The Amazing Adventures Of The Human Bob In The Galactic Zoo

By Horia Hulea

Welcome to the Galactic Sapiens Zoo, home of over 30 cognitive species from all over the universe. We have your normal mentoids and bertiens and also the very rare humans (not the brightest of their kind it seems). Please don't feed them any more chocolate, since we don't want them on a diet again. And please don't pay so much attention to the one in front of the window. He is trying to escape.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Horia Hulea
• Release date: Jan 18, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311347817

Book preview

The Amazing Adventures of the Human Bob in the Galactic Zoo

By Horia Hulea

Published by Horia Hulea at Smashwords

Copyright 2014 Horia Hulea

Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Epilogue

Prologue

Let's start our story with the main character.

And let's name him something simple.

Something anyone can spell.

I have always hated the science fiction stories where people have futuristic names like UgaLai or Enigoron. As if advanced future times should call for advanced and complicated names.

What happened with the simple names in science fiction? Did they ban them somehow in the next century? Did they go extinct in the next stage of our civilization? Don’t people like the normal John and Bill anymore?

Science fiction authors these days and their character names! Can't you have a good story without a long futuristic name?

Uuuu! It’s the fuuuuuture, let's all call our characters robot names or give them warlock-sounding incantations!

So no, I will call my main character Bob.

But mister author, Bob sounds so simplistic and dumb. We can't have a complex story happening in the future involving galactic empires and stretching over vast expanses of space with someone called . . . Bob!! Please, mister author, let's call him something else!

Sorry.

No.

Bob.

Chapter 1

And since this is the first chapter, we will start it with Bob.

Why? Because I like a simple, neat, and proper story structure.

Currently Bob sits on his ass in the sand.

More precisely, he sits on the most perfect beach, with the most perfect sand, with the most perfect blue waves rolling in the distance.

And, of course, on top of the perfect this and that, there is also the most cloudless sky you can ever imagine (which is also perfect) with a sun that is not too hot to burn and a breeze that is not too cold to chill.

Just in case you still have problems in picturing this, I will say it in a different way:

Imagine that you have a shitty, meaningless, boring job at which you slave for 12 hours a day, six days a week for a whole year under a boss that you absolutely hate in a company that you despise from the bottomless pit of your soul (some of us don't have to imagine this . . .).

And after one miserable year, one wasted year that seemed to have no end in sight . . . you finally get a vacation. Not just any vacation, but the only thing that made you drag your daily zombie existence out of the bed every morning. The one thing to which you clung with your hopes and dreams of staying alive. The one thing on which your sanity depended.

Well, that perfect vacation place is the tropical island where Bob has his ass planted.

And since the picture should be complete, let's put a couple of palm trees in the distance with some hammocks stretched between them.

In one of those hammocks there is another sleepy guy that is not Bob.

We will ignore this other person for the moment, even if he scratches where it itches and turns around mumbling stuff. (He might mumble something intelligent or maybe something just plain stupid. Who knows?)

Bob doesn't seem to pay any attention to that other person. Bob is still sitting on his ass with his face staring long and hard in front of him.

Just staring.

A calm voice is heard faintly in the distance:

Welcome to the Galactic Sapiens Zoo, home of over 30 cognitive species from all corners of the universe. Please don't tap on the windows or use light flashes, since it will stress the exhibits. Make sure you don’t.

But the voice is fiercely covered by the sound of bonkity-bonking on the window.

Window? What window?

In case you didn't notice, the perfect beach with the perfect sky in the background has (unfortunately) a very perfect window in the middle. Just like that, out of nowhere, a square-shaped transparent window happens to stand there in the sand.

A window full of cute, fluffy-looking purple rabbits, who are banging their curious heads like idiots, hoping to grab any ounce of attention from the human Bob.

Why all this outrageous noise, you may wonder?

Well, it seems one of the bunnies is looking with big puppy eyes at the human (I should say bunny eyes, but we all know puppies have cuter eyes than bunnies) while the human looks back at him (with killer and not-so-puppy eyes).

Both of them are caught in a staring game!

A staring game that neither of them wants to admit losing.

And they stare . . . and they stare . . . for what seems to be ages, when all of a sudden the little bunny is dragged away screaming and kicking by some bigger and fatter bastard bunnies that seem to be his parents.

Better luck next tiiime, Bob smiles and says triumphantly. Hee hee! He thought he could win, Dude. Against ME!

A sound of disappointment can be heard from the pack of vicious bunnies that goes in search of some other specimen to annoy down the alley.

But not to worry, five minutes later, we can find Bob tracking another pair of fluffy ears hopping along the window.

Other eyes.

Another staring game.

And another parent to ruin it.

Living in a zoo doesn't seem to be so interesting. And Bob doesn't remember anything exceptional he has done in all his time here. In fact, Bob doesn't remember anything at all before the zoo. And that bothers him very much.

Soon lunch time arrives (the most expected moment of the day for Bob), and since we are on a perfect tropical island, the food is no exception from perfection.

Also, it seems that food is the only thing that wakes Dude up.

In case you haven't figured it out, Dude is the other guy. (We will call him Dude from