With You Forever

By R. M. Burns

My lesbian partner died suddenly in 2010. There was very little in the way of lesbian support and I had to seek comfort from the people in my lifestyle. I want to change that; hence, this book. It is a true story about my journey through immense grief. I have also included a poem I wrote about grief.

• Language: English
• Publisher: R. M. Burns
• Release date: Sep 27, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301321353

R. M. Burns

R M Burns is a lesbian widow who has a new partner. She is in a civil partnership and happy.

Book preview

With You Forever

Published By R. M. Burns on Smashwords

Copyright 2011 R. M. Burns

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Dedication

To my merry mary, the best soul by far to be a part of my life, no matter how brief. RIP.

Introduction

I wrote this story to fill a much-needed gap. When my lesbian partner died suddenly on January 2, 2010, I searched for lesbian-oriented comfort and found the resources available sorely lacking. There were no lesbian-specific grief groups at local venues, not even the GLCC. There was one book, Lesbian Widows: Invisible Grief by Dr. Vicky Whipple. It is a great book and I recommend you read it, too. One book, written in a rather clinical manner helps, but it was sad to discover there were no others written since the beginning of time. Really?! There were very few Internet resources, too. I felt truly invisible. I recently found a new book written in 2011 called, Always Kiss Me Goodnight, by Susan Adams. I found it disappointing; there were too many elements that had nothing to do with lesbian grief and a lot to do with marketing. Dealing with grief is no time to have marketing shoved in my face, thanks. I knew I had to add to the resources available to my fellow lesbian widows. Hence this story, written from my point of view. The opinions expressed in this story are wholly mine. My experiences are wholly mine, too; although, I hope that some of what I say resounds with you.

Some people said my grief was no different from anyone else's and I should go to groups with straight people, but there is a difference and I was offended that no one could appreciate that. The difference is that women are different from men. When a man and a woman or two men are in a relationship together, the dynamic is different from two women in a relationship. Think about it from a hormonal perspective - with two women, there are two complicated people driven by hormones. With a straight couple, there is only the woman, and with gay men, there is no one. Hormones are powerful and the bond created when two women fall in love is stronger than for other couples. There has been little research into lesbian relationships, but I am telling you from experience that two women love more deeply than any other combination, and hormones make it that strong and deep. It is a biological fact. I have been in a relationship with a man, so I know what I'm talking about. I will argue this point until I die. Besides, I'm proud to be a lesbian and I wanted support from my sisters; I felt it was the one thing I desperately craved and couldn't have, besides mary. As a lesbian, I wanted support from women, who really understood that powerful, hormonally-fueled bond and how very devastating it was to have it severed. So, I wanted lesbian support, and it was sorely lacking until I met my current partner. I feel my story can only add to the mix for the better.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know how intensely two women feel for each other. Whether you are reeling from a sudden loss, a long, drawn-out loss, or one in-between, I hope you will find a measure of comfort from my words. You are not alone.

* Names changed to protect the guilty.

Chapter One

I do not remember the exact words the doctor said that day, January 2, 2010. What I do remember is thinking, 'not my mary' (small caps on purpose). ' Not my mary'. The phrase was to become a familiar litany in my mind over the next few years. The tears just gushed from my tear ducts as my mind went numb. The compassion and sadness in the doctor's eyes, as he told me I was losing my soul mate, mary, to a heart attack were genuine. I remember how I had seen