Alaska Tales: Laughs and Surprises

By Jake Jacobson

You should buy this book. It will make you laugh. It is full of stories you'll want to read again, and again. You'll tell your friends about it. Thinking about it will make you smile during boring meetings. People will wonder what you are up to. On a bad day, when you've screwed up at work, your wife is mad at you, and the kids are sick, this book will give you half an hour's respite. It will take you to a place of adventure, danger, and humor, all woven together by one larger than life character. I had to get all that down fast, because it's important. I'm not a writer, and I don't know how long I can hold your attention.

Dr. Larry GatesThe stories in this collection are true. In some instances, the names have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so guiltless.

With most days of the past forty-seven years spent in Alaska, the thirty-six stories in this collection are connected primarily with Jake's guiding activities in the Great Land. These stories were selected for their humorous content.

This selection of tales is trivial, eclectic, and of minimal redeeming value. But there may be some valuable bits of information, if one looks for them. These stories attempt to entertain readers, to give them a giggle, or at least a wry smirk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Publication Consultants
• Release date: Nov 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781594334986

Book preview

SASQUATCH.

Forward by Bob Penfold

Comments from a long time friend from down unda…

Ifirst met Jake at a hunters convention in Vienna many years ago. We found that we shared similar interests and lifestyles in hunting, fishing, travel, politics, and family. We shared many great adventures in Alaska, in areas of the lower 48 and in the South Pacific.

We hunted and fished together a lot over the past thirty-some years. While I had great hunts and fishing with Jake in the lower 48 and in Alaska, Jake had some wonderful times with me in Australia, New Zealand, and New Caledonia where he made promotional videos for my hunting company.

Once while on a booking tour in the U.S. I mailed Jake some video clips to put together for a short promotional film on culling feral donkeys for me. In less than a week, I had the edited and narrated tape with sound effects in my hand to use at the next show. Our timing meshed perfectly.

Jake is a true conservationist taking care of the wildlife and the environment, as well as being a Life Member of the National Rifle Association, Safari Club International, The North American Hunting Club, the Alaska Outdoor Council and several other organizations.

Whether we like it or not, we hunting guides and outfitters are in the entertainment business.

Sometimes we entertain the clients and sometimes it is the clients who entertain us. Jake’s case is similar to other guides in this regard, and Jake has a somewhat unique sense of what the readers might see as humorous.

In the field, interpretations might be different than if the same events occurred in a domestic or urban setting. On a hunt we tend to look for the funniest interpretation of any scenario. We use a light hearted approach to soften what is, all too often, a tough or disappointing incident. A little levity can serve to lift the mood.

No worries, mate!

Alaskans are similar to Australians in many ways. Members of both cultures have a sense of fun that extends to a wide variety of situations. Royalty, the clergy, public officials, and especially, overly self-important people are considered fair game. None are insulated from our sense of fun and jokes. None are spared. Jake clearly shows this in the accounts that are included in these book chapters.

While I have been the subject of Jake’s wit on numerous occasions. He always intends the joke in friendship and in good humor. When you experience his belly-rolling laugh up close, even when you are the butt of the joke, you cannot help but share in the fun and join in laughing up the moment with him.

The chapters in this, Jake’s second book on Alaska happenings, seem funnier than most because they are true accounts of situations that occurred during his time in both the small towns and wilderness areas of Alaska that he enjoys so much. While he sometimes protects his villains by changing the names, we can imagine the hilarity that accompanied living each chapter.

He couldn’t just think this stuff up

While I have been enjoying my retirement from the industry for 10 years Jake remains engaged in taking guests on Alaska wilderness pursuits. He still likes to fun up these adventures with his clients to give them special moments that they will remember forever. These amusing stories are now passed on to the readers of this book so that those who do not have the opportunity to venture into Jake’s wilderness can share many of those special moments that make up much of a professional big game hunting guide’s life.

Bob Penfold

Fletcher, New South Wales, Australia

July, 2014

Forward by Larry Gates

You should buy this book. It will make you laugh. It is full of stories you’ll want to read again, and again. You’ll tell your friends about it. Thinking about it will make you smile during boring meetings. People will wonder what you are up to. On a bad day, when you’ve screwed up at work, your wife is mad at you, and the kids are sick, this book will give you half an hour’s respite. It will take you to a place of adventure, danger, and humor, all woven together by one larger than life character. I had to get all that down fast, because it’s important. I’m not a writer, and I don’t know how long I can hold your attention.

Jake Jacobson is my hero. Book forward hyperbole, right? Wrong. I promise; give me two pages, three minutes’ reading time, and I’ll make my case.

I found Jake because I was looking for adventure. I was fifty years old, and my life was as predictable as the daily commute. I had spent all that time doing exactly what everyone expected: college, professional school, wonderful wife, great kids, mortgage, an embarrassingly small and fluffy dog, and a respectable career. Then I started seeing the grey hair falling into my lap at the barber shop. Some of my friends died. Suddenly, I wanted to do something unexpected, something to make me feel alive. I felt like time was short. I didn’t have the years to build an interesting life from scratch. I wanted to cheat. I wanted to buy two weeks of instant adventure. I bought a 300 WinMag, a membership at a range, and a subscription to a hunting newsletter with a searchable online database. I combed the database for caribou hunts in Alaska. That sounded adventurous. I started seeing a name pop up with some regularity, James P. ‘Jake’ Jacobson, Arctic Rivers Guide Service. I made the call. My life changed.

Ron Phillips and Larry Gates with Larry’s Grizzly, 2010.

I met Jake face to face in Kotzebue, the last spot accessible by commercial flight on the way to his hunting lodge. We shook hands, loaded my gear into a Piper Super Cub that looked just slightly older than I was, and headed for the Brooks Range.

The hunt was just about everything I had hoped for. It was an adventure, but a very comfortable adventure. The hunting was fun. While I missed out on a caribou, I took a nice grizzly. The bunk was comfortable. The sauna every three days kept me respectably clean. The food was great. (I have to be clear here. Jake has many admirable qualities, but he is only a tolerable cook. The real cooking was done by the assistant guide, Ron. In camp, Ron is the indispensable man.) The whole trip was absolutely transformative. I tried to buy two weeks of adventure, and it changed my life. But the best thing may have been the stories.

Being at Jake’s lodge is like being in a book. If the living room at Trail Creek didn’t exist in physical reality, someone would have to create it in a novel. It reminds me of Holms and Watson’s drawing room at 221B Baker Street, or Jack Aubrey’s cabin aboard the Surprise. The big window looks out over the mouth of a broad glacial valley filled with scrub willows and lichen. Piles of books and magazines cover the shelves, end tables, and floor. The walls are covered with newspaper clippings about bear attacks, hunting accidents, and the less savory aspects of life in Kotzebue, Alaska. Above the clippings rise caribou antlers, various skulls, and pelts of unknown provenance. The home made furniture is sturdy, but comfortable and well broken-in. Wonderful smells of rabbit stew and Trail Creek berry bread waft in from the adjoining kitchen. It is a space created for telling stories.

Since hunting occupied only daylight hours, there was lots of time for reading and conversation. As often happens, the storytelling started out pretty democratically. Everyone has a story. But as also happens, pretty quickly, everyone recognizes that some stories are better, and some people are better storytellers. Jake is a master. He’s had a fascinating, adventurous, bohemian life. Beyond that, like all great storytellers, he has an eye for detail and an appreciation for the nobility and the absurdity of the human condition. His stories made me laugh. They made me stop and think. They took me away from my own concerns, and let me see how myopic my perspective had been. Come for the hunting, stay for the stories.

Well, all good things must come to an end. The first hunt ended. I went back to my predictable life, but with a clear eye, and a new spring in my step. But that sort of thing is hard to sustain. After a couple of years, I felt the need for a little refresher. I got on the phone and called Jake in Kodiak. I’m beginning to suspect that Jake is a poor judge of character. He told me to come on up. Interesting thing is, while I was excited about the hunting trip, I was really looking forward to the stories. The second hunt was every bit as good as the first. I heard some new stories, and savored the retelling of some old favorites. I left with my spirit renewed.

In freshman English, we all learn about the elements of a great story: timeless plots, archetypes, character development, dialogue, and the rest. The problem is some writers or storytellers, can check all the little boxes on that list, and produce a story that no one wants to read or hear. But every one of us has an intuitive sense of who is a great storyteller. We don’t need the little boxes to be checked. When you’re walking up to their door, or office, or campfire, do you dread that they’ll tell a story that you’ve already heard, or are you eagerly anticipating it? Jake is the guy whose stories you can hear over and over without getting tired of them.

Jake, sometimes a windy sort of feller.

So, during my second retreat to Trail Creek, Jake let me know that he had written a book, ALASKA HUNTING: Earthworms to Elephants. I had my concerns. Not every great fireside storyteller can translate that talent to the written page. I shouldn’t have worried. The book was a little gem. It had a great forward written by Craig Boddington. Yeah, that Craig Boddington, Marine Corps general, degree in English, world famous hunter and writer. Jake travels in some pretty impressive circles. So, imagine my surprise when, a few weeks ago, Jake e-mailed me about his new book ALASKA TALES: Laughs and Surprises and asked me to write the forward. Did I mention that I have concerns about his judgment? To be clear, I am not a famous hunter, and not only am I not a famous writer, I am not a writer at all. I’m just a guy whose life was changed by Jake.

Trust me. Read the book.

Larry Gates

Salem, Oregon

July, 2014

Amazon Reviews:

ALASKA HUNTING:

Earthworms to Elephants

A Rare Gem About Life and Hunting in Alaska, December 1, 2013

By Utah State Aggie Utah State Aggie (Salem, OR)

Henry David Thoreau wrote, most men lead lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave with the song still in them. Sometimes, a man leads an interesting life. Infrequently, one leads a consequential life. Rarely the two come together. If the rest of us are very lucky, that man is also a gifted natural storyteller. Over the course of a lifetime, Jake Jacobson, dentist, outfitter and guide, entrepreneur and family man, has polished his stories like the jade and petrified mammoth ivory he has lifted from the Alaskan outback. He has entertained generations of hunting clients in the cluttered comfort of his arctic lodge. Now, those stories can reach a wider audience in this volume. All that is missing is the smell of caribou stew and trail creek berry bread wafting in from the kitchen.

Jake Jacobson has produced a beautiful little gem of a book. It is a collection of vignettes that are alternatingly moving, perplexing, heartwarming, and hysterical. A grandson experiences the magic of a first hunting trip. A famous hunting author is the butt of an elaborate practical joke. A former senator is chased from camp at rifle point. The writing style is conversational and engaging. A wealth of black and white photographs illustrate the stories.

I’m tempted to compare Jake to Peter Hathaway Capstick, Robert Ruark, or Patrick F. McManus, but that would be unfair. He’s James P. Jake Jacobson, DMD, Alaska Master Guide #54. He is one of a kind, and this book guarantees that he will not go to the grave with the song still in him! Dr. Larry L. Gates, Salem, Oregon

Critique of HUNTING ALASKA: Earthworms to Elephants by Jake Jacobson, December 8, 2013

By C & N Geoffrion

As a long time resident, I love Alaska and all the adventure that it offers. I also enjoy reading about the adventures of others. As a result, I have several hundred books related to hunting, trapping and flying in Alaska.

The authors collection of stories is as good as it gets. He writes in a descriptive and down to earth manner. Unless you have experienced it, it is hard to grasp the intoxicating nature of hunting and flying in Alaska’s remote backcountry. The author does an excellent job of taking you along for the ride.

Additionally, his stories illustrate the depth and knowledge he has gained in over 45 years of guiding in Alaska. Each chapter and story holds your interest and you find yourself wanting to read on to the next. It is obvious that the author is an accomplished outdoorsman and knowledgeable about the species he pursues.

In conclusion, I give this book a five star rating - you will enjoy it. I suspect the author has lots more stories . I hope so, as I am looking forward to a second book.

Great Stories February 24, 2014

By Tomas Bermejo, 5 out of 5 stars

This is an entertaining and quick read. The book gives the reader a look back at a way of life that is disappearing. Jake experienced a hunting and outdoor lifestyle that is unique. Some parts of that lifestyle are gone forever but luckily some of it still exists on his hunting trips. I hunted with Jake a few years ago and know that Jake has many more stories to tell. I look forward to the next book.

By Richard Erlich, 5 out of 5 stars

Although this is a fun little ditty, I was amazed at the knowledge displayed about animal behavior and it’s relationship to a successful hunt. It is something most urbanites are totally unaware.

Great Alaska Book!, November 29, 2013

By Victoria Meier, 5 out of 5 stars

This is a wonderful book full of stories about the author’s life in Alaska over the past 42 years. The hunting adventures are fun and funny. Yet they show the author’s deep respect for the animals and the land. My favorite story is the one with his grandson. But you’ll have to read it to find out why.

Great Alaskan Hunting Stories, December 3, 2013

By Donna Marmon, 5 out of 5 stars

I love this book. Some of the stories I have read more than once. Hunting has always been a part of my life here in Montana. Jake’s stories are so true, accurate, and detailed I feel that I’m right there on the hunt. I too am a pilot and enjoy his 180 and Super Cub experiences. If you’re a hunter this is a must read. The best hunting stories ever….

Not Just About Hunting, October 2, 2013

By Roninco, 5 out of 5 stars

This book is not just about hunting. A great glimpse into life in remote Alaska over the past five decades. Adventures from the arctic to archipelago describe personal animal and human interactions. This book is a very fun read in just a few hours.

A Fun Read, October 9, 2013

By Martha A. Stewart, 5 out of 5 stars

Sat down with this book yesterday and finished it in one sitting. That’s a statement regarding how engaging it is, rather than it’s length.

The book has quite interesting insights into an Alaskan lifestyle, hunting, animal behavior, etc. It is well worth the time to read, learn from and then ponder after.

Great Read & Educational, Oct 20, 2013

By David A Johnson, 5 out of 5 stars

Jake provides 46 years of natural history observations and perspectives on arctic and interior Alaska, Kodiak Island, marine habitats, plus fun perspectives on hunting, Alaskan characters and the Eskimo culture. Jake demonstrates a consistent ability to critically asses or analyze wildlife and fish populations over time and the environmental effects weighing upon these wildlife populations, from Kodiak Island to the most northerly portion of the USA, Barrow, AK.

Jake’s book was entertaining while providing an educational activity, whether the reader, be the general public, naturalists, sporting folks, professional biologist, anthropologist or geologist.

Jake actively maintained a journal, recording past and present activities, recording his interesting life with its predicaments, in daily jot downs, now luckily, these interesting life glimpses are available to us regular folks, in book form. This daily journal activity, by itself, is a lesson for all aspiring writers, to instil, as a habit, into their daily activities.

Alaska Hunting with Jake, December 16, 2013

By Julie Coyle

Jake’s book ALASKA HUNTING: Earthworms to Elephants was a GREAT read!! He writes with such ease that the reader is able to follow the story and feels like you are there with him. Jake has been hunting and guiding for the past 12 years that my family has known him. He is the most knowledgeable Man I know. My husband and son have been hunting with Jake for many years and I love when they get home and I get to hear more of Jake’s adventures. I love that he wrote the story about my son and his first big hunt! That will always be a part of our lives and keep us close and connected with Jake. I’m so glad that I get to have that in print and read it over and over again. He makes you feel like you are there with him. Reading the book is great because it is so easy to read and quick to read and funny. I hope Jake plans writing many, many, more books!! Thank you so much for sharing your time and love to my son and for being a part of my son’s future!

Review by an Australian Reader, November 29, 2013

By Robert J. Penfold, 5 out of 5 stars

Having hunted and fished over much of Alaska over the past 35 years I have learned to love the place. Jake’s book is inspiring as it describes the real Alaska, the rural lifestyle, the real people and the visitors who come to experience this great land and its significant challenges. Jake’s impeccable records of instances provide great insight into the real world of the professional big game hunting guide life. His attention to detail and his affinity with nature old and new, with his collecting artifacts and jade and collecting a wide range of friends along the way add to his 40 odd years of experiencing what Alaska has to offer. As a professional hunter, his approach to good game management and good conservation and high ethics are a standout in this book. It is a great read that I could not put down once I began turning the pages. Congratulations on producing a great book, the first of many I hope. Bob Penfold Australia

Earth Worms to Elephants as Seen by Me, Nov. 13, 2013

By Bill E. Bissett, 5 out of 5 stars

Having known Jake and several people mentioned in his book I’m comforted knowing the stories will be kept alive for all of us. Jake is a masterful story teller, great cook, wonderful host and fine hunter. His ethics in the field are impeccable and his deep appreciation and reverence for the vast resource we have here in Alaska is boldly exposed here in this book. Many of his experiences are from days long gone but many are current and let the reader know that high adventure still awaits. My hope is that it will inspire others to cherish these days and make some memories of their own.

Outstanding Book!!, December 16, 2013

By Robert J. Coyle robinkodiak (Kodiak, AK)

This book is an exceptional read!! Jake has an amazing storytelling capability. After reading the first sentence, I couldn’t stop reading. I read the entire book in the course of a day and have read some of the chapters over and over. As I read the stories I felt as if I were there listening to him tell the story first hand. What an amazing life he has lived and what a great opportunity to read stories from a true Alaskan Pioneer. Thanks for sharing such great memories and stories with your readers!!

Introduction

Many times over the past forty-seven years, I’ve contemplated writing down some of the things I’ve seen. Then I reminded myself that things, probably at least as interesting as my experiences, happen to everybody.

So, who would be wanting to spend their time reading about my stuff? Not writing my personal stories seemed the most humane thing to do. But was I being persuaded by my own sloth, rather than humility?

None of the stories are mine alone. Other people shared the events. Those incidents became part of their lives, as well as my own. One story told in this collection was entirely described to me by the man who lived it. Parts of other tales were related to me by direct participants, but I was there for all the rest.

One winter day in Kodiak, with the wife at work, kids at school, and me with fewer chores than usual to do - one might say I was home alone holding my own - I scribbled down a short story.

Reminiscing on my most memorable experiences turned out to be a lot of fun. Telling the tales proved to be almost as interesting as living them had been. Digging out photographs to support some of the outlandish, almost unbelievable, tales took more time and effort than the writing, but the photos, when available, give credibility to the stories.

The vicissitudes of popular concepts of normal, or appropriate behavior have run the full gamut and it seems the swing of the pendulum seldom pauses at dead center. Some readers will not approve of some of the hooraws described herein. Mea culpa. No offense intended.

The nebulous concept of political correctness poses a serious threat to us all. I do not see that it produces any form of benefit. Rather, it seriously cripples our freedoms of speech … and thought. Think of censorship. Think of paralysis caused by vague fears that something a person might express, could possibly cause offense to some one, some where, some time. Other than avoiding obviously derogatory or denigrating terms, and gratuitous swearing, I try to avoid political correctness. More accurately, I am just plain blind to considerations of political correctness. It is beyond my comprehension.

But I enjoy cheerful banter