Something Inside So Strong!

By Nosiphiwo Mboba

Marriage is not a status, but the highest form of “calling”. You did not get married to assume your husband’s surname. You did not get married so that your financial status could improve. You did not get married just to have security. You did not get married so that you could have babies. You did not get married for stability, as they call it. If your initial reasons for getting married were merely based on these objectives, you need to rethink why you got married. The reasons above are good, however, because they are self-centred and intended only to fulfil your personal ambitions.
A Christian is called and brought into the marriage to fulfil God’s eternal purpose. Marriage is very fulfilling in many ways. First of all, marriage is a mystery of two people coming together as one. There is no greater joy than having one person whom you can trust more than anybody else. It is a blessing to have one true friend, somebody who shares your joys, hurts, disappointments, pains, gains and losses. Your spouse or partner is that one person. The author insightfully expounds on the practical principles for a healthy marriage and family, based on personal experiences, observations and research.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nosiphiwo Mboba
• Release date: Dec 9, 2014
• ISBN: 9780620638685

Nosiphiwo Mboba

Nosiphiwo Mboba fondly called “Nosi” is married to Kenny Mboba .They both lead Sister –Sister International Ministries, which works in collaboration with faith based organisations in the whole of South Africa.Their ministry is also affiliated with government, non-government and private organisations. Nosi is also directing private businesses with her husband.She specialises in child and women' s development and she's well known as a dynamic motivational speaker, a life coach and a mentor in different developmental spaces. She has marriages, children and families at heart and if she were to save anything in the world, those would be the three things she would do anything to save.

Book preview

This book is dedicated firstly to God Almighty, Who inspired me to write this insightful book and to my husband, a God-sent man.

I also dedicate this book to all married couples, those who are enjoying their marriage and even those who are on the brink of breaking up.

I also dedicate it to the separated or divorced couples who still want to give marriage another chance, and to all the singles who desire to get married in the near future, and lastly to our parents who have motivated us and made us believe that getting into marriage is the best decision that we have ever made.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I wish to take this opportunity to thank God Almighty for enabling me to speak His mind to His people on marriage. I will also wish to appreciate Him in advance for giving me an assurance that, this book will effect a positive change in the marriages of His people. It was designed for me and my husband, even though some of the things He has inspired me to write about are things that I have not personally experienced, nevertheless, He prepared me for my marriage, for which I am grateful.

I also wish to thank my precious husband, who I hope has found a good wife in me. Thank you, baby, for being supportive and understanding when I had to ask you time and again to work on this book. I appreciate your contributions to this great work. Sthandwa sam. Thank you!

I wish to acknowledge that some of the data used in this book was culled from different studies.

I am grateful to various women and men of God in my social, academic and spiritual circles that have interacted closely with me on different levels, equipping me to develop such material as this. Thank you.

I also wish to thank the Mvo and Mboba families for their teachings and the opportunity I had to observe the manner they conduct their own lives. I am grateful for having interacted with them in different ways. Those experiences have turned into gold and for that, I say thank you!

Lastly, I wish to thank the person reading this book. I thank you for allowing God to lead you in choosing it. I have tried to convey to you my understanding of the voice of the Lord and if you hear that voice, your married life will never be the same, in Jesus’ name. May you enjoy a lifetime of love and fulfilment with your spouse, always, with the knowledge that Jesus is the Lord!

FOREWORD

I feel the anointing and the immense presence of the Holy Spirit, as I write this book. To every family and everyone who will set their eyes on this book, the power of the anointing of the Holy Spirit will identify and transform the marital issues, which you presently experience.

To all the singles, whether male or female, as you use your precious time to search the Heart of our Heavenly Father concerning the holy institution of marriage, you will be supernaturally transformed to be the best partner your future spouse could ever find. Since you are embarking on the process of permitting God to prepare you for your future marriage, may that marriage come speedily, may you be united to the partner who God has destined for you. No force or demons will be able to manipulate your marriage; in God’s time you shall meet your partner and enjoy being united together in Jesus’ name.

Marriage is the heartbeat of God and it’s the ministry, which God alone instituted; so, when it is practiced within the principles and the ordinances of God, it is bound to succeed.

My prayer for the special person reading this book right now is that God should transform your marriage to be exactly what He ordained it to be from the beginning, in Jesus’ mighty name. No divorce or separation shall befall you. You and your spouse are permanently knitted together and will never be separated.

I speak divine transformation and healing in your marriage. I declare productivity, prosperity, supernatural love, joy, happiness, financial prosperity, children, education, unity, maturity, effective communication, mutual respect and the fear of God over your marriage.

Nosiphiwo Mboba

Respond Africa

R.S.A

INTRODUCTION

"These are the words of Him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What He opens no-one can shut, and what He shuts, no-one can open." (Revelations 3:7)

Marriage is a very blessed institution and God is willing to give His favour to the man who decides to get married. The moment you are found as a wife by your husband, the benefits and the favour of the Lord start kicking in. The favour of God gets activated and there are no conditions.

As the above Scripture attests, what God has opened, no-one – including the devil – can shut. Let me add that even problems or challenges can never shut down what God has opened.

Beloved of God, realise that marriage is an open door to God’s blessings. That is why God says: "Whosoever findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth the favour of the LORD." (Proverbs 18:22)

The devil, therefore knows this truth and he does anything he can to stop God’s favour in your life. However, as a married couple, you ought to understand that your role is to stand on the truth and the promises of God, knowing that the devil stands defeated.

The enemy, Satan, is targeting families. When Satan has won your marriage, he has automatically won nations and ultimately the entire world. It takes one matchstick to destroy the entire forest. One broken marriage gives rise to a broken family, which gives rise to a broken people, who give rise to broken thoughts and behaviours that break social associations which develop the entire community; it bankrupts the country, the continent and, finally, the entire world. This is a vicious cycle which starts with the disagreement you had with your spouse in your bedroom.

The devil is a liar and a loser: marriages belong to God and God is still seated on His throne in full control of your marriage in Jesus’ name. The devil has no power over your marriage, your family, your health, your children, your business, your career, your finances, your vision, your assets, etc. Everything in your life is in the mighty hands of God.

However, we need to be very alert and vigilant. The truth is that Satan is not moved by any achievement except the family unit. Satan will do anything in his limited and puny power to distract, deter and destroy your family. The devil’s ultimate desire when he attacks your finances, job, children or your business; when he inflicts lust, unfaithfulness, infidelity, anger, hopelessness, depression, diseases, etc., in your life is to completely destroy your family. He knows for sure that any of these negative experiences will ultimately tear your family apart.

The devil knows that any instability or affliction you experience ultimately affects your marriage, which is the engine of the success of your family.

You have been endowed with spiritual ability to overcome all your personal encounters and experiences in this life, and you need to bear in mind, that your marriage and your family are more precious than the problems you experience.

Before we get to the core of this book, I think it is important to assimilate the thoughts expressed above, in order to have a complete understanding that your marriage is not a coincidence. God has opened that door of blessings for you to get married and it is good and pleasing in His sight.

The favour of God, which your husband obtained when he married you is a covering and security of your marriage. It makes you rich and adds no sorrow. It protects you from every weapon that the enemy may try to launch against your marriage and children, and it makes your marriage complete and whole.

Your marriage has nothing missing, lacking or broken. It is whole.

Chapter 1

SOMETHING INSIDE SO STRONG!

"None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, yet still we go forward. Because we trust, because we have faith." – Paulo Coelho

There is something great inside each and every one of us: it is called intuition. Others may call it inner conviction; it is part of our inner person the spring of hope. What is inside us is strong and great, and so are our lives. We will begin to experience the life of possibilities if we start learning to live from inside out. God dwells inside a believer; the glory of the last days lives right inside of us. Our lives and marriages will be a great success from the day we start approaching them from inside out and not the other way round. For our marriages to be transformed, we have to allow God to transform us from the inside first. Change has to start from within.

Life is primarily a problem-solving adventure. The outcome of how our lives will ultimately work out often has less to do with our external circumstances. Life originates from the inside, not the other way round, or it would not be life at all.

Our faith, our convictions, our perceptions, values, thoughts, decisions, inner strength, confidence, resilience, motivation, determination, belief and hope are all derived from the inside. You are much stronger on the inside than you are on the outside. The Bible says that even though our outward appearance wastes away, our inner being is renewed every day.

Your inner being is what keeps you standing. It propels you forward every day. It allows you to learn and grow. You will achieve and will continue to achieve because something inside you is so strong. To Christians, this is more than just a thing; it’s the Spirit of God who lives in us. He makes us to go through experiences without being perturbed; for we know that He is forever with us and for us.

Tapping into our inner resilience is what transforms our life challenges into something meaningful; it enhances our capacity to stand strong in the midst of trials and makes us aware of ourselves.

Resilience, like love, is an innate ability that we all have; it is a God-given gift. It is like the seed of goodness that allows you to befriend yourself when things go wrong. It is a form of self-compassion that holds your back and encourages you to try again and again until your mission and vision are accomplished. Like love, it takes constant practice to make resilience, effective in our life.

Resilience encourages you to know and play to your strengths. We improve this ability in our regular daily choices: by choosing foods that nourish, instead of the junk that fills; by spending time with people who appreciate us, instead of people who undermine us; by giving our attention to things that spark our curiosity and desire to know, instead of getting lost in negative scenarios that surround us.

Perhaps the best reason to dedicate yourself to building your own muscles of resilience is that, it is the most effective way to build a resilient marriage. Many valuable relationships have been abandoned because both or one of the spouses did not have the ability to see beyond their shared adversity. Having the courage to bear the disappointment of life together, and the patience required in bearing the discomfort, without making the situation worse by being bitter is the ultimate form of showing up for someone you love.

Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and what it is not. Many couples get themselves into trouble because they expect a marriage in which their spouse makes them happy.

Research demonstrates that happiness is internally driven. Rich people after all aren’t happier than poor people. If you expect your spouse to make you happy, you may be disappointed and that will put an unhealthy burden on your marriage. A happy person makes a happy marriage and an unhappy person makes an unhappy marriage. Therefore, if you expect happiness in your marriage, then make it a point of duty to be happy yourself.

Trust enhances our capacity to be resilient. It’s easy to have trust when life is giving us what we want, when our marriage is stable and communication flows. Leaning towards trust when our hearts are broken, relationship connections severed, and when we can’t find the words to express our own needs and feelings is what makes us resilient. The opportunity to grow more resilient shows up in our lives during the time when things fall apart, when our best-laid plans are dashed and lying in a heap of disappointment. The deep inner work, which is done in our life during this period, becomes the basis of expressing the highest form of love; it is the work that transforms us into our most authentic and compassionate selves.

The most resilient marriages are those in which the spouses have learnt strategies to manage these times of growth productively. Conflict resolution and advanced communication methods are the bread and butter of marriage training, and have been demonstrated to have a substantial impact in marriage. Marital resilience is an essential life-skill that protects your relationship from breakdown. God is the One Who sustains our marriages. However, resilience helps us on the physical level; it is the prominent feature of our faith and the handiwork of God.

Every couple has an inherent capacity to bounce back if he or she fails in time of adversity. This inherent ability of being resilient is something so strong in us – and every human being on the face of the earth possesses it. Our marital relationships can benefit from this inherent ability as well.

Resilience is needed for couples to move forward with their lives after a loss. Resilience, in my view, is important to all of us, particularly in times of crisis. Make up your mind to remain standing even when things go haywire. Because you now know better, decide to remain standing when the devil tries to bring bitterness into your heart. The situation may look catastrophic and difficult, but choose to remain standing, because something on the inside of you is so strong! If you are a Christian, Jesus Christ, the Anchor, is right inside you. You are in Him and He is in you. In Him you live; in Him you move and in Him you have your being and so does your marriage. You cannot give up now.

Differences exist in every marriage, in terms of how you both view things, your approach, your preferences, etc. However, these should not cause you to drift away or lose respect for each other. Your marriage is more real and important than your differences. You need to learn to manage your arguments or differences more effectively by practicing the following wisdom:

● Stop. When things get heated, stop whatever you are doing! Call a time out. Breathe deeply, relax, get into a silent heart prayer, or make yourself a cup of tea and offer your spouse one too – whatever that works for you. The important thing is to stop whatever action you may want to take before things get out of hand, because many words spoken under pressure and actions taken in haste turn out to be regretted. Do everything in your power to stop any detrimental action!

● Reflect. When you are calm, think about what