What is stopping you from blossoming?

By Susan Parnaby

Blossoming is about thriving and flourishing. This means being prosperous and successful.
The first half of this book looks at some of the common reasons why we fail to blossom and what happens if we stop when we are not supposed to do. In addition it looks at some legitimate reasons to limit ourselves. The second half gives a 12 step strategy overcome the things that stop us blossoming.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Susan Parnaby
• Release date: Jan 27, 2011
• ISBN: 9781301379484

Susan Parnaby

The proceeds from these books go to Lily the Pink Education CIC. The aim of this community enterprise is to develop projects to help people who are in mental distress. These books are strongly influenced by Susan's personal experience. She knows what it is like to be imprisoned by circumstances. In her early 20s the choices she made left her struggling with various challenges. These became increasingly oppressive just as if she was in a shrinking room. Remember when this was a trial faced by the hero in low-budget movies. Escaping from the shrinking room was just the start of the process. There were many things to readjust to in a new unrestricted world. After her escape she realised that she was twice the age she was when she willingly, yet mistakenly went into captivity. It is not easy letting go of all the bad habits that have resulted from captivity. Those things hold us back and stop us being all that we can be. It gets worse, as the reason why she ended up in captivity was that she had already collected some bad habits. All of them needed to be tackled so that she could live in the fullness of a life outside captivity. If you feel as though you are stuck or even held captive then these are the books for you.

Book preview

What is stopping you from blossoming?

Susan Parnaby

Published by Lily the Pink Ministries Community Interest Company at Smashwords

Copyright 2011 Lily the Pink Ministries CIC

For more information about Lily the Pink Ministries CIC go to http://www.lilythepinkonline.com

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Remember all proceeds from the sale of this ebook go to Lily the Pink Ministries CIC, a social enterprise whose profits are used to support people in mental distress. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author and her desire to help others.

Contents

1. What do we mean by blossoming?

2. Dealing with some of the common reasons why we fail to blossom

3. Some legitimate reasons to limit ourselves

4. What happens if we stop when we are not supposed to do?

5. Some reasons why we stop and stay stopped

Section two – How to overcome the limitations that stop us from blossoming

Stage 1 Recognise that we need to do something

Stage 2 Become more aware

Stage 3 Prepare to move on

Stage 4 Realise that feelings are not facts

Stage 5 Get the power

Stage 6 Cultivate healthy behaviour

Stage 7 Cultivate healthy thinking

Stage 8 Cultivate Healthy relationships

Stage 9 Use and develop other resources

Stage 10 Importance of personal evaluation

Stage 11 Get on with life

Stage 12 Give it time

Conclusion

About the author

~~~Chapter 1~~~

What do we mean by blossoming?

One of my dictionaries says that to blossom means to thrive and prosper. Another says that it means to grow well or develop successfully. I carried on and looked up these words as well. To thrive is to grow healthily and vigorously, to do well, to prosper, to increase in goods to be successful and to flourish. To prosper is to experience favourable circumstances or to turn out well. To be successful also means to turn out well as well as to accomplish what is attempted. When we are successful we achieve the outcome that we wanted to have, which often means we have gained fame, power or wealth. To flourish is to grow luxuriantly or to display something in an ostentatious or showy manner. Something that is flourishing is strong, healthy and productive. Who would think that to blossom could mean so much?

Most of us would like to experience what it is like to blossom in that way wouldn't we? I cannot imagine anyone, even the most macho of men, not want to experience this kind of blossoming. Yet the reality for many of us is that we have tried to grow but circumstances, situations and even the people around us have left us stunted and diminished. We see the seeds of greatness in us but somehow they simply have not grown so we are left feeling like fruit that has been allowed to rot. We are dissatisfied stuck unhappy or just not content with our lives.

What do we do? We could try and mask it by eating too much, drinking too much or using even worse things to self-medicate and make ourselves feel more comfortable. Or we could do something to change the situation. The choice is ours. I was in a situation where I could not flourish in fact I was doing the opposite. One day I screamed at God that I was stuck and wanted to get unstuck and serve him better. He took me at my word and arranged a series of events that led to my personal circumstances changing dramatically. The transition took time but within three years my life was unrecognisable. Things that I thought would or should never change did in ways that I never expected them to do. Finally I was able to thrive and flourish.

It felt so good to be able to be free and finally able to work towards achieving what I had been designed to do. To finally do things that will help me reach my potential. So good that I have wanted others to experience what it is like to know the freedom of being able to do what they are designed to do. Until we are doing we are doing this we will be like round pegs in square holes bumping and banging against the sides and until to fit in. When we finally find the place where we fit we will flourish, thrive and be successful. I have started on the journey towards being successful.

Part of my journey has been to set up a system whereby I can set up online courses to share what I have learned. I spent a long time wandering around looking for ways to spread my wings and not finding out how to do so. There were places where I could learn skills that I have proved useful like how to use a computer and set up a web site. There were places where I could gain qualifications. These have been useful but they have not proved to be the whole answer. I am trying to use this system to develop courses that cover as wide a range of the factors that have helped me blossom as it is possible to do.

I am still learning some of them and improving others however I have learnt a lot that I want to share. In fact I am not hundred per cent sure that this is one journey where we think that we have reached the destination we desired to reach only to see a better destination ahead. In other words this is a journey of constant improvement. I want to invite you to come along with me on this journey.

Of course your journey is different from mine but there are things that you can learn from my journey. There again helping you on your journey so not strictly an unselfish action as it will help me make more progress on my journey because one of the best ways I have found to learn things in depth is to prepare to teach or to share with others. Writing a book like this helps the author as well as the reader.

What stops us from blossoming?

How many times do we hear someone say, I want to do this BUT… The reason will differ depending on the situation. Sometimes they might say that they had tried doing it but failed and were not prepared to try again. Sometimes they might say that it looks good on the outside but there are reasons to be wary and it is better to be safe than sorry. Sometimes they might say that other people can do that but they are not capable enough or were lacking in something that means that they could not do what ever it was. Sometimes they say that they cannot do it because it is too risky.

We sometimes see people who can actually do xyz but we say that they are different from us because there is something special about them. We can even be jealous of someone because we see them as capable of doing something or having something when we cannot have it or do it because we are who we are. Sometimes we see someone with something and come up with a strategy to take whatever it is from them because they have what we want. Sadly, this sounds like some strands of socialist and communist style thinking.

However, we need to examine why we cannot have something. Some of the best selling books on becoming wealthy start with what is going on in the mind. These include Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, (first published in 1937 and still available and avidly read) The One Minute Millionaire by Mark Victor Hansen and Robert Allen, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind by T Harv Eker, and The Rich Dad Poor Dad series by Robert T Kiyosaki and others.

This is not the only area of our lives where our thinking can prevent us moving on. One of the problems that those working with adults facing domestic violence is the thought patterns that stop victims leaving the situation behind. One of the more poignant examples is in the film based on the stage play Oliver. Here Nancy has to decide whether to stay with Bill Sykes or not and she sings a song about how much he needs her. A few minutes later along comes Bill and he assaults her. It is not clear in the film whether she survives this attack or not but he leaves her behind. For some families this is too close for comfort to the way that they lost loved ones.

It does not matter whether it is moving towards something positive or moving away from something negative we let things that prevent us doing things that will improve our lives and therefore blossom. This book aims to examine some of the things that are stopping us from blossoming to see what we can do to change the situation so that we can blossom.

1.1. Blossoming is part of our natural desire to make progress

It seems to be a natural human desire to make progress. We don’t have to tell a baby to make an effort to walk or talk etc. That kind of progress or development just happens naturally. We expect to keep on learning and developing in other ways whether in the way we behave, understand religious teaching or improve skills in a particular area. It does not matter whether you are talking about individuals or communities so often we talk about the desire to improve and make progress. In other words we naturally want to blossom.

Many books on developing a business or becoming wealthy devote a section at the beginning of the book to developing a vision or dream. Others on career or personal development look at the importance of finding one’s purpose in life. Management books talk about the importance of setting goals and targets. Whatever you call it the basic idea is to look ahead and focus on where you want to go rather than concentrate on the present.

1.2. Blossoming is about being successful

Some people seem to have learnt how to blossom better than others. They have larger more showy blossoms than other people. Somehow they have made more progress on their journey than others. These are people who somehow seem to have not encountered things that have stopped or slowed their growth or if they have not let them stop them. One book that is useful for further reading in this area is called Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.

a. Successful people make use of the opportunities on offer

One of the things that help some people achieve more than others is their date of birth. Many sports teams have cut off dates for their child and youth teams in an attempt to make sure that people of a similar age play on the same team. Problem is that these still divide people up into slices or categories that are a year long. Those born at the beginning of the year are more mature and capable than those born at the end. That advantage means that they are more likely to be selected for a team and therefore get more practise and experience. This builds up over time, as the chosen ones get more involved.

The same is true in the area of education. Children born at the end of the academic year are competing with children who are nearly a year older. When my mother was a teacher she used to give the children reading and spelling tests that gave their reading age or spelling age. She then compared the actual age of the child to the reading or spelling age. Some would have scores above their chronological age and some below. It was not always obvious until these tests were done who was not doing as well as could be expected for their age. Such tests were not perfect but as everyone was measured in the same way then the comparisons were made like for like.

Another reason why some people have a better opportunity than others is because of the year that they were born. There have been times when people who were trained in a particular occupation were hindered or prospered by events around them. For example, professional footballers did not get much opportunity to play during World War 2. On the other hand, those people who built ships and aircraft had plenty of work. One of the reasons why in Britain the first lady Baptist minister was appointed in 1918 was the loss of so many men during World War 1.

b. Successful people can develop relationships that help them succeed

We are social beings. We cannot survive without other people. Normally we start by being part of a family then we join a series of learning communities as well. In addition, there are communities of interest such as churches or photography. There are also communities based around economic interest that we join when we become an employee or start a business.

One of the examples given in Outliers is someone who had advantages or abilities that should on the face of it have made them into successful person. However, they were not and part of the problem is attributed to the difficulties that they had relating to people. The issue of relationship also meant that they lost opportunities that other people had which would have helped them become successful. They are compared to someone who on the face of it had none of the advantages or skills that they had but had managed to find themselves in a position where they could lead a team that made considerable scientific advances. They were able to do this because they had the people skills to persuade others to allow them to carry out that role.

These are the sort of skills that some people are helped to develop as children. As children, they were encouraged to speak up for themselves with adults. This gave them the opportunity to develop the sort of communication and relationship skills that would stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives. They were able to negotiate with others to gain the things that they wanted.

There are a variety of ways that relationship building skills are important if you are going to be successful. It could be networking to find new working partnerships if you are in business. It could be building relationships with customers so you have a stream of orders. It could be building teams where the weakness of one person is counterbalanced by the strength of another.

c. Successful people have practised until they can achieve their aims

It takes time to develop talent and accomplishments. This is true whether we are talking about playing a musical instrument or computer programming or playing sport. In fact, very few people are able to do things well when they start doing them. Those who become professional musicians normally start young and practise practise practise. Those who have become big names in computer programming like Bill Gates started as teenagers and used every opportunity available