Defective

By Cindy Vine

Apartheid South Africa 1982.
An unexpected windfall for her eighteenth birthday gives Kara Butler the opportunity to escape her miserable home life and start somewhere else afresh. She randomly picks Bretherton, a small sleepy seaside town where nothing much happens. But soon her life becomes tangled up with a brain-damaged co-worker, a manipulative married doctor and his agoraphobic wife and Kara's life is set to change forever. Obsession, lust, betrayal and murder enter the fray, which will leave you wondering just who is the real victim in this riveting tale which was inspired by a true story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cindy Vine
• Release date: Mar 27, 2011
• ISBN: 9781458117229

Cindy Vine

Born in Cape Town, South Africa, I have traveled to many different countries working as an international school teacher. Following a bout with breast cancer and being ripped off yet again, I wrote a self-help book called Fear, Phobias and frozen Feet, which deals with how to break the pattern of bad relationships in our lives. Last year, I self-published Stop the world, I need to pee! It's a fictional tale of how a headstrong woman manages to escape from an abusive husband. Currently, I am teaching at an international school in Tanzania. The Case of Billy B is my third book.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

There was a small fluffy white cloud floating just above Table Mountain. It had no business being there all alone; it wasn’t big enough to form the famous tablecloth Table Mountain was renowned for. It was just there, rather like me, thought Kara as she looked out of the window. I’m just there as well, not part of anything. Her stepfather had been shouting at her for almost twenty minutes non-stop. Kara had zoned out when he got to the familiar part of her being too lazy to breathe. You’re so lazy, you need an oxygen tank to breathe for you! he had shouted. Kara decided she no longer cared what he thought. Nothing she ever did would meet with his approval, so why bother doing anything. She wished a gust of wind would come and sweep her away and carry her over the mountain like the cloud. She could drift around in the clear blue Cape Town skies and watch everybody scurry around pretending to be busy, as her mom was doing in the kitchen. Kara knew her mom had prepared dinner a while ago, and the banging of pots in the kitchen was her way of keeping out of his way. He was a tyrant. Kara hated him and she was sure her mom hated him as well. Keeping out of his way, scurrying everywhere like a timid mouse; there was no way her mom could be in love with someone like that. Who chooses to always live in fear, for God’s sake? Are you even listening to me? he shouted, his mouth twisted in an ugly sneer.

Of course, Dad. Kara stopped looking out the window at the cloud and focused her green eyes on him. I always listen to you, you know that. Let me see, I’m irresponsible, unreliable, lazy and ... did you say defective? Kara glared at her stepfather. He was an attractive man with curly blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and muscular, which proves that looks can be deceiving. No wonder her mother had been attracted to him. That was when her mom had been vibrant and outgoing, the life and soul of the party. Now she was nothing more than a doormat with a permanent ‘deer caught in the headlights’ expression on her face. On her seventeenth birthday, Kara had vowed that she would not become like her mother. She would stand up to him, stand her ground. But the truth was, she had just exchanged cowering in fear to zoning out. Were they really any different?

As her stepfather moved into her personal space, blocking her view of the cloud over the mountain, Kara looked down at his finger nails. No matter how hard he tried, he never managed to get the dirty black oil out from under his nails. There was always a little bit that remained, even when he scrubbed his finger tips with the nail brush so that they became red. He was a mechanic so it came with the job, but it was disgusting all the same. All the more reason to despise him. Kara could imagine nothing worse than those hands with those nails caressing her body.

Kara had no idea what she’d done wrong this time. Maybe he’d mentioned it but she didn’t hear. His mouth was moving like the newsreader on TV when you put it on mute. Movement without sound, quite funny really. Kara smiled at the thought. She was so far in her zone, she didn’t see it coming. His fist connected with her cheekbone and she fell backwards bumping her head on the coffee table. She gingerly touched her cheek and could feel it already starting to swell. No amount of make-up would hide that bruise at school tomorrow. Maybe you’ll listen to me now when I speak, he said nastily. Consider that your wake-up call. He stomped out the room and slammed the front door behind him. Minutes later she heard his motorbike start up. She knew he’d go down to the pub and drink himself into oblivion and then one of his mates would drive him home in the early hours, speaking in loud whispers, banging into things, waking up the neighbours. She didn’t know how her mother put up with it, if he was her husband she’d have given him the boot ages ago.

Kara lifted herself up from the ground. She didn’t cry. Nothing he did made her cry any more. Her tears had dried up on her sixteenth birthday when he had hit her in front of her classmates at the school car park. He’d called her a defective retard then. Since then, the other kids at school kept out of her way. Lonely as a cloud, she thought grimly. Nobody wants to hang around someone who is having a bad time of it. It’s almost as if they think some of the bad luck would rub off on them. Kara walked into the kitchen; her mother ignored her, too busy repacking grocery cupboards that didn’t need repacking.

Did you hear him going off again? Kara sat down on the wooden bench next to the kitchen table. Her mother just shrugged her shoulders; didn’t say a word. Didn’t stop the unnecessary rearranging of cans and bottles on the shelf either. Her mother couldn’t look her in the eye. She never came to her defence. Ever. He hit me this time. Look. Kara pointed to her swollen cheek. Her mother gave a quick furtive glance and looked away.

He works hard, he’s just tired. You should know by now to keep out of his way when he’s tired. Kara was sick of her mother always taking his side.

He treats you like a doormat. Why do you stick up for him? I’m your flesh and blood for God’s sake. Doesn’t that mean anything? Kara could feel her eyes fill with tears. He couldn’t make her cry but her mother’s avoidance and failure to intervene and protect her only daughter always made her cry. Her mother turned around to face Kara and pursed her lips.

Don’t be so disrespectful. He pays the rent, puts bread and butter on the table. He’s a good provider. You just never learn. Keep out of his way when he’s in a mood. You know the signs by now. Do like I do. Kara’s mother went back to stacking cans one on top of the other.

Kara couldn’t help it, she stomped her foot in frustration. Aargh, I just can’t get through to you! Can’t you get that I just want to be normal? Have a normal family life? I miss my dad, my real dad! Why do I have to call him Dad when he’s not even my father?

Because, you ungrateful little bitch, I am your dad now. Kara hadn’t heard the motorbike return or her stepfather enter the house. Your dad died, get over it. He only had you to live for and truthfully, you’re not worth it. A waste of space you are, useless, completely useless! And with that Kara felt someone yank her backwards by her ponytail with such force that she thought her head might come loose from her neck.

Mom! Help me! she shouted in desperation, but her mom turned her back to her, her shoulders stooped as if she carried the weight of the world on them and resumed her repacking of the groceries. Bastard! Kara shouted at her stepfather, and then as he dragged her out the kitchen by her hair, her head collided with the door post and everything went black.

CHAPTER 2

Kara woke up in her own bed. She had no idea how she had got there, or how long she’d been unconscious for. What she did know was that she had a throbbing headache. She grimaced as she felt the large egg on her head just above her right ear. Hearing a sound, she looked up to see her mother standing in the doorway holding a packet in her hands. Are you okay? He’s gone now to the pub. He’d left his wallet behind; that’s why he came back. You shouldn’t wind him up. You know how he gets. As usual, her mother was defending his behaviour, making out that the violent outbursts were all Kara’s fault.

Why do you stay with him, Mom? How can you put up with his abuse? He’s not nice to you. Why do you take it? Kara thought the egg on her head was going to explode. The throbbing was like the ticking of a bomb.

Kara’s mom shrugged her shoulders, looking completely dejected. Where would I go? Who would look after me? He’s all I have.

Kara could feel her lips tremble with emotion. You have me, Mom. He’s not all you’ve got.

Kara’s mom stepped forward and held out the packet she’d brought. I’ve got some frozen peas here to put on your head. Sorry I don’t have a proper icepack, but this should do. Hold it against that bump and it should reduce the swelling. Kara took the frozen peas and held it against her head. The cold felt strange against her ear.

Let’s just leave Mom. You can get a job.

Where, Kara? Where will I get a job? I’ve never worked; your dad took care of me. And, now he takes care of me. I’ve never had to take care of myself. I wouldn’t know what to do. Sometimes Kara wished she could shake her mother into some kind of action. She was so compliant, so weak – pathetic even.

You can learn Mom. You’re still young enough to pick up some skills and learn how to do a job. Don’t be so defeatist.

Her mother shook her head sadly. I can cook, I can clean, I can iron. In this country I’m the wrong colour to get paid for that kind of a job. Kara bit her lip to stop a sharp retort. There was no point discussing this with her mother or anything else for that matter. It was just an exercise in frustration. Her mother was sort of right though. South Africa in the 1980’s was not the best place for an uneducated, unskilled white woman to find a job.

What are we going to do then, Mom? It can’t go on like this. One day he’s going to kill me. Kara could feel some water from the defrosting packet of peas drip down her neck.

Don’t be ridiculous! Kara’s mom retorted sharply, You’re always so dramatic! Of course he won’t kill you; he’s not so stupid. People go to jail for that and he’s not about to go to jail.

If you want to stay, that’s your choice, but I’m going to leave. I’m not hanging around to get hit again just because he’s in a bad mood. Kara sighed loudly as she lay back against her pillow. It was easy to say but hard to do. She had no money, how could she leave? It was one of those ideas that sounded good when you said it, but was quite impossible to put into practice.

Just stay until the end of the year when you finish high school. Then you can get a job or go to university. Make a new life for yourself. Her mother sat on the edge of her bed. It’s the closest she had been for ages. Normally, Kara felt that her mother couldn’t bear to look at her or be around her.

Who will pay my university fees? Not him! It might tap into his drinking money, Kara sneered. With her mother not working they were only a step above being poor whites, money was always an issue in their working-class household.

You can always get a bursary, her mother offered.

Bursaries are only for smart people, not for dumbasses like me. And you need to go into teaching to get a bursary and I hate children. It felt like she had one of Snow White’s dwarfs in her head with a pick, hacking away in the mine shaft, only she had no diamonds or emeralds or whatever the hell it was they were looking for.

You are not dumb! You’re just...just... Kara could see her mother was trying to pick the right word.

Kara rolled her eyes. Just say what you’re thinking Mom. Lazy. The word you’re looking for is lazy. You can say it. Lazy, unreliable, irresponsible. For once just say what you really mean, geez!

Distracted, Kara’s mom said with a hint of a smile. Sometimes Kara thought her mom never smiled because someone had told her that if you smiled your face would crack.

Kara pulled a face and it made her egg on her head throb more. I like to read, Mom, escape this crap life for a few hours a day when I can experience someone else’s life in a book. What’s so wrong about that? But no, I have to water the frigging garden at exactly five o’clock. Can I read to the end of the chapter first? No, because I have a frigging bastard sergeant-major dictating what I should be doing every minute of the day!

He means well. He’s just trying to prepare you for adulthood. You’re eighteen next week...

Adulthood? Kara interrupted. You’ve got to be kidding me! How does an egg on my head prepare me for adulthood? How does being pulled by my hair, being shouted at and punched in the face prepare me for adulthood? Kara couldn’t believe that her mother just didn’t get it. What kind of adulthood is he exactly preparing me for? To be the wife of a caveman?

Kara, I... Kara could see that her mother was at a loss for words. How was school today? Do I need to write a note about you being unable to do your homework? She does this every time, thought Kara, swiftly changes the subject.

Kara closed her eyes wearily. There was no point in arguing with her mother. No need to bother. I’ll not be going back to school until the bruises and bump disappears. The kids already think there’s something wrong with me. I hate them, I hate school, I hate him and I hate you! Kara rolled onto her side with her back facing her mother and started to sob quietly. It was all so hard. Everything. This should have been the best years of her life, she should have had heaps of friends, boyfriends even, but instead she had nothing. No friends, an outcast, a loner. She hated her life.

I can write a letter saying...you tripped and fell...or...walked into the door or something.

That’s old, Mom, Kara said through her sobs, You’ve used all those excuses before. The teachers don’t believe them anyway. I can see in their faces they know what is going on, but nobody wants to interfere. Isn’t that great? And my life gets stuffed up as a result. At least if I was black or coloured I could go and live on the streets and become a street child begging for food and sniffing glue. Then I could be far away from him.

Kara’s mom sat in silence and Kara rolled over again to look at her. After a while, her mom put her hand on Kara’s. Okay, she said eventually, I never told you this before even he doesn’t know about it. But your dad, your real one, set up a fund for you that I was supposed to give you on your eighteenth birthday. It’s not much, she said hurriedly when she saw Kara’s eyes open in wonder, But it is enough for you to get away, buy a small car and get a fresh start somewhere else.

Kara sat up in shock. Her dad had left her some money? How much? she asked, her voice catching in her throat.

R10 000. Enough to get you started somewhere away from here. Kara’s mom looked at her hands. It was obvious she was nervous as all hell. You can’t tell him though; he’ll take it.

Kara laughed, As if. I’m not stupid; why would I go and tell him that? R10 000 was a fortune in her eyes! The mean bastard would definitely try and grab it with his dirty oil-stained fingers! Luckily, being a mechanic he had taught her how to drive, one of the few good things he had done in the five years he’d been in their lives. She could buy a second-hand Mini or Volkswagen Beetle. One that’s easy to park, get her driver’s licence. Things were starting to look up. When can I get it? The money, I mean. Kara licked her lips, freedom was around the corner. Her mom was full of surprises; hiding that money from him? Maybe she had a backbone after all.

Kara’s mom put her head in her hands, Oh God I hope I’m doing the right thing. If he finds out... She didn’t need to say any more; Kara knew exactly what she meant. Her mom lifted her head and looked at Kara. Tomorrow. We’ll go to the bank when he’s at work. I’ll draw the money and you leave straight away. It’s not like you were going to pass school anyway the rate you were going, considering all the days you’ve had off. I’ll give you a suitcase, and you pack tonight. It’s best we get this over and done with quickly. Kara realised with a shock, that this was the most her mother had spoken to her in the past five years since that bastard had entered their lives; and this was the closest she’d felt to her mom in a long while.

And you Mom? What about you? He’ll start beating you when his punch-bag has gone. Come with me. Kara held her mother’s hand and ran her fingers over the calluses. Her mother worked hard, too hard. The mean bastard did nothing around the house.

Her mother shook her head and Kara could see tears in her eyes. No, I’ll be okay. You just use that money wisely and make a success of your life. When you’re a success, you can send for me.

When her mom left the room, Kara climbed off the bed and headed to her bookcase. Somewhere amongst all her books and magazines she knew she had an old school atlas from primary school that she’d never returned the end of that school year with her other text books. She had seen it one day when she was looking for something else. Where are you..., where are you? she said to herself. Ah here we are; good book. Kara smiled as she reached for the old atlas. Now, let’s find a destination. With the page with the map of South Africa open, Kara closed her eyes and swung her finger around. Bretherton, she read the name out loud where her finger had landed. "Cool, only