Gasp

By Jove Chambers

Azazel vowed never to tell Jason that she and Jude accidentally ingested the aphrodisiac and had sex, but now she’s pregnant with Jude’s child, and she can’t keep the secret from him anymore.

Jason never intended to harm any other redheaded girls, but he finds himself compelled to stalk them and capture them. He can’t let anyone find out.

But Imri knows Jason’s secret, and he also knows that Azazel’s unborn child is powerful—too powerful to be allowed to live. He will do everything he can to get at that child, no matter what he exposes, no matter who he destroys.

And despite their pain and confusion, Jason and Azazel must rally together to protect this child. Because no matter what, two things are true about them.

Their love cannot be broken.

And they will always survive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: V. J. Chambers
• Release date: Nov 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781311299017

Jove Chambers

Jove Chambers is the dark romance pen name for USA Today bestselling author, V. J. Chambers. Most of her books were originally published under that name.

Book preview

CHAPTER ONE

~jason~

After each girl I took, I always thought I’d banished it. I thought that I’d never have to do it again. That this particular redhead would be the last one.

But the truth was…

It was getting worse.

At first, it had only been once a month. Then once every two weeks. Now I was taking girls twice a week. Once three times.

It would come on me—the urge. I’d start thinking about it, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.

It seemed like the fact that it horrified me made it even more attractive. The fact that I told myself not to think about it meant that I could only think about it.

And then, there I’d be, out cruising the city. I always went into New York to do it. More anonymity there. More girls that went missing. More chance that no one would notice what I was doing.

I wore a mask now. It was better that way. That way the girls didn’t recognize me. If I did it without the mask, then they’d be able to describe me to the police afterward. And even if I managed to get them the blood in time, I’d have to kill them anyway in order to keep my secret.

Like I killed Patience.

I forced the girls to drink my blood before I started to carve into them.

It wasn’t ideal.

My blood healed them, and—generally before I got to the last few slashes—the first ones I’d made had healed up.

I couldn’t get them… perfect.

The way I wanted them.

But it was enough.

It kept the darkness at bay.

I liked it when they were natural redheads. That was the best. But sometimes, I couldn’t find anyone who would do, and I had to settle for some girl with a dye job.

I hated the dye jobs, because they were never quite right. Real red hair was sort of fiery and orangey—the dyed reds were always closer to shades of mahogany—too maroon, too red.

I wore sunglasses and a cap when I picked them up. I couldn’t chance the mask then. No girl would get in a car with a man in a mask—not even a prostitute.

Once they were in the car, I knocked them out. Our headquarters, the old place where Bartholomew and the other vampires had kept us captive, was still well-stocked with tranquilizers. It was easy to slip the syringes into their necks.

Then, while they slept, I drove out of the city, far out into the country, to the old farmhouse where I did my work. I put them in the basement, and I put on my mask.

When the girls woke up, I fed them my blood.

I talked to them sometimes. Sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes the talking excited me. Sometimes it only seemed like a frustrating prelude to the main event, and I didn’t have time for it.

This time, I hadn’t talked much.

I’d managed to get the girl’s name. She said it was Claire, and it was such an unassuming name, I didn’t think she was lying about it. Claire had been a screamer. Her hair wasn’t really red. I could see her dark roots coming through. But I hadn’t cared.

Right then, she was screamed out.

She was still crying a little bit, but she’d stopped struggling against the ropes that tied her to the chair down here.

I’d stripped her down to her underwear—not for any sexual reasons. There wasn’t anything sexual about what I was doing—not really.

Sure, there probably was. I knew it had something to do with the Sons of the Rising Sun and the way I was raised—taught that women were all evil temptresses and that sex was the way they stole power from men. And it had something to do with Lilith. That was the red hair part.

I wasn’t an idiot. I’d studied psychology, so I knew that it was all tied up in my fucked-up psyche.

But I didn’t take off her clothes because of some sexual reason. I did it so that I had easier access to her skin, so that I could cut more of it.

And doing it—cutting her—it didn’t turn me on or anything. Not in any traditional sense. I wasn’t hard.

But…

Afterward, there was a release. A weight that was lifted.

I felt… better afterward.

That was why I kept doing it.

I stood over Claire, surveying her mangled body, watching the wounds on her shoulders knit themselves back together.

She sniffled and hiccuped. Please stop, she whispered.

I ignored her. If I engaged with them when they were pleading with me, it only made them do it more, and it annoyed me. Anyway, I was stopping. I was done. There wasn’t anything else to do with her.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I yanked it out.

There was a text from Azazel. Where are you? it said.

Shit. That was right. We were supposed to be having some kind of talk tonight. She said she had something she wanted to tell me.

I shoved the phone back in my pocket and turned back to Claire.

I stroked her cheek. Claire, you’re going to go back to sleep, okay? When you wake up, you’ll be back where I found you, and this will all have been a bad dream.

What? She looked so confused. There was blood all over her face.

I brandished another syringe.

She cringed.

* * *

~azazel~

I rushed to get here, and you weren’t even here, I said as Jason came into the bedroom.

Jason shrugged out of his coat. Sorry, I guess I lost track of time.

I folded my arms over my chest. Where the hell were you, anyway?

I was doing stuff for Imri, he said. Surveillance stuff.

You’re doing stuff for him a lot these days, I said. I didn’t think you liked him.

He threw his coat down on the bed. "I thought you liked him. You’re the one who’s been gung-ho about helping him hunt down all these vampires. I’ve barely seen you this month."

I uncrossed my arms, studied my fingernails. I know. I’ve been avoiding you. I know you’ve noticed.

He crossed the room to me and sat down on the corner of the bed. What? You’ve been avoiding me?

I looked up at him. He hadn’t noticed?

He shrugged. You know, I’ve been busy too. Mina’s got that new job, and I’ve been wrangling Chance in the mornings and after school. I just figured it was normal life stuff. Why have you been avoiding me?

I gulped. I have something I want to tell you.

Yeah, that’s what you said when you asked me to meet you here. He furrowed his brow. But when you said it, I didn’t think it was a bad thing. Now you’re starting to get me nervous. What’s up?

I twisted my hands together. It’s not going to be easy for you to hear.

He straightened his posture. You’re scaring me here, babe.

A lump formed in my throat. I’m pregnant.

He didn’t say anything for a second. He gave me a funny look, a confused look. And then he broke into a baffled grin. That’s good, isn’t it? I mean, I didn’t think… It’s like a miracle. He reached over for me.

I got up out of my chair. "Maybe it’s good. Maybe it can be."

He pulled back, his expression wary. It’s the miracle part that’s the bad part, isn’t it? Some weird screwy supernatural thing is happening to you. I mean, you’re technically dead, right? You can’t age normally for more than a month. You need blood to heal you, so— He paused. We haven’t been doing that, have we? Where have you been getting blood?

Well, that’s how I figured it out, I said. Jason was an immortal, and his blood had healing properties. I’d had my neck snapped with immortal blood in my system, and the blood healed me and kept me alive. But the blood wore off after about a month, so I always had to have more, or else I died for real. We were both crazy busy. Different directions. I was off with Grace and Boone doing that job out west, and I realized that I hadn’t had blood in over a month, but I wasn’t dying, and I didn’t know what was going on. I also thought I was getting the flu or something because I was nauseous all the time and—

So the baby’s keeping you alive. Jason stood up. He came over to me and took me by the shoulders. You think it’s like a monster, don’t you? We spawned something nasty that’s going to destroy the world or something.

I pulled away from him. Why would you say something like that?

I don’t know, he said. It’s just that you’re not happy about it, and, considering our history, you know, I figured… He turned away from me. Didn’t you have a dream once? About us having a kid and it was, you know…

I did, I said, flashing on the image of that worm-like thing with rows of sharp teeth that had clawed its way out of my womb in a dream I had back in Italy, years and years ago. And a lot of those dreams were prophetic, but I don’t think it was meant to be taken literally. I think it was only about the destruction that we’d cause together in the future. I think it was about the solar flare. Like the fruit of our union was blood and death and all of that shit.

Okay, he said.

Look, it doesn’t matter, anyway, because this baby isn’t our baby.

He gave me a sharp look.

To be more accurate, it’s not… yours. I wrapped my arms around myself.

What? He was stunned.

Shit, this was going worse than I’d meant it to. He’d thrown me for a loop with all that monster-baby talk. Look, Jason, I need to tell you about something, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it before, but—

What do you mean, it’s not mine? His jaw twitched. Whose is it then?

Look, I just—I did this all wrong. I need to start over, okay?

"Whose?"

Babe, it’s not like what you’re thinking. Not exactly.

What I’m thinking is that you had sex with someone else. He looked stricken. Did you?

Jason—

Is that what you’re trying to tell me? His voice was getting louder. Is that why it would be hard for me to hear?

It’s not like that.

So, you didn’t have sex with someone else?

Look, can I just go back and—

What? Was it immaculately conceived? Is that why it’s the miracle baby keeping you alive? He raised his eyebrows.

Jason—

Tell me it’s that, please. His voice cracked. I would try to find some way to believe that.

I dragged my hands over my face. Sit down, okay?

Just answer me, Azazel. Did you have sex with someone else or not?

Would you let me explain?

He spread his hands. Yes or no?

Kind of, I said.

"Kind of? He thrust his hands into his hair and turned in a tight circle. What the fuck does that mean? You can’t ‘kind of’ have sex. You either do it, or you don’t."

"I had sex with someone, but I didn’t want to."

What, like you were raped?

Kind of. And it came out as a sob.

He turned on me. "Well, excuse me if I find that very hard to believe. I can’t even count the number of times you’ve been almost raped, Azazel, and you’re pretty fucking good at fighting people off, so I kind of doubt that suddenly—"

Fuck you, I spat at him.

He glared at me.

I looked down at the carpet of the bedroom.

Shit. His voice wasn’t steady.

Jason, please listen to me.

He shook his head. He walked over to the other side of the room and pulled the curtains aside. He rested his forehead on the window. I don’t believe this.

I was going to start crying. I could feel the tears fighting up inside my chest, and I shoved them down. I needed to try to get through this without crying. Okay, let me start over. One night, Jude and I were in headquarters, and we got hungry—

Jude? He turned away from the window, and his entire body was shaking.

No, you’re not listening.

You said so many times that I was crazy for being… jealous… and all this time you were… He grimaced. He stalked over to the door and threw it open. I can’t hear this.

I ran after him, grabbing him by the arm. You have to hear it. Wait. Please, wait.

He shook me off. Azazel, you’re killing me here. His eyes were glittering with tears.

That was it. I started to cry too. No, Jason, you don’t understand. It was the fucking aphrodisiac, okay? We heated up some of those old frozen meals they had there because we didn’t feel like ordering food, and then the next thing…

He took a shuddering breath. He shut the door.

I scrubbed at my tears.

He leaned back into the door. Oh.

We didn’t mean for it to happen, I said. We tried not to do it, but you know what that stuff is like. It just… it happened, and it was awful. I mean, it was like being violated, but by my own damned body, you know, and…

He stared dully at his shoes. When? he said softly.

Two and a half months ago.

And you didn’t tell me?

Jude begged me not to. He said you’d kill him. I looked up at him. I thought maybe you might.

He wouldn’t meet my eyes. You wanted to protect Jude? He buried his face in his hands. You always want to protect him.

I… I put my hand on his shoulder.

He recoiled from my touch. Don’t.

I guess if I’m honest, I didn’t keep quiet to protect Jude, I said. I didn’t want to hurt you. It was an accident, you know, and I didn’t think you ever needed to know.

Jason didn’t say anything. He took several deep breaths and then he walked over to the bed. He started straightening the covers. But it’s Jude’s baby. You know that for sure?

I had a DNA test.

He turned to look at me. If it had been mine, would you have told me what happened with Jude?

Jason…

He laughed bitterly. Hell, why tell me at all? Jude and I are brothers, how likely is it that I’d ever have guessed?

I bit my lip.

Would you have done that? Would you have lied to me?

I—

You already were lying to me, weren’t you? What made you stop?

Well, the baby, and I didn’t think I could hide—

He knows, doesn’t he? said Jason. "He knows that you’re pregnant with his child."

I hung my head. I needed his blood for the DNA test. It was easy to get yours, but I didn’t know how else to… Besides, he was already suspicious, because he saw how I was having really bad morning sickness, and he confronted me about it, and—

What? Jason’s face twisted. How long has he known?

Look, I know it isn’t easy, but—

This isn’t fair, he said, his voice quiet. He touched his chest. I missed all this with Chance. I was an ass, and I missed it all. And you weren’t supposed to be able to get pregnant.

I know.

And now you are, but it’s not… He shook his head again. Fuck.

I wanted to touch him, but when I got close, he backed away.

I can’t, he said, holding up his hands to ward me off.

Jason, please. This is shitty. I know it’s shitty, but it’s not like I wanted this. I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. I didn’t…

He headed for the door again. I can’t be here. I need to go… somewhere else.

Oh, I said.

He opened the door. Don’t worry about your precious Jude, either. I won’t lay a finger on him.

Jason—

He slammed the door in my face.

CHAPTER TWO

~jason~

Jason? Hallam peered into the doorway of the downstairs den.

I was sitting in there, because that was where we kept the liquor, and I was about five shots into a bottle of whiskey. Hallam.

He entered the room. What’s going on in here?

I looked around at the empty chairs, the open liquor cabinet, and the table where my bottle of whiskey and shot glass were sitting. Not much.

He sat down opposite me. Are you okay?

I poured myself another shot. Peachy.

You’re drunk.

You’re observant.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this drunk.

He was right. I wasn’t much for getting trashed. It always freaked me out to do it. I’d spent most of my life on the run, and the thought of being attacked while I was too drunk to shoot straight terrified me. Even though we’d been relatively safe for the past several months, and there wasn’t any pressing danger, I was in the habit of behaving as if I were always in danger. So I generally didn’t get drunk. After what Azazel had just told me, however, I didn’t much care what happened to me or to anyone. Nothing fucking mattered.

I shrugged at Hallam and downed the shot.

Give me that bottle, Jason.

No, I said. I feel like getting drunk. You can’t tell me what to do.

He sighed.

I glowered at him.

Then he got up and went to the open liquor cabinet. There was some glassware in there. He got himself a shot glass and brought it over. He filled his own glass and sat down again. You want to tell me what’s bothering you?

I laughed. It came out kind of bitter and sarcastic. Still trying to be my big brother, Hallam? I thought it was pretty obvious that you didn’t want me around.

He took the shot and grimaced a little. Hallam wasn’t much used to drinking either. Why would you say that?

Oh, I don’t know, I said. Basically, you decided I was a bad seed a long time ago, didn’t you?

No. Hallam furrowed his brow.

Remember back when Azazel and I lived with you in Florida? I said. Remember how you were communicating with my fucking father because you and him were both convinced I was a monster? Remember when I showed up in D.C. when Kieran and Eve were still in charge? Remember how you told me to turn around and walk away?

You’re still angry about that?

I was never angry about it. I toyed with my empty glass. I get why you said that stuff. You’re not wrong about me.

Jason, what’s going on?

I leaned back in my chair. I don’t deserve any of this. I never have. I thought I could keep it together enough to have… to be with Chance, to be with her, but… I set the glass down next to the bottle. "I am a monster."

You’re drunk is what you are, said Hallam. So, you’ve made some questionable moral choices in your life. So have I. I was wrong to judge you. The world’s been a lot tougher on you than it’s been on me.

He didn’t know about the girls. The redheads. If he knew that…

But I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell him anything.

Hallam leaned forward. Let’s not forget that it was me who killed those sorority girls. Not you.

I raised an eyebrow. You still think about that?

Don’t you?

I looked away.

Talk to me, Jason. What’s wrong?

I poured another shot of whiskey. Jude fucked Azazel. That’s what’s wrong.

What?

Oh, not on purpose, I said. See, when we were locked up in that place that we use as headquarters nowadays, the vampires there were trying to breed immortals. They used to dose the food with this very powerful aphrodisiac. It would make you nuts. It was practically impossible to resist it. I mused over the single-mindedness the drug had produced. I remembered the way it had felt. There had been nothing I wanted more than to be with Azazel, and I’d taken her over and over and—I looked up at Hallam. Anyway, apparently they ate some of the food there one night and dosed themselves with it. And now, my brother—the brother who shot me in the head once upon a time—had his dick in my girlfriend.

Hallam looked confused. What kind of aphrodisiac was this?

I don’t know, I said. I haven’t thought about it since we got out of that place.

Well, Hallam said carefully, if the two of them were really under the influence of something that powerful, then…

Right, I said. "Then I should get over it. I should let it go. I shouldn’t be angry with them."

Hallam shrugged. No. I’d be angry.

You would?

He held out his glass for a fill-up.

I filled his glass and my own. "I keep picturing it. That’s what’s making me crazy. I half want to go up and ask her about it. Like I want to know every detail. I want to know where it was, how it happened, and what she said to him, and—But then I don’t want to know any of it. And I don’t want to see her. Maybe ever again. Because every time I see her, I’m going to think about him… on her."

Hallam took his shot.

I did too.

And that’s not even the worst part of all of this, I said.

It’s not? said Hallam.

I shook my head, smiling grimly. She’s pregnant.

You’re kidding.

I laughed helplessly. Oh god, do I wish I was kidding. You know, Hallam, sometimes, when I look back at my life, and I think of all the things that have happened to me, I kind of wonder how much more of this I can take.

Jason—

No, really. I was chased and shot at as a little kid. I didn’t have a relationship with my parents—which was actually probably a blessing, since my mother tried to kill me more than once and my father… I looked down at my hands. And people like you taught me to kill. Did you have to make me so damned good at it?

Why are you talking about killing?

I don’t know. I was drunk. My brain wasn’t functioning with any kind of clarity.

You wouldn’t hurt Azazel, would you?

I looked at him, shaking my head. I can’t believe you just said that to me.

I’m sorry, Jason.

You do think I’m a monster.

I don’t. I think you’ve been through a lot, like you said. We all have.

"I would never hurt her. I’ve never, ever laid a finger on her. She is the most important… I mean, besides Chance. The two of them. You know, I might need to… let off some steam sometimes, but…"

Let off some steam?

I shook my head. Never mind.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

"Jason, you wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean something."

Killing the vampires, I guess, I said.

You do that to ‘let off steam’? He raised his eyebrows.

You know what? Why don’t you leave?

He held up his hands in surrender. Sorry. Sorry. I’m not trying to judge.

You know, Hallam, it’s wonderful that you were able to settle down here with Marlena and never pick up a gun again or whatever, but it doesn’t work that way for everybody.

Hallam handed me his glass again. Who says I don’t want to pick up a gun? I’m surrounded by superbeings. You’ve all got immortal blood and nothing can hurt you. There’s no reason for someone normal and boring like me to even get involved.

I poured him a shot. Oh. I looked at him. I guess I didn’t—

Sorry, he said. I shouldn’t have said that. The truth is that I don’t miss it. Mostly, I don’t. I’m happy with Marlena, and I wouldn’t want to leave Kenya without a father. I want to be there to watch her grow up. So, I don’t really want to take unnecessary risks. That doesn’t mean that it’s always easy, though, especially with you guys gallivanting off every couple months to go up against something or other.

I handed him back his shot. I poured myself another one.

He held his glass out. Cheers.

I clinked my glass against his.

We both took the shots.

I felt that one a little more than the others. I was definitely drunk. I cleared my throat. If you really wanted to come along, I could give you my blood, you know. It would make you just as invincible as the rest of us.

Hallam shook his head. Oh no. I’ve seen how Azazel is about that shit. It’s addictive. I don’t want to be dependent on that stuff.

I nodded. Right.

He studied his empty glass. Jason, you ever think about how strange that immortal-vampire stuff is?

I shrugged. No stranger than half the other shit we’ve been through.

Do you think you were always an immortal?

I guess I had to be, right? I said.

That’s just it. I’m not sure, said Hallam. You know, if there were beings like that on earth, roaming around—if one of them was Jesus Christ according to that Imri man—don’t you think the Sons would have known about it?

It was hard for me to think