Tomatoes in July

By Tomatoe.Inc

This is the Tomatoe.inc's first super mint novel. Tomatoes in July encapsulates the dangers single mid-twenty's kids can have in a veryyy Drunk, (actually, there's drunkenness everywhere), often drug infused state! Tomatoe.inc is a creation of the author's which combines his thoughts through a variety of narratives. Ps. There's more then enough vocab abbrevs, so try to keep up! This is summer! This is one boys Wild July from three perspectives. (From time to time, Benjamin’s "Assistants" interject to keep the story straight). This book is ADD friendly! No Adderall (Dextroamphetamine and Amphetamine) necessary!!

*It’s a two-arm fist pump, plus a lot of sex!*

**These Tomatoes were Made not Grown!**

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tomatoe.Inc
• Release date: May 20, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458049407

Tomatoe.Inc

Author

Book preview

Tomatoes in July

Tomatoe.inc

Copyright 2011 Tomatoe.inc

Smashwords Edition

Warning!!

This book is similar to oxycontin, you know oxycodone you know, all those oxy’s, all the methadones, all that dope shit! If you are holding this it has already entered ur brain and will quickly slow down the way you think, the way you react, and may even affect ur often non responsive but very impressionable cerebellum. It now even affects the way you act and make decisions. To spot the signs of TIJ addiction look for it to affect the readers body as well. It poses special problems for those who inject it because of the main characters Homosustenance, lack of Herpes 1 or 2, and other possible diseases that can occur from sharing thoughts and laughter. These books can be passed on to sexual partners and may cause the end of ur pathetic relationships. TIJ when read pure, comes as a paper back, hardcover or now even ebook, and it usually contains moments such as laughter out loud, a weird desire to eat cookies, deep thought, and for some; new brain function so watch out for brain dust. More reading is the only antidote, but please don’t dwnld TIJ illegally. The impure source will cheapen all of the above so please for your own safety find benjamin pheesh on fb and the Tomatoes in July pg. Tomatoes in July is usually injected into the brain aftr one has fiiiired up. Typically, a reader may want to inject Tomatoes in July directly which some call julining or tooting in small chapter doses up to four times a day. It provides the greatest intensity and most rapid onset of euphoria (7 to 8 seconds), while non-smokers produce a relatively slow onset of euphoria (5 to 8 minutes). Signs of addiction include rolling papers, a bong, a joint, a vap, mayb even a 4 ft tube. These contents may also be used in conjunction with ice, water, vodka, juice, cookie dough and or chocolate used for cooking and eventually eating. If your Sensitive, if im about to offend you, I was trying to, So eefffF you! Take a giant step back and Fuk your own Face! If you’re related to and are significantly older then me and you do not like to get drunk, do drugs, have amazing sex, or like to read about said things then do not read this book.

You will not like it and will judge me forever more!

Don’t say I didn’t warn you!!!

Dedication

I am really amped about dedicating! I can only think of about half the people I want to thank right now. Here goes it! This book is dedicated to everyone who buys it! So congratulations to you! It is also dedicated to my love of hip-hop! It really amps me up! I’d also like to thank RPS. Rock, paper, scissors has always made things one way or another fair, and for that I am thankful! Also I gotta Thank my Parents, aunts, and uncles (who all strongly disapprove of the making of this book). Finally, this book is dedicated to all my friends who encouraged me and helped make this book happen!! And if you told me I couldn’t do it... Thanks for the support Asshole! Woooooaaaa Tomatoes! Thank you! Goodnite!

Chapter 1

Chronicle 1

During a rainy June and an even crappier July, the summer of 2009 was shaping up to be yet another shitter. I had just broken up with my girlfriend, who was all about telling me how she was gonna marry me, which recently changed to I want to marry you, just not right now. (Wtf?!) After being faithful for about nine months while she was away, she decided to come home and basically cheat on me just because I didn’t talk to her for a few days. Few being four, at most!

Anyway, Lynn was different. She wasn’t just some giggly bitch who tried to pretend to be interested in things that I was interested in and hang on to me everywhere we went. She was just a totally cool chick that I really enjoyed spending time with. I can’t really fathom why anyone would choose to break up with the best thing that has ever happened to them. So she says, which really makes absolutely no fuckin’ sense to me . . . but irregardless (and there is no such word) this turned out to be a great state of affairs, and I’m taking complete advantage of them. I want to say that this July has to rival with the best month of July known to man, but in reality that’d still be an understatement.

(Chriss-A) I’d like to begin telling you about this state of affairs with a bang, and nothing says bang like a celebration of fireworks and freedom!

So, this past fourth of July, Pheesh was approached by a girl, and she said, Is your name Benjamin? Of course, he said yes, but he didn’t know or recognize said girl. She quickly explained that she was Angela (who will be referred to from here on as Lefty a.k.a. the One-Armed Bandit a.k.a. Oregon a.k.a. Righty a.k.a. the Biter) and that she was friends with another girl who we will call Georgia . . . ’cause she’s from Georgia! (PS Georgia tried to hook up with my cousin the evening before after joining our group of rowdy drunks in an aggressive game of Thumper at the tiki bar in Pennsylvania.) As for Georgia and Pheesh, nothin’ happened . . ., which was typical for him until recently of course. Pheesh made the holiday trip up to Pennsylvania at my request, reluctantly nonetheless. He claimed there was nothin’ to do in the summertime and preferred the winter when he could tear it up snowboarding on the mountain.

Either way, he arrived in PA, and we were enjoying ourselves, hanging out at the bar, and the next thing I knew these nice girls were hitting on him and inviting him in to do a shot, but not me! I later found out I didn’t get an invite because Lefty said, and I quote, I only buy drinks for cute guys, but not for their female friends. Or cousins either, apparently! As Pheesh exited the outdoor area and headed into the bar, Adem, Am’s ex-boyfriend, asked us if we noticed anything about Lefty.

We all replied, No, sir. Shortly after, Pheesh returned and told us that Georgia was yapping it up to the bartender, so he directed his attention to Lefty. He also said that he had to tell us something important! Now before we go any further, there are some minor details, which are key to this story. That girl who was shamelessly flirting with Benjamin had a sweatshirt on . . . It was a little chilly, but a sweatshirt was by no means a necessity, seeing as how it was July! So, whatever, Lefty was wearing a sweatshirt, and Georgia was yapping, yapping, yapping it up with the bartender, and no one was thinking much about anything except for alcohol . . . especially because we’d been drinkin’ all f’n day!

So Benjamin, being the boozed-up comedian he was, without even considering the consequences and basically assuming that everyone in America has two arms, asked the random girl he had just met, What, do you only have one arm?! He proceeded to actually hit her arm! The only problem here was that she really only had one arm! She was a real, live, walking, talking, shot-buying, one-armed amputee. Not that there’s a damned thing wrong with missing limbs, but my cousin just called her out on it and then proceeded to swing and miss the nonexistent limb. I hit all ribs! was the actual response. That was probably the reason for the sweatshirt in July! Now if you know Benjamin, you’d know he would never insult anyone . . . at least not to his or her face! (Ps Pheesh was/is a borderline alca-hawl-ic, but we feel it brings out the best in him.) The best part was that Lefty didn’t even bat an eye.

She said, Yea. And she kept right on with the conversation. His stupidity didn’t phase her one bit. We were all still mortified about the situation, but irregardless (which isn’t a word) the girl didn’t care. Either way, my cousin felt pret-tee horrible!

So Benjamin, being the gentleman that he was, invited his new lady friends back to my aunt’s house, Am’s parents’ house.