Israel from Jacob, Poems

By Moshe Akiva

This poem book is available in English and Hungarian.

The poems in this book touch just about every human issue imaginable.

Moshe Akiva categorized the poems into seven groups, but there are poems that overlap into two or more categories, thus this classification is not perfect.

The seven groups are:

Religion (mainly Jewish, 130 poems),
Politics (64 poems),
Merche (love poems, 43 poems),
Sex (39 poems),
Prose (17 “poems”)
(pro) Israel (17 poems)
(other) Humanity issues (99 poems).

Merche is the name of a Spanish female singer who stole Moshe’s heart, consequently every love poem was written for and about her.

Moshe spread the poems out evenly according to their statistical numbers. Other than that they are not in any particular order. Most issues have a pro and con version, but they do not immediately follow each other.

Moshe certainly thinks it will be as much of fun to read these poems as much it was for him to write them.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moshe Akiva
• Release date: Mar 25, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310438752

Moshe Akiva

I am who you will know after you read my book.Az vagyok, akit megismersz azután, hogy elolvastad a könyvemet.

Book preview

ISRAEL FROM JACOB

POEMS

A POEM FOR OR ABOUT EVERYBODY

BY MOSHE AKIVA

SMASHWORDS EDITION

*****

PUBLISHED BY:

Moshe Akiva on Smashwords

Copyright © 2013 Moshe Akiva

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

This Book Contains Adult Reading Material

Please note that I use Canadian spelling throughout.

Moshe certainly thinks the reading of the poems will be as much fun as it was for him to write them.

A Short Preface

Jokes and poems lose their essence if one explains them. Yet Moshe Akiva will do that.

Moshe wrote most poems below in the name of some other people, or wrote them about others. Most poems do not express his opinion. There are a few poems which were written by some very sick people. Some of the poems or strange poems include racism, homophobia or other serious illnesses. (Moshe believes that only one human race exists on this planet and some of that race has black, some other has brown, and another have white skin. Therefore, the word racism appears above between quotation marks.) Ergo, if you don’t like something do not condemn Moshe, who merely copied some sick people’s ideas in his book, too!

At the same time try to keep in mind that mistakes or contradictions were put in these hateful poems the same way Moshe heard, or read them from others. They are there to poke fun at idiots, in the hope that sarcasm will help them realize one or two things.

Every poem has at least one pro and con version, but keep in mind they do not immediately follow each other.

Nearly seven billion people live on Earth, this many poems would be impossible to write. However, Moshe tried to write them in a way that they will be typical of, or will talk about the possible most people.

Moshe Akiva asks for the forgiveness of those people who he left out of the book, and also of those who he included.

And finally, Moshe must direct the readers’ attention to an article that came out on February 6, 2012, titled: Israel’s national photo collection being released for free use.

Here is the link for that news item:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/world_now/2012/02/israel-opens-national-photo-archive.html

The reason it must be mentioned is that one of the unusual poems titled Unusual, very unusual poem about Israel also contains a picture and it is from the National Photo Collection site.

Conversion

I immercumcised to be a Jew, *

To be an honorable ewe.

Though I did it without more ado,

Mayhap that's how I will be through.

I am a banker – I came to know,

Avarice makes my face glow.

I wouldn’t leave anyone any gold,

By me all the wars are controlled.

Purportedly the world is mine,

I whet my fang only at thine.

All hopes ended, it's not positive,

And I became a treacherous fugitive.

"Is this you converted for, you simpleton?

Peradventure you love this discussion?

He, who loves you, does it by persecution,

Because he considers it affection."

* Immercumcised is the contraction of immersed and circumcised.

Sumptuous

In my sumptuous garden, little blossoming flower,

Why don’t you fuck your whore mother?

You weed, you want me to believe

That the beauty of the world is authentic?

Look at me and cry you future compost,

Here the Grand Reaper takes the good and sinful,

You can be beautiful, or you can be ugly, so…

Why would you pomp, while the world is dreadful?

Hailey

How can you ask the Sun,

To have no more sunup?

From the Moon how can you ask,

To stop causing flux and reflux?

How can you ask the star,

Not to sparkle from tonight?

Hailey, how can you ask grandpa,

To give you only one kiss? Selah. *

* Selah is a word of uncertain meaning. It is found in the Jewish Bible, in the books of Psalms and Habakkuk. In some English translations it is carried over untranslated.

Let’s invent

Let’s invent the minus five degree human,

So that the Green people shall rejoice.

The New Human will fart cold oxygen,

Nature rejuvenates, it will be chilly again.

We’ll fix up my genes a bit – no problem –

To be an eternal Santa, and to eat scant just for taste,

So there’ll be no mountains of human waste.

Gee, friend! I am leaving this world in haste!

From life, death

If I play around with my life

Sooner or later I will die.

Ergo, if I play around with my death,

Sooner or later I’ll come to life.

Life is short, death is everlasting,

So if I play with the Everlasting One,

I get a short and arduous life,

Which will be long around its end.

But why would anyone play with his death?

Who yearns for this life,

When an all secured death

Does not threaten with starving to life?

Merche, your grace is abundant *

Your grace has lavished me, Sweet One,

I dream about your beauty at night,

Your movements are talking to me,

I can no longer contain my passion’s might.

Your smile and laughter fondles me,

Precious One, by you I am mesmerized,

Although I cannot even understand your mouth,

You, the most beautiful flower of mankind!

* Merche is the name of a Spanish lady, a musician, singer and songwriter. She was born with the name Mercedes Trujillo Callealta in the city of Cadiz, Spain. You can find her interviews on Youtube under the name Merche.

Mother-love

I wonder if Adam could have had Oedipus complex.

And if he had, with whom was he in love?

Fart

Life is like a fart,

At first it’s noisy, and then it stinks.

The song of two Diogeneses

What are you doing here pal?

‘I convert food into crap!

And brother, what’s going on with you?’

I do the same thing you do…

‘Well then, apparently we are propinquitous.’

What was this bizarrerie?

Abruptly the entire world blackened out,

I wonder if I or the whole shebang is dead.

And what the hell was this short flare-up?

Her eyes got arthritis

Don’t wink at her you sheikh,

This girl here is still illusive!

She cannot return your wink,

Only a doctor knows why she can’t blink.

She’s got arthritis in her beautiful eyes,

For this she can’t swink at daylight.

And the night is cold and winter-like…

Such thing always catches up to a lazy tyke.

Strange dream

In my dream I went to hell,

I expected eternal death,

Instead I got the gift of eternal life.

Love

Your love drags me down, like a quagmire,

You, the most interesting girl!!!

I wait for my eternal decree to get you,

When imprecations and accusations do not brew.

If you are going to love me as well,

You’ll force your life on me – what the hell,

For I love you I’ll do that, too, to mell,

And we’ll ravage each other my belle.

A strange poem: Letter to God

Dear God,

I am writing to You now, because some people appropriated You on Earth.

Can it be my Lord? Do You really accept only one kind of worship? Anyway, what need do You have for worship? Couldn’t You live without it?

And if I look at the addlepated ideas of all turbid-brained men, how can I choose one with certainty from Moses, Jesus, Mohammed, Krishna, Buddha, Guru Nanak Dev, or Mírzá Ḥusayn-’Alí Núrí (Bahá'u'lláh)?

One became a prophet from a slave, the other from a desert thief; the third became a savior from someone chronically unemployed, just to mention a few, for even this appears to be too much for some politically correct madmen.

Perhaps You can’t believe me my Lord, but this whole thing is a little bit suspicious to an earthly mortal like me!

Now then… I’d love to live in eternal happiness, too, where the river flows with wine, where seventy two virgin girls rape me every day. I would even like such Heaven, where there is no worry about food, drink, health, age, gender, and where I don’t have to do anything through all eternity, except that I must extol You, my Lord. (Of course I am wondering if You wouldn’t get bored with it after a certain time – provided that in that Heaven there will be such thing as time.)

Perchance I would even sup on the meat of the Leviathan, if I knew which religion to choose.

My God, do You have any idea how can I find the right path? I ask this – You know – because allegedly only those who walk on the narrow path will walk into Your New World. So, what do You think my God? Are you in the mood to manifest Yourself in front of us all, since only that would be fair-play, if this thing really goes for life and death.

Otherwise some people may believe that You are partial and for one of the simplest human frailty You kill billions of human beings. This frailty is faith, or rather the lack, or opposite of faith, which is disbelief, doubt or skepticism – which You have planted in us.

Let me add my Creator, these are the exact reasons why many people think You don’t even exist!

I ask You my Lord to put an end to all these moronic debates and give us line of conduct, moral poise, wine, wheat, peace and eternal life here on Earth!

I thank You in advance and I hail You with the possible greatest respect;

Moshe

I would hate more if I could

I became a crinkled old jade,

Helenke Tumas is my name,

My hideous breasts hang to the knee,

Even my dromedary doesn’t want me.

(It’s too hard now to let one fly…

A small child should have been tried,

But I decided to only swallow you,

And I became a wrinkled old shrew.)

Therefore, I hate all humanity,

I hate the entire Jewry,

They outlive everybody’s brats,

Like those ineradicable rats.

My wizened clitoris is screeching,

As the bald man in the boat is gyrating.

Lo, the stinking Jew is growling,

Itbach el Yahud!: Blood is running! *

Get to Palestine!

Get out of Palestine!

Nothing’s good for us nazis,

There is no place on Earth for Jews!

Hey, you fucken, rotten Jew,

The final solution is for you!

* Itbach el Yahud! is Arabic, it means: Slaughter the Jews!

Good thing

Loneliness is a good thing:

You can’t get surprised,

You don’t need to conform,

And you may eat piecewise.

Being alone in the forest

You wait for its end,

Nobody cares for how long

You will live here friend.

Loneliness is marvelous;

Days rush by at high pace,

Weeks, months and years,

Elapse without a trace.

This is real life!

Battle is beyond him already,

The old man stretches out

His imperturbable ennui.

Don’t disturb him

Relatives, children and grandkids!

This is how the old guy feels OK,

You know how stubborn he is!

He does not need anyone,

He hates young people’ punch,

He enviously thinks of his past,

He daydreams too much…

Just forget the old idiot!

How gladly

How gladly would I go,

To the burial of work,

I would dig its grave deep,

And sit on its verge.

I would guard it day and night,

Lest it delves itself out to lurk,

I like neither the name,

Nor the smell of work.

I need

I need somebody,

Someone like Merche,

Possibly Merche,

No one but Merche.

Forgetfulness

Oops, I forgot something

In your sweet little pussy,

Let me, therefore, go back again,

I will be more careful now!

Fie! I forgot inside you again the

Same thing – blimey this young age,

When I am so forgetful…

What do you think about another visit?

I would be king

My desire is domination,

I just cannot find its location.

As every human being I find out

My dream is the best, no doubt.

Only I know the needs of the folks,

They march together for my hoax,

As if I was their father they celebrate me,

My endless wisdom they can all see.

I need power and lots of money,

I eviscerate him, who doesn’t want me.

The whole world has got to serve me,

Even God is obliged to laud me!

Black mood

I am in a black mood today,

Some devils possess me.

You little demon of pother, oh,

Leave me alone with your money problems!

See, life isn’t too expensive,

The only thing hard is to live

This ragged life like a human being,

Or at least like an animal.

I envy the animals of the zoo,

Perhaps something here does impute…

But then, maybe I am overly wishful,

And we need to keep the world mute.

The street’s chilly serenity awaits me,

Underneath bridges the rain doesn’t annoy,

By attending to dumpsters I pensively think,

And resound the wonderful Ode to Joy.

Perchance I would make a good hermit;

By eating trees’ barks and mushrooms there

I’d realize that I should eradicate some of

My loving fellow human beings, if I dared.

Thus, what did we learn today children?

Moshe will tell you right now:

You won’t get equally from the cornucopia,

Before you’d take some they’ll tell you: No chow!

Medic

I won’t leave anything for chance,

I am my own physician,

And because the examination is formal,

I am completely normal.

Final reason

Don’t kill yourself with conscience,

Sith all has been predestined,

This way it goes much easier for us,

We can blame everything on the Divine.

Merche, You sweet

Are you an orchid or a tulip,

Nightingale or bulbul?

You are one of the Sirens dear,

Your voice seduces and sweet.

Scopuli, you attracted me to yourself!

The bird-daughter of Achelous,

On an island full of flowers…

Her happiness saved me.

Seduce me oh Sweet One further,

Since this confinement is so nice,

The crown of Melpomene,

You inherited all her grace.

Your smile makes me live further,

Your lyric is from your ancestor Erato,

Terpsichore’s dance is

Legacy, play for us now!

Letter to the devil

Dear Satan, the devil!

No hard feelings, but I must tell you straight out, you are a rarely found great idiot! Why don’t you read the Bible or the Koran? It stands clearly in those books that at the end you will be fucked, God will shit on you.

You start to be like the Jews in jewhater literatures: In spite of the Jew is dumb, a lower level creature (in effect it is not even a human, just some Palaeoanthropus maybe, and it is degenerated) it is able to con entire mankind, and on top of that it is able to make good and ethical people wallow in the quagmire of sin – which otherwise