Son Of Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks

By Ian Watson

Stephen king said: "If you love horror movies you've got to have a love for pure S#it!"
Bear that in mind, friends and neighbours, as you suffer through another Michael Bay reboot or a sequel to a movie about a film crew that goes to a haunted asylum. Seriously, who goes to a haunted asylum? Nobody that's who. Well, maybe Scooby Doo....
Those are the kinds of films that reduce horror to the level of a Saturday morning cartoon, and this is the book that mocks them. In these pages, you'll find the likes of The Last Exorcism II, Saw 3D, The Fog and that celluloid equivalent of a rhesus monkey, Michael Bay's Texas Chainsaw Massacre. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll sit in stunned awe as the author explains the homoerotic subtext of A Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, but first you'll download this book. Then you can send a time travelling cow named Dr Moo to assassinate Michael Bay. You know what I'm talking about, people.....

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ian Watson
• Release date: Dec 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311111159

Ian Watson

"Ian Watson" is the pseudonym of Melvin Bay, Michael Bay's dude piston, who ran away rather than be known as "Megan's Milkman."

Book preview

Son Of Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks

By

Ian Watson

Copyright 2014 Ian Watson

Published At Smashwords

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License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this eBook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to the vendor of your choice and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Author’s Note

This is a free sample of The Complete Blood, Sex & Scooby Snacks, which is available now at the online retailer named after the river in South America

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By The Same Author

Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks

More Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks

Bride of Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks

The Collected Blood Sex & Scooby Snacks (Omnibus)

Midnight Movie Madness

The Least Action Heroes

Transformers Made Me Want To Smoke Crack

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Introduction

Every town should have a Crazy Ralph.

Played by Walt Gorney in the first two Friday The 13th films, this local prophet of doom has taken it upon himself to warn young folks that if they don’t skedaddle toot sweet then they’ll be late for more than their next dental appointment. Sure, his wardrobe and diction need serious attention, and his delivery probably frightens more co-eds than it convinces, but it’s the thought that counts.

You see, Ralph’s the only thing standing between you and the masked psychos, overzealous mothers and hockey-loving zombies that lurk in every American small town. His presence is your signal to cancel your plans and head for home. Or maybe you should call your agent, because if you see him, chances are you’re appearing in either a horror movie or a Scooby Doo cartoon.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference. Even looking at the cast doesn’t tell you much because it’s two attractive leads, a nerd, a stoner plus a brown-skinned comic relief character who speaks in a peculiar dialect, eats watermelon and shows more interest in Scooby snacks than the ladies. Then there’s the dialogue. Whenever somebody finds themselves trapped, they say, We’re trapped! Upon entering a haunted house, they say, This place is spooky! There’s also the Talking Villain scene, where the culprit gives a speech explaining his sinister scheme,