bitch is a humorous guide for women of all ages. It is to help them stand up for themselves by allowing their internal bitch to come out at any given appropriate, rather than inappropriate, time. Beginning with the young girl who learns early how manipulation can lead to failure when a smile and sob will have far better results, to the successful business woman and how her bitch needs to be unleashed at will.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Karen O'Coffee
• Release date: Sep 17, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311652492

Karen O'Coffee

Karen O'Coffee is a published author. With writing a major passion and part of her life, she decided to use her many years of counselling and psychology experience to create Diva Bitch. English born, Ms. O'Coffee lives in British Columbia, Canada..

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Copyright 2015 Karen O’Coffee

Published by Karen O’Coffee at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

DEDICATION PAGE

To all bitches everywhere

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My heartfelt diva thanks goes to Ashley Sawchuk for her amazing editing of this book.

Thank you also to Miles Godfrey for his tech assistance.

To A.D. Hebenton for marketing Diva Bitch, I cannot thank you enough, and to Jeff for the website.

Please visit me at divabitch.ca.

DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS

DIVA

Prima Donna (a temperamental person)

BITCH

A malicious, spiteful woman

INTRODUCTION

Anyone can change from being a pretentiously, self-indulgent princess to a successful, considerate woman who doesn't expect to be seen in a royal light.

A female can shed the sometimes heavy coat of snaky bitchiness to emerge into the dawn of a different type of bitch who can turn DIVA into AVID or enthusiastic.

By being disarming, a charming goddess can use her keen motivation to her best advantage by building for herself a full life of unspoiled reward far superior to that craved by an unremarkable prima donna.

Acquiring the title of Diva Bitch is far from simple, for it belongs to the complicated yet highly accomplished woman who has, in her own right, learned how not to let obstacles derail her on her journey.

Confidence is from where everything else stems. If you sincerely believe in who you are, you will achieve those things in life which matter to you. You will attract the right people, land the best jobs, succeed in relationships and be noticed for the self-worth you know you possess, whether it's as a friend, mentor, coworker, boss, wife, sister or mother.

While examining the techniques of bitching through detailed examples of both good and bad bitches it is important to comprehend the difference between the two. Do not pretend or assume you are flawless, but instead accept the reality that as a human being you have faults.

Ahead, perhaps you might glance at the person you used to be, the one you are now, the one you may like to become or even the girl you would never choose to be. Whatever you take away from the following ideas or suggestions, be true to yourself.

Be absolutely true to the totally fabulous Diva Bitch who is about to emerge!

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Introduction

Dictionary Definitions

About The Author

Connect with the Author

CHAPTER ONE: GETTING STARTED

Bitching

Bitch in Training

Princess Bitch

Hormonal Bitch

CHAPTER TWO: CHOICES

Life's a Bitch

Rude Bitch

Devious Bitch

Everyone Can Be a Bitch

Becoming a Better Bitch

CHAPTER THREE: DIRECTION

Why Bitch?

Why Not Bitch?

Bitch Techniques

Daily Bitch

CHAPTER FOUR: SUCCESS

Educated Bitch

Fit Bitch

Quit Bitching

Gossiping Bitch

CHAPTER FIVE: CAUTION

Judgmental Bitch

Secretive Bitch

Complaining Bitch

Determined Bitch

CHAPTER SIX: CONTROL

Assertive Bitch

Jealous Bitch

Tacky Bitch

Queen Bitch

CHAPTER SEVEN: UNDERSTANDING

Miserable Bitch

Dumb Bitch

Fat Bitch

Lazy Bitch

CHAPTER EIGHT: PROTECTION

Crazy Bitch

Scared Bitch

Sarcastic Bitch

Insincere Bitch

CHAPTER NINE: STRENGTH

Happy Bitch

Confident Bitch

Accomplished Bitch

Genuine Bitch

CHAPTER TEN: ATTITUDE

Rich Bitch

Spoiled Bitch

Ungrateful Bitch

Shy Bitch

CHAPTER ELEVEN: APPROACH

Realistic Bitch

Creative Bitch

Lying Bitch

Scheming Bitch

CHAPTER TWELVE: ATTACK

Vengeful Bitch

Spiteful Bitch

Real Bitch

Two-Faced Bitch

Tearful Bitch

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: EXPRESSION

Drama Bitch

Frustrated Bitch

Articulate Bitch

Communicating Bitch

CHAPTER FOURTEEN: TOLERANCE

Bossy Bitch

High Road Bitch

Cheating Bitch

Manipulating Bitch

CHAPTER FIFTEEN: DISRESPECT

Disagreeable Bitch

Discriminating Bitch

Disregarding Bitch

Disruptive Bitch

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: PERSONALITY

Moody Bitch

Humourless Bitch

Selfish Bitch

Tardy Bitch

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: ACCEPTANCE

Targeted Bitch

Chillaxed Bitch

Loyal Bitch

In Charge Bitch

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: CLEVER

Smart Bitch

Intelligent Bitch

Skillful Bitch

Stubborn Bitch

CHAPTER NINETEEN: ULTIMATE

Dedicated Bitch

Sympathetic Bitch

Fundamental Bitch

Charismatic Bitch

CHAPTER TWENTY: WRAPPING IT UP

Perfect Bitch

In the name of Bitchihood and Bitchiness

Bitchin' (the climax)

CHAPTER ONE: GETTING STARTED

This chapter is about the early years of bitching.

It is an introduction to the journey of self-development.

BITCHING (the beginning)

It all begins here. If you learn at a young age to bitch only when it matters, your skills will carry you through the sometimes tough adolescence and teen years, the twenties, thirties and onward with each decade launching you into even greater bitching accomplishments than you ever dreamed possible.

Before you knew the word, before you had the right reactions and before you had any training you learned that tantrums often got you what you wanted. You also discovered they were ignored from time to time too, but nonetheless they were the prelude to your developing bitchiness.

From early learned behaviour you were able to judge how much you could push mom and dad and when to hold back; how far the tears would get you and how loudly you needed to yell. Often sobs got you results when out and out screaming just didn't cut it. Hopefully, as you got slightly older you realized before things became too painful, that other ways existed for you to achieve what you wanted without the dramatics and possible punishment. Failure to catch on to this alternate system might have started you on a path to becoming spoiled. See Chapter Ten's Spoiled Bitch.

Instead, you understood you just might need to use your magnificently developing brain.

Bitch in Training

Right from the start, sharing food or toys with siblings and visiting menaces requires a little cunning. Toddlers don't quickly get the concept of sharing which makes it a hard lesson when they really don't know yet how to 'play well with others'. Doubly difficult is the learning process when one child has a toy but wants that which another has, seeing no reason why he or she cannot have both.

Some time passes. For the young girl who works out that when smiling sweetly at daddy results in her being given the ice cream cone, she has every reason to drop the failed tears approach.

I was five years old when I was hospitalized over Christmas. Looking back I wonder if I was clever beyond my diva years without knowing it. The nurses were great as were the kids. On Christmas morning, following Santa's visit to our large ward on Christmas Eve, we were all surprised and excited to find a gift at the end of our beds. I had a green stuffed zebra while the girl in the next bed got a beautiful doll. I remember feeling genuinely happy that Santa had not forgotten us, but pissed right off that she had the doll and I didn't. I knew better than to be ungrateful, but secretly cried when my mom cuddled me later that day. I expect my spirits were low and I recall feeling sad that I didn't love my zebra as much as I should have. I'm not sure I had ever felt envy until that point.

Wouldn't you know it though upon my arrival home we had a family Christmas. I think you can guess what I was given. You're correct and she was the most beautiful doll I'd ever seen. Everyone made a big fuss of me while my brother, only two and very short on patience, became like hell on wheels. He slammed into the adults, smacking them on their bums (which was as high as he could reach), yelling and 'not playing well with others' at all. He did not like to be ignored even though he was told the day was for me. Was I already learning to enjoy the attention of everyone focusing on me, while being just a tiny bit of a diva? I don't know, but I sure loved that doll! Maybe I was a small, very young Bitch in Training.

Certain unidentified skills are beginning for the junior bitch. One lesson she needs to learn from the get-go is to show respect to others and particularly adults. As she becomes older it won't always be easy, but will go a long way in securing strong relationships. Being given respect in return is not a right, but something which must be earned -and held on to. It will help in the building of character.

Down the road, there are very few teens who don't think, at some point, that they know better than their parents. It often takes many diva years before most of us look back on our lives to recognize only then the need we actually did have to learn from our elders.

Ready to master the ropes, the Bitch in Training is about to be launched.

It is your time to begin the journey to bitch success as is your female right and if you are any good at it, you will develop your sweet side- you know, the one that discovered a smile worked better than tears where ice cream was concerned. Even though your skills are coming along well you are in training remember. Therefore, an experienced teacher is great to have as are good friends who are a tad further along in their quest for bitch domination. Some of you younger models don't actually need a tutor as the art comes very naturally. You can only get better provided you remain calm so as not to look un-cool by losing your temper.

As a Bitch in Training you will no doubt make mistakes along the way but think of these as practice runs. Sort of like being on a ski hill. Practice makes perfect when we realize we always have something to gain. Rome, as they say, was not built in a day, and neither will you achieve absolute bitch status overnight, but it will happen.

You'll get there- the right way.

Princess Bitch

You always look good because you make sure of it. You have a move forward approach to life and are popular. You also want things done for you quickly. After all, you believe that is your right as a diva, but too many orders might result in a rebellion from the masses. Royalty for the princess has its place so unless you live in a palace, be considerate of those you want to carry out your bidding.

It would be better to be like Cinderella than either of her two really ugly and cruel step-sisters. Seriously, who would want to be that unattractive! They were even more horrible on the inside than they were to look at. Nobody ought to be that mean. You may recall how gentle Cinderella allowed herself to be treated like the dirt she had to clean up every day until, that is, she developed a bit of a backbone by going to the ball and eventually landing the Prince. True, she had help from her amazingly brilliant fairy godmother. That's why you're going to learn how never to settle for second place when you can come in first regardless of how the odds are stacked against you.

However, on the way to discovering yourself please remember in your quest for obtaining the key to the castle, how kind Cinderella was. The trouble for the 'steps' came when they underestimated the one person they would have done well to respect. She didn't drive people away by barking out orders. She left snippy behaviour to her step-mom and step-sisters, having no need to use underhanded persuasion in order to have the life she wanted with the Prince, although losing that glass slipper was a total stroke of genius which hurt absolutely no one while enabling her to capture her man.

Keep in mind that your wishes are not necessarily those of the people around you and it is altogether possible they might resent your prima donna attitude.

Remember, as a Princess Bitch you have room to grow to your full-blown queen potential. It won't happen overnight but with patience and a lot of attention paid to those who can teach you, anything is possible.

You will be royally amazing.

Hormonal Bitch

At any teenage point, before, during and even after becoming a princess, the hormonal changes kick in and sometimes pretty violently. Being female is so much fun but it certainly has its questionable phases.

Adults wonder to where the sweet child disappeared and who the sometimes raging, angry, distant girl is who's taken over her body.

Yes, the altered state can be daunting for the adolescent woman just getting