Weapon of Choice

By S.E. Batt

A new featherweight fighter arrives on the scene.

Dennis feels excited; he thrived as a grubby, good-for-nothing farmboy in a typical Fantasy world, which made him the prime material for being selected by the gods to go on an epic quest. His eagerness dropped, however, when he discovered he is left with nothing but a feather to defend himself with. Things certainly do not improve when some eclectic and persistent characters join him on his quest to vanquish the ork that slayed his parents. Will Dennis complete his quest and get back home with his sanity intact?

A Fantasy parody work totalling approx. 13500 words.

• Language: English
• Publisher: S.E. Batt
• Release date: Feb 16, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311135186

S.E. Batt

S.E. Batt loves all things light-hearted and humorous. When he's not writing, he's playing video games, talking to other writers, and generally wishing he was writing. He's a proud member of the Forward Motion online writer's group, and sends all of its members a digital thumbs-up.

Book preview

Copyright

WEAPON OF CHOICE

S.E. Batt

Copyright 2013 by S.E. Batt

Smashwords Edition

Table of Contents

1. Copyright

2. About

3. Weapon of Choice

4. Thanks

5. Other Works

6. Excerpt from Friend Ship

About

The very first entry to this story was published as a single, stand-alone piece of flash fiction on my website as a part of ‘Flash Friday’, where I post a free piece of fiction every Friday. The inspiration came from a fellow writer called AllWriteGirl, who gave me the prompt of ‘a secret behind a stone, a feather, and a disgruntled stableboy’ to write my flash fiction with. I finished it, and I hated it. I didn’t know why I disliked it so much at the time, but I published it, if only to see what other people had to say about it.

It turns out, they did have a lot to say about it. Everyone agreed that the piece itself wasn’t bad, but it was extremely open-ended. It read less like a flash fiction, and more like the start of a longer, more fleshed-out piece. I realised why I hated it so much; it wasn’t finished at all!

So, I did a long running series of ‘Weapon of Choice’, featuring Dennis with his unfortunate destiny. It went through all kinds of strange and fun places (as you’re about to find out yourself) and people were keen to give inspiration as to what Dennis will do next. After a solid run, Weapon of Choice ended on its fourteenth entry, totalling around 13,500 words in total.

The story is compiled here for easy reading. Every time a row of three stars appears (***), it’s when one entry to my flash series ended, and another started. Because of the format of Flash Friday, it means the story is a little more broken-up than my usual work, but should be no less enjoyable!

I plan to do a lot more with Dennis. Even while writing this, I knew he and his friends were begging for a longer piece where they could all shine. Please, look forward to this larger work when it is eventually written and published. I’m sure it’ll be no less silly than this story!

But you didn’t start reading this to listen to me waffle. We’ve got a story to explore.

Weapon of Choice

Dennis was a weak, grubby, and somewhat whiny stable boy in a poor and impoverished town, which only meant one thing for him: he was prime hero material.

Of course, everyone wanted to be a world-saving hero. Any young boy that held up a sword that was actually a stick, and used it to fight off a fearsome dragon that was actually their sister, wanted to become one. Such men usually would enlist in the army, or find themselves a combat trainer to ensure that they can reach their maximum villain-slaying potential when they were chosen to save the world. These men either became the victim of whatever powerful and sinister evil awoke that the hero had to slay, become a town guard and give directions to the hero and his party when they passed through, or cashed it all in and got a job in accounting. None of these people would ever become heroes, mainly because the gods found their backstories not nearly as fun as others’.

For example, the boy in a farm-based rural town in the middle of nowhere.

Dennis was excited, to say the least. He had just turned eighteen, the legal requirement for being sent on missions from the heavens that spanned entire countries and ended in a hellhole someplace. He did have two older friends in the town, but one of them discovered a hidden talent for magic and used it to defeat an evil lord, and the other one ran into an adventuring party at the local tavern and ended up leading the team against a red dragon that threatened to re-awaken after a thousand years. Both of them retired very early in their lives and settled down in the countryside with their damsel-in-not-much-distress-anymore.

Now, it was his turn.

The signs all pointed to good things. He had received a letter from his father, an old beaten thing that was presumably sent years ago, back before his mother and father were killed. Tearing open the worn lip of the envelope, he drew the letter out with shaking hands and read the contents.

Dear Dennis,

If you’re reading this, then I am already dead. Of course, you and I both knew this the day we gave birth to you in this dump. Kids can’t become proper heroes without a little bit of parental casualty and a burning desire for vengeance. It just comes with the career.

As such, now would be a good time to put you on the road to victory. Hidden behind the large stone in the wall of the stable lies a chest, filled with the contents to help start your adventure. Use them wisely.

Oh, and don’t play around with girls. Just because I’m dead, doesn’t mean I can’t spin in my grave.

Gerald.

Just as Dennis thought. The old ‘long lost legacy’ start.

Dennis practically skipped to the stables as he thought about what it was that was left behind. It was definitely going to be an