The Colony

By RMGilmour

Dimensions could not keep them apart, but can the A.I. controlling his world?

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 30, 2015
• ISBN: 9781483551432

Book preview

978-1-4835514-3-2

1

First Contact

Really? I cursed at my shoes.

My ankle had twisted for the third time. But I shouldn’t blame the shoes. My fault for thinking I could traverse a forest path in low heels. My fault for not changing before I’d left my apartment. Though I hadn’t given a thought to changing, I’d just left in a big hurry, needing my river.

At the forest edge, I kicked off my shoes, deciding I’d rather brave any prickles hiding in the grassy field that stretched toward the river, than twist my ankle again.

The distraction helped, but not enough. What I needed was to jog the length of the river from end to end; the pounding of my feet upon the soft grass always helped silence the pain. But without my running shoes, jogging barefoot was about as smart as traipsing through the forest in heels.

Having left my apartment on impulse, I was still uncomfortably dressed from my appointment with Dr. Riley. It had gone as well as every other therapy session - he talked and I breathed. But it was there beside the river that I could more easily, deal with the void.

Three years, I whispered, and softly clasped my left ring finger, missing that gentle weight. But that only made the void ache worse and I quickly pulled my hands apart, clenching them both into fists. The emptiness that filled my chest pressed from the inside out as though it was trying to escape the confines of my body and swallow me up entirely. Most days I could deal with it, but today I just wanted to scream.

Upon reaching the river, I hung my legs over the embankment and leaned back upon my elbows. Then staring out at the setting sun, I focused on the colors, pink and orange, as they streaked across the sky, lighting up the few stretches of clouds.

The colorful display worked. The void withdrew its attempted ownership as it retreated along with colors of the sun, leaving the sky in a suspended state of in-between night and day before the stars could begin to shine through.

It was when those stars first appeared that my sense of calm had returned, enough for me to notice the difference inside. I couldn’t say exactly when the change had taken place, I’d been too absorbed by the sky. For I felt for the first time that I wasn’t alone, that I was connected to more than just my own sense of self. That I was whole.

I didn’t move. I didn’t want to breathe or blink. I didn’t want to lose this new feeling, and so I lay there, mesmerized by the glimmering lights in the darkening sky.

Wow! That was beautiful! a voice whispered.

I whipped my head around in every direction, my chest constricting as I feared the worst. But there was no one near me. There should have been. His voice was right in my ear.

Perfect, I muttered to no one. Now you can add hearing voices to your shrinks to do list.

You can hear me? he asked.

I jumped to my feet, but didn’t completely stand. If there was someone near I needed to be ready.

Of course I can hear you! I tried to keep my voice from wavering. Show yourself.

Staying low to the ground, I watched the field before me for any movement. There was none. It was getting darker by the second, but I was quite sure no one was out there.

How can you…? he began.

My fingers grasped the cool blades of grass, steadying me as I twisted around. I glanced down into the trickling river bed and then across to the other side. But it was just another empty field.

Where are you? I demanded, but my courage was waning. This stops right now.

I’m in your head. And he sighed as though he was the one that needed to accept the fact that we were conversing when we shouldn’t be.

The tightness in my chest relaxed as I released my withheld breath, and I fell forward onto the grass. That time I had distinctly heard the difference; the voice was in my head. I tried not to react. Tried to keep it all inside, and just breathe. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with this, other than to call Dr. Riley first thing in the morning.

Who’s Dr. Riley?

This isn’t real, I mumbled. It can’t be.

Why not? he whispered. I’m real.

Nooo, I sighed. I’m not crazy, I’m not crazy. I won’t lose any more pieces.

Clutching at the grass, I remained face down, breathing in its sweet, earthy scent.

Pieces of what?

I groaned, not sure if I should even respond. Though each time he spoke his voice soothed the rough edges of my nerves, calming me despite the insanity, and I rolled over to stare up the glistening sea above me.

Pieces of me, I whispered to the stars.

I don’t understand.

It was clear the voice was not going anywhere anytime soon, and so I conceded to the fact that I was going to have a conversation with - possibly - myself. And a male version of myself at that.

You’re not supposed to, I told him. Why? Why now?

Why now what?

Why are you in my head now? I was doing ok on my own.

Well, if the pain I felt when I first connected with you was what you would call ok, then I would not like to be here when you’re not.

You’re welcome to leave anytime.

And technically I’m not in your head.

What does that mean, technically…If you’re not in my head then where are you?

Where I am, we have a Central Unit, a… machine that is helping me connect to you, to see through your eyes, and to bring back those images. Only you’re not supposed to know I’m here.

Huh? was all that would make it out of my mouth.

My fingers gingerly examined my head, feeling for lumps, sure I’d fallen down somewhere on the way to the river and I’d just forgotten maybe. But my head was fine. Though if my brain was that messed up that I’d conjured… I didn’t know what… then perhaps I should seriously consider Shady Lane.

Ok, I’ll play along for now…

What’s Shady Lane?

You don’t want to know, I sighed. At least you speak English. At least he wasn’t speaking Selenite.

Actually, I don’t. At least I don’t think I do. The Central Unit’s connection between us would give you the ability to understand me, and vice versa.

My breath erupted from me. The translator part I could understand, it was the connection part I was having trouble with.

Do you have a name? I asked, in an effort to keep things simple.

Jordan.

Nice, I thought.

Thank you.

And I stopped. Realization sinking in. So, you can hear my thoughts too!

Only when you think them.

Huh? I seriously needed to stop saying that.

I can only hear your thoughts when you put them into words, give them substance.

This time I clamped my teeth together, determined not to let that monosyllabic question loose again. I was pretty sure I hadn’t done any light reading lately, on any of the topics he’d brought up so far. If I was finally losing it and talking to myself, then I had no clue where my brain was getting this stuff from.

I sighed once more. Where did I go from here? Where indeed! I thought, realizing he hadn’t actually answered my earlier question.

"Jordan, if you’re not technically in my head then where are you?"

Ahh, he laughed. The sound vibrated through me as though he was shaking me awake, and I caught my breath, trying to hold on to the new life inside.

But it soon subsided.

Is that too funny a question?

Technically I’m at home, but I’ve also traversed spacetime and am a presence in your head.

Huh? Dammit! What, like a ghost? You’re a ghost in my head. Are you telling me I’m possessed now?

What’s a ghost?

It was possible someone was messing with me. But I dismissed the idea. I didn’t know anyone.

The spirit of a person whose body is no longer alive.

Of course not. I’m as real as you are. We are in a similar space, just different… dimensions. I told you, we have a Central Unit that is connecting me to you.

Great! While I was walking through the forest, he was walking through the stars. Yep, sure thing.

And how is it doing that? I asked, but only because it was the most logical question, not because I was expecting to understand the answer.

On the sub-atomic level, there are particles that can shift through multiple planes as easily as you and I are conversing. It is these particles that our Central Unit has aligned, connecting our biological signatures, our unique frequencies. It connects us with those that have the most similar patterns.

What he said made no sense to me. They were just words forming sentences in a way that I’d never before dreamed I would hear words strung together. I digested what I could and vowed to watch the Science channel more often.

How often do you… connect with… someone?

Actually, you’re my first attempt, he cleared his throat, pausing before resuming. But no one has come here for quite a long time. The last one that did had very few images the Central Unit would share with us.

You… your… people have been here before, I was not really questioning, more so acknowledging that I’d heard right.

Yes, we can’t see much of our own world so we draw what we can from others.

To do what with? I asked, stemming the flood of questions his sentence piqued; I wasn’t yet ready to delve too deeply into a world I wasn’t even sure existed.

To keep us occupied, inspired.

So, you don’t work?

We work. We give what we can to the Central Unit and it gives us all our wants, all our needs, keeps us who we are.

What exactly do you give to it?

I create images, landscapes mostly. I plan to recreate your sunset and your stars. You have the most extraordinary colors.

So you’re… like a painter. That’s a… pleasant way to make a living.

I’d tried painting and drawing as part of my therapy, and while it was fun, stick figures were all that would come out of my hands, and the paints had only made a mess.

What is it you do?

I like to write. But so far only two books, and that was before… I caught myself at the last moment before the memories began, and diverted my response. But lately, magazine articles, mostly about the importance of keeping one’s identity and financial security when married, my voice breaking on the last word.

Hmm.

He didn’t speak for some time causing me to question if I was alone once more. But I still felt whole, the emptiness hadn’t even hinted at returning and I wondered if this whole feeling that now filled me was him, and if he left, would the feeling go with him?

Jordan? I quietly checked. Not that I wanted a voice in my head, but apart from the technical details that my brain was having trouble with, so far it wasn’t so bad.

Yes?

Still there, You went quiet.

Just puzzling over what you said. Books I’ve heard of before. But magazine articles? Financial security?

I chuckled. They were such simple concepts, yet too complicated for me to put into one or two sentences.

It would be easier to show you, I trailed off, not wanting to go there.

Then show me.

Well, I can’t… right now. I’d have to go home, I stumbled over and swallowed my words.

And.

And nothing.

It was weird enough as it was, talking to myself or talking to someone in my head, whichever it was I was doing. I couldn’t also go home with this new craziness and show the voice about as though I really wasn’t alone.

Fine. What is married?

Married? I tried the word again. It was easier to say it the second time. But it didn’t stop the flood of memories, mostly happy, and the final devastating one that shattered everything else as it slashed through my brain, stealing what calm I’d managed to build. I cut if off before it could take a solid seat in my head and brought forth other images to replace it.

What was that?

You could see?

You thought it, so yes.

It was nothing. Married is two people in a legally binding relationship, recognized by society and the law as husband, generally male, and wife, generally female.

Ah, he said. I had one of those.

You had a husband? I asked, trying to keep my mood from sinking back into the abyss of memories. Although for all I knew, his answer could have been yes.

Instead, his laughter spread through me once more, creating a new surface of peacefulness that separated me from the deep well of loss. It filled me with a light happiness and shook out the shadows that were lurking within, ready to reclaim me. I liked the sound of his laughter. I hoped to hear it again.

No, silly. I had a wife. Though we don’t label ourselves as such and we aren’t bound. We just agree.

Agree upon what?

Agree that… we are together. Nothing so complicated.

What happens when you disagree? I didn’t want to ask that question, but it came out anyway, expecting there to always be a negative side to everything.

But he didn’t respond. The complete silence urged me to check for his presence yet again. Instead, I waited. And then came his voice filled with a sorrow I knew all too well.

We’re not supposed to do that. It’s supposed to be eternal.

No one lives eternally, I whispered. I also knew that all too well.

Hmmm, he chuckled.

What happened to you? If you don’t mind me asking. I shouldn’t have asked. It only made him sound sadder and I wanted his laughter back.

She wanted to leave the city, explore the realm. I wanted to stay here and enjoy all the Central Unit offered.

What does it offer? I asked, trying to change the subject and his mood.

Whatever I want from it. Right now I have a big, beautiful Rathean ocean in my backyard, and very soon I will have your night sky over my head.

Hmm, sounds… wonderful. I wanted to ask what a Rathean ocean was, but decided against exploring any further strangeness.

I’ve grown used to the peace.

So what made you come looking for me and my night sky?

I needed a new perspective.

A new perspective. I was quite sure it was what I needed too.

It was comforting though, to have a real conversation with someone again, if I could even call him a ‘someone’- I still wasn’t convinced that I wasn’t talking to anyone other than myself. But other than my therapist and several work-related editors, there wasn’t anyone I’d said more than two words to in almost a year.

So, no children then?

No children, he sighed.

I clamped my mouth shut, regretting that question the moment I spoke it. Not for his sake, but for mine. There were no children in my past either, but the topic of children always led to family and I wasn’t ready to explore my past, should he ask in return. There were some memories I would prefer to stay buried, and there were others that needed to be shut down whenever they tried to surface.

I need to go. Home. Um, alone.

I didn’t want to sound rude, but I had to cut this off before he returned the questions.

Why?

It’s getting late.

What about us? What if we can’t connect like this again. Ever.

Well for all I know, you’re nothing more than a figment of my depression anyway.

I’m you’re what? he laughed.

But that felt real. His laughter moving through me once more, as though it was the very tonic my body needed to feel human again.

If you’re real, and if your machine is as all powerful as you say, then I will be here every day at sunset, waiting for you.

If he wasn’t real and didn’t come back, then I would have successfully diverted myself from the short path to Shady Lane.

His pause, the longest yet, caused me to believe I had imagined him and that all I’d really done was admit my own insanity to myself.

I’ll be there, or rather… here, he chuckled.

I inhaled deeply, exhaled just as loudly.

What was I doing?

But all I could do was smile.

2

Decisions

I knew the moment he left; I was alone again. The sense of wholeness that had filled me was gone, replaced once more by the empty void. Though at least the void had shrunk to a manageable size, and around those empty edges I could feel a dangling sense of hope, that maybe I wasn’t completely lost after all.

And the following morning I didn’t call Dr. Riley as I’d promised myself I would. If I was going crazy then I’d rather live in my delusion just a little longer, before I let them take me away and fill me with unknown substances.

I spent the first part of the day typing and retyping the same two paragraphs over and over, but the words had become a jumbled mess and I soon gave up, opting instead for a little light online research.

The first word I typed, the only word I could recall that needed explaining, was spacetime. Only what came up was more confusion. It wasn’t so much the content - the graphs and the explanations, I’d anticipated an abundance of confusion there, but more so the fact that spacetime was a real concept here on this planet, in this dimension and had been so it seemed, for many years. I had to ask myself where I’d been all through college, to not come across a single person to have a single conversation with, nor to even so much as hear any of the terms that filled the website pages I visited. The only word I was really familiar with was Einstein, but so were most third graders.

It was mid-afternoon when I decided to walk away. There was a whole new world of fascinating information that I felt a need to immerse myself in. But science was never my best subject, and I knew that if I ever had a hope of understanding even a fraction of what I’d read, I’d need time to think and digest the details, become familiar with the technical terms and mind-bending concepts.

I spent the short remainder of the day flicking channels between strange natural occurrences around the planet, and the emotional discovery of King Richard III. I was a history buff and so the once lost King won out. And it was during the big reveal of his DNA results that I felt my empty void fill with life once more. I swiped at the moisture on my cheeks, and attempted to subtly clear my voice.

You’re early, I tried not to croak.

What’s wrong with your voice?

Nothing. Why?

What is that?

You mean the TV, or the show I was watching?

But he didn’t respond. I doubted he’d ever seen a TV, or even heard of one before, and I had to think how best to word it, to make it not seem so trivial and indulgent.

Television. It’s a receiver of sound and images. A way for us to obtain information and be entertained, I told him. But I turned the thing off to avoid needing to explain the overabundance of trivial entertainment.

This is where you live?

Um, yes, I murmured, glancing around, hoping it was clean. I sure wasn’t expecting visitors.

Most of it makes sense.

You’re early, I said again, wanting to change the subject. I also didn’t want to spend the rest of the day explaining the different appliances in my apartment. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he lived with his machine giving him everything he wanted. I was quite sure he would see the way I lived in comparison to his, as positively ancient and somewhat barbaric.

I wanted to see the sky before it turned to sunset.

Ok then, let’s go. And I almost ran out of the door, barely remembering my jacket and keys on the way out.

I took my time checking for oncoming traffic before I crossed the road to the forest. It was hard enough focusing, knowing I had a voice in my head, I couldn’t let myself forget to look before I crossed. Not that there was much traffic around anyway, but cars had a way of coming out of nowhere.

And as I glanced about me, I hoped there weren’t going to be too many questions about the outside world, the cars, or even the pavement I walked on. But sure enough they came. Fortunately, he accepted my too-simple answers for everything.

Ah, now this looks like the outside of our city, he remarked, as we hiked the short distance through the forest. But he paused mid-sentence for several confusing moments, then resumed before I could question him. From what I can see, from the inside anyway.

You don’t go outside of your city? Not even just to enjoy the serenity?

No. No one from the inside can go outside. We… there are dangers… contagions.

I’m sorry.

Why?

His question threw me. At first I wasn’t sure if he misunderstood my sympathy for his situation, or if perhaps there was no sympathy even in question.

You don’t miss going outside?

He softly snorted, clearly the latter was true, and he paused again before responding.

I am well used to the inside. I’ve never actually been outside of the city, and I haven’t even thought about it for several hundred years. Until now.

Several. Hundred. Years. The words reverberated through my mind. I stopped walking and I’m sure I stopped breathing, to better understand in the absolute silence that I’d heard right.

Why did we stop? We‘re not at the river yet.

How… How old are you? I asked, and cautiously resumed my slow gait across the field.

Hm, well I stopped counting a long while back, I didn’t see the point. But I guess I’d have to be a little over five hundred years.

A little over… what? I thought.

You’re five hundred years old? I whispered this as I stared about me, hoping I was alone, and almost tripped over thin air. I thought it remarkable that his words could steal the volume from my voice. As if having a conversation in my head with someone from another dimension, wasn’t crazy enough.

More or less. Why, how old are you?

I’m… way too young for you, I joked, although technically correct. Are you… one of the oldest people in your city?

His laughter once more, spread through me. I sighed, grateful for every nuance.

Hardly. There are some who are much… much older than me, he said, sounding as though he was teasing someone, or perhaps thinking of someone, or a group in particular, I had no idea which. I wanted to ask though, how old the oldest person was, but he continued before my words made it out.

There were many that didn’t want to stay, even before my time. They left while they were still able to.

You mean because of the dangers outside of your city?

Yes.

What dangers…

My turn.

Your turn what?

To ask the questions.

Oh no. I made it to the river and sat upon the edge, dangling my legs over the side once more, but my instinct was to turn and run. I was not prepared for questions. Not yet. But there was nowhere to run to. He was in my head.

You don’t have to answer. But I have to ask anyway.

Why?

Mason, a friend - he’s monitoring me, tells me he hasn’t seen two biological signatures so similar as ours, for many years. This is why we can communicate. And I want to get to know the person I’m so connected to.

Ok, I acceded. Though I needed to make a concerted effort to keep my breathing even. But then again, if I passed out from lack of oxygen I might be able to avoid the questions.

No, only delay them, he laughed, filling me with peace once more.

Go easy.

How about your name?

Lydia Henchwick. One down, too many more to go.

Married?

No, I whispered. Not anymore, and not a choice either of us made, I thought, but couldn’t say out loud. I was grateful when he didn’t question it.

Children?

No.

He stopped for a moment and I hoped that was it, but no such luck.

How long have you lived… where you are now?

I felt the depth of his question, but I wasn’t sure how to respond to it. It would require an answer that I feared, if discussed, would reopen the void despite his presence, and sink me back into its emptiness.

This is beginning to feel like an assessment, or an evaluation maybe.

It is, and if you fail I’ll never speak to you again.

Ha-ha, funny guy!

The problem was he could have been completely serious and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I might have years before. But not so much now.

Who was the person on the wall above your television?

And then they came. Flooding me. The memories surfacing one after the other, needing to be heard. I gulped back my fear and began with Loss number one.

My brother.

Where is he now?

Sam. He was in the army. Died in combat, I missed him dearly. He was my best friend.

I’m sorry.

Telling him hadn’t been as bad as I’d thought it would be. Perhaps because my brother’s death made the most sense. When he left I knew there was a chance he might not return. I was somewhat prepared, even minuscule-y so. And he died a hero, for a cause he believed in. Though his death was only the beginning of the holes in my resolve; it was what followed that sank me.

You don’t have to say it.

But now that I’d started, I felt compelled to keep going. Numbers two, three and four.

When I was five my mother was diagnosed with cancer - a painful, devastating disease, I tried to explain. But she beat it. Two months after we got the news of Sam’s death, my father had a heart attack. My mother said he died of a broken heart.

I wanted to laugh at my mother’s attempt at humor, but I’d never been able to. I couldn’t even now. It was too close to the truth.

Not long after, her cancer came back. And two years later she… left me alone. I went to live with my aunt to finish school, but apparently cancer runs in my family. I lost her my third year of college.

I couldn’t provide any more detail than that. The words refused to form.

Loss number five… Nooo, I exhaled, and shut down that memory and the images before they began.

I laid back in the grass and stared up at the sky. It was still early enough to be blue with perfect white puffs, and I focused on the movement of the clouds as they made their slow, ever-changing way across the sky. My other focus was on my breathing, as Dr. Riley had taught me. Feel it go in and feel it go out. Release the emotion with it.

I couldn’t say how much time had passed before I realized neither of us had spoken. At first I questioned, yet again, whether he was still with me or not, maybe he wasn’t joking. Maybe I didn’t pass his evaluation and he was gone. But after a brief analysis of my void, it was still filled with life. He was still there, I was sure.

Don’t say anymore, he whispered.

It was his tone that reassured me that he understood if not the pain, at least the loss. And I was glad for the reprieve; I couldn’t have said anymore anyway.

We spent the remainder of the afternoon watching the occasional clouds form and reform, avoiding almost all conversation, except for brief remarks at the beauty of the sky as the solid blue submitted to the gold and red sunset hues, which then transformed into the star-filled night once more.

I could watch that every day for the rest of my life, he finally said. Is the beginning of your day just as fascinating?

It is. But different. Gentle. The sunset is like the sun stretching to maintain its domination of the sky. But the night, as the dawn approaches, the night peacefully submits. Its darkness surrendering to shades of blue, welcoming the sun’s first light.

I’d like to experience that with you. I’d love to re-create it. Feel like staying up all night?

Tonight? I wasn’t sure if I would be able to. Although, technically, I had nothing better to do, and I hadn’t experienced the dawn for a long time.

Or tomorrow, if you prefer.

Nice of him to give me an out.

I’ll try, I chuckled. Staying awake through the dawn was no easy feat.

So the night is all darkness and stars, and all through the day there is blue sky with clouds playing across it?

Well, yes, unless it’s raining, then the clouds take over turning it grey and dark.

Rain? he murmured. Ah, I believe I saw images of that once.

It doesn’t rain inside your city?

No, he snorted. Nothing gets in or out. There was something ominous about the way he said it, nothing gets in or out… as though he was trapped.

And there were a million questions I wanted to ask him about his home, how he lived, what he looked like even, but I was afraid of the answers he’d give. What if he wasn’t as nice as what he seemed? What if I couldn’t comprehend his explanations? But mostly I was afraid of feeling more than what I’d currently allowed myself. Dr. Riley had been trying to get me back into the world of the living for quite some time, but everyone I knew died, and I couldn’t risk getting close to anyone else; I’d be killing them, and I’d be killing me all over again.

Jordan however, was different. I had no choice but to communicate with him and reveal myself to him, but at least he was safe. If we were to meet like this every day, if this was all we could have, I’d be fine with that. There was a good chance with him being in another dimension, that his association with me