How to Get What You Want

By Martin Jensen

Martin Jensen, despite his tendency to smugness and intolerance, is the universal man. And his formidable knowledge is augmented by his partner, the fetching Dr Jensen. Their passion is effective living. Jensen's first humorous sally, "How to Keep Fit Without Exercise" has already been downloaded by a horde of eager eBook buffs. And his second, "How to Get What you Want" covers everything - from japes that fascinate infants to the intrigue of the Sporting Fly Swat.
It explains how to see without your specs, how to change traffic lights to green, how to dislodge rusted in screws and even how to amaze small children by moving both eyes independently.
It instructs on manners, sentence construction and has strategies for everything from drying between the toes to bamboozling pretentious art critics.
What is unexpected about these sugared pills is all are practical. Beneath the humour lurks sense. And even readers intent on diversion emerge happier and wiser.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Buzzword Books
• Release date: Jul 25, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301509522

Martin Jensen

Bestselling Danish novelist Martin Jensen was born in 1946 into a working-class family and worked as a teacher and a headmaster in Sweden and Denmark before becoming a full-time author in 1996. He and his wife collect mushrooms, enjoy bird watching, and are botany enthusiasts. Martin Jensen is the author of twenty-one novels. The King’s Hounds is his first title to be published in English.

Book preview

Copyright 2013 Martin Jensen

The author asserts his moral rights in the work.

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient.

If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy.

Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author

First published by Buzzword Books 2011

Published by Buzzword Books at Smashwords 2012

Second revised edition 2015

ISBN 978-0-9923662-9-2

Buzzword Books

P.O Box 7, Cammeray 2062

Australia

buzzwordbooks.com

HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

AND 70 OTHER LIFE ENHANCING SKILLS

MARTIN JENSEN

Other titles in this series by Martin Jensen at Smashwords.com include:

HOW TO KEEP FIT WITHOUT EXERCISE

CONTENTS:

Life skills—and why you need them

How to instantly stop hiccups

How to avoid midnight gastric reflux

How to stop someone choking

How to enjoy being pestered by flies

How to avoid flies on bushwalks.

How to change traffic lights to green.

How to produce an airport shuttle bus

How to control the weather

How to locate supermarket items

How to get someone to phone you

How to secure a lunch date

How not to be noticed

How to attract attention

How to see without your glasses

How to make men unexpectedly undress you

How to remember names

How to move both eyes independently.

How to recognise a con man

How to plan your life successfully

How not to wreck a good relationship

How to save time and simplify your life

How to avoid salmonella

How to maintain a car and avoid breakdowns

How to avoid exercise without guilt

How to spot and survive a Tsunami

How to laugh at death

How to loosen rusted-in screws

How to disguise your ignorance

How to impress women

How to get to sleep

How to fluster art critics

How to dry effectively between your toes

How to invest

How to slim

How to burn more calories sitting down

How to invigorate your mind

How to be objectively moral

How not to drown

How to escape from a sinking car

How to improve elimination

How to avoid being run over

How to avoid dogs biting off your fingers

How to avoid cutting a finger in the kitchen

How to saw

How to cut a tree branch

How to drill

How to sharpen knives

How to sharpen a chisel

How to use an adjustable wrench

How to hammer a nail

How to climb out of a mineshaft or well

How to get rid of leeches

How to get something out of your eye

How not to be carried out to sea

How to duck a bullet

How to handle blisters

How to carry someone

How to get what you want part one: Aim

How to get what you want part two: Effective Living—The Six Essentials

How to disable an attacker

How to assume the tuck position, if assaulted

How to cope with frostbite

How to handle burns

How to help a car accident victim

How to survive an earthquake

How to help someone who's hyperventilating

How to help someone who is hypotensive or faints

How to dowse

How to remove a tick

How to keep your teeth

How to find north with your watch

How to start a fire

How to survive a bushfire

How to survive the bitch goddess of life

How to be happy

How to live a long time

Life skills—and why you need them

After many years of masterful living, I wish to share my knowledge with those still in the wilderness. Hidden here, beneath the pandering to public taste, you will find absolutely exceptional gems of insight. For example, you have just encountered a double superlative. See section on How to Disguise Your Ignorance.

Yes, you have much to learn. And as your gratitude grows, note that I do not answer letters of appreciation and return most gifts unopened.

You will find here several sections that also appear in a slightly longer form in my first book, How to Keep Fit Without Exercise. This is because my partner, Dr Jensen—she who shines brighter than a thousand suns—insists they be included because they are too important to leave out. I also acknowledge the help of life style coach and guru, Gina Stoner, who assisted with philosophical sections in the book.

Note also that the How to Get What You Want section comes toward the end. And, like all advice here, it works. It's placed near the end because you can read the start of this book for nothing. And because (another fortuitous piece of wisdom) no one values something they haven't paid for.

Disclaimer

Some of the suggestions and techniques in this book come from the advice of professionals in different fields. The authors and publisher cannot vouch for their veracity or guarantee their effectiveness. As this is partly a light-hearted collection, the following advice should not be substituted for plain common sense as life situations vary and no written counsel, however sensible, can apply to all circumstances. Hence the authors and publisher, their servants and or agents will not accept any liability from injury, losses or damage whatever suffered by any person or persons resulting from activities suggested in this book and the