Are you surrounded by Jerks?

By Jim Grigsby

Jerks of Our Lives introduces sixteen oobnoxious, entertaining characters to people who want and need to laugh; who seek slivers of joy to escape sadness, economic challenges, the inundation of bad news, and the constant political circus. Jerks of Our Lives fills that need and makes people ask, “Does this guy remind you of Mike in purchasing?”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jim Grigsby
• Release date: Dec 23, 2010
• ISBN: 9781452403588

Jim Grigsby

Jim owns a healthcare financial management and management communications company. He is also a nationally sought speaker on his books, management communication, professional development, and mentoring.

Book preview

Are you surrounded by JERKS?

By

Jim Grigsby

An irreverent look at the unbearable people you encounter every day!

A Smashwords Edition

© Copyright 2010 Jim Grigsby

Cover design by East 14th Creative, Greensboro, N.C.

All rights reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the author.This is a work of fiction. The names, characters, locations, and events are fictitious, products of the author’s imagination, and are not based on actual events. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, organizations, companies, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase another copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to http://www.smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thanks for respecting the hard work of these authors.

Dedication

For Tina with love and thanks, for Caila and Ryan who give their Dad two very good reasons not to be a Jerk, and for Dad who set the best example ever for being a good and decent man.

Acknowledgements

Many thanks to:

Tina for her love, encouragement, suggestions, and tireless editing.

Kenny Chumbley who is still my best teammate since Anderson Insurance Agency in 1961.

Tom Roach for being my friend and sales mentor.

Mitch Draper for his friendship and for patiently teaching me about computer technology.

Johnny and Zaida Holland for their friendship and support.

Tim Schwashinger for going out of his way to give a guided tour of Mt. Rushmore.

Jackie Draper for her learned advice about the legal angles.

Father Greg Hite for his assistance and spiritual guidance.

My parents, Marj and Bert Grigsby for the raising me to think independently.

Denise Kanir for her excellent book cover.

Connie Merritt, who considers me her go-to guy for jerks.

And to all the wonderful people who provided help without knowing it; your decency exceeds the awful behavior of jerks!

Introduction?

The number of jerks living on this planet is mind-boggling. Jerks live and wander freely, breathing the same oxygen and drinking the same water as decent folk. Society does not allow us to improve the gene pool by eliminating unwanted specimens. No judge or jury has accepted the he needed killing’ defense since 1896; so homicide is not a viable option. No matter how exasperating a jerk may be, the thrill of the kill fades when the police handcuff and Mirandize you.

Class or social status does not exempt one from jerkhood; educated and wealthy people can be jerks as easily as everyone else can. For example, a philanthropist can also be cruel and sadistic, making him a jerk who gives away money. A great statesman can be a drunken womanizer - making him a lecherous, boozing jerk that runs the country well. To paraphrase Mr. Ed, A jerk is a jerk, of course, of course.

Some gentle readers may wince at a scenario or two – perhaps recognizing their own behavior. Relax; we’ve all behaved like jerks and I confess that I have been guilty of some of the behaviors described in this book. I offer a sincere apology to anyone I hurt or offended.

Unlike the jerks described in this book, the rest of us recognize improper behavior and try to change. Jerks don’t see a need to change. Living in the twin fog of delusion and denial, they don’t notice the results of their actions and words. Jerks are oblivious to the hurt they cause and the people they offend – they believe that people are way too sensitive. Don’t be surprised – they are jerks!

There Are Jerks Everywhere

Webster’s Dictionary defines a jerk as a foolish or annoying person. Jerks are everywhere: two stand near you in line at the bank, another pair sits behind you at the ballgame, or in front of you in the movie theatre. If you walk into a room occupied by more than one person; there is a probably a jerk present. Unfortunately, they might think the jerk is you.

Everyone knows a handful of jerks; some know an entire village. Jerks are the kids whose report cards contained the comment does not work and play well with others throughout their 12-14 years of public school. The same comment is on their job evaluations, disguised in politically correct terms.

Jerks have existed forever. In the beginning Adam and Eve ate the apple, realized they were naked, and lied to God, sending humanity downhill quickly. The fruit of The Tree of Life was forbidden for a reason - it was not to be eaten by jerks!

At this moment, we could be frolicking naked and carefree in the Garden of Eden. But Adam and Eve disobeyed God, lied to him, and were banished from paradise; sentencing us, their descendants, to lives of toil, strife, and clothing.

To avoid banishment from the Garden of Eden, our ancestral parents needed to man and woman up - take responsibility for their actions and tell the truth. The penance would have been a Divine slap on the wrist and their promise to leave the fruit on the Tree of Life alone. Life in paradise and forgiveness were within their grasp; instead, they doomed mankind to life outside the Garden of Eden.

When questioned by The Lord, Adam’s response was classic; The woman gave me the apple. In the first book of the Bible, we find the first act of finger pointing - Adam diverting the blame for his sin onto someone else.

Some theorize that Eve had already determined that Adam was a jerk and wanted to get away from him. She went out for a walk to clear her mind when she met a serpent, which probably reminded her of Adam – slimy and forked-tongue. Uh, maybe all male creatures are jerks. Despite that gut feeling, she struck a conversation with him, and being gullible, fell for his smooth line about eating the apple.

When God confronted her, Eve was not about to take the rap and played the victim card. Lord, this smooth talking, slimy creature tricked me into biting into the apple and giving it to Adam. I was duped. Not only am I innocent but, I should be compensated for my pain and suffering. I want an attorney! The Garden of Eden contains no attorneys; it is, after all, paradise.

The serpent didn’t deny his culpability or help his new friends. As The Lord began His interrogation, the serpent slithered under a slimy rock and watched his homies face The Almighty. Prince of Darkness? Ha! A better title would be Prince of Slimy Belly-Crawling Jerks.

The Lord was righteously ticked off and banished Adam and Eve from their idyllic home. Close your eyes and visualize the eviction. It’s a quiet and peaceful day in Paradise, the sun is shining and birds are chirping. Suddenly a loud blast shatters the silence; the original Barry White voice thunders, You two jerks get out of the Garden of Eden and don’t come back until you can behave like decent people! No one has entered Eden since.

Literature is brimming with jerks; Shakespeare created Othello, Iago, King Lear, Petruchio, and Kate, vivid characters that spring to life from the pages. Bill the Bard had a detailed grasp of their motivations, mannerisms, and thoughts. Perhaps Mr. Shakespeare was surrounded by jerks and wrote about those he knew best.

Prime time television shows, soap operas, movies, and best selling novels contain at least one unforgettable jerk. Dabney Colman enjoyed a great career portraying despicable people. Do you remember his television show Buffalo Bill? That guy was the role model for jerks worldwide.

Professional sports, business, entertainment, politics, and journalism are replete with people who do not work and play well with others. Did that many talented people flunk Sandbox 101?

There is good news: you have some control over the invasion of celebrity jerks. You can avoid them by not watching movies and by turning off television and talk radio.

It is different when the jerks exist in your world. You cannot dodge jerks that double as your coworkers, neighbors, bosses, relatives, employees, or business associates. Neither gender has a corner on jerkish behavior; he and she can be interchanged in any description of a jerk. This is one area where gender equality has been in place since Day One.

Are there many jerks in your life? Think about ten people in your life. How many would you characterize as jerks? How many lean towards being a jerk?

The characters in Jerks of Our Lives are extreme examples created to help you laugh at jerkish behaviors. They are described in great detail, allowing you to fill in the face that matches the jerks of your life.

We submit for your enjoyment, our Top 25 Jerks. Deciding which jerks to include and exclude was not easy; the responsibility was not taken lightly. The first ten were obvious, after that it became a political nightmare. Our biggest fear is that the ACLU will sue on behalf of the omitted breeds. Rest in peace slighted ones; a sequel is in development.

And now, we present The Jerks.

Chapter 1

Two Lips

Noah Cronin is a natural butt kisser, so natural that he is the Roy Hobbs of behind smooching. His constant sucking up has graduated from company joke to fatiguing habit. People call him Noah Pride and Noah Shame.

Hopping out of his pewter gray minivan Noah Cronin spied Toby Ott parking his glossy black Jaguar in a reserved spot near the front entrance. Eyes riveted on the Jag, Noah purred. Toby, that has to be the shiniest car I have ever seen. What’s the secret to keeping it looking like that?

Toby smoothed his handlebar mustache and grinned. I wax it every weekend but the real secret is the way I polish it.

If I come over and help, will you show me the secret?

Toby slapped Noah on the back. Can I trust you to wash and wax my car?

Man, you have the greatest sense of humor! You’re funnier than anyone on TV! Yes, I would love to wash and wax your car. Just name the day and I’ll be there to make it shine!

Toby laughed at Noah and ambled to the office stairway; he stopped on the third step to check his look in the door’s mirrored surface. Satisfied that every hair was in place, he looked down at Noah and shook his head. First thing Monday morning and this guy is kissing my butt like it is bonus time. How does he do it without dislocating his tongue?

As Print and Mailroom Supervisor for Champion Games, Noah works with an apprentice’s eagerness. Each morning he races into the Administration building to deliver mail and polish a few golden apples. Strolling into the Human Resources department, he handed a stack of employment applications to Corinne Feller and chirped; Hot off the press and into your delightful hands Madame Director!

Why thank you Noah, but you didn’t have to make a special trip just to deliver these.

No trouble at all ma’am. I know how hard you worked to design them and wanted to tell you in person that they are magnificent! People will be honored just to fill out an application here!

Corinne’s eyes widened. Honored? Noah you are way too kind.

Oh no, it’s the truth! Noah deftly shifted his lips to the other butt cheek. The kids at my daughter’s middle school are still talking about you. You made quite an impression on them, when you told them how to conduct themselves during job interviews. Great advice they can use to better themselves. As a parent, I thank you for giving so selflessly of your valuable time.

"Noah, that was months ago. I’m sure those kids have already forgotten that I was there, let alone remember what I said.’

No way, Hannah says that you are her role model. Personally, I think she made a great choice.

Corinne struggling not to wince, smiled sweetly, and looked past him. Thank you for bringing the applications to me. Your staff did an excellent job. Please pass my praise and thanks to them. Now if you will excuse, I need to get ready to meet with the boss.

I will be honored to carry your message, verbatim, to my staff. You have a great day. By the way, you look exceptionally lovely today.

Corinne turned away, as if distracted by a noise. Go away you insincere, shameless little creature!

Noah was primed for his favorite target and he marched through the hall, anxious to deliver the morning mail to the company’s owner, Felix Marichal. Like a schoolboy, he peered into the boss’s doorway. Good morning sir, may I enter the command center?

Marichal looked up and forced a smile. Certainly Noah, how are you today?

Fine sir, very nice of you to ask. And how are you?

I’m well thank you.

That is an excellent tie! No doubt in my mind, you have to be the best-dressed executive in town.

Felix Marichal decided to preempt Noah’s assault of praise. The local TV people want to interview me about our computer games. Hopefully the story will help boost sales.

With you as the star it will!

What do you have for me today?

Nothing spectacular. Shall I place it on your side table?

Yes, thank you. Now, if you will excuse me, Corinne Feller is due any minute.

Yes sir, I believe she is on her way here. Have a great day and break a leg!

Felix nodded and resumed reading.

Noah bounced towards the door, then suddenly whirled to face the owner. Will the interview run on the six o’clock news or at eleven?

I’m not sure when it will air, why do you ask?

So I can tape it – in case you need an extra copy.

That won’t be necessary, but thank you for offering. He lowered his head. The man is shameless, absolutely shameless.

Four score kissed butts and twenty minutes later, Noah was reviewing timecards when Cletus Roberts walked in smiling as if he held the winning lottery ticket. Noah, have you got a few minutes to talk?

Ever the faithful puppy, Noah dropped everything and wagged his tongue. Yes sir, boss. I always have time for you!

After handing Noah a DVD, Cletus plopped into a chair at the far end of the desk and ran a hand over a tanned, bald head. This is our newest game, Champions of Golf. It’s lot fun, so much fun that I lost track of time playing it.

Someone as disciplined as you lost track of time?

You can build the course you want to play from a library of two hundred holes. You can play against any great player, male or female, from any era. Or you and three friends can play a foursome!

Wow! Which of our eggheads is the creative genius behind it?

Toby Ott and his development staff get the credit; they’ve been working on it for six months. Tomorrow the entire company will learn about it at a special meeting.

Gosh I think this is the first time I’ve been told anything like this in advance. Thanks boss.

You, my young friend, are going to be part of the group that develops the marketing strategy.

Noah’s eyes sparkled and he blathered in a voice higher and faster than normal. Really? Wow! Thank you! I really appreciate you having this kind of faith in me. It is, well, an honor to be included in something like that. I only hope I can contribute to the success and repay your faith in me. This is a day I will never forget!

Cletus smiled - half in reaction to Noah’s eagerness - half in pity. Noah your primary contribution will be working with Felix, Toby, and Kevin Stargell to develop the marketing brochures. I need you to make sure that our graphic artists can deliver what that group wants.

Yes sir. When will we meet?

Tomorrow afternoon at one, in Felix’s conference room.

I’ll be there. He paused. Uh, I noticed you failed to include yourself. That august group and myself will need the wise counsel and exceptional advertising ideas of our esteemed Customer Service Manager!

Noah, that is far too kind of you. You four will do just fine without this old warrior. Cletus rested his elbows on the desk and pointed his right index finger directly between Noah’s eyes. I want to make sure that you understand your role in this. You need to understand exactly what they want: color, size, picture placement, and font; everything about the brochure - everything. They need your assurance that your department can deliver it on time and within the budget. Is that clear?

Yes sir. I’ll make sure we can do what they want. I don’t want to fail you or those three gentlemen in any way. I’d rather lose a lung than fail you.

"Noah, please do not promise something that cannot be delivered. You like to please people, but this is one time that you need to be the voice of reality and restraint. You must keep them coloring between the lines.

Felix wants to market the game in forty–five days, sixty at the very outside. If what they suggest is earth shattering but cannot be completed on time, you must guide them towards something you can deliver. Will you do that for me?

Yes boss. I will be your personal watchdog. I will not let you down.

Cletus rose and smoothed his red and green plaid shirt until it was just right. I’ve taken up enough of your time. I better let you get back to work.

Noah sprang out of his chair. Sir you never waste my time. You always impart you knowledge so freely. I am honored that you chose to include me in this and I promise I will not fail you in any way.

I’m sure you are the man for the job.

Thank you sir.

Noah scribbled his name on time cards and tossed them into the out basket then prepared for his big meeting. He removed the other work from his desktop and meticulously stacked it in neat piles on the floor. Then he gathered materials for the marketing plan and placed them in strategic locations on his desk.

Hours later, Cletus poked his head into Noah’s office and watched the young supervisor fussily insert documents into a large three-ring binder. Noah, have you even thought about lunch yet?

No sir I have not. What time is it?

It is time for you to take a break and eat.

Cletus and Noah filled their trays; then located empty chairs at a long table in the middle of the cafeteria. Six women were dining at one end of the table; at the other end, three men chatted over coffee.

After exchanging greetings with the two groups, Noah told Cletus about his meeting preparation. In his excitement, he spoke loud enough for people at nearby tables to hear. I compiled the information just as you taught me. The idea to prepare a project binder was fabulous - a stroke of genius. I never would have thought of that by myself. I am always amazed at the sheer brilliance of your ideas and appreciate that you share them so generously with me.

The three men looked at Noah with unmasked distain and shook their heads in cadence.

Noah, you would have hit upon that idea without my help.

No sir, I never would have thought of it. You saved me hours of work. Because of your ingeniousness, I feel even more inspired not to let you down in any way.

Two of the men were too astonished to speak; the third rolled his eyes and kissed the air.

It is that kind of thinking that makes you the great Customer Service Manager that you are, always finding the perfect solution to the problem. You are the brains of the department and the backbone of this company. I’m honored to work for the man who is such an integral part of the company.

The three men lost control. A loud snicker burst from one mouth; a huge grin grew on another, while the third mouth twisted into a disapproving knot. They staggered away from the table, laughing and slapping each other on the back.

Noah eyed them quizzically. What’s gotten into them?

Cletus covered a smile and in a weakened voice managed just two words. Who knows?

The conversation continued in the same vein for several minutes. When the women rose to leave, one looked at Noah as if he were a cockroach. I think he would bear Cletus’s child if he could!

Noah followed Cletus’s directive; he did not volunteer opinions and answered questions about price, printing capability, and production times with professional precision.

When Toby Ott, Vice President of Operations, praised him for his excellent preparation, Noah jumped at the opportunity. Thank you Toby. When Cletus asked me to attend this meeting, I was unsure of my role. Being the excellent mentor that he is, he directed my efforts, so that I would not let you or him down. The juices flowed. "I must say that the campaign you ingenious gentlemen developed is outstanding. The ads in golf and sports magazines are sure to capture buyers; but the idea of advertising heavily in cold weather states during the winter months is a stroke of pure genius!

That idea floored me, but when you added local cable ads and special promotions on college campuses, well that is beyond brilliant! I’m not sure I know a word that would adequately express the magnitude of that idea! I am so excited about this product and feel privileged to work for a company that has such intellect at the helm. This will become the top selling game in America!

An uncomfortable silence enveloped the table. Toby and Kevin stared at their notes, afraid to look at each other. Felix gathered his papers and stood. Noah, nothing would make me happier than for your prediction to come true.

Under your leadership it will sir.

Felix ignored the remark and nodded to the other men. Gentlemen, thank you very much for your efforts. Kevin, I want the final cost projections on my desk in two days. Toby, let’s gather the entire company at four so we can announce the new game and give them each a beta copy. Noah, thank you again for the research; it was just what we needed.

My pleasure sir. It is an honor and a pleasure to work for you.

Felix lowered his head and charged from the room.

Kevin sprung from his chair. Sorry to meet and run guys, but I have an appointment and cannot be late. He bolted through the door without looking at Toby.

Toby leaned back, locked his fingers behind his head, and smiled broadly. Very well done Noah. You managed to kiss three sets of buns in a single pucker!

What do you mean?

‘Beyond brilliant?’ ‘Intellect at the helm?’ What do you call that?

The truth; those are great ideas.

You might have gone too far with that ‘under your leadership’ remark. That was such a blatant suck up; I thought Felix would end up with a hickey on each butt cheek.

I don’t see what is wrong with saying that I admire the man. I want him to know that. Heck, I feel the same way about you. You’re the guy who really makes it happen.

Toby stood and stretched. Noah. Somehow, I knew you would work something like that in. You just had to plant one last kiss to my butt before I left! He marched out thinking; this ‘man’ has no pride.

Noah slumped at the table. What was that all about?

Several months later Noah arrived at work; his lips coated with Chapstick and an industrial-sized tube concealed in his pants pocket. He was distracted by clamor at the end of the hallway and nearly collided with a shipping clerk. What’s going on down there?

Haven’t you heard? Cletus is retiring!

No way!

It’s true. I thought you would know, him being your boss and all.

Man alive, this is news to me. I gotta go see him right now. Thanks for filling me in. I knew you would have latest news, you always do!

The clerk kissed his palm and wiped it on the seat of his pants.

As Noah jogged to the edge of a crowd, a woman asked, Who is going to take his place?

No one will ever be as great a boss or as great a Customer Service schmoozer as you!

The crowd turned as if it had one set of shoulders and eyed Noah with disgust. One man pointed at Noah. I hope he doesn’t get the job. Amen! and I heard that! rose from the crowd. Three women pleaded, Please, Cletus, please stay!

A wiry, bow-legged old man leaned his upper body in the doorway. We’ll miss you Cletus. More than you could possibly know. If you could stay, we’ll make it worth your while.

Noah edged through the crowd, when he finally reached Cletus’s office; he leaned against the inner wall to catch his breath. You sly old fox, when did you decide to retire?

Before Cletus could reply, a stream of visitors walked in and out of the office, filing past Noah as if he were a rotting log. When the last visitor left, Noah shoved his thumbs into his belt loops and exhaled nervously. I hesitate to even broach the subject on the day you are being showered with so much well deserved praise. He shuffled his feet and toed at the floor. I know how John Adams must have felt, knowing he had the opportunity to follow in the footsteps of George Washington. I know that I could never begin to fill your shoes or even dream of being the consummate professional that you are. He swallowed. Would it be unseemly of me to ask if you would recommend me as your successor?

Prepared for the question and the lava flow of praise, Cletus leaned forward. Noah, I think you posses many of the skills necessary to fulfill the job and I think you could grow into the responsibility. However, I am not sure of the protocol and need to check with Corinne Feller before I make a promise that I may not be able to keep. Can I get back to you on it?

Noah leaned across the desk to shake his boss’s hand. Certainly. You have my promise to not disappoint you if you honor me with a recommendation. I would consider it the highest honor of my life to follow in your footsteps.

Cletus grasped the hand firmly and shook it without speaking.

Standing in the doorway, Kevin Stargell stuck a finger into his throat and slowly withdrew it. Cletus, I hate to rush you but we need to meet now. I need to leave for an appointment downtown in just a few minutes.

Sorry Kevin, Noah slid aside. I didn’t mean to hold you up. Those suspenders look great! Or does a fashion plate like you call them braces?

Kevin brushed past him. Thanks. Pathetic butt kisser.

Dreams of promotion orbited Noah’s mind until he was jolted back to the present and recalled his mission. He raced up the staircase, two steps at a time, crossed the bridge into the Administration building, and rushed into Felix’s office where his face and heart sank - the office was empty. He searched for and located a Post It Note; he grabbed two and printed on them. He carefully attached the note to a bundle of videocassettes, before placing his offering in the center of Felix’s desk.

"Sir;

I thought you would like extra copies of yesterday’s interview.

You have such presence and eloquence. Great job!"

Noah Cronin

P.S. If you need additional copies, please let me know. I saved a copy for my personal collection and will be glad to make additional copies for you and your family.

That evening Noah and Cletus descended the steps together. Boss, did you have time in your busy and important day to discuss the potential recommendation with Corinne?

Cletus adjusted his John Deere cap. I did and Ms. Feller threw me a wicked curve. Felix wants me to help select my successor. Because of that, I need to remain neutral and can’t recommend anyone. But I have a feeling that you will do just fine on your own. Cletus waved goodnight and hurried to his car before Noah could shower him with compliments for being smart enough to follow Felix’s request.

Noah spent evenings and spare moments cramming for the big interview; he absorbed every word he could find about customer service, examined Cletus’s memos and letters as if they were national treasures, and rehearsed potential interview questions. He also honed his apple-polishing skills.

Thirty minutes before his interview, Noah changed from khakis and a white Champion Games polo shirt into gray dress slacks, starched light blue shirt, gold striped tie, and a navy blazer. As he walked vacant hallways to calm his nerves, butterflies and bees simulated aerial combat in his chest and stomach.

Noah entered the interview room and recoiled. Felix, Toby, Corinne, and Cletus sat as a panel at a long, light oak table; on the near side was a lone, straight-backed chair, obviously for him.

Toby motioned for him to sit. Noah, you can relax, we won’t use any bright, hot white lights.

When Noah didn’t laugh, Corinne winked. Please don’t let the seating arrangement intimidate you. It’s easier for us to hear you if we are seated together.

After reviewing the ground rules Toby turned to Felix. Mr. Marichal, would you please pitch the first question?

Felix hunched forward and twirled a maroon Mont Blanc pen between his fingers. Noah, customer service has been the cornerstone of our success. Please tell me why I should entrust you with such an important responsibility.

Noah blinked and sucked in air. Wow. What a tough opening question! He rubbed his palms together and silently prayed for confidence. Sir, I know the value of customer service to Champion and to you personally. Cletus taught me that my very first day here. I strive to deliver that kind of service in my current role and will expand upon it if I am selected.

Felix tapped his pen on his palm. If we were to promote you, who would replace you in your current role?

Noah grinned. Felix, last year in an interview with Today’s Games Magazine you stated that to be promotable, it is important to have a successor. I still have that interview tucked away in a file folder. I took your sage advice and groomed Vera Jenkins to fill the role. She is energetic and bright. More importantly she is ready to manage the department.

Toby’s head dropped and he studied the table’s grain.

Felix pretended to read his notes. Interesting. He tapped the pen again. What is your management style?

I try to emulate the successful executives around me. Cletus, for sure and the three of you to some extent.

Felix’s agitation surfaced. Noah, what is your style?

Noah babbled. I learned from Cletus to try to gain a consensus. Things go smoother when people buy into the process.

Felix turned to Toby. That’s all for now.

Corinne’s fifth question caught Noah off guard. Noah is your goal as a manager to be liked or to be respected?

Noah answered without thinking. Liked. People do more for people they like than they do for people they fear.

Do you equate fear and respect?

Noah backpedaled. By liked I mean that people want to do well for you, not fear they have to. Fear is not a good motivator. Cletus never used fear to motivate us. We all like and respect him. We’ll do anything for him. I want them to feel towards me the way they feel towards my mentor - Cletus.

Corinne nodded to Cletus, who walked around the table and poured a glass of water for Noah, then grabbed an empty chair and sat beside his protégé. Noah, why should you be the one selected to succeed me?

Relaxed by his mentor’s closeness, Noah gushed. Boss, you taught me customer service from day one. I’ve had the privilege of watching you up close and spending time with you. I want to do everything in my power to continue that. No one else in the company has learned more at your elbow than I have.

Toby snorted. The elbow is not where you spend your time!

Tell me what you would do if only two telephone representatives and one mail room clerk show up for work on a Monday.

Roll up my sleeves and work just like you did. You weren’t afraid to work and neither am I!

I’m sure you would do just that. Cletus returned to his chair disappointed that Noah didn’t offer more substance in his replies.

Toby wanted to test Noah right away. The Customer Service Manager is a one of my direct reports. What will you add to my team that is different from what Cletus contributed?

An eagerness to learn. I’ll bring what Cletus taught me and a strong desire to help our company continue to grow. I want to learn how to work for you and make your job easier.

Toby wanted everyone’s attention and paused until he was sure he had it. Will you bring any new ideas?

Noah fidgeted. Cletus please do not take this as a criticism, I would never presume to do that.

Cletus waved for him to continue.

I think we should find a way to tie the customer service representative’s comments directly into the customer database. It would be more efficient.

Toby was impressed. How would you propose to do that?

There is software available, the kind they use in banks and telemarketing.

I like that. Is there anything else you would introduce?

No sir, nothing that I can think of right now.

What if a major buyer claims he was promised a special discount by the salesman and wants you to guarantee it or he will refuse the shipment? You are on your own as there is no way for you to reach me, Felix, or Kevin and he wants an answer right away.

Noah rubbed the back of his neck and searched the wall behind Toby for an answer. After an uncomfortable silence, he spoke unconfidently. I would not guarantee a discount that wasn’t documented on the order. I would advise him that Kevin Stargell would call as soon as possible to resolve it at the executive level.

I have one last question. Why should we select you as the new Customer Service Manager over the other candidates?

Noah grinned. I have worked very closely with Cletus and have the advantage of learning from him. Every day I try to apply the principles he taught me by providing customer service within the company. In essence, I want to build on the excellent foundation that he established. In his element, Noah plowed ahead recklessly. I’m not ashamed to say that I love this company and the people who work here. Because of that love and my personal loyalty to both Cletus and Felix, I can say that no other candidate will be as dedicated to the position as I will. This position is not a stepping stone for me, it is a career calling.

Corinne covered her laugh with a fake cough. Noah do you have any questions for us?

Noah asked about management training, the working relationship with Toby, and management benefits.

Toby craned his neck to look at the other panel members. Are there any further questions for Noah? When no one responded, he spoke soberly. Thank you for your time Noah. We’ll inform you of our decision by Tuesday.

Thank you for considering me a viable candidate. I will not disappoint you if I am promoted and if I am passed over, I will continue to work diligently every day.

The panel members nodded politely and remained silent as Noah exited. When the door closed, they exhaled.

Saturday morning Toby, Corinne, and Cletus gathered at Felix’s stately country home to select a new Customer Service Manager. Toby, seated at one end of a long cherry dining room table, stroked his mustache. This will surprise no one, but I’m not comfortable with Noah getting this job. I don’t want to have to wipe his lip prints off my lower cheeks on a daily basis.

Corinne pointed a finger at him. Toby, we must be careful. Each candidate will be selected or rejected on his or her merits, not because of a propensity to flatter or a lack thereof. She lost the battle not to grin, as did everyone else.

Toby peered out the window at a densely wooded lot and then spoke mockingly, "I love this company. I want to learn from you