The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love)

By Paul C Burr

Have you ever loved someone so dearly and have had that love not returned? (The other person shares everything apart from their love. They refuse to surrender themselves to the process of entering into a loving relationship; the love, (self-) trust, courage, freedom, choice and commitment that a loving relationship requires. They deny emotional intimacy; they put up a shield to protect themselves from the deep hurt that loving relationships can sometimes bring.)
Have you ever felt sick to the stomach over unrequited love?
Have you ever yearned in your heart or loins for someone when your head is telling you...
“This is absolutely the wrong partner for you”?
“Bottom line, she/he just doesn’t fancy you”?
“You and him/her, it’s never going to happen”?
Or something like
“She/he simply doesn’t love you the way you love her/him”?
Your head judges, your loins desire sexual fulfilment and your heart seeks to share love. I call this the Head, Heart and Loins dynamics of a relationship. When all three are aligned, within and between partners, their relationship is probably in good shape to meet the outcomes they seek. (The same holds true for a personal friendship whether there is a sexual element to that friendship or not.) I speak neither of good nor bad, nor moralise. I speak of the process of achieving a higher purpose, you set for yourself, through the journey to the goals you set for the relationship, be those goals profound or for short term recreation.
Your higher purpose is not the goals you set, it is the journey you complete to become your true nature, the journey to love, self-love, oneness, completeness.
Your journey to self-love involves the removal off all anger, hurt, shame and fear about the past and future. It implies living mindfully in the present moment (by moment), the present tense.
A loving relationship with that someone special in your life can delight and traumatise your emotions. This booklet contains a series of exercises to take you on a mindful journey, read its route map and practise ancient wisdom. Within you’ll learn about...
- The journey to understand and fulfil the higher purpose of a relationship - to help you and your partner to journey to self-love so that you can love one another.
You cannot give to anyone that which you do not give to yourself first
- The nature of outcomes (or goals) you and your partner (or friend) set for yourselves.
- The difference between your purpose and goals for a relationship - and they are very different, in context and value.
- How when your emotions are tested to the limit, the path to success requires that you stay mindful of your purpose and let go of the outcomes you seek, moment by moment - mindfulness.
Mindfulness means moment-to-moment, non-judgmental awareness. It is cultivated by refining our capacity to pay attention, intentionally, in the present moment, and then sustaining that attention over time as best we can. In the process, we become more in touch with our life as it is unfolding.
Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness, sometimes referred to as being present in the moment, is the process of creating love, enthusiasm, compassion, patience and completeness in the moment (by moment) - regardless of whether these vibrations are returned or not. It takes mindfulness to fulfil a relationship’s true purpose, which curiously can be achieved whether the goals are achieved or not.
For example, in movies and songs I’ve heard the phrase, “You complete me”. Well if someone’s purpose is to become complete and they set a goal to find someone who completes them - what happens should they achieve completeness? They no longer need that someone else for the purpose of completeness.
Other people don’t complete you. You find ‘completeness’ through the journey to ‘completeness’; you find ‘oneness’.
Mindfulness is the vehicle by which to travel the journey.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul C Burr
• Release date: Aug 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301787715

Paul C Burr

I’m in the business of equipping people to improve their effectiveness by 30%+ in a matter of weeks, sometimes days.Business Client: “I have worked with Paul periodically over the past 8 years to gain solutions to a number of people issues / opportunities. If you are looking for a Personal Coach to make a High Performer / High performing Team even better (particularly a senior player) – I would not hesitate to recommend him”.Sandra Ventre, Management Development Director, Reckitt Benckiser (now with Qantas)Private Client: “You have been so instrumental in the positive changes in my life, I set quite a few goals, and one by one my goals are being achieved, thanks to you, showing me how”.Debbie (via Skype) Cape Town, South Africa.The Skills and Passions in MeLife doesn’t get better by chance; it gets better by change. And change is a journey that’s two parts, emotional, to one part, intellectual.Most of us don’t achieve what we set out to achieve at the first attempt. If the outcomes you sought were down to a purely intellectual exercise then you would have achieved them already - would you not? Whether you’re a top or moderate performer (or underperforming right now) - every change you make in life is a journey, two parts emotional to one part intellectual. We are twice as likely to hold ourselves back because of self-imposed emotional blocks as opposed to intellectual problems. Put simply, I equip people to tackle challenging emotional journeys.Corporate clients use me as a ‘business coach’, personal clients probably see me as more of an ‘energy healer’. In both cases I help clients to release the emotional blocks so that they cultivate and apply their innate willpower, imagination, courage and creativity to achieve the business and personal outcomes they seek.I’ve over thirty five years of ‘b2b’ corporate sales and management experience, fifteen years of which overlap with my business and personal coaching work. I’ve a PhD in Statistics and a First Class Honours Degree in Mathematics. I’m qualified as a Master Practitioner in: NLP, this/past life regression and hypnotherapy.I write books, blogs and have just started a series of business articles based upon my own original research, experience and observations in corporate and SME business.I study and practice ancient wisdom, astrology, casting runes, dowsing, the I Ching and the Tarot.I love listening to music – rock, jazz, country... you name it. I sing a bit too.I’m a passionate football fan of Newcastle United Football Club, in “Geordieland”, in The North-East of England.

Book preview

The Mystique to the Game of Life (and Unrequited Love)

Mindfulness Exercises in Relationships Series, No 1

By

Paul C Burr PhD

http://paulcburr.com/

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Paul C Burr

Contents

Preface • Summary • Hierarchy of Values • Facts, Feelings and Imagery • Build Outcomes • The Game of Life • The Mystique to the Game of Life • Concluding Remarks • Appendix 1: Glossary • Appendix 2: Druid and Hawaiian Meditation Techniques • Appendix 3: About me, Paul C Burr

Acknowledgements

Kristen Johnson, Learning and Development Professional

Terri Lofthouse MSc, Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist

David Loxley, Chief Druid, The Druid Order, London

Andrea Kurucz, Illustrator and Artist, Hove, UK.

Business Booklets by the Author

Quick Guide: How Top Salespeople Sell

Quick Guide II: How to Spot, Mimic and Become a Top Salesperson

Quick Guide III: How to Bridge the Pillars of Successful Business Relationships

Quick Guide IV – A Scorecard that Accounts for Mindfulness in Business

Books by the Author

Defrag your Soul

2012: a twist in the tail - a novel

Learn to Love & Be Loved in Return

Return to the Table of Contents

Preface

The main body of this self-help booklet (in common with future booklets in the #Mindfulness Exercises in Relationships series) is designed to be read within one hour. You can then subsequently complete the exercises included with the foresight of the journey that the booklet takes you.

Earlier this year, 2013, I dramatically reframed my outlook on life. The reframe happened as a result of experiencing a series of people, events, teachings and synchronicities. Let me start at the beginning.

I saw a feature on mindfulness on the TV morning news which was covering interventions to deal with bullying in schools. I became curious because it reminded me of a phrase I use, Being in the present. I thought to myself, Hmm, this sounds like a blend of Buddhism and Druidism.

Then a friend, Terri Lofthouse MSc, came to visit me for a few days. Five minutes before I met Terri, she’d just received a text confirming that she’d been awarded a Master Degree with Distinction in Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy. Terri is much sought after. She practices the science of Mindfulness. Over the days that followed, I got Terri to ‘download’ as much of her wisdom about mindfulness as my sponge of a brain could absorb.

I realised that the coaching and therapy that I practice contain many tools and techniques to change the relationship that clients have with unwanted experiences, by being present in the moment, i.e. mindfulness.

Then another piece of synchronicity kicked in. I attended a druid meditation class, entitled The Life Game (facilitated by David Loxley, Chief Druid, The Druid Order, London). The meditation covered an abstract portrayal of the purpose of life and the goals we set to achieve that purpose. The journey we take is through mindfulness.

I wondered why I was being attracted to this stream of people, events and sources of information about mindfulness. I soon found out. I ‘bumped’ into someone and spontaneously re-established a relationship that I thought was long gone.

It was as if the universe was ‘feeding’ me. I attracted a surprise opportunity to put mindfulness into practice for myself. As soon as I started, I realised (‘real-eyes’) the opportunity to write about mindfulness in a new way, sourced from new practices and ancient wisdom.

This booklet is crafted from these experts’ input, Internet research, my coaching and therapy experience and my own life experiences. Its message is unconventional by today’s norms. Yet, I’m sticking with the message because it makes more sense than any prior understanding I’ve had of ‘how life works’.

The message is simple and subtle. Its subtlety requires that it be told carefully. I took a wee while to ‘get it’. Once I did ‘get it’ and put the learning into practice, my outlook on life transformed much for the better. I started to become more cognisant of a number of subconscious programmes that have held me back all my life. I am now freeing myself of them. If I can free myself of subconscious holding patterns so can you.

Trust and commit to yourself. You