19 1/2 Spells Disguised As Poems

By Josh Donellan and Holly Eastwood

The first thing you should know about this book is that it’s DEFINITELY NOT a collection of actual magic spells because magic isn’t real, obviously. Disguising spells as a collection of poems is the kind of wickedly brilliant thing that only an absolute supervillain would do, and this poet is not any kind of supervillain. He’s an actual poet who’s won awards and everything and certainly wouldn’t disguise a series of spells as a collection of poems about zombies, monsters, and rapping grandmas. What a ridiculous suggestion! 

“If you only read one book this year…you aren’t reading enough books. What is wrong with you? Read more books. And this should be one of them.” – Frederick von Happenstance, third Earl of Notwitheringshire

“I asked my grandma to buy me a book to help me with my spelling but she didn’t hear me properly and she bought me this book of spells instead. I am very happy with it and in unrelated news my annoying brother has been mysteriously turned into a goldfish.” – Cynthia Newtonberry, aspiring wizard, age 9 and three quarters 

“This is the worst recipe book I have ever read.” – Agatha Malpractice, professional lip-reader and amateur lip-syncer

“A delicious, low-calorie snack with a zesty flavour.” – Blurck, bookworm.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Odyssey Books
• Release date: Dec 17, 2019
• ISBN: 9781925652901

Book preview

19 ½ Spells

Disguised as Poems

by Josh Donellan

with illustrations by

Holly Eastwood

Published by Odyssey Books in 2019

www.odysseybooks.com.au

Copyright © Josh Donellan 2019

www.jmdonellan.com

Illustrations Copyright © Holly Eastwood 2019

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, including internet search engines or retailers, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying (except under the statutory exceptions provisions of the Australian Copyright Act 1968), recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system without the prior written permission of the publisher.

A Cataloguing-in-Publication entry is available from the National Library of Australia

ISBN: 978-1-925652-89-5 (pbk)

ISBN: 978-1-925652-90-1 (ebook)

audio recordings of these poems (spells) are available at jmdonellan.com/spells

by the same author

NOVELS

A Beginner’s Guide to Dying in India

Killing Adonis

FOR YOUNGER READERS

Zeb and the Great Ruckus

PODCASTS

Six Cold Feet

THEATRE

Inter

We Are All Ghosts

POETRY

Stendhal Syndrome

Table of Contents

A Note From The Author

The Wondrous, Miraculous Story Of Why I Can't Show You My Homework

My Grandma Loves Hip-Hop

My (After)Life As A Zombie

A Brief Explanation Of Why That Box Is Moving And Making Strange Noises That Sound Curiously Similar To What My Little Brother Would Sound Like If He Was Trapped In A Box

The Octopus

Crushin' Russian

Library

An Apology To My Annoying, Stinky Brother For Breaking Your Toy Laser Gun That I Only Wrote Because Mum Made Me

My School Tuckshop

A Poem About My Human

A Poem About MY Dog

Things I Want To Be When I Grow Up

The Mantis Shrimp

The Lie

I Don't Want To Analyse This Poem

The Pencil Poem

A List Of Things I’d Rather Do Than Homework

A Plane Explanation

Questions For Santa

Something Something And The Amazing Whatever*

About the Author

About the Illustrator

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Quick, read this bit before your parents ask what you’re looking at! It’s very important that you know that this whole book is actually a collection of spells very extremely cleverly disguised as poems. You might have noticed that we use the word ‘spell’ to describe creating words as well as creating magic. That’s because words are magical, especially the ones in this book. These spells might save you from great danger someday. So if your parents tell you they don’t think it’s a good idea to read this book because the author is apparently a weirdo who lives in an underground cave where he is assembling an army of evil robots, you must do whatever it takes to convince them otherwise.

Parents are