The Potty Book

By Ken Cannon

Something to read when you ain't got nuttin' better to do. Short stories, some true, some not true (one just a big lie), some thoughtful, some frivolous, some inspirational.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ken Cannon
• Release date: Feb 19, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311767004

Book preview

The Emperor could not believe what he was hearing. The subjects of Tranquil Land had stopped eating eggs for breakfast or any other time.

His advisors told him the consequences of this new fad could be disastrous if it continued. There would be chickens running around everywhere if this trend continued. It was estimated that in ten years there would be ten million chickens. If each one of those chickens laid just one egg, the chicken population would double over night. Twenty million chickens!

The emperor called all of his advisors and his staff to meet with him. First, how had this happened? Well, it seems that the egg industry had lied about the amount of cholesterol in the eggs. The emperor's attorney general uncovered secret interoffice memos of the egg cartel that noted that there was more cholesterol in eggs than was reported to the people. In fact, salmonella was also higher than revealed by the food inspectors. It was also noted that the egg cartel had contributed large amounts of money to one of the politician's campaigns, which may have influenced the egg inspectors. The addiction to eggs was bantered about, but logic had it that if that were the case, the subjects would be eating eggs no matter what the consequences.

Then a popular rock band started making up songs about the situation, along with movie stars going public about the situation. First thing you know, no one is eating eggs!

This dilemma of no egg eating was put before Congress. There were those who proposed a quota for egg eating: two for each man, one for each woman, and one for each child over five years of age, each week. There would be egg food stamps issued, identifying the person that the stamp was issued to. A great data bank would keep track of all those egg-food stamps. Those who failed to eat their quota would be notified of the consequences. If this notice was ignored they would be fined $50 on the second offense. One hundred dollars on the third offense and jail time for any offense after that. If stopped for a vehicle violation, their records would be reviewed and if they were egg delinquent, their car would be confiscated and the criminal booked into jail.

Catching egg criminals would, of course, require a new bureaucracy and, in the beginning, a limited egg police force which, of course, would grow with time.

This proposal was hotly debated by both sides. The Lib party wanted to make certain that the poor people were represented, and that they would not have to pay for the eggs. They also wanted to place a fifty-cent tax per dozen eggs to pay for the program.

The Con party opposed the tax, but wanted a tax credit on the income tax. The Lib party opposed this as it wouldn't be fair to the poor people who didn't itemize their taxes.

The Vegetarian party opposed all of it, saying people shouldn't be eating eggs anyway. The debate was long and furious, with no agreements. The debate lasted for months. In the meantime the chicken population was growing by leaps and bounds.

There were reported chicken spills in three different wards. The coops just couldn't contain the chickens and they just over flowed. It was reported that one of the chicken coop guards was drunk and lost control of the chicken coop. The chickens were never recovered after fleeing to safety. They, no doubt, went underground and are still laying and hatching eggs in a clandestine manner.

The chicken rights people were protesting the over-crowding of the chicken coops and demanded the emperor build more, and larger, and more comfortable coops. They were also offended by chicken jokes and demanded that they be banished. Jokes like: why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had the green light. They wanted people to stop referring to girls as chicks and old women as hens or ain't no spring chicken. Your chickens are coming home to roost lost its humor, as well as don't count your chickens before they hatch. Saying someone was running around like a chicken with its head cut off was offensive and not socially accepted.

It was reported that one politician lost the bid for reelection by saying a chicken in every pot. It was rumored that he also had a chicken down comforter. Politicians were afraid to refer to older women as no spring chicken or an old hen's party.

Then there was the debate about whether chickens should be referred to as chickens, roosters, hens, pullets, fryers, Rhode Island, Plymouth rock etc., or whether just chickens would be appropriate. There was solid reasoning on all sides of this hotly debated issue. It was never resolved.

As time went on the population of chickens increased, ten fold. With the climate and attitude toward chickens in Tranquil Land unfavorable, the chickens did their best to go to a safer place. They organized and began swimming across the Rio Grande into Siesta Land. It got so bad that the Siesta Land people put up signs at their border saying No Yankee Pollo---Go Home Pollo.

There was a rumor that a truck load of chickens had been found dead because the Coyote, whom had taken their money to escape, abandoned them in the hot desert of Siesta Land. There also was a story of a van of chickens that died when that van crashed and they were not wearing any restraining devices. Needless to say, both incidents are being investigated to improve the well being of the chickens.

While the Emperor and his advisors and staff debate proper procedures to cope with the growing population of chickens, it kept climbing.

It was rumored that they had their own lobbyist, but that hadn't been confirmed or denied. When all seemed hopeless an amazing situation came to light, one that was