I Go Railfanning in My Pajamas

By Amanda McGauley

This book has little to nothing to do about railfanning or pajamas, but it does contain sayings and a story or two accumulated throughout my life as stated by my grandmother. Does contain some profanity, but do not let that turn you off.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda McGauley
• Release date: May 3, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301854998

Amanda McGauley

I chase freight trains in my pajamas

Book preview

Preface

For as long as I can remember, writing a book of some sort has been on my radar. Autobiography, fiction, humor, orthopedic nursing; it didn’t matter just as long as I authored something. With this being said, I bring to you I Go Railfanning in My Pajamas. Granted this book has little to nothing in regards to railfanning (a nicer term to describe the hobby of watching trains) or pajamas; it does however consist of sayings and a few stories about my grandma I have accumulated over the course of my thirty-three years, complete with explanations as to what these phrases mean. Why write a book on that? While my grandparents are still alive, I thought it would be best to, with their assistance, help me better put into perspective what each saying means. Ok, sure, it is mostly a book of quotes, but the fact is, it’s a book written by me. Before you get started, allow me to provide you with some background on my grandparents, myself as well as other characters you will encounter throughout this work.

Train nut, author by day, registered nurse (RN) with a bachelor degree in nursing (BSN) and certification in orthopedics (ON-C) by night-that’d be me-literally. Having been involved in some sort of medical job for a long period of time, in 2005, I opted to go back to school and obtain my RN degree with the hopes of using this as a stepping stone for medical school later on in life. Becoming a physician is something I have been pursuing since 1992, when I first watched an episode of Picket Fences; to be the next Jill Brock. In 2012, I obtained my BSN from Ferris State University and as of March 2013, certification in orthopedic nursing. Talk about alphabet soup: try writing RN, BSN, ON-C after your signature. I will just settle for RN, BSN inside the work setting. My hobbies (aside from writing) include you guessed it- railfanning, hanging with my best friend, taking last minute excursions someplace (thank you Grandpa!), reading, crosswords and simply enjoying the natural beauty the State of Michigan has to offer. Oh and work.

My grandparents have lived around the same area in Lenawee County for their entire lives. Grandma retired from Klein Tools a few years ago after a lengthy tour of duty with them. Of all my relatives I get my sense of humor from, it has to be from her (not sure who else it would be as no one else even comes close as being funny). Standing a little over 5’ 4-5’5 she is a little feisty and once in a while, has some weird dialect thrown into her speech, despite being born and raised in Michigan. For example, take the word house; she pronounces it howse with emphasis on the ou" part (something to remember as you are reading).

Grandma has been married to Grandpa for fifty-one years this year. I cannot vouch that it has been a happy fifty-one years, but I do know they complement each other well. The saying opposites attract? Yeah that is so my grandparents.

Grandpa is also retired having spent most of his life as an automobile mechanic and owner of his own business. He essentially got out when the things on cars started becoming computerized because it is too damned complicated and because I am too old to learn anything that involves computers. I cannot state for sure but I also think auto shops screwing their customers over was a minute part of it as well. Grandpa always treated his customers with the principles of respect and honesty, never railroading a client into buying something he or she did not need. As of this juncture in time, they continue to reside on their farm, complete with cows, chickens and cats. Sometimes it can be quite the circus.

Carol my aunt, lives just to the back of my grandparents with her boyfriend Chris. Sometimes Carol is referred to as Cootie throughout this book and Chris is that damn Chris! Any other characters along the way will be introduced at that time.

This book would not be made possible without the love and support of my friends and family. Huge thank you goes out to my grandparents John and Willodean as well as my best friend Pam and my counselor Margaret both of whom planted a seed in my head and gave me that extra push to sit down and make this become a reality. Margaret, thank you also for introducing me to the website smashwords.com. Thank you Brock and Bella (my furry kids) for putting up with me as I worked on this. Above all, thank you Adonai our God for providing me with many talents and for allowing me to find hidden ones.

Amanda McGauley

May 5, 2013

Willie-isms

She’s worse than a bear with a sore ass-a different little saying my grandmother had told me while on the phone with her a short time ago in regards to her sister being miserable.

See anything you can’t live without?-Grandma always says this when we go shopping or if I mention to her I am looking at a catalog thinking about buying something I probably do not need. I have to be honest; I have put more stuff away when I have this pop in my head than I can count on two hands. Besides, after you buy it, a few days later you are asking yourself Why?

We ain’t here to buy for you!-when I was about 15 or 16, we went Xmas shopping in either Adrian or Toledo. Grandpa picked up a nice tool set and mentioned to Grandma that he sure would like to have it however, despite the subtle hint she pretty much told him We ain’t here to buy for you!

Well shit thee bed Fred!-perhaps Grandma’s favorite line coming only second to That damn John! Typically uttered when something is clearly not going her way such as getting beat at Scrabble or if she gets the wrong cards dealt in Nickel Nickel.

Now are you going to eat or play cards?-if there was one thing Grandma hates it is when you are holding up a game of any kind (not just cards) by eating rather than paying attention.

I am sittin’ here twiddlin’ma cards-the only person I know who can beat the four suit Spider solitaire game is Grandma Willie. I have tried numerous times and still have yet to accomplish that feat. Prior to her computer up and croaking, she used to play (or twiddle) this game all the time.

Guess I will sit here and beat ma cheese-Grandma is not only a world class card twiddler; she is also a world class paprika cheese beater.That cheese is some of the best damn cheese I have eaten. Despite not celebrating the typical Christian holidays, I do look forward to Xmas time just so I can have some of this. And I would rather she beat (versus cut) the cheese.

That damn John!-no matter how hard Grandpa tries, he still gets cursed out, especially if he does something not to Grandma’s liking. Also goes in conjunction with That damn Chris! later on.

What the hell did you do? Pull your flap down?-my grandparents do not own a cell phone even in 2013; they simply have no desire for it. So, when I call and get cut off because of poor reception, I have effectively pulled my flap down.

Well Jeezus Jenny!-another well used phrase by my Grandma; usually stated when she cannot hardly believe one of her relatives did something completely opposite as to what she would expect or if whatever it is, really does not add up.

Hims a shitty kitty-shitty, kitty also known as a cat who clearly shits-A LOT. A few winters ago, Grandma made some potato soup and fed the broth to the outside cats. All fine and well until the cat has to relieve himself, which is what happened when Chris picked it up. Shitty kitty alright, down the front of Chris. "Now we really have a shitty kitty."

I hate tax time; it makes me grouchy-yeah me too especially when I