Life On Porno

By Charles Emerson Locke

What is the greatest evil? Ponerology, the study of evil, and formerly the bailiwick of theologians, has been embraced by psychologists. They lately have been pointing their fingers at psychopathy and naming it as one of the greatest evils and a formidable barrier to peaceful human existence.
Psychopaths control every government on Earth. They used to control every government on the planet Porno, too, but then a small group of Pornovian citizens seized the day and implemented epigenetic treatments for everyone. Epigenetic behavior modification eliminated psychopathy from the planet and promoted the ethic of personal-best performance.
Porno is now a happy planet. Gone are the complex, difficult lives the people used to lead. A supercomputer named Mom has been installed to take over all the functions of government and religion. Mom regards the Pornovians as her children and she takes good care of them. She has filled every stomach, dried every tear, and tended every hurt. Mom has given each Pornovian a mini-ATM through which she dispenses a living wage (not a minimum wage) plus a little for fun plus a little for saving. She does this whether the Pornovian works or not.
Gone are the gods and the governments who failed so much in their duty to the people while at the same time demanding loyalty, sacrifice and tribute from them.
Porno welcomes visitors from Earth. No passports or visas are required. The Pornovians say not to worry about the expense, Mom will take good care of us. Mom will give us a mini-ATM and treat us like a Pornovian. Mom will issue us Pornovian I.D. and we will be Pornovian citizens as long as we are on Porno. This can be forever if we want to stay that long.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charles Emerson Locke
• Release date: Sep 27, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465838759

Charles Emerson Locke

Charles Emerson Locke was born in Utica, Missouri in 1932. After spending four years in the U.S. Air Force, he studied aeronautical engineering at Northrop Institute of Technology in Inglewood, California, receiving his B.S. degree in 1961. Locke's engineering career included design work on jet fighters, rocket engines, oil-refinery equipment, the Apollo moon program, and Aqua-Lung Brand scuba-diving equipment. Locke retired in 1993 and now lives in Thailand. Locke has sired five children by three wives, indicating that his domestic life has been as shaky as his professional life. He vows to keep trying.

Book preview

This book contains mature subject matter. It is not intended for children or sensitive adults. It is a candid description of the inhabitants of the planet Porno. As such, it necessarily includes discussions of mating habits and use of language that you might find offensive.

Sex is presented in a matter-of-fact-hey-it's-normal fashion. It is often alluded to and not discussed in detail. This is not a course in anatomy. If you are aroused, titillated, or turned-on by the contents of this book, you have a very low threshold for prurient excitation. This is not bad. You're probably a lot of fun to be around.

If you're looking for steamy romance and sexual frenzy, this book is not for you. Try Lady Chatterley's Lover. It's an old book, but it's still in the stores. Somebody must be getting their batteries charged from reading it.

There is profanity in this book. Before the Epigenetic Revolution, the language on Porno was very coarse. Expletives were used in almost every sentence that was uttered.

It's different now. The anger and fury at God and government that Pornovians used to have is gone. So are the colorful words they used to use.

Epigenetics is the hook this book hangs on. Please do not confuse epigenetics with eugenics. Epigenetics is a modern development resulting from research into the genomes of various species. Eugenics originated with Charles Darwin's cousin, Sir Francis Galton, in England in the late 1800s. Eugenics is often associated, true or not, with Nazi Germany and the deaths of millions of people in World War 2.

Eugenicists try to breed perfect humans by exterminating or forcibly sterilizing people who have heritable traits that the eugenicists regard as pollutants to a pure bloodline. Pollutants include being poor, being weak, being physically or mentally handicapped, being afflicted with contagious or incurable diseases, and yes, having the wrong skin color.

Epigeneticists seek to improve the life of everyone without regard to their condition or position in society and without murdering or sterilizing anybody.

—Charles Emerson Locke

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Dedication

This book is dedicated to the damned human race.

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Preface

I am the only man living who understands human nature; God has put me in charge of this branch office; when I retire there will be no one to take my place. I shall keep on doing my duty, for when I get over on the other side, I shall use my influence to have the human race drowned again, and this time drowned good, no omissions, no Ark.

—Mark Twain (1835-1910)

A century after Mark Twain's death, we still haven't had the second Great Flood he promised. What's holding him up? The damned human race is still here, still feeding at the hog trough of corruption and crime, and drinking from the chalice of greed and schadenfreude. Evil is winning. God isn't destroying the human race—the maniacs who lead us are.

On that other blue planet, on Porno, the citizens found themselves facing the same evils that now enslave us. A group of seven Pornovians, calling themselves "The Carpé Diem Team," were tired of waiting for God or anybody to help them root out the evil spirits of Porno, so they did it themselves. They searched for and found the root of all evil on their planet and they found a way to get rid of it.

What was the great evil they found? The team decided it was psychopathy. They felt that psychopathy was the most formidable barrier on Porno to their peaceful existence.

They believed that psychopathy was present to some degree in everybody, but in those areas of society where it could do the most harm, the government, the military, the churches, and the financial institutions, it was overwhelmingly prevalent. People with the worst psychopathic traits were attracted to those institutions.

The psychopaths on Porno had no conscience and no remorse for the evil they did. They had no empathy for the people they hurt. They laughed at their victims and ridiculed them. They said the victims caused their own suffering and deserved what they got. They said that it's a dog-eat-dog world and not every dog can win. If you didn't win, you're one of the losers. It's your destiny. Accept it.

The team thought that was wrong-headed thinking. They thought every dog should win every time and they were going to make it happen. They would rid the planet of this mental illness called psychopathy.

The Carpé Diem Team applied the modern science of epigenetics to each and every Pornovian and freed them from the disease of psychopathy. The results were nearly instantaneous. Wars stopped. Famines ended. The Horn of Plenty was opened to everyone. Peace and freedom rang throughout the land. Porno became civilized.

Can we Earthlings do what the Carpé Diem Team has done on Porno? Why not? If we had our own Carpé Diem Team, a group of dedicated people who would seize the day and bring peace and prosperity to everyone on Planet Earth, would you join it?

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Chapter 1: Imagine

Imagine a world where no one makes laws, no one enforces laws, and no one interprets laws and passes judgment on lawbreakers or punishes them.

Imagine a world with no political boundaries, no capitol cities, and no ornate government or corporate edifices. Imagine a world with no politicians and no lobbyists.

Imagine a world where government agencies give advice and recommendations, but do not issue regulations.

Imagine a world where your every need in sickness and in health is taken care of without cost to you. Imagine a world with no need for charities or welfare.

Imagine a world where, whether you work or not, you are paid a living wage (not a minimum wage) plus a little for fun plus a little for saving.

Imagine a world with no corporations and no cartels.

Imagine a world with no elections, no election campaigns, and no fund-raising drives.

Imagine a world with no taxes.

Imagine a world with no banks or insurance companies.

Imagine a world with no lawyers.

Imagine a world with no stock markets, no commodities markets, no money markets, and no bond markets.

Imagine a world with no visible money. Imagine a world with no credit cards.

Imagine a world with no armies and no wars and no purple hearts and no bronze stars and no iron crosses and no croix de guerre. Imagine no limbless veterans. Imagine no dead children. Imagine peace.

Imagine a world with no lotteries and no casinos.

Imagine a world with no football games, no basketball games, no baseball games, no hockey games, no tennis matches, no golf tournaments, and no NASCAR races.

Imagine a world with no boxing matches, no wrestling matches, and no kung-fu or taekwando classes.

Imagine a world with no Olympic games and no gold medals.

Imagine a world with no Boy Scouts, no Girl Scouts, no Cub Scouts, no truant officers, and no child welfare services.

Imagine a world with no prisons, no prison guards, no execution chambers, no swat teams, no police helicopters, and no surveillance cameras.

Imagine a world with no spelling bees, no science fairs, and no chess tournaments.

Imagine a world with no Miss Universe or other beauty contests. Imagine a world with no Academy Awards and no Emmys.

Imagine a world with no game shows.

Imagine a world where your only reward is the inner glow of self-satisfaction from knowing you did your personal best.

Welcome to Porno.

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Chapter 2: The Jesus

The Jesus is a Pornovian legend about the odyssey of Adam and Eve in a flying saucer named The Jesus. If this legend has a basis in fact, it's highly likely that Earthlings and Pornovians are blood relatives.

My earliest male ancestor was Adam. You knew that. My earliest female ancestor was Eve. You knew that, too.

Adam and Eve were teenage lovers on a minor planet of the star, Betelgeuse, in the Orion Constellation of the Milky Way Galaxy. The name of Adam and Eve's planet is Porno.

The important thing about Porno is that it used to be populated entirely by capitalists. Adam and Eve were capitalists, too.

Since everyone on Porno was a capitalist, Porno was always in trouble. The stock market was up. The stock market was down. The stock market was up. The stock market was down. The only game in town was the crap-shoot called the stock market. It was a heady atmosphere. Every person was always busy, busy, busy, searching for and investing in the next hot property.

Porno's stock-market addicts failed to notice that capitalism doesn't always work. Too often, Porno's stock market went up, up, up, until it reached a tipping point, and then it came crashing—down, down, down. Planet-wide depressions were nothing new on Porno.

Eve was a fine young lady who loved her family very much. She especially loved her grandfather. Grandpa Charley was a very important and famous man on Porno. Grandpa Charley was Chairman of the Elders of Porno. Grandpa Charley was the HMFIC of the whole damn planet.

(The cryptogram "HMFIC has been deciphered by archeologists. It means Head Mother-Fucker in Charge.")

Eve's grandfather was soon to have a birthday and Eve wanted to buy a present for him, but she couldn't. All of her money was tied up in stocks and bonds. Capitalism had made her rich, but she was broke. She had no liquidity, and what is wealth if it isn't liquidity?

Eve