Creating Confident Kids: Scientific Strategies That Build Self-belief in Our Children

By Justin Coulson

In this easy-to-read e-book for busy parents, Dr Justin Coulson provides simple strategies to guide parents as they work to create confidence in their kids.

Using cutting-edge psychological science, and honest, straight-from-the-heart stories that every parent will relate to, you will discover:

* The 5 biggest confidence crushers

* The 5 best confidence and self-belief boosters

* 20 questions to clearly identify your child's view of his/her family identity

* PLUS - A FREE BONUS CHAPTER that will share one of science's most surprising happiness and confidence boosters for people of ALL ages.

This e-book is written for parents who are looking for sound advice in bite-sized snippets. Each chapter is quick and easy to read, with tips you can apply immediately to build confidence in your children, and make your family happier.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: May 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781483529387

Justin Coulson

Dr Justin Coulson is the co-host of the popular TV program Parental Guidance, and Australia's top ranked parenting podcast, The Happy Families podcast. He is author of five bestselling family and parenting books: 21 Days to a Happier Family, 9 Ways to a Resilient Child, 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know, Miss-Connection and The Parenting Revolution. His viral video about raising children has been viewed over 80 million times. Justin is a regular contributor to the Today show and other major Australian media outlets. He and his wife, Kylie, have been married since the late 1990s and are the parents of six daughters.

Book preview

Introduction

Most parents say they want their kids to be confident. When kids aren’t confident, it can be distressing – for us (usually) and for them (often). My inbox is full of emails from concerned parents whose children are lacking confidence.

Dear Dr Justin, I have a girl turning 5 in November. She is very anxious around other children. Help.

Fiona.

Dear Dr Justin, Coming to the end of the school year our son always gets very anxious about the new school year and his teacher. What can we tell him?

Tracy

Dear Dr Justin, My five year-old gets anxious whenever I am not near her. How can I help her have the confidence to do things without me?

Rebecca

Dear Dr Justin, My daughter is seeing a psychologist because of her perfectionistic tendencies. She won’t try anything unless she is confident she will do it perfectly. I want her to be a strong and resilient woman who makes considered choices for herself, but she will not back her own judgment. And she is always following the crowd.

Tina

We want our children to be confident enough to approach new people (in the appropriate context) and make friends. We want our kids to confidently enter a room without us, or to say goodbye to us without clinging to us.

We want our children to have the confidence to put up their hand when they have the answer! Better yet, we want them to have the confidence to put up their hand when they don’t know the answer and are trying to understand. That takes confidence.

We want them to have the confidence to back themselves.

We want our children to be confident enough to say ‘no’ to things that are wrong when there may be temptation or pressure to do the wrong thing. And we want them to have the confidence to say ‘yes’ to things that are good – or difficult – when others are wilting away.

What is confidence?

Confidence comes from the Latin, confidere, which means to have trust in or faith in something. So to want our children to have confidence in themselves means we want them to believe in themselves, to trust in themselves, or to have faith in themselves and their ability.

That sounds desirable. After all, to have faith in ourselves – to believe in ourselves – suggests that we’ll accomplish things and achieve success.

While not entirely the same, a common scientific and psychological term that is generally consistent with the idea of confidence is self-efficacy. I actually prefer the term self-efficacy over confidence.

The reason?

It sounds finicky, but the difference between confidence and self-efficacy is important. Albert Bandura, the eminent psychological professor who is the father of self-efficacy research described the difference between the two:

It should be noted that self-efficacy differs from confidence. Confidence is a nondescript term that refers to strength of belief but does not necessarily specify what the certainty is about. I can be supremely confident that I will fail at an endeavour. Self-efficacy refers to belief that one can produce given levels of attainment. A self -efficacy assessment, therefore, includes both an affirmation of a capability level and the strength of that belief. Confidence is a catchword. (See Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control, 1997, p. 382)

What does that mean? And does it really matter?

In simple terms, confidence simply means belief in something. Thus self-confidence is belief in self. But as Bandura said, you can believe that you’re a failure. You can