Meeting Women

By Nick Shoveen

Yes, it is possible to pick up women at a funeral, and Dr. Nick Shoveen, Ph.D., author of the famous "Female-to-English Dictionary, a Guide to Interpreting & Manipulating the Female Thought Process," and "How to Make a Porno Movie" explains the proper approach to use... and he speaks from experience.

If you're not comfortable trying to 'cut one out of the herd' at a funeral, Dr. Shoveen also gives time-proven successful methods to use at: The Market, The Bookstore, The Department Store, The Wedding, many other places, plus general routines that can work anywhere.

In addition to the advice mentioned, this book contains an added bonus: “The Romance of an Old Fool,” an old book by Roswell Martin Field in which the lead character manages to form a relationship with a much younger woman – and encounters what might be a train wreck.

Other than the current book and the ones mentioned above, Shoveen has published another title recently: the “Phone Sex Manual,” his fourth work, which explains how to set up a profitable home business that can earn several hundred dollars an hour.

All of Shoveen’s books are detailed on his website at www.NickShoveen.com and are available in both print and Kindle versions through Amazon.com

• Language: English
• Publisher: Magic Lamp Press
• Release date: Oct 10, 2009
• ISBN: 9781882629046

Nick Shoveen

Doctor Nick Shoveen, Ph.D. has been offering unsolicited relationship advice to men for many years. Although it has been difficult to verify his entire background, his publisher does know that he claims to have received his Ph.D. from renowned PacoimaUniversity.com, allegedly one of the San Fernando Valley's foremost online schools.Magic Lamp Press has also learned that prior to his release, the doctor ran a Persian rug concession at a now-defunct Fedco store in Van Nuys, California.The good doctor currently resides in room 37-a of the Old Bangkok General Medicine House, where he quite often recuperates from serious wounds received in violent feminist attacks after his public appearances.Upon his recovery this time, the doctor will continue with his speaking engagements, frequently sponsored by many of the various Gentlemen's Clubs of America, and a hoped-for appearance on the basic cable Man's Show.Watch for him in your town, unless you reside in one of the municipalities that have requested the doctor to never return... and note that his latest books are now available:Meeting Women: A Guide to Approaching and Getting Acquainted with a New Female,The Female-to-English Dictionary: What Women Really Mean, andHow to be a Porno Producerand, the best-selling Phone Sex Manual

Book preview

Chapter 1

Introduction

For the first eight weeks after birth, baby boy and baby girl brains are pretty much the same - but once they hit that big second month of age, they go in different directions and stay apart for the rest of their lives.

Males and females both are believed to have the same number of brain cells, but male brains are about nine percent bigger than female brains. This means that female brains are more densely packed, and their hippocampi are larger. (The hippocampus is the brain’s center of emotion and memory foundation).

This means that women approach the world in a completely different way than men. First of all, women talk more. On the average, a woman may use up to 20,000 words a day, while the average man will only use about 7,000 words. That’s right: they talk almost three times as much as men.

Changes that will affect adult behavior between the sexes also start during those important first two months of age. At about nine weeks, hormone types and levels start leading to what will be different types of behavior during the teen ages, often shown by a female propensity for drama.

This behavioral difference is also evident in the thought processes of adults between the ages of 20 and 30: during that age period, women think about sex once or twice a day… and men think about sex once every 52 seconds.

The above findings lead to some interesting conclusions:

The difference between men and women is more than just physical, because as stated above, their brains are wired differently;

A man can never really know what’s going on in a woman’s mind because their brains are packed and function differently;

A woman will always know what’s going on in a man’s mind, because while communicating with him, she knows that at least once every minute he will be thinking about having sex.

The purpose of this book is to help men disguise their inner thoughts, and to give the impression that they are actually listening to what the target of their desire is saying during the 3-to-1 ratio of word exchange, while at the same time leading the desired female to believe that he is either sincere, or a ‘bad boy’ who will entertain her.

*****

2

Ground Rules

You must be well groomed… and this goes for your car too. Only the lowest class of female (outside of Europe or the Mid-east) will tolerate poor hygiene, body odor, bad breath, any offensive appearance, or a messy car… and unless you’re either drunk or desperate, you shouldn’t want to be with that type of female. They spend an inordinate length of time preparing to face the male world and don’t like to think that their efforts will be wasted.

You must not reveal too much in the first encounter. There must always be the thought in her mind that there’s something she doesn’t know. The female attention span is very fragile, and should be maintained at a high level. As every reader knows, reading the last page of a who-dunnit mystery novel spoils the fun of reading the whole book. It’s the journey that counts.

She must be made to feel safe. Even a street hooker will know what types of tricks to avoid. Women have an inner radar system that turns them off when they’re faced with male instability. If they are putting themselves into a position whereby you can meet them, it means they already have enough instability in their own lives: they don’t also want to be forced to deal with yours.

Don’t smile too much. It’s a sign of weakness, and detracts from the seriousness of your approach. You don’t want to come on like some desperate shoe salesman. Confidence is a sign of control and power, and power is an aphrodisiac

Look into her eyes. This is a sign of sincerity, and also forces her to look into your eyes. By maintaining eye contact and keeping it until she is the first one to turn away, you are establishing a form of control, making you the alpha male. It also gives her the feeling that she is the absolute center of your attention. They like that. It works especially well when a more attractive women slinks by the two of you, and your female notices that you didn’t take your eyes off of her to ogle the passerby

The more attractive the female is, the more pick-up lines she has had tried on her before your attempt. Know your surroundings, and modify your approach accordingly. The same routine that works in a singles bar may not work in a bookstore or museum.

Don’t start out with a lie. It is guaranteed to come back and bite you sooner or later. Slightly mislead, hold back information, exaggerate a little, but don’t flat-out lie

Stalk her first: make sure that she is not there with a professional wrestler, who just happens to be in the men’s room, or if she is part of a two or three-female pack.

*****

3

The Feather Duster

In many classic old plays, the audience is told about the main characters by what was known as the ‘feather duster’ device. As the curtain opens for the first act, a servant with a feather duster is going over some items in a room and is interrupted by a phone ringing. She picks up the phone and in answer to what the caller’s question must have been, says something like;

No, Mister Kensington isn’t in right now: he’s over at the U.N. giving a speech on world economics. No, his wife isn’t here either, she’s at the country club, being honored for the hole-in-one she got last week in the State tournament.

With one neat paragraph, the audience now knows the stars’ names, and that they are rich, important people. This saves a lot of time and provides you with a way to look at these people. They’re no longer strangers to you. What they say carries some weight.

The same technique can be used when meeting a female. It’s really not such a good idea to start out by asking her to reveal anything about herself. She doesn’t know you. She will feel uncomfortable being put on the spot to answer a question of yours, unless it is a completely harmless one.

Your task, therefore, is to ask her a completely harmless question, one that can be answered with a simple yes or no answer, but at the same time be part of a feather duster scene that tells her exactly what you want her to know about you. Here are some examples, and the logic behind them:

Your opening: How’s your boss?

This will completely disarm her. The odds are pretty good that she works for a living, so she won’t want to offend you, for fear of your being a friend of her employer. She may come back with What? or I beg your pardon, or are you speaking to me? I don’t have any boss, or you must have me confused with someone else.

These responses are all acceptable, and you should look at her very seriously when you follow up. Her curiosity has now been aroused; you’ve got her attention.

Your follow-up: I’ve noticed you several times in the past month when visiting your boss. If you’re in Southern California, where everyone is six degrees away from someone who works in showbiz, you can say You’re in the secretarial pool over at Twentieth Century Fox, just outside of Bob’s office, across the street from Stage 6. If you’re not in Southern California, then use a place of business that’s the most successful and respected in your community. In New York it could be Donald Trump’s office. You can also use the Mayor’s office of whatever city you’re in… or the chief of police.

No matter what business you place her in, you’ve now accomplished two things with one sentence: first, you’ve let her know that her appearance is such that even if she was in a large secretarial pool, she stood out enough to be noticed. And secondly, it tells her that you’ve got some business to do with a very successful man – a man important enough to have his own secretarial pool… and that you’re important enough to be associated with him, and refer to him on a first-name basis.

Note that this approach gives her a lot of information, but still doesn’t tell her anything about you. She knows that you’ve mistaken her a secretary, but she has no idea why you’re visiting an important person at a major studio. If she has at least half a brain, she will want to know who and what you are.

Remember the rules: never start out with a lie. She has no idea who or what you are at this point. Silence is a great device. Look at her with confusion on your face. Raise an eyebrow, as if you don’t believe her. Use one of those C’mon, you’re kidding me, aren’t you? looks. Give her a chance to talk. She will lead with a denial or a question. If she starts with a question, then you have succeeded in breaking the ice. She wants to know more about you. If she comes back with a denial that she works at Fox, and/or that she’s not a secretary, then you have a little more work to do.

You can respond to her denial by apologizing for the mistake, letting her know that the girl you mistook her for looks almost identical to her, but doesn’t dress as nice. You can follow the compliment by making a peace offering. In a bar, it could be a drink; in a grocery store or super-market it might be a piece of something sweet that you say you’ll steal for her from the candy bin (if she agrees to accept stolen candy, don’t do it – chicken out and offer to take her out for a soda instead); in a bookstore it can be a paperback book that you claim to have read recently and enjoyed. It’s best not to use this opening in a jewelry store.

*****

4

Getting Pinned Down

If you’ve read one of my other books, the Female-to-English Dictionary, you’ve learned from Chapter 3 that a woman’s looks are a depreciating asset. Time is their enemy, and they don’t like to waste it. Sure, they may go for a one-night stand every once in a while, just to break up the boredom, buy for the most part, they’re just like Wall Street people: they don’t want to make an investment that isn’t going to pay off.

Before they invest any time in you, they’ll want to know who you are, what you do for a living, and whether or not you can support them in a manner like they’d like to get accustomed to. This will lead to a question and answer period that can range from subtle ‘fishing,’ to a piercing interrogation.

Sooner later, you will have to answer all of her questions, but it’s a good idea to avoid that as long as possible, without coming on like a smart ass.

There’s a good possibility that her Q & A session will start before you know anything about her, so you can always use your lack of knowledge about her as a defense, with hey, wait a minute, you don’t see me interrogating you… let’s just enjoy ourselves before we get too personal. Make sure you’re smiling when you say that.

Another way the conversation might go is:

Her: What do you do for a living. Are you a lawyer?

This is wishful thinking on her part; she’s hoping you’re a professional person.

You: Is there anything wrong with lawyers?

This puts her on the defensive. She doesn’t want to offend you if you’re a lawyer, so now she’s off guard.

Her: No, seriously, you seem well educated. What do you do?

You: I work for my uncle

Her: What does your uncle do?

You: He’s retired.

Her: What do you do for him?

You: Whatever it takes to stay in his Will.

A little chuckle is helpful with this answer. The good