My Darcy Pulsates...

By Enid Wilson

What if Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth met as youngsters? What if Lydia wanted to ensnare Mr. Darcy? What if someone hired a ghost to hurt the Darcys? What if Mr. Darcy became a Lord? What if Elizabeth mistook Darcy of having mistresses?

This collection of 16 what if short stories contains sexy, over-the-top "pick-me-up" stories across the historical, fantasy and modern genres.

Some may call the stories wild and say that they bear no resemblance to the original, but Wilson finds Miss Austen's characters timeless and inspirational.

Warning: This title contains explicit adult content, vibrators, witches and ghosts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Enid Wilson
• Release date: Nov 28, 2013
• ISBN: 9781310800658

Enid Wilson

Enid Wilson loves sexy romance. Her writing career began with a daily newspaper, writing educational advice for students. She then branched out into writing marketing materials and advertising copy.Enid’s novels have been ranked in the top 50 best-selling historical romances on Amazon USA, the top 30 best-selling Regency romances on Amazon Canada, the top 21 romantic short stories on Amazon UK and the top 39 British mysteries on Amazon. Enid loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her at enid.wilson28 (at) yahoo.com.au or www.enidwilson.comBooks by Enid:- Outwitting Mr. Darcy- The Truth About the Merry Widow- Deepest Desires, Deadliest Hate- Steamy Darcy Box Set: Sketching His Character and Darcy's Theta Magic- Close Encounters with a Martian Hunk- The Spinster's Vow- Chemical Fusion- Bargain with the Devil- Really Angelic- Fire and Cross- My Darcy Mutates...- Every Savage Can Reproduce- My Darcy Vibrates...- Honor and Integrity

Book preview

My Darcy Pulsates…

A Collection of Pride and Prejudice What-If Short Stories

by

ENID WILSON on Smashwords

Copyright © 2013 by Enid Wilson

***

All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of both the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorised, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

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This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the author's work.

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To

Theresa Jean and Debra Anne

Enid Wilson loves sexy romance. Her writing career began with a daily newspaper, writing educational advice for students. She then branched out into writing marketing materials and advertising copy.

Enid’s novels has been ranked in the top 50 best-selling historical romances on Amazon USA, the top 30 best-selling Regency romances on Amazon Canada, the top 21 romantic short stories on Amazon UK and the top 39 British mysteries on Amazon. Enid loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her at www.enidwilson.com

Cover design by Steamy D

First published 2013

MY DARCY PULSATES © 2013 by Enid Wilson

Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilisation of this work in whole or in part in any form is forbidden without the permission of Enid Wilson, PO BOX 1091, Eastwood NSW 2122, Australia, www.enidwilson.com

All the characters in this book, except those from Pride and Prejudice, have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author.

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise circulated without the prior consent of the author. This condition is imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Table of Contents

Regency

The Carriage Dealer

Eight Hour Candles

The Beginning of All Things Great

When the Master was angry

A New Beginning

Fantasy

Ghost Syndicate

Deep Throat

Modern

Under Duress

Volcanic Eruption

End of Misconception

Phone Smut

The Healing Pool

A Eurovision Quickie

Steamy Bra

Gruntometer

IDEA Fellatio

The Carriage Dealer

What if Darcy and Lizzy met as youngsters?

Edward, you are too sick to go! Aunt Magdalene pressed uncle back onto the bed.

But it could be a very big transaction, Uncle Gardiner protested weakly, I cannot allow Upton to deal with Mr. Darcy’s steward alone. You know how Upton is. He does not answer unless you speak to him. And young Mr. Darcy is the richest client I have come across recently… His cough interrupted his sentence.

I forbid you to go. She spooned some medicine into his mouth when he stopped for air. I do not want you to die trying to bring in business. I shall advise Upton how to deal with Mr. Winston.

Uncle continued to protest for a few more minutes, but drifted off to sleep soon afterwards. I had a plan in my mind. I could go to negotiate with Mr. Winston, this rich Mr. Darcy’s steward! I would make sure he bought this carriage and many more from uncle in the future. It would be grand to have him introduce more of Mr. Darcy’s friends to uncle too. That had been on uncle’s lips for the past few days since Mr. Winston came to uncle’s warehouse for the first viewing of the carriages. Uncle was sure that he had almost persuaded the steward, except for some minor detail to be negotiated in this latest meeting. Unfortunately, uncle and my two cousins were suddenly struck down with a fever.

I approached aunt carefully. Aunt, perhaps I can help you talk to Upton about how to deal with Mr. Winston.

Oh Lizzy, you are most helpful. Aunt shook her head. But it is better for me to undertake such a task. Your uncle finds Upton a bit too accommodating, and quite easily persuaded by clients.

But you are busy with the patients … I had not yet finished my sentence when a loud cry from Thomas, my eldest cousin, took aunt away.

Mama! Mama! he wailed.

Aunt hurried to his room and utterly forgot about our conversation, and Upton. I shook my head at the mayhem in the house and determined to help my lovely aunt.

With purposeful strides, I walked into aunt’s room and searched for a suitable dress. Then I told the maid that I was going to the warehouse and needed her to accompany me. I attended to my attire myself, styled my hair in some boring and staid manner, and went to the servant entrance to ask the man-servant to take us to our destination.

When we arrived, Upton was surprised. My dear Miss Lizzy, why are you here? he asked.

Uncle is faring badly and Aunt is too busy with all the sick patients. She asked me come and help you negotiate with Mr. Darcy’s steward.

There is no need, Miss. I know how to do my work. He smiled nicely. And why are you dressed as a woman of many more years?

I know you do, Mr. Upton, I smiled back at the elderly gentleman. But it is better to argue the best price for Uncle with two mouths. Imagine how happy he will be, to know he fetches double the normal price. I dress like this so that Mr. Winston would not treat me like a young girl fresh from the school room.

But you are a young lady of sixteen years, no more.

No, you should greet me as … I darted my eyes around and thought for a few seconds. Mrs. Tennet. I made up a fictitious name. I am a widow and … a distance relative of Mr. Gardiner.

You are too young to be a widow, Upton protested. And truly, there is no need for you to be present. I can handle Mr. Darcy’s man.

I patted his hand and walked around. Upton was too nice, as my aunt had suggested, often being taken advantage of by some clients. Like now, he could not find any other words to dissuade me or send me back home.

A few minutes later, a very grand carriage pulled up at the entrance. Upon my word, it was magnificent! In deep blue, and trimmed with just a touch of gold. Why would this person want a new carriage from uncle? Did Mr. Winston travel in grand style too?

But I was mistaken. Stepping out of the carriage was a fine gentleman, very tall with dark curly hair. He looked extremely handsome and noble. My heart raced fast and skipped a beat.

Upton went to greet him and I followed right behind.

Sir, how may I be of assistance? Upton said.

Ah, so this was not Mr. Winston. Upton did not know him. Perhaps Uncle had a new wealthy client today!

My steward, Mr. Winston, came down with a fever and I thought I would come instead. His voice was deep and baritone, sending a tingling sensation down my spine. I am eager to look at your workmanship … Mr. Gardiner.

Is it indeed yourself, Mr. Darcy? Upton bowed. Mr Gardiner has unfortunately come down with a fever also. I am Upton, his assistant.

I could see Mr. Darcy look disappointed immediately. Perhaps he was like most wealthy people, and did not care to deal with a hired help. Instantly, my feet came back on the ground. I tilted my chin up.

But I could escort you, Sir, and explain the detail to you, Upton continued.

Mr. Darcy nodded. And this is … He gazed at me, rather intensely.

Before Upton could say anything, I jumped in. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Darcy … Mrs. Tennet of Hertfordshire. I am Mr. Gardiner’s … cousin. He asked me here to greet Mr. Winston. I held out my hand.

Indeed? His lips thinned as he reluctantly accepted my offered hand.

Did he not like to deal with a woman? How very prejudiced he could be! I folded my arms across my chest. "My late husband owned a small estate and I am very good at negotiating with difficult people."

His face relaxed and his lips curled up a bit as Upton was shifting besides me. Mr. Gardiner describes Winston as difficult? Mr. Darcy asked.

Indeed not. Damn, he was witty, to divert my sarcasm away. I could not let him talk his way to a better price. My cousin refers to Upton here. He does not want your steward to be scared away by him. I arched my brows as I talked.

His eyes brightened as he looked to Upton. The elderly gentleman had his mouth open, not sure how to respond to my jest and my quick words to cover my initial sting at Mr. Darcy. I signalled for the wealthy gentleman to follow me into the warehouse. I had seen uncle take the tour to show his clients many times, and I was as confident about this business as he.

Mrs. Tennet, Mr. Darcy said, walking besides me with Upton following close behind. If I may enquire, you are rather young to have been married.

It is not polite to ask a lady about her age, no matter how young I am, I protested, sweetly.

But are you not too young to know your way here?

I come to visit my unc … cousin several times a year, since I am old enough to travel. I have seen and ridden on many carriages in my young life.

And your husband did not mind your business? He looked at me with curious eyes.

He was happy with his own business, I replied, with a shrug, and pointed to the sky.

Mr. Darcy’s eyes widened as Upton coughed loudly. What a pity, your youth was marred by tragedy, Mr. Darcy murmured.

I hated to lie to him, when he turned compassionate; but what was done was done. I continued in my impertinent manner. It is again not polite to ask about a lady’s feeling, unless one is of intimate relations with her.

Indeed, we have just met for a few minutes. I stand corrected. He nodded.

This is the barouche Mr. Winston is interested in, Upton said, when we came upon the luxurious vehicle.

May I seek your opinion on this, Mrs. Tennet? Mr. Darcy walked around it, quietly examining it with an expressionless demeanour.

I could see that he was not interested in it. It depends on who will be using this barouche most, in future. I replied.

My response seemed to have caught his attention. How so?

If there is a grand elderly lady within your household, Sir, this is perfect. I thought for a second. The spring is strong, and the wheels are of high quality. It speaks of comfort and status.

He nodded. I have some aunts, whom I visit infrequently.

But for a fit and young gentleman like yourself … I looked him up and down, befitted the behaviour of a fearless widow. Or should I say a busy person with vast business interests, speed is of the essence. Since you already come with a grand carriage, I cannot, in all honesty, recommend this.

Upton’s face turned bright red and his jaw dropped. Are you sure Mr. Gardiner approved of your negotiation? You seem to want to drive his client away, he said.

But I knew what Mr. Darcy wanted. His eyes had drifted off to the Clarence since he walked into the warehouse. I smiled smugly and walked around the other carriages until I came upon the deep green Clarence. This carriage has a curved glass front. The body is fully panelled. There are elliptic springs at the front and the rear has both elliptic and C-springs. I believe it will serve your purpose very well, Sir.

He was impressed. I could tell. This time, it was him who was looking at me from head to toe.

I continued with a smile. You can see the unique design of our workmen. It is in mode and subtle. I think it will fare you well for travelling along old North Road to the Lakes, where it tends to be overcrowded in the summer and rough in the winter.

You are well acquainted with the road, I see. Do you travel to the north often?

My aunt hails from Lambton, Derbyshire. She has taken me north a few times. I was intent on making some personal connection with Mr. Darcy, so as to persuade him to buy.

But that is but five miles from Pemberley! he exclaimed. The enthusiasm lightened up his features.

Pemberley?

My estate.

Ah, indeed, Mrs. Gardiner has mentioned it. I do not know you are the same Mr. Darcy. I thought you should be older.

Perhaps your aunt was referring to my father. He passed away a year ago.

His eyes dimmed. Poor thing. I could not imagine my own Papa not with me. I am sorry, I offered. I wanted to embrace and comfort him.

He nodded, and asked, Shall I proceed to take a drive on it … the Clarence?

Upton scratched his head. But I am the only one here, in Mr. Gardiner’s place.

I can accompany you, Sir, I volunteered.

But … Upton protested.

I shall take Molly, my maid, with me, I argued.

Good, Mr. Darcy said. I shall ask my footman to take the rein.

Soon, we were on our way, with Upton left in his worries. About ten minutes into the drive, Mr. Darcy stated, Your uncle has an impressive business.

Yes, he… Insufferable man! He tricked me into admitting my lies.

"Why did you trick me with falsehood in the matter of your relationship with Mr.