Braden's Story

By Mason Dodd

Braden has lived a fairly sheltered, Christian life. But as he enters adolescence, feelings emerge that conflict with everything he thought to be true. Is he gay? Can he change, if so? -- It seems impossible to figure out and only becomes harder to solve when the faith that once united his family together starts tearing them apart.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mason Dodd
• Release date: Nov 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310179280

Mason Dodd

I like writing. It's my only hobby.

Book preview

Synopsis

Starting at 13, Braden realizes he’s having feelings that don’t fit inline within his or his parents’ perception of normal or their faith, and things only get more complicated when he finds himself romantically involved with someone he probably shouldn’t be.

Author’s Note

This book is part two of a coming-out/coming of age series. Part one being Aaron’s Story. However, this and Aaron’s Story can still be read as standalone, complete novels, both just happening in parallel.

Contents

Synopsis

Author’s Note

Chapter 1 – Priorities

Chapter 2 – Dinner at Molly’s

Chapter 3 – Not Sure What’s Happening

Chapter 4 – God’s Test

Chapter 5 – Temptation

Chapter 6 – Nightmare Situation

Chapter 7 – Rally of Support

Chapter 8 – Rally of Gestures

Chapter 9 – Michael’s Company

Chapter 10 – The Start of Something New

Chapter 11 – Confounding the Already Confusing

Chapter 12 – Rising Tensions

Chapter 13 – Up for Debate

Chapter 14 – Shame and Embarrassment

Chapter 15 – The End of Something Old

Chapter 16 – Distance

Chapter 17 – Managing Relationships and Falling Deeper

Chapter 18 – Better Off Together

Chapter 19 – The Pain of Shame

Chapter 20 – Discouraging Reaction

Chapter 21 – Coming to a Head

Chapter 22 – Fallout

Chapter 23 – The Other Side

Chapter 24 – Caught in The Act

Chapter 25 – Cut Off and Isolated

Chapter 26 – Resistance

Chapter 27 – Losing Grip on Faith

Chapter 28 – Things Worse Than Death

Chapter 29 – Lord Have Mercy

Chapter 30 – Peace of Mind

Chapter 31 – Change

Chapter 32 – A Road Mistraveled

Chapter 33 – The Test of Time

Chapter 34 – A Tale of Two Mothers

Chapter 35 – Rekindling

Chapter 36 – Realizing the Problem

Chapter 37 – Letting Go and Embracing Sin

Chapter 38 – Killer Headache

Chapter 39 – Lost

Chapter 40 – Too Soon

Chapter 41 – The Brink

Chapter 42 – A Journey Too Hard

Chapter 43 – Fear

Chapter 44 – Accepting the Unacceptable

Chapter 45 – What’s Best

Chapter 46 – Clinging On

Chapter 47 – By His Side

Chapter 48 – All of a Sudden

Chapter 49 – Closure in Hand

Chapter 50

End Note

Chapter 1 – Priorities

8:00am, Wednesday

August 12th

Are you ready for school? mum asked, standing ominously in the center of my room, freshly washed uniform in hand. I rolled over and stared at the wall, hoping that she’d disappear, but knowing she wouldn’t. Braden, would you get up please?

I flung my blanket aside and stretched out my arms and legs, because there was no point fighting it. I’d be going to school whether I liked it or not. Okay, just leave them on the chair.

She kissed me on the forehead (something she did every morning) and left to make breakfast. The moment she was out of the room, I slipped back under the covers and curled up into a ball to ward off the morning chill. I didn’t want to go to school and I especially didn’t want to get out of bed.

Braden! she yelled from downstairs. Your breakfast is waiting for you. Hurry up and get down, please. I’m not going to ask twice.

Her voice carried so far. It was like her mouth was an inbuilt megaphone that she used to get everything her way. Even dad wasn’t immune, though he seemed happy enough to comply.

Coming, I yelled, changing into my uniform and rushing downstairs.

In the kitchen, I sat up at the counter and stared into my soggy cereal for about two minutes, building up the stomach to eat it. It looked gross in every way, shape and form. I suppose it was my own fault, but would she make me a fresh bowl? No, I’d have to eat this one.

You should come down when I ask you to. We don’t need you turning out like your cousin, she said.

Sorry, I said, taking a mouthful. I scrunched my face and swallowed it down. The texture felt like squelchy oatmeal in my mouth and the taste was horrible. Bad enough to make me gag and destroy my hunger. Probably for good.

Mum flitted about the kitchen, packing my lunch – and only my lunch, me being an only child and all. I think that’s why she was so protective of me. I admit, it did get lonely sometimes, but going to my cousins made up for it and she let my friends stay over a lot. Remember, we’re heading over to Molly’s for dinner, so please be back in time, she added.

Oh, okay. No worries. Aaron and me usually played Xbox for most of the night, bitching about parents and other shit we found annoying. He and Tom were like brothers to me, along with my best friend, Kieran. Mia, too. Though she was a girl. So perhaps sister.

Mum had the radio on in the background as she did every morning. I’d prefer to watch something on TV, but she decided there wasn’t anything worth the bother and that it was better I listen to Christian radio, anyway. All so totally boring. But whatever, I could watch anything I want after school.

Good morning and God bless! said radio host, Bill Turner. Today we have family guidance counselor, Judy Smith, here to discuss how important God is to the foundation of a family. Also, we’ll be playing those smooth hits. But first, here’s Peter Newark with today’s news.

Thanks, Bill. Three people have been killed and a child left critically injured after a horror fire in the early hours of this morning. Police say it’s not suspicious and that the fatal blaze was the result of an electrical fire started in the downstairs kitchen. Overseas and the Taliban have claimed responsibility for the bombing of a school in Pakistan’s northwest that killed five girls and injured many more this week, Peter said, speaking faster than thought humanly possible. Also in the news, a pro same-sex marriage rally has been organized for this Sunday aimed at changing the legal definition of marriage from a union between man and woman to a union between two people.

Mum, where’s my bag? I asked, ready to get moving.

She waved me silent and leant over the counter with her ears in close to the radio speakers. Shh, be quiet. I’m trying to listen.

Well, where is it?

Over by the door where you left it. Now shoosh. She turned the volume up, pointing me in the right direction.

Marriage is a gift from God, and for gays to get married, well that would just fly in his face, wouldn’t it? Bill said.

Yes, you’re right, Bill. I’m not opposed to people living the lives they choose to live, but keep it to yourself and don’t expect the world to change just to suit you, Peter said.

I dragged myself away from the counter, leaving my bowl half full. There wasn’t enough sugar in the world to make that pleasant enough to eat, so if mum complained about me going to school hungry, it was her own fault. In fact, it was her fault. Wait until I’m already down before serving it next time.

Once out of the house, I made my way to school, meeting up with my friend Kieran halfway. He’d just turned fourteen and was a cool guy. We were into the same stuff like music, football, etcetera. And I’d known him since kindergarten, basically. Though I couldn’t exactly remember back that far.

Braden, catch, he said, and tossed something at me.

I looked up and got hit in the face with a football, which bounced off my head and into the windscreen of a parked car, before coming to a stop in the middle of the road. He raced out and got it without looking, and wasn’t killed, thank God. He was an idiot sometimes.

Great save, he said as if it was somehow my fault.

Don’t even. I grabbed it from him and started playing catch with myself, because it would end up back on the road if I didn’t. Meanwhile, I noticed Mia and her mum pulling up beside us for Mia to jump out. Things looked pretty heated, though, so Kieran and me tried looking the other way.

No. We’ll walk, Mia grunted. She slammed the car door and wandered over, slightly embarrassed, as her mum pulled a tight u-turn and sped off. Hey guys.

I gave her a hug. Hey.

And once I gave her a hug, Kieran felt obliged to do the same, but I think she needed it. Don’t get me wrong, Mia was a tough girl and didn’t need emotional support or whatever. However, a little couldn’t hurt.

Did you finish your project? she asked.

Na- I cupped my mouth. I heard it. They heard it. We all heard it. Now, could we please move on?

Kieran burst out laughing. Mia next.

Shut-up, I huffed.

Mia ran her finger over my voice box. Puberty.

Dude, everyone’s voice breaks. Don’t worry about it. Kieran was on his way there, too, but why did my voice always have to break first? He still sounded like a pipsqueak. And yeah, that was better than the alternative. I don’t know why. It just was.

I don’t wanna go through puberty, I protested.

Ugh, gimme a break. At least a bloody egg yolk doesn’t come out of your penis every month. I have to shove tampons up my vagina every day while I wait for it to happen, Mia said. Your neck gets a bump and your voice deepens… big deal. Try bra shopping with ya mum.

Point taken, Kieran said.

Mia was a tomboy and too open with her bodily functions, which meant Kieran and me were more accustomed with female anatomy than your average guy. Oh well, at least she was comfortable with this stuff. Not sure how I’d cope having to deal with it. My mum would make everything awkward.

~~~

Later that day, we all wound up at Kieran’s. He stayed in the kitchen, making something to eat, while Mia and me headed for his room. I sat down on the bed and she sat next to me, in real close. It was the same every time we were alone.

Are you going to the dance? she asked.

Um, nah… probably not. I didn’t like the thought of dances. Did it involve dancing? If so, that’s why.

Why?

Just don’t wanna.

She frowned. Come with me. It’s not a friggin’ senior formal.

No, I hate dancing and stuff. Anyway, I didn’t think you’d wanna go, either?

Jane and Darren are going, she sighed.

Jane was one of Mia’s few female friends, and when not hanging with us, she was hanging with her. But ever since Jane started going out with Darren, Mia started acting really weird, almost desperate.

Just because they are doesn’t mean you have to, I said.

I don’t care, I just want to go, so why won’t you come with me?

Nah, stop asking.

Well, will you go out with me, then?

Go out with you?

Yeah, but geez, don’t stress yourself. She fell onto her back, arms crossed.

You’re fourteen, though.

Oh, you serious?

Her sarcasm annoyed me sometimes. But it came with the package, which had no return address. You’re my friend, though. Don’t you reckon it’d be weird? I said. Are you sure you aren’t asking me to go out just because of Jane?

Who cares about Jane… Aren’t I allowed to have a boyfriend because of her?

No, I…

She sat up and looked upset. Don’t worry about it. You can say no. I don’t mind, honest, she said, and threw over her bag. I’m gonna get going. Mum and dad are probably killing each other. See ya.

Um, bye… I sat around, trying to work out what had happened. She’d never shown any interest in me before, at least not in that sense. I didn’t feel that way about her, anyway. At least I don’t think I did. It was hard to tell because I’d been feeling kind of strange about certain people I knew lately. Not in a bad way, but a confusing one.

Kieran kicked open the door, bowl in one hand, Coke in the other. What did you do?

I didn’t do anything, I stressed. If possible, I wanted to avoid explaining the details of what happened. Yeah, he was my best mate, but if he had something to tease me about, he wasn’t afraid to exploit it like the Amazon Rainforest. I think she’s just stressed about her mum.

Kieran plonked the bowl of chips down on my lap and flicked on his Xbox. Nah, she wasn’t like that on the way here. And she kinda just stormed off without saying goodbye. Well, she said goodbye, but yelled it while walking out the door. So something happened up here. Did you make a pass on her?

What? No.

Geez, okay… settle down. Was only joking.

She asked me out, I think.

Kieran was nearly bowled over. Huh? You serious?

Yeah.

Guessing you said no? he laughed.

I didn’t know what to say.

Why not, though? You’d be the first in our grade to have a girlfriend.

Um, nah. I don’t feel that way about her. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. She said it wasn’t a problem.

Why don’t you feel that way about her? Is it because of what she said about her period?

Wasn’t even thinking about that. But no, I just don’t feel anything like that, I don’t think. I kept scratching at my eyebrow; something I always did when getting flustered. People always picked up on it, even pointed it out, but no matter what, I couldn’t help myself.

Ah ‘kay, fair enough, aye. He touched my shoulder and I felt a buzz in the pit of my stomach. It was the same feeling I got all the time, especially around him or other guys at school. Like I was happy or something. And it confused me heaps because it didn’t really happen around girls. If that was what you were even meant to feel, I didn’t know.

After I’d played Xbox for a while, I left for home, Mia still on my mind. I hoped she wasn’t upset, because I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings or anything. But she just sprang it on me and I wasn’t ready for stuff like that. We were good mates, right through primary school, and that’s all we were.

At home, mum was busy in the kitchen baking one of her apple pies. It was her favorite dessert of all time, and mine, too. I sometimes made them with her, but not often anymore. I kind of missed it to be honest. We’d have music on in the background and a bowl of jellybeans to eat as we went, but she’d been really full-on lately. Especially with church and stuff. Everything was God this, Jesus that. She seemed more interested in them than with me.

Hey, did you have a nice day at school? she asked as I stepped into the kitchen.

Yeah, wasn’t bad. I smiled, noticing batter on her nose. I grabbed a small mirror we had on the fridge and showed her her reflection. They are making it into the oven, aren’t they?

She shook her head, smirking. "Cheeky… And yes, well, it has made it into the oven. Only one this time."

Aw, why? It won’t be enough. Aaron and Tom love your apple pies.

Don’t have enough apples, unless you feel like walking up?

One’s enough. My legs were beat, plus I just couldn’t be bothered. You can stop grinning at me now.

I’m your mother, aren’t I allowed to grin at my boy?

No.

No? Well, too bad, she said arrogantly, her face tilted smugly. Even when you’re married with kids, I’ll still grin because I love you so much. And don’t tell me not to say that, because I will anyway. She set the pie on the counter and wandered over to add: What I do I do for you, okay? Remember that. I want you to have the life God intended, because you’re worth that, Braden. So worth it.

I think mum was part of the reason I didn’t feel good about puberty, or any type of change for that matter. Because sometimes you want things to stay the same, I guess.

I love you, too, I said, because there was no one around to hear it besides her. I can’t exactly pinpoint when that word became so awkward to say, but she lit up like a Christmas tree every time I did, so it was worth forcing out of myself.

She gave me a hug and propelled me in the direction of the staircase. Go get changed. We’re leaving once dad’s home. It’s important we go tonight because I want to arrange something with your aunt.

Church stuff? I drawled.

Hmm, tone please. And yes, church stuff. But it’s important. Now go on, go get ready. Your dad will be home soon.

Chapter 2 – Dinner at Molly’s

6:25pm, Wednesday

June 12th

I liked when dad drove. He didn’t preemptively slow down at every traffic light, worried it’ll turn red like mum did. He also let me listen to the music I like, instead of the boring talkback mum was obsessed with. He was also less full-on, less demanding, less intense, less everything. Still kind of uptight, though.

We’re going to be late, mum said, the pie resting on her lap.

No we won’t, dear, dad said patronizingly. I don’t know how he got away with it.

Mum smiled. Better not be, dear.

Eventually we pulled into my cousins’ driveway and hopped out. They lived a good twenty minutes away, which was either an eternity or blink of the eye depending on how I was feeling. I wish we lived closer so that I was zoned for Aaron’s high school, but I would miss my friends if I went there, anyway.

Mum handed me her Bible to carry as we wound our way up the front door path. I flicked through the pages, silently reading the notes she had scribbled throughout and a few of them made me smile. One read: cancer is my toughest challenge, but with my son Braden and my wonderful husband, I can conquer anything. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when I was 2, and that passage was my favorite thing she had written in this Bible, because she thanked me and dad for helping her recover instead of God.

Envious of God? Jealous over Jesus? I know, pretty lame. But sometimes, especially when church was a whole week away, the core of our family became its members—me, mum and dad being the most important. Everything didn’t revolve around God.

That was your grandmother’s, she said, having noticed me reading through her notes. She had two: her mum’s and her dad’s. Your great grandparents. On the day she died, back before you were born, she gave one to me and one to Molly, saying they were her most prized possessions. One day, it’ll be yours.

It felt like history in my hands. Cool.

She smiled. Anything me or Jesus made her smile.

A silhouette appeared behind the door window, and straightaway I knew it was my aunt. She was okay, very nice to me and everything and helped get me out of Sunday school when Tom had a football match on, and now I didn’t have to go at all. I liked to go watch Tom play, and to help keep Aaron occupied since he hated sport.

Hey guys, Molly said, landing a kiss on my forehead. I didn’t know what it was about that area of my face, but there had to be a massive lips target printed there only women could see. Better off there than on my lips, I suppose.

Mum gave her the pie and the both of them rushed off inside while me and dad dawdled in behind. I placed mum’s bible on the table in the lounge, ready for mum and Molly to have their verse reading thing after dinner, which they did every time we came.

‘Ey man, Tom said, greeting me with a broshake. He was so cool and laid-back with everything.

Hey, how are you?

Good, good. How’ve you been?

Alright, thanks. Is Aaron up in his room?

Nah, he’s not home yet. Mum’s gonna be pissed, but good on him, I say. He needs to be socializing more, coz he’s been weird lately.

Has he? I asked, even though I’d noticed it, too. I mean, we both bitched about our mums, but he was so angry with Molly last time. He even said that he hated her, which he’d never said before.

Yeah, and I’m kinda worried to be honest. Last night he was really weird and I knew there was something on his mind, Tom said, his head drooped with something on his own mind.

What? I prompted.

The way he’s reacting to certain situations and subjects. I dunno, it makes me wonder…

About? I asked eagerly.

Tom dropped the serious tone and smiled. Nah, never-mind. He rested his arm over my shoulder and drew me over to the dining room table where everyone was seated and ready to eat, even if Aaron was absent. Though he fast became the subject of discussion.

So where is he? mum asked.

Playing sport with some friends, Molly said, to surprised faces all-round.

Aaron and sport? No way, dad said.

Yeah, and he’s got himself a girlfriend now, my uncle Paul said, and proudly I might add.

A girlfriend? Mum had a massive grin on her face; big as the ones directed at me. Since when?

Molly shrugged. Not sure. He was keeping quiet about it, and for good reason, I suppose. He doesn’t really like going into details about anything.

As I ate dinner, I noticed a strange mood in the air. Paul and my dad hadn’t spoken a word to each other; Ashley and Kayla (my younger cousins) were quiet and subdued; Molly wasn’t her usual chatty self and Tom was playing with his food, something clearly troubling him. It was too quiet.

So, have you heard about that same-sex marriage rally? mum scoffed randomly.

Er, yup. Paul rolled his eyes and nodded as he leant over his meal. What a joke.

Can they go away please? mum asked rhetorically, and was about to speak further when we heard the front door open. Oh, I think that might be Aaron finally.

Molly downed her cutlery and rushed over straightaway. I think trying to capture him before he slipped upstairs. Aaron, where’ve you been? I was getting worried, we overheard her say, obviously displeased.

I caught a glimpse of him over her shoulder with a strangely guilty face. Sorry, I’m a bit late, he said, which was an understatement. We were almost finished eating.

I specifically told you to be home in time for dinner. Everyone’s already seated around the table eating, Molly said.

I’m sorry. June hung around while I played soccer and her dad couldn’t pick her up so I walked her home. Sorry.

Molly’s shoulders relaxed. Oh, well that’s okay. Just make sure you call next time.

Aaron nodded. Yeah, I should’ve called. Sorry.

That’s okay, Aaron. But head upstairs and get changed and meet us at the table. Quick. She kissed him on the forehead, just like my mum, and nudged him upstairs. He quickly ran up and disappeared, all of us hearing his door close and a loud-ish thump as if something had fallen to the ground. Molly returned and tucked back into her meal, but Aaron was taking forever. Eventually, she downed her cutlery again, but Tom stood up first.

I’ll go see where he’s at, he said, racing upstairs.

Mum was the most vocal tonight, and had more of an appetite than anyone. So this damn rally, she said. I don’t know— She paused as Tom and Aaron wandered over and sat down at the table. Nice of you to join us, Aaron, she remarked, clearly making out it was rude to be late. But that’s okay. You can still have some of the apple pie I’ve brought along.

He fronted a tense smile, and it was really awkward because he made it clear he was annoyed with her, even if he didn’t mean to. Thanks, I wouldn’t want to miss it.

This was where my mum had boundary issues. She was more than willing to discipline someone else’s child, or make it be known they’d done something wrong, no matter how petty.

Hey, Aaron, I whispered, my voice coming out broken and stupid. Ugh.

Hey, sup man?

We bumped fists under the table.

So we hear you’ve got yourself a girlfriend, Aaron, dad mentioned.

Aaron shied away slightly. Yeah, June.

Then, for whatever reason, dad asked: Are you bringing her to mass on Sunday?

No, I think she goes to church in Riverdale, Aaron replied, because of course he wouldn’t take her. He’d made it clear a number of times, to me at least, that he didn’t like Pastor Kennedy all that much. I couldn’t blame him; Pastor Kennedy was a pretty staunch guy and really hard to talk to. I want to say ‘extreme’, but he could be nice (on occasion). He’d even babysat me a few times.

Dad’s brow dropped, almost like he frowned. Oh, I see.

So anyway, I was telling Pastor Kennedy we should hold our own rally in support of traditional marriage this Sunday, mum said, steering the topic away from Aaron, thank God. Though I got the feeling he didn’t like her sometimes. But she meant well.

I don’t think that’s necessary, Molly said.

Not necessary? Molly, we must do what we can to protect our children from this freak-show, wannabe family, mum declared, practically gasping. I just wanted to yell relax sometimes so she didn’t get all weird.

Yes, well we’ll see how things go, Molly said, obviously disinterested in whatever mum had in mind.

C’mon, we can’t let the Westboro’s have all the glory.

Aaron placed his cutlery down and pushed out on his chair. I’m full, I might head upstairs.

You haven’t had dessert, Molly reminded him.

I’m full, he said, and left quietly.

Az? Tom said, watching as Aaron trailed through the living room and upstairs, ignoring him.

What’s up with him? mum asked.

Teenagers, Molly said, downing the last of her wine.

I finished up quickly and excused myself from the table, wanting to go play Xbox with Aaron, and to check if he was alright. Plus, I felt bad because I think mum annoyed him. It’s like so what if he was a bit late? She didn’t have to make something out of it. And I realize she didn’t do much, but it was enough to be uncalled for. The tone of someone’s voice can be all it takes sometimes.

Upstairs, I approached his room cautiously and knocked on his door.

What? he called out, sounding grumpy.

I slowly pushed the door open, afraid that I wasn’t welcome. Aaron, did you want to play Xbox?

I’m a bit tired tonight. Next time.

Oh, okay, I said, going to leave, but stepping back to ask: Aaron, um, are… are you okay?

He held his arm up for a fist bump. Yeah, I’m good, man.

I made the connect, but felt he was lying.

We’ll go at it hard next time, he added.

Okay.

Alright, catch, little man.

I smiled and left him alone. It was obvious he was tired, so maybe that was it? But I didn’t know. If Tom suspected there was something wrong, there probably was. Anyway, when I made it back downstairs, mum and Molly had begun their Bible reading session, dad and Paul were watching sport and Ashley and Kayla were on the floor playing Barbie’s, leaving me lost as to what to do.

Tom came and sat down next to me, bringing me a serve of pie. So, how’re you enjoying high school?

It’s alright. My teachers are really nice. It’s not as bad as I thought it’d be.

Yeah, it’s better than primary school, aye? he said. It moves a lot faster… Before you know it, you’ll be graduating. That’s how it went for me, anyhow.

How’s Rachel? I asked. Rachel was his girlfriend.

Yeah, she’s good. He smiled, beaming as he always did when she was the topic of discussion. They’d been together for ages now and I was kind of jealous. I didn’t even know what love felt like, besides that of family.

How do you know if you like someone? I asked.

Like-like someone?

Yeah.

He ate a few mouthfuls of pie while he pondered that. You just know, I guess. They make you happy. You want to see them every waking hour. You want to be near them and hold them. Why? Is there someone you like?

I shook my head, but ended it with a shrug. Nah, um… I dunno.

Spill.

My fault for bringing it up… A girl asked me out today.

Really? he said, loud enough to raise ear.

Really what, Tom? Molly called out.

Tom covered his mouth, the look on my face telling him to keep quiet. Nah, nothing, he replied, and lowered his voice. A girl asked you out, aye? Even I didn’t manage to score a date ‘til I was fifteen, so how’d you pull it off at thirteen? Well, you’re just about fourteen, right? In October… Anyway, what’d you say? What’s her name?

Ease up, cowboy, I thought. I guess he was hoping I’d be different than Aaron in that I’d actually want to talk about this stuff, but I think I was feeling about the same at this stage. Except I had this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I had to talk about it – with the right person. Her name’s Mia.

Oh, your friend Mia? he clicked.

Ah, yeah. She asked me.

Did you say yes? he asked. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want your mum finding out.

Nah… got real awkward to be honest. I didn’t even think she liked me that way coz we’ve been friends for ages. But…

Tom set his dish aside and leant over his elbows. But?

But should I have?

If you wanted to. Why, did you?

Um, nah… Like, I don’t think I feel that way about her.

Well, if you don’t feel that way about her then don’t say yes. She’ll understand or at least get over it. Chicks move on pretty fast, especially at that age. But is there someone your are interested in, or?

This is where things got confusing. Nah not really. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to know. Like, that probably sounds stupid, but I feel all sorts of things with people.

He appeared to become serious. Which kinda people?

My friends.

Anyone in particular?

Like, Kieran and stuff, I said reservedly.

His voice lowered further. Your mate Kieran?

Um, yeah.

He didn’t say anything, only looked at me and it made me feel slightly awkward. I shouldn’t have even brought this stuff up. Mum wouldn’t let me have a girlfriend at this age anyway, so there was no point worrying about it.

I slowly picked at my dessert, listening to mum and Molly chat about the Bible as if it were Oprah’s book club. But Tom wouldn’t quit staring, often flicking his gaze between me and mum.

What? I said, growing mad at him. He coaxed me away from the table, asking me to follow. What, Tom?

I just wanna speak to you, c’mon. He drew me outside and closed the back door, taking a seat on the patio steps. Braden, c’mon, sit down.

What? Why’d you bring me out here?

Just a bit noisy in there, aye?

I sat next to him and hunched over my knees. It’s cold.

Is a bit. But anyway, how does Kieran make you feel?

Why’s it matter? I asked.

Just tell me.

I just like him a lot.

Like-like him?

I shuffled away. What? No.

Braden, chill… But do you reckon you asked me how you know if you like someone because Kieran makes you feel that way? The way you think Mia is supposed to make you feel?

What are you talking about? I loved Tom a lot, but right now he was being so annoying.

He sighed, as if trying to find the correct words. I mean, do you have feelings for Kieran, or even other guys?

What feelings?

Like, does he make you excited in a sexual way, or even a love way?

No freaking way, I said. I… I don’t get that stuff.

Braden, I’ve been thirteen/ fourteen and yeah, you do. But you don’t have to get so defensive. It’s okay if that’s happening. Your body is going through changes and it’s normal to have these feelings.

I stood up. If you mean being gay, that’s a sin, Tom. I’m not.

He grumbled and latched onto me before I could walk off. Hang on, Braden. I’m not saying you’re gay. But if you’re having feelings for people that you don’t understand, talk to me about it. There’s nothing wrong with you if you are. Just sit down.

Fuck off, Tom, I yelled, and punched at him to let go. He eventually did, and I went inside, angry at him for asking me that. Because I wasn’t gay. No one was gay. It was just something people did that God doesn’t like. I did feel bad, though, for snapping at Tom like that. I shouldn’t have punched or swore at him. But right now I just wanted to go home.

Mum saw me return inside while she was in the kitchen making herself a tea. Is everything okay?

I’m feeling a bit sick, can we go home?

She rested the back of her hand on my forehead. In what way?

Just a sick stomach… and I feel a bit tired.

Um, well, can you hold-out a bit? Just until I’ve had this tea?

Please?

She looked at her watch, pondered for a moment and switched off the kettle. Okay, c’mon, then.

Molly looked surprised when we came out of the kitchen, tea-less. Is that kettle playing up again?

No, Braden’s feeling a bit unwell, so we might make tracks. Mum gave her a hug and signaled at dad to start getting up. Thanks for the lovely dinner, and please think about it. You’re forever saying you should be more active with the church, so here’s something you can do about it.

"It’s not exactly what I had in mind."

C’mon, this is one of the toughest battles the church faces. It’s your duty as a woman of God to stand up for what’s right, mum goaded, guilt tripping Molly into whatever she was talking about. Don’t forget this isn’t just about God, either. It’s about protecting our children. Now, I’m going to have signs and everything, plus half the congregation seems interested in joining, so all you’ve gotta bloody do is walk with us to Town Hall.

Molly groaned. I’ll think about it.

Thank you! Mum smiled and noticed dad by the front door, Paul still on the couch, watching sport.

Molly then walked us to the door and gave me a hug as we were leaving. Have a safe trip, and I hope you start feeling better soon, Braden.

Thanks.

Dad draped his arm over my shoulder and walked me to the car, and right now, I suppose I was starting to feel a bit sick. I just didn’t understand what Tom was on about. I wasn’t gay just because I said no to Mia. And the fact I liked Kieran didn’t mean that, either. We were good mates and that was it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t like him any more than that.

Chapter 3 – Not Sure What’s Happening

10:25am, Thursday

August 13th

Mia didn’t walk with us to school this morning and she didn’t speak to me for our first two classes. I was hoping that everything would go back to normal, considering she said it didn’t matter I said no, but she was obviously more hurt than she would admit.

Braden, you comin’ or what? Kieran called, wanting to get something to eat. We’d sat together in class while Mia sat with Jane and everything felt inexplicably different. It was like things had changed overnight and I didn’t know how to fix it.

Kieran caught a glimpse of her. Dude, what did you say?

I didn’t say anything.

Well, she’s gone all weird.

It wasn’t like Mia hadn’t done this before. I could think of a few times Kieran and me got the cold shoulder. Once when Kieran asked why she didn’t have any boobs. Then another time when he asked where they suddenly came from. But this was different. I’m gonna go tell her yes, I said. Maybe she’ll feel better if we go out?

You practically are/ were already. Kieran tossed a pebble at her and yelled at her to come over as she walked past. He took her by the arm and thrust her at me. He will, okay? Now get over yourself, hoe.

She punched him in the arm. He’ll what?

Go out with you, so can you stop being a nub?

Her shoulders relaxed. Braden, you don’t have to.

So why are you ignoring us? I asked.

She shrugged. I wasn’t meaning to, sorry. I’m over it. She slapped the bottom of Kieran’s chip bag, sending a third of them to the ground. Call me a hoe again and I’ll kick you in the balls. You know I hate that word.

Why do you reckon I use it? He smiled.

She raised her knee and he crossed his legs in defense. So everything was officially back to normal. Thank God for that. I hated when there was any kind of tension, especially with friends. I had enough of that at home between mum and me.

So what are you going to do about the dance? I asked.

Not go, I guess.

If I were a good friend right now, I’d say let’s go as friends. But I didn’t want to, even if she did. Besides, it was a grade 7 & 8 dance, no date or escort required. Hang with us instead, I suggested. Please!

I always do.

Well, good. So you coming to Kieran’s after school? I asked.

"Awks… Okay, I always do starting from tomorrow! I’m going to a movie with Jane after school."

Kieran rested his hand on my shoulder. Bro night.

I’m a bro, Mia whimpered.

No, you’re a hoe.

~~~

Once school was over, I was feeling okay. Mia had returned to normal and I didn’t get any homework. What could be better? Though I honestly didn’t mind homework all that much. Dad was good with numbers and helped me with math when he was home, and it was one of the few things we did together. He wasn’t real strict and didn’t get angry when it took me forever to understand something.

What a boring day, farrrr out, Kieran said. I’m starving… I hope there’s a frozen pizza in the freezer.

Yeah, I’m hungry, too.

Kieran and me made it back to his and threw some food together to take upstairs. I’d probably eat 1/3 of it while he ate the rest. I’m not sure where he put it, but he was a real guts. You wanna play Xbox, or?

Yeah, sure, I said.

He flicked it on and sat next to me on his bed, and I liked when he was

Reviews for Braden's Story

[Donald Watson · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Just too much sadness for being so young nothing positive it wearied and suck everything from me